Chapter 18

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

“ Y ou cannot be here.”

The frown on Aaron’s face told that she had let the words in her mind slip past her lips, shocked to see the last person she had expected to face.

“I think, you’ll find that I actually can do whatsoever I wish. Especially proven by the fact that I am, indeed, here.”

Selina inhaled shakily, stomping down the flare of anger rising inside her with desperate urgency.

This was not the time to fight. She couldn’t — didn’t have any strength left in her to survive any more devastation because of this man.

“What are you doing here?”

Perhaps the exasperation and defeat in her tone bled through because a moment later, his expression softened, and he reached for her hand. Stunned by how much she had missed him, how hard she had fought to not dream of him, she silently let him lead her inside.

The door fell shut quietly behind them, somehow startling Selina from her reprieve in time to feel the weight of Aaron’s stare weighing down on her.

“We need to talk,” he said, his voice alight with gentle urgency.

He began to tug her forward, walking down the hallway of her home as though he had grown up within the walls and not her.

“W-What about, Your Grace? I was under the impression that we had concluded whatever business lay between us during our last meeting.”

Cold pain pricked at her heart as she recalled how it had felt to see him again in his own home — what a cruel blessing it had been to share the same air with him again. It had been gratifying and oh so overwhelming, being his sole focus again, and it was then that Selina had let herself wallow in how much she missed him.

If only for a moment.

“Your Grace?” her father raised alarmingly, his worried gaze darting to Selina. “What is the meaning of this?”

“Forgive me for my abrupt arrival. I would have sent a notice of my visit ahead, but it was rather urgent,” Aaron said, tugging Selina forward, his fingers still wrapped around her wrist. “I would like to ask for your permission and blessing to marry your daughter, please.”

Selina felt all the air in her lungs dissipate.

Jerome’s face lit up, wholly unaware of the crippling dismay flowing through his daughter’s body.

“That is wonderful —”

“No,” Selina refused as she wretched herself from his grip, putting enough distance between them to ensure she could think clearly.

“Petal, are you certain —”

“I do not need your pity or your charity, Your Grace. I do not want it, either. You have never expressed any interest in marrying me before our scandal — in fact, as I recall, I was the standard used to edify exactly what you did not want in aa wife. So, please, do not feel as though you need to do me any favors.”

“It is not like that —” Aaron snapped, aghast. “Despite the situation on ground, I am not merely trying to help restore your reputation. I do want that — I do wish to help — but this has almost nothing to do with what happened last night.”

Selina scoffed, her cheeks heavy with the heat of anger and embarrassment.

How dare he? After everything, he had come to claim more of her? When would he be satisfied with how utterly ruined she had become — all because of him?”

“I do not need your help. My God, not everything deserves to be handled by your immense sense of responsibility. I do not know what ails you — be it guilt or remorse. I do not care for it, either. Just… please. Do not make things even harder for me with your overbearing sense of justice. I will overcome this, like I have all other misfortunes before,” she stated firmly.

“For the love of —” Aaron inhaled sharply, momentarily holding his breath with a pinched expression before shifting his attention to Jerome. “Might I speak with Lady Selina privately? It will only be for a moment to address a few things.”

Jerome hesitated, his gaze shifting to Selina immediately, concern gleaming in his eyes.

Eventually, he resigned himself to Aaron’s request, likely reasoning that in light of the recent scandal between his daughter and the Duke, hardly anything worse could happen between them.

“Certainly, Your Grace.” Jerome smiled at the Duke then he turned to Selina, holding one of her hands between both of his. “I will be right outside, poppet. Take care.”

Selina nodded stiffly, her gaze lowered as her father left. She heard Aaron step closer to her but refused to lift her head.

“Look at me, Selina.”

“You said it was improper to refer to one so informally unless they were betrothed or related — neither of which is the case between us, Your Grace .”

Aaron sighed audibly, and Selina nearly smirked at how perfectly she could imagine the exasperated expression — likely tinged with frustration — on his face.

“The things that only you could do to me, Selina.”

And then his fingers were wrapped around her chin, gently tilting her head backward, so their eyes could meet.

“I do hope you have not forgotten, Selina,” his voice intoned, seeping smoothly into her mind like wine. “I am owed a reward for winning our little challenge. And because it is one of my choosing, I have the right to state my demands and expect them to be met accordingly. As such, what I want is to marry you.”

His touch burned sweetly, slowly eating away at her thoughts, and she winced at just how dangerous this man was — to her health and sanity.

“No,” she managed to exhale, unable to muster enough strength to pull back from his touch — mostly because her body wished to bask in it longer. “You cannot be rewarded because you did not win. With what transpired last night, Lady Eleanor is unlikely to agree to marry you now. And even if you succeeded, why would you want to marry me? All I have ever wanted was a love match. That is all I’ve ever dreamed of, and now — now I know I can’t ever have that anymore. I do not want your pity. You do not get to pity me when you are why I am in this mess. You could have — have simply worked to sabotage me, just as I had done to you. Yet, you chose to seduce me instead. And because you are far more cunning than I realized, I fell for your stupid ploy.

“Well, I hope you are satisfied, now that you have ruined my life and dreams —”

The rest of her heated words did not make it past the confines of her bleeding, broken heart because Aaron was kissing her before they could.

The initial surprise kept her frozen in place for a moment. Her awareness returned, and she struggled against him, rendered helpless almost immediately as he wrapped an arm around her to pull her flush to him. His hand still remained on her chin, keeping her face tilted, so he could kiss her deeply and perfectly, his tongue meeting her in slow, wet strokes that weakened her knees.

It felt as though an eternity had passed by the time he pulled back and waited for her to blink her eyes open, her gaze meeting the fiery green eyes she had slowly come to revere.

“I love you, Selina.”

Selina stared at him, mouth agape in shock.

“If this is some kind of horrid joke —” she stammered when she found her voice.

“No jokes,” Aaron pressed, his voice weighed by desperation. “I assure you, I have never been more serious about anything in my life. I really do love you. This entire time I’d searched for something different out of necessity for the sake of my title. I’d convinced that what I needed — what I deserved was perfection. And you may not be perfect by those standards, but I do not want anyone else but you. It is you I want, Selina. As you are. If you will have me. I am sorry — incredibly so — for making you believe you were inferior to me and my wants. It was wrong for me to make light of your dreams — even more so to believe that I did not need any of that in my own life. Because I do — with you, especially.”

Selina could hardly believe what was happening.

She had been so terrified to imagine that he could love her back, too afraid to dream up a world where he would hold her like this and tell her the exact same words he just did.

She wanted so much, had yearned so badly, and now… by some divine miracle, the broken pieces of her heart began to stir to life.

“But… if that’s true, why didn’t you say so sooner? Even when I was spending time with Lord Honeyfield. Even after things ended so disappointingly between us. You made me feel as though you would never choose me because I would always fall short in comparison to the sort of woman you wanted,” she stiffly enquired because she had to be sure. She had to know for certain that this confession had not stemmed from some sense of responsibility for her.

Aaron seemed to understand her inner turmoil, and he sighed deeply, his grip on her warm and steady as he slowly spoke up again. “I have been fighting for my right to live all of my life. Because I was born as an illegitimate child, it seemed as though I was not worthy of all that I would come to inherit. And so, I strived for perfection in every aspect of my life. I thought that was the only way that I would be absolved of the shame that my very existence bore. I believed that I owed it to myself, my family, and my title to be completely flawless — otherwise it would mean that I am nothing but a failure. So, I thought denying myself what I wanted the most was the right thing to do. But I can no longer do that — not when the cost is your pain. Not when I have never wanted anything in my life — for myself — like I want you.”

He wanted her. He said he wanted her.

“I love you too, Aaron,” she croaked as tears filled her eyes. “I love you so much, it feels as though my heart was about to crumble beneath the sheer weight of it. I thought — I thought you didn’t care for me that way, and it hurt and terrified me to leave the first time. And I felt so lost because I did not know what to do without you —”

Aaron pulled her into his arms in an embrace, gently stroking her hair with one hand as the other kept her firmly nuzzled against his chest.

“You never have to wonder about that ever again. Because moving forward, I am not going to leave your side. I will spend the rest of my days giving you the love you deserve, the love you were born for — to the best of my abilities. Just you and I,” he promised fiercely.

And it was all Selina had ever wanted, all she had desired and had eventually come to think that she could never attain.

Selina lifted her head from his chest to look up at him, shivering at how obvious it had become that he cared so deeply about her. As fiercely as other emotions had shown in his eyes, his love for her also burned in his gaze.

“I would want nothing more,” she whispered, her gaze flickering to his lips.

He seemed to sense what she wanted and smirked down at her playfully, dipping his head slightly. But before their lips could meet, a knock at the door caught their attention.

Reluctantly, they pulled apart just as Jerome opened the door and poked his head through the doorway to study them worriedly.

“Is everything all right?” he asked softly, glancing between them.

Aaron, in turn, faced Selina with a smile that made her heart nearly burst with happiness.

“Everything is fine — but it would be perfect if you would graciously grant me the honor of marrying your daughter, Lord Windham,” the Duke said.

Jerome shifted his gaze to his daughter, noting that she had stopped vocalizing her disapproval. However, still, he wanted to check with her first.

“Well, poppet? What do you say?”

Selina inhaled sharply, her lungs filling up with hope and adoration.

“All right,” she replied, her voice nearly a whisper as her lips stretched into an ecstatic smile. “I will marry the Duke.”

Jerome grinned, relief and pride etched onto his features.

“Well then, if it is what my daughter wishes, then you shall have no objection from me.”

“What about Lady Eleanor?”

Aaron stared down at their interlaced fingers, his heart thrumming with contentment at holding her like this — a feeling he was still getting used to — and sighed.

It was just like Selina to be so selfless and thoughtful. She was so good — perhaps even far too good for him — and how it had taken him this long to fall in love with her was a wonder.

“We have ended our… courtship. Though, it was rather awkward, so I wouldn’t really refer to it as that.” He sighed, recalling all the bland conversations and minutes spent thinking of Selina while he was in the company of another woman.

It intrigued him how she seemed more genuine while he had spoken to her this morning than all the other times they had talked, but that did not matter to him. He now had someone else he gladly permitted to occupy his thoughts.

“Do not make light of your time together. Perhaps she really cared for you, and now, not only is she ruined, but she has lost the man she thought she would be with,” Selina sighed.

Aaron, unable to stand the pout on her lips, gave her a kiss, the slow curl of his hand around the back of her neck sending shivers down her neck.

“What does it say about you that you are thinking of another woman being with the man you are to marry soon?” he questioned with a frown.

“I did not mean it like that —” she quickly sputtered, cheeks red.

For a moment, he allowed his train of thought to leave without him, captivated by the beauty of the woman before him.

“Lady Eleanor harbored no feelings towards me. Most of our meetings felt as though we had come together to discuss business, and I spent most of our time together thinking of you.”

The blush on her cheeks deepened in color.

“Oh,” she exhaled, eyes wide, and Aaron’s heart shook again.

“And I wanted to propose to you properly without any unfinished business lingering outside our matters, so I went to her first to apologize and to end our courtship. I wanted you to understand that I have no interest in anyone or anything other than being your husband,” he explained softly, stroking her hair.

Her father had let them sit together for a while longer, and Aaron had spent every moment since then revealing all the feelings he had previously suppressed for his wife-to-be.

Aaron had some duties to take care of, though, seeing as he had left his home so early, but he still found it difficult to leave her side.

“I feel the same. At some point, it became apparent that it was you I wanted. I craved your attention, your gaze, your touch. And I missed you — even our fights. There is nothing I want more than to be your wife, Aaron. I can barely contain my excitement over us starting a life together soon,” Selina admitted, her cheeks so incredibly flushed; Aaron was overcome with the urge to strip her of her garments to see how far the color went.

Soon, he promised himself. There will be time to do that, and much more, very soon.

“I hope you are prepared,” he started as he stood. “My attempts to woo you before were for the sake of our challenge. Moving forward, I shall put in more effort to ensure that you fall even further for me — whilst ensuring that you feel loved every second of each moment we are together.”

Selina looked up at him with a dazzling smile that warmed his heart.

“I look forward to it, Your Grace.”