Chapter 13

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

“ I am really in no mood for celebrations,” Selina grumbled.

“But it is Christmas!” Ophelia protested, her pout reminding Selina far too much of how Nora also managed to coax her into doing her bidding.

Selina hadn’t expected to become friends with the other woman after she had sabotaged Aaron’s effort to get close to Ophelia, but Ophelia had been consistently kind whenever she saw Selina, and it was nice to have someone she could be with without fixating too closely on her predicament.

Ophelia’s incessant chattering had a tendency to melt away the buzz of confused thoughts in Selina’s mind, and her bright eyes always urged Selina to dismiss whatever upsetting notions haunted her in a bid to ensure the other didn’t feel alone in her glee.

However, she was now attempting to lure Selina into attending the twelfth night dinner, and Selina had expressed no interest in doing that multiple times before.

In fact, she had gone out of her way to avoid Nora because she knew the Duchess would definitely force her to attend if she had gotten the slightest whiff of Selina’s resistance.

“It is such a festive season! And I’ve never spent it away from my family. It would be nice to be with a friend, surrounded by beautiful music and delicious food. We could make ourselves look so lovely and dance the night away with whichever handsome man claims our attention,” Ophelia earnestly urged.

“Such a man doesn’t exist. Not for me,” Selina tried to joke, only to realize halfway through her statement that she had spoken the truth unintentionally.

“That isn’t true! The Duke certainly seems to favor you — as does Lord Honeyfield.”

Selina barely noticed the mention of Isaac, captured by the idea that someone believed Aaron was interested in her.

“The Duke doesn’t favor me. He wouldn’t.”

The conviction in Selina’s voice caused her chest to sting, a strange pain she didn’t understand the origins of, and she pursed her lips and reached for her glass of lemonade in a bid to keep her fingers from rubbing along a spot over her ribs.

“I did not mean to upset you, Selina,” Ophelia said earnestly. “I merely wanted to convey that I knew thought you and the Duke were close. He seemed to care for you — and I’d heard that he was cousins with your brother-in-law and assumed you had a good relationship. That was all.”

The fact that they had no such relationship, not even a good one granted by the closeness of their family members who were married to each other, left a sour taste in Selina’s mouth.

For all their games and playful taunts, they couldn’t even refer to each other as friends .

“You are mistaken. I am nothing more than a responsibility to him.” Selina shook her head, making a decision in a split moment. “But perhaps you are right. I needn’t burden myself with pointless wallowing. I did come to find a husband. Perhaps it is time that I put everything I have into doing just that.”

And that was how, less than three hours later, Selina walked into the courtyard that held a tent positioned over a gorgeous long table which was decorated with garlands and an assortment of delicious looking dishes and crystal jugs of punch.

Selina felt confident in the dress she was wearing, a gift from her sister that Selina had been unable to wear previously due to her inability to attend events because she was busy tending to her father’s health.

It was made of deep green silk with black lace trimmings, and she loved the feel of it against her skin and loved the way it earned her curious looks as she walked past people in the courtyard.

They had been assigned seating again tonight, and Selina did not spare a thought to being paired with the Duke again as she made her way down the table in search of her own name. After all, what are the odds?—

Just as she spotted her name and pulled out the chair before it, she saw a hand reaching for the one on her right, the greeting she had been about to offer dying in her throat as she raised her gaze and got a good look of exactly who was sitting next to her.

Aaron looked just as displeased to see her as she imagined he would be, his jaw twitching angrily as he sat down after she did.

Selina was quiet, recalling how he had dismissed the added clause on their game — and her as well — and bit her lip ruefully.

“You do not need to sit here, you know. You can go elsewhere if you wish.”

He glanced at her then returned his gaze forward.

“It would be discourteous to our hosts if I disrespected their wishes like that. I will stay.”

Selina sighed, losing a bit of her motivation to keep her chin up and make the most of the night.

She could only hope there was an upside awaiting her.

Aaron was never one to blame things such as fate, luck, or destiny on the outcome of his life. He had always worked hard to obtain good results and had dedicated himself to crafting a present he could control and a future he could predict.

But there was something about Selina that kept her safely hidden in his blind spot.

Each time he believed he had settled down, had learned to ignore her existence, something would surface and demand that he lend her his attention, his affection, his breath, his blood.

And he was getting quite tired of it

Aaron had spent so much time focusing himself on his own quest, spending some more time with Eleanor, and learning more about how he expected they would work if he did choose to marry her, but a part of him still felt close to going mad whenever he recalled the feeling of Selina’s body beneath his touch. The deepest, most manly parts of him ached for her, and another part of him worried about her and her choice of a husband.

Tonight, particularly, felt like torture.

It was obvious how breathtaking she looked by the way men kept sneaking glances in their direction, only to pale at the sight of him. He didn’t blame them, he couldn’t, not when she was so ravishing.

Absentmindedly, he wondered if she knew. He wondered if he should be the one to tell her.

He cleared his throat.

“How has your search for a match progressed?”

Selina glanced at him, as though she was stunned he had spoken to her. Aaron waited expectantly until she sighed.

“I did not know you cared so much about my dealings.”

He frowned. “We have made a wager about it. It would be remiss of me not to care about how far you’ve gotten. The results are how a winner will be determined,” he pointed out, mildly surprised that he needed to at all.

She sighed, rather long-suffering, as though he was missing something. Still, she gave a response to his question. “Slow. Thanks to a certain someone who managed to scare off many potential suitors in a few days.”

Guilt flashed through him.

Aaron did wish to sabotage her but not seriously. Certainly not in a way that would have lasting effects to hurt her.

But then, an undercurrent of satisfaction came alive in him, and it was all he could do to force himself to keep a steady voice as he said, “If they could be scared so easily, then perhaps they weren’t worth it.”

Selina scoffed and took a sip of her drink, mumbling bitterly, “Of course, nothing is ever your fault. The blame is all on me for seeking love.”

“I do not think you should be blamed for your choice. But have you considered doing without it?”

Her eyes were dark as they moved to him, a look he had never seen on her, one that made him want to wrap his hand in her beautiful hair and use it to hold her in place over this table as he took her over and over again until she had fallen apart completely.

“I do not wish to do without it.”

“Why?” he pressed insistently. “I do not wish to sound… discouraging, I promise. I merely wish to understand. Why is love so important to you?”

Perhaps he sounded as genuine as the curiosity burning his bones because he saw her expression lighten up, and then she sighed.

“It seems like something everyone around me has known or had. Something I haven’t had the pleasure of having for myself, something I’ve yearned for so long, and something I do not think I can do without,” she said gently.

“I do not understand,” he said to her gently because he truly didn’t.

Selina splayed a hand on the table, tapping lightly against the tablecloth.

“My parents were a love match. My father had taken a look at my mother across the yard during a garden party and had fallen so much in love, so quickly, that he had actually fallen at her feet moments after he had first laid eyes on her. He tripped over air and was sprawled in the dirt, and when he looked up into her twinkling eyes, he said his world suddenly began to fill with color, beauty, and movement. As though she was all he needed to feel alive. And she had felt the same because she eagerly waited for each moment they would spend together while he courted her, and when they were married, that did not change. Their love had birthed my sister and I, had nurtured us, had remained imbued in the walls of our home even after my mother passed when I was ten. Their love has given my father the strength to raise Thalia and I, to support us even in the moments he could barely understand us, and we barely understood each other.

“Thalia found love. Love that cares so deeply for her. Love that knows how much she sacrificed to bring me up on her own, and love that is intent on making sure she gets all that she had given away, for my sake, a hundred-fold. Love that yearns to shield her from hurt and pain, love that aches to keep her smiling and happy and cherished, like she deserves. Love that wants to fill in the spaces around her, so she is never lonely. She found that love in Benedict, and my father in my mother, whom I barely remember but can somehow see whenever my father smiles at me. And I want love like that.”

She sounded so… profound, so earnest and vulnerable, Aaron felt nearly compelled to search for the blood that should be everywhere after she had worn her beating heart so blatantly on her sleeve like that.

“Everyone deserves love, Your Grace. We are all worthy of being loved. And I wish to earn the greatest worth of my life,” she added softly.

Aaron found himself stuck, unable to look away from her, stunned by how beautiful she looked, bathed in soft light, elegantly wrapped up in green silk that set fire to her eyes somehow, her stunning face carrying an ache, a longing for a dream she seemed to have held for so long.

For far too long, perhaps.

Her eyes met his, and he felt his spine straighten, suddenly needing to be at attention for this precious woman before him.

“I know we have spoken about it before,” she began softly, “but why won’t you even consider finding love? Do you not believe it can give you all your want — along with all the values and propriety you expect from your wife?”

The answer remained the same, even though he wished that for once, he could say otherwise.

Just this once. Just for her.

“My duty must come first.”

She didn’t seem surprised that nothing had changed for him, just as nothing seemed to have changed for her.

“I see.” she nodded as her hand slipped from the table and fell between them.

Aaron’s hand moved fast without his permission, catching hers and holding it so gently.

I hope you find the love you deserve. The kind you’ve envied and yearned for. I hope it is worthy of you as well.

But none of those words leave his mouth. He just held onto her hand, deliberately gentle and calm, relishing in the way she seemed to relax in her chair at his warm touch.

Reality was never far behind, reminding him of the reason he had resigned himself to keep his distance.

“I think I will retire early tonight,” he mumbled, dropping her hand quickly. “Good night, Lady Selina.”

He did not wait for her to respond before he rose out of his chair and left the courtyard.

Yet he could hear her voice whispering the same greeting back to him, long after he had left.