Chapter 15

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

“ I cannot believe it’s over,” Selina mumbled to herself as she stared at her reflection.

Tonight was the last night of Nora’s house party, and in celebration of the days’ long event, the Duchess was hosting a ball, so all her guests could end the festivities on a high note.

It was a nice sentiment, but Selina found herself completely unwilling to participate in merry making of any sort, still recovering her sense after learning she had fallen in love with a man who valued all else above love.

It had been a shocking discovery, but it all made sense when she considered her fixation on him, the way she missed him whenever he wasn’t in her line of sight, and how attracted she felt to him.

Selina felt tired and lost, and now, more than ever, she wished Thalia had been by her side. She needed to be scolded, reprimanded for her foolishness and carelessness, and held while she listed off reasons why it seemed that her heart had grown fond of Aaron — disguised as complaints, of course.

But she was utterly alone with her burden and its consequences.

“You look wonderful, My Lady,” Claire assured her with sparkling eyes.

Selina nodded slowly, not feeling as good as she looked.

She had briefly considered not attending the ball at all, but she knew that would raise some questions, especially after how she had conducted herself before the Dowager Duchess the day before.

And… she wanted to see Aaron.

He had not sought her out following the conversation they had shared at the twelfth night dinner — which had honestly felt far too intimate for some reason. And she had been too caught up in her feelings to look for him either. Now, she wondered if it was even ideal to set her eyes on him at all.

“Are you ready, Lady Selina?”

Selina inhaled deeply, and moments later, she exhaled, fixing a small smile on her lips.

“As ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”

The ball was already underway by the time she arrived, and the decorations were enough to momentarily distract her from the ache in her chest. Every surface seemed to shine brightly, from the tables carrying food and drinks to the floors on which couples were already dancing around.

All the other guests were dressed lavishly, littering the room with colorful, stunning fabrics and gleaming jewels.

A glittering chandelier hung from the ceiling, sending light and warm rays of light down, and a string quartet played jovial music.

It all looked quite magical, but all Selina knew was the growing dread in the pit of her stomach.

“Lady Selina! You’re here!”

She turned just as Isaac arrived by her side, his eyes widening slightly as he got a good look at her.

“Good evening, Lord Honeyfield,” she greeted with a curtsey.

“I was worried you would not come. You look pretty tonight.” He smiled at her gently.

“And you look quite dashing yourself.” She managed to smile back.

“Why thank you. Don’t tell anyone, but I put a lot of effort into my attire for the evening.”

She barely heard a word the Viscount said, her attention and breath stolen by the sight of Aaron standing across the room.

He looked… quite handsome. His suit appeared to be tailored to perfection, every inch of his attire seemingly made for his body. His dark hair gleamed under the bright lights, and the sight of it took her back to the evening when her fingers had been buried within his curls as he provided her with ecstasy.

He looked so good, and oh , how she ached.

“… dance?”

Selina turned back to Isaac, blinking rapidly as heat filled her cheeks.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

“I asked if you wanted to dance. With me, obviously.” Isaac laughed a little.

“Well, I —” she hesitated, remembering that Aaron had told her to end things with Isaac.

He’s always so full of himself, always telling me what to do, a part of her pointed out, and she felt herself grow a little upset.

Isaac had been nothing but kind to her, and he seemed genuinely interested in her. She harbored some interest in him as well, even though it wasn’t romantic.

Aaron had no right to dictate what she should do concerning someone who actually seemed to want her beyond the surface.

“Certainly, My Lord. I would like that very much,” she agreed softly.

As Isaac led her onto the dance floor, Selina kept telling herself that she was dancing with the Viscount because she wished to do so, and she cared for him, not because she wanted to spite Aaron.

Still, while she danced with Isaac, she kept sneaking glances in Aaron’s direction, her heart sinking when she noticed he had focused all his attention on Eleanor.

They made quite a picturesque couple — one of the most noble Dukes and the diamond of the season.

Eleanor was the ideal woman Aaron wanted and deserved, and Selina couldn’t compare to her in the least.

When the dance ended, she quickly excused herself and slipped away from Isaac, needing a little bit of fresh air.

The ballroom had doors leading into the garden, providing Selina with the perfect place to find solace. She wasted no time settling on a bench.

It was a tad colder outside than she had expected, but she still preferred to be there rather than face the fact that she had been doomed from the start.

“Are you all right, Lady Selina?” Isaac asked softly, slowly approaching her where she sat.

Selina tried not to feel annoyed that he had followed her outside, trying to excuse his actions by assuming that he was likely worried for her well-being.

“Yes, My Lord. I am just a little tired.” She forced on a smile.

“Oh, I see,” he nodded, sitting beside her.

Some part of her was irked further by his assumption that he was welcome to settle down by her side, but she ignored the twinge of irritation, instead lifting her eyes to the sky.

There was no moon, but the stars twinkled across the dark expanse prettily, distracting Selina from her worries for a moment.

The silence was broken by Isaac, who cleared his throat and shifted slightly as though he were nervous. Reluctantly, Selina lowered her gaze down to him, not surprised to find him already looking at her.

“I am a little dismayed that our time in this estate is over. It is odd how I had these… expectations of how things would unfold on my first day here, and yet, it seems that nothing went the way I thought it would,” he stated quietly.

Strangely enough, Selina found herself understanding exactly what he meant.

She could still remember her overflowing confidence that had urged her to make a bet with Aaron, how she firmly believed she was superior because she wanted something he and many others looked down upon — love.

Selina had so much faith that she would be the victor, and she imagined walking up to the Duke to state what her reward would be although she still didn’t know what she would have asked for.

But Aaron, with his own self-assured confidence and cunning, had known precisely what would happen. He had laughed at her childish dreams and desire to be loved, and when she sabotaged him, she single-handedly signed herself up for defeat.

The truth was, she had never stood a chance from the start.

“I feel that way as well. I thought… I had imagined things going much differently than they eventually unfolded. It is strange, isn’t it? How you seem to do everything right, and you give all that you can with the hopes of being rewarded according to your efforts, but then… that isn’t what happens?” she mumbled, staring off into the distance for a bit.

“Ah, but that is not to say that I mind how things turned out! I was… pleasantly surprised to meet you, Lady Selina. And every moment we spent in each other’s company will forever be a treasured memory to me. And I would like to make even more wonderful memories with you if you would be so kind as to allow me,” Isaac said bashfully.

Suddenly, Selina was more alert, turning her body slightly, so she could look at him directly.

“I don’t understand…” she spoke uneasily.

“Let me say it clearly then,” he cleared his throat again. “I have grown quite fond of you, Lady Selina. And I would like to marry you.”

Selina stared at him in shock.

It was… odd. She had seemingly gotten what she had hoped for, but a part of her felt completely against the idea.

That was when Aaron’s voice echoed through her mind, reminding her of a concern he had raised.

“Believe me when I say that I really am concerned for your well-being. I do not want you to meet or to speak with Lord Honeyfield, moving forward. The next time he approaches you, end whatever lies between you both.”

“I… I am honored, My Lord. Truly. But I worry that marrying me may not be beneficial for you.”

It was subtle, but she saw it. A flash of uncertainty and disappointment in his eyes.

“Why do you think so, Lady Selina? I assure you, I have no other motive for wanting to marry you besides my deep affection for you. You are all that I want —”

“I am glad to hear that, but… well, you see, I have no dowry, Lord Honeyfield. And as such, my husband to be will not be able to benefit financially by marrying me. But as you have said, you only want me. So, we will have no problems if you are quite certain,” Selina said softly.

Please, she prayed quietly. Please let him be wrong about this. Please —

“Ah. I see.” Isaac’s voice turned cold and gruff, surprising her. He let out a deep sigh and scratched the back of his neck slightly before speaking up again. “It… it appears that I was too hasty. Marriage is an important step — a serious commitment, if you will — and it won’t do to jump into one recklessly. Perhaps we ought to extend the duration of our courtship a little. Just until we are both sure that we wish to get married. I mean — I do fancy you. A lot. But I do not wish to make you feel as though you need to accept my proposal right away. Whenever you are ready and willing — if you aren’t, that is fine too. Whatever you want.”

It was quite laughable how pathetic he sounded.

“Whatever I want? How gracious of you, Lord Honeyfield. But I am ready to marry, and I thought you were as well. Yet you have encountered some sort of conflict, and I worry that your affection might wither if we were to extend our courtship for a moment longer. Can you give me your word that you will still wish to marry me — however long we court?” she pleaded innocently, desperation for him to prove himself unworthy of Aaron’s suspicion flickering to life within her.

“You cannot ask me for that. You have no right to demand I commit myself to you when not much awaits me at the end of the line,” he spat, only for regret to wash over his face moments later. “W-Wait — Lady Selina, that wasn’t — I did not mean it like that. I swear —”

Selina rose to her feet swiftly, making sure to look him in the eye as she said, “Then you needn’t bother. I have no interest in marrying the likes of you. Frankly speaking, I was never really interested in you — not romantically. And now that it is apparent that every moment I spent with you was a waste of my time, it would be foolish of me to enable such behavior yet again. Goodbye, Lord Honeyfield.”

“No, Lady Selina, I can explain —”

Selina did not look back, even as her heart felt weighted down by disappointment. She kept her head up, and she kept walking.

Inside, she tried to sneak away unnoticed, but she was soon cornered by Nora, who was clinging to her husband’s arm.

“Selina! Darling! How are you enjoying your evening?” Nora asked with a cheerful smile, clearly in high spirits.

Selina swallowed the lump in her throat and mustered a smile of her own.

“Oh, it has been quite lovely. But I am feeling a tad weary, so I thought I might retire early.”

Nora’s face fell. “Are you ill? Would you like us to call for a physician?”

“No, no. Do not worry, I am just a little tired. Nothing a good night’s rest won’t fix,” Selina assured her.

If Nora had any other doubts, she didn’t voice them, merely slipping out of her husband’s hold to hug Selina close.

“I really do hope that you feel better soon,” her friend whispered to her.

Nora’s embrace was warm, and it supplied Selina with some strength to face whatever might come her way in the future. She let herself soak up the comfort for as long as she could then pulled away with a soft, “Thank you.”

“Rest well, Lady Selina.” Samuel nodded towards her before gently leading Nora away.

Selina watched them momentarily, unable to fight the envy that lodged in a crevice within her chest at the sight of the obvious love present in their marriage.

Samuel looked at Nora as though she was his moon, and Nora gazed right back with just as much reverence. And Selina couldn’t help but wonder if perhaps she was simply destined to not be loved in her lifetime.

As she turned back to the exit once more, she caught sight of Aaron from the corner of her eye and couldn’t deny her yearning heart the pleasure of looking back at him — even when she knew it would break her heart.

Her assumption was correct because he had Lady Eleanor on his arm still, all of his attention focused squarely on her, and the pain in Selina’s chest felt like she had been stabbed in the heart.

It was… so unfair. To have lost a race without ever qualifying to participate in it.

Looking away was difficult, but staring was much, much harder, and at least she could keep her struggles to breathe to herself as she left the ballroom.

Her body grew heavier with every step she took towards her room; the exhaustion she had managed to ignore for a while seemed to become far too much to bear.

She made it to her room without incident, but all it took was a single exhale for the tears to begin flowing.

“I’ve been s-so… so incredibly foolish,” she sobbed to herself, crumbling into a heap of chiffon and silk on the floor.

Isaac’s betrayal hurt in a way that served as a reminder of the fact that Aaron would always be right, he would always win — be it in the way he viewed people or the necessities of marriage.

However, it seemed she was forever destined to lose.

A knock at the door jostled her harshly out of her reprieve, and she glared at the slab of wood, hoping that whoever it was would simply leave her be.

But the knocking persisted, and just when she began to consider hiding beneath her sheets, a voice called from the other side, “A maid saw you retire to your room, Lady Selina. I know you’re in there.”

Aaron.

Selina’s body froze, confused over whether staying where she was or going to him was the right thing to do.

But then, he knocked again, and she quickly jumped to her feet, barely managing to wipe the tears from her face before she swung the door open.

“Where have you been? I looked for you for quite a while,” Aaron said, slipping into her room and shutting the door behind himself swiftly.

Having him here… so close was unsettling. She itched to touch him, her chest burning with the weight of how much she wanted him.

But none of that would change who he was, what he wanted.

“Ah, excellent timing, Your Grace,” she cleared her throat, praying silently for strength. “This saves me the work of going to find you myself. Now listen —”

“What do you mean? And why do you look unwell?” he cut her off, taking a step closer and frowning when she took a step back.

Selina realized that this was further proof that they weren’t meant to be because they had been doing this dance for so long, and it always ended the same.

“No, Your Grace let me speak,” she stated coldly, surprised when he fell silent. “I… I merely wished to inform you that I will no longer be looking for love, and as such, our bet is over. I have no desire to compete with you anymore, and… although we never quite saw eye to eye, I do wish you all the best. Truly.”

Her heart hurt immensely, and it was getting increasingly harder to breathe.

“What… what does that mean? Why are you giving up? And why do you look so… defeated?” he questioned, each syllable softer than the last.

“You were right,” she shrugged, trying not to cry again. “I was foolish. And now, I’m tired of being foolish.”

“That doesn’t make any sense,” he replied gruffly, his frown hurting her as well. “Though it does not surprise me to find out that I was right. I am well aware of the differences between putting your heart over your mind and vice versa when it comes to making crucial decisions. But…”

Aaron faltered, noticing something in her expression. He then inhaled, fists clenched by his side as he swallowed and spoke up again, “I didn’t… Selina, I’m sorry. Calling you foolish for your wants was unkind of me, and I shouldn’t have been so crass. You are a remarkable woman, Selina. And you can find a man who will realize that and care for you, even if it is not a love match.”

“But it won’t give me who I want!” she snapped, feeling a flare of anger ignite within her. “It’s pointless when all I do is fail at that.”

The words were barely out of her mouth before his hands were on her face, tilting it up into a kiss.

Yearning hit her again, and she let herself get lost in his touch and kiss, taking whatever he offered, however long it would last.

It wasn’t long before he pulled back, his expression one of mortification as his hands slipped away from her. Instinctively, she reached for him, aching not to be left alone again.

But he stepped out of reach, his wide eyes staring at her as he did so.

Oh. I see. I was right.

“Selina —” he tried, voice hoarse as he stepped closer once more.

She held a hand out to stop him, taking a step back, her voice raw as she said, “Stop. No more. Please. It won’t change my mind.”

Aaron looked conflicted, looking as though he wanted to stay, to hold her again.

But he did not. Instead, he turned around and left the room.

Leaving her alone to crumble once more.

She had looked incredibly hurt.

Aaron had never imagined that Selina could have such a haunted expression in her eyes.

It had bothered him that he had been unable to see her for most of the evening. He had caught sight of her briefly as she danced with the Viscount that he had warned her about, and he felt irritated by the obvious dismissal of his words.

And although he had tried to ignore her for the rest of the evening, he couldn’t help but eventually look back at her.

She had been utterly breathtaking the night before. She looked like a princess that had been born from magic, draped in a lavender dress that flattered her in all the right ways. It angered him that Isaac, of all people, had his hands on her.

No one else had any right to touch her. Not even… not even himself.

Because when it came down to it, he was nothing to her.

That much had been made obvious by his inability to comfort her when she was clearly heartbroken.

Kissing her had been an attempt to soothe her the only way he knew how, but it had been a mistake from the moment he laid his hands on her, and that much had been made apparent by the way his heart burned in his chest after he made contact with her skin.

Selina was not who he needed, he knew that, knew it to be almost like law. But the way his body called out to hers, the way his heart and spirit felt as though she was required for the ease of his existence, was bothersome.

Aaron suspected Isaac was to blame for her pain but did not want to make any hasty moves until he had spoken to Selina properly.

And so, after he packed his things the next morning, he went to her room. He knocked at her door but received no answer.

“Lady Selina?” he called out, only to receive no answer. “Pardon me.”

He opened the door to find the room empty.

Confused, he headed down to the dining hall, expecting to find her there, but she was nowhere in sight. A sinking feeling began to grow within him, but he ignored it and focused on the task at hand.

As he walked towards the garden to search for Selina, he spotted Samuel and Nora walking toward the dining hall.

“I can’t find Lady Selina. She was not in her room or at the dining hall either. I have checked and asked around, but no one knows where she is.”

Nora and Samuel exchanged a look, seemingly communicating without words. Ultimately, it was Nora who spoke up gently to inform him that, “She left this morning, Aaron. She’s gone.”