Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I t was both a relief and a disappointment to Alana when Tadhg finished what he was doing and moved away from her again.

She had just gotten into position once more when she felt a large raindrop land on her face. Then another fell, and another. "Ach, 'tis startin' tae rain again!" she exclaimed, dashing the drops away with her hand.

"Alana!"

"Aye?" She looked over at Tadhg to see rain spattering on his head too.

"Pay attention!" he told her sternly, apparently ignoring the drops falling on him.

"But what about the rain?" she asked as it began falling faster, this time quickly soaking her dress.

"Forget the rain! We have dry clothes tae change intae. This is more important. Ach, now ye've lost yer grip." Sighing, he came over to reposition her stick in her hand and then returned to face her. Again, he assumed the fighting stance he had taught her. She followed suit, grimacing at first as cold rain trickled down inside her neckline.

However, before long, as she began to perspire from the exercise, she was grateful for its cooling effects. She huffed and puffed as they went through their dance, until she was soaking from a combination of sweat and rain.

"I think ye're improving. But remember, never take yer eyes off yer opponent," Tadhg reminded her, brandishing his own stick.

The rain was teeming down now, and though she tried to concentrate, her attention kept drifting to the way Tadhg's shirt was sticking to him, outlining the powerful musculature of his upper body. The sight of the rippling strength visible beneath the thin cotton was making her stomach do strange things.

"Alana, focus! This could save yer life."

"Aye, sorry." She dragged her eyes away from his muscles and forced herself to concentrate on the task in hand.

They began again the strange, slow-motion dance left and right they had already performed many times since the beginning of the lesson. Alana tried to do as Tadhg asked, watching him intently, balancing her weight, shadowing his moves.

"Ye ken, 'tis much easier without the skirts in the way," she observed, panting from the exertion but pleased when he said she was getting better. "'Tis quite liberating!"

"Aye," he replied, wiping his forearm across his forehead to soak up the mixture of water and sweat running down his chiseled features. "Now, let's see what ye remember. What's yer aim in a knife fight?"

"Um, tae deprive yer opponent of his weapon as soon as ye can," she panted, waiting on tenterhooks for his next move. He moved closer, his knife arm slowly moving from side to side as if he was deciding where to stick her.

"Very good. And how are ye gonnae dae that?"

"Like this!" Hoping to catch him out this time, she lunged forward with her pretend dagger, grunting with effort as she feinted at his knife arm. She wanted to knock his blade away if she could, to prove to him she could do it. Unfortunately, her skirts chose that moment to come lose from their moorings and tumbled down, tangling around her legs.

Tadhg was on her in a second, pinning her to the wet ground. In comparison to the puddle she found herself lying in, Tadhg's body on top of her was warm and inviting, and his delicious musky scent filled her nose. His face was suspended just above hers, with both of them panting hard, and thrills coursed up and down her spine when she met his mesmerizing blue gaze.

She gathered her wits and her breath as best she could. "That was nae me fault. Me dress came down and tripped me," she murmured, fearing she was about to drown in his eyes.

"Mmm," he murmured, gazing down at her with a hunger that set her insides quivering. "Alana, ye're soakin' wet," he breathed, gently brushing a wet lock of hair from her face. His words and his touch had an electrifying effect on her. Her breasts and her whole body leapt to attention, straining towards his. The urge to kiss him was so overwhelming, their history of hurt flew from her mind, and she surrendered to her desires.

She was seized by a strange compelling force she had never felt before, and when his mouth came down and his lips crushed hers, she found herself meeting them with a fiery passion drawn from somewhere deep inside her.

In the heat of the moment, she let herself go, reveling in Tadhg's warmth atop her as he pinned her there, with the rain cascading down upon them, and his lips devouring hers hungrily. Compelled by the burning flame he was stoking inside her, she reached up and wound her arms around his neck, twining her fingers luxuriously in the dripping length of his hair, drawing him closer.

Her body sang as their tongues clashed and tangled together in an erotic dance. Tadhg's free hand raked over her curves, squeezing her waist, her hips, and her behind, leaving her feeling hot and dizzy and craving more of his touch. The kiss deepened as they eagerly explored each other's mouths and lips.

Then, a particularly large raindrop landed on Alana's forehead and dragged her back to reality. Flooded by misgivings, she instantly broke the kiss, pushing him away and saying, "Nay! Stop! We must stop this before it goes any further. 'Tis a bad mistake!"

Tadhg stared down at her, his lips swollen from her kiss, the pain in his eyes unmistakable. It hurt her to see it, but she knew that however much she wanted him, she had to protect herself, from herself as much as from him.

"Will ye let me up, please," she said, pushing again at his chest.

"Are ye sure ye want me tae?" he asked huskily, not taking his eyes off hers.

"Aye, I'm certain. Now, get off, me will ye?" she replied, refusing to look at him, lest she be trapped by her own desires again.

With a deep sigh, he finally pushed himself off her and got to his feet. "Well, that was nice, while it lasted," he murmured, helping her to her feet.

"It should never have happened," she replied, knowing she was being ridiculous, standing in the pouring rain and smoothing her dripping gown and hair, vainly attempting to restore some sense of decorum.

"If ye say so," he said, his voice heavy with regret. He turned his face and palms up to the rain, she noticed, letting it wash away the mud that had gathered during their practice. Realizing she was muddy too, she did the same.

"That's the worst of it off, I think," Tadhg said eventually, surprising her with a sudden smile. "Ye did very well with yer practice. If we have the chance, we'll have another session, eh?" he offered.

"Aye, thank ye fer teachin' me. I'm grateful," Alana told him, feeling calmer now there was some distance between them but nevertheless angry with herself for kissing him.

"Shall we go back inside and get changed? I dinnae ken about ye, but I'm starvin'. We could have somethin' tae eat. If we can keep the fire goin', I can make some more tea if ye like."

Glad he seemed to be as keen to act normally as she was, she answered, "Aye, I'm hungry as well, and hot tea sounds good. I'd like tae get intae some dry, warm clothin'. Now we've stopped practicin', I'm startin' tae feel cold," Alana said, rubbing her arms against the chill of her wet clothes against her skin.

"Aye, me too," he said. "And I dinnae want ye comin' down with somethin' from the cold, so let's go inside quickly."

So, with the awkwardness of the kiss hanging between them, they made their way back into the cave.

"Here, take this blanket," Tadhg said, handing it back to Alana. "It'll help tae keep ye warm and give ye some privacy when ye change out of yer wet things."

"Thank ye," she replied, taking the blanket, then immediately turning her back to him. "I need tae get out of this wet dress first. Will ye help me, please?" she asked in a small voice, not looking at him. It hurt to know she was only asking him because she had no choice.

"Aye, I'll help ye," he replied, applying himself to the task, trying not to torture himself by looking at the soft white nape of her neck and the pale, perfect skin he so wanted to kiss and caress as it was gradually revealed. The act of helping her out of her gown smacked of seduction, and he was a red-blooded male. What chance did he have?

It was so very hard to keep his hands from straying further than they should as the back of her dress came loose. They itched to cup her breasts or skim the curves of her waist and hips and behind as she had once loved him to do. Her floral scent mixed with rain was so arousing, like a drug, that he had to fight to resist taking liberties. He actually had to close his eyes as he unlaced her stays.

"There ye are, all done," he told her at last, handing her the wet things and turning away so she would not see his aroused state. He was sure she would hate him for it, so he spent a few minutes poking at the fire ineffectually while the hardness subsided. Even so, he watched her out of the corner of his eye as, piece by piece, she took off her wet clothes behind the blanket and tossed them into a flat ledge of rock nearby.

Since she seemed occupied, he proceeded to strip off his own soaked clothing, until he was completely naked. He rubbed his hair and body as dry as he could with another blanket and then redressed. Just as he finished, he happened to glance around, and though she turned her head away instantly, he was sure he caught Alana peeping at him.

To know she had been peeking was confusing. The way she had kissed him twice now told him she wanted him as much as he wanted her. And her peeking only confirmed it. But what good is that when she's deliberately holding herself aloof because of how I hurt her in the past? No bloody good at all.

"Well, I feel like a new man now I'm dry again," he said when he was done dressing. He attempted a lighthearted tone, trying to both cheer himself up and dispel some of the tension between them.

"Aye, I feel much more comfortable, but I must admit, I'm startin' tae ache all over from all the practicin'," she replied, rubbing her wrists before sitting on a low rock by the fire and starting to comb out her long hair. She was dressed now too, in a simple wool dress the color of winter berries. He noticed it laced at the front and wondered if she had chosen it on purpose for that reason. More than likely she did, he thought, and 'tis probably just as well since I can hardly keep me hands off her.

Tadhg looked over at her, drinking in her loveliness with the familiar ache in his heart. "Ye look like a wee kelpie, sittin' on a rock and comin' yer hair out at sea," he observed.

"Lurin' innocent sailors tae their deaths?" she asked, laughing.

"I forgot about that bit," he replied sheepishly, adding, "Anyway, I expect ye'll have a few bruises on the morrow, but if what ye've learned saves yer life one day, it'll have been worth it. It gives me a wee bit of peace of mind, tae ken ye can defend yersel'."

While he was talking, he took out his hip flask and poured a hefty measure of whisky into the simmering pan of tea. He decanted the mixture into two small horn beakers and handed one to her. He was pleasantly surprised when she smiled almost shyly at him as she took it.

"I really appreciate ye takin' the time tae teach me, Tadhg, and the way ye take care of me too. I ken ye're doin' yer best tae protect me." She fixed her periwinkle blue eyes on him, making his heart clench. "Whatever ye might think of me, I am grateful."

"Ye ken how I care about ye, Alana. I'll nae lie about it," he said, blowing across the hot tea mixture to cool it.

"Aye, I ken," she murmured, hiding what he could see was a blush by turning to unpack some of their food and laying it out before them on the cloth it had been wrapped in. He was disappointed when she did not say any more in response to his declaration, not to mention how incredibly sexually frustrated he was. She had no idea how hard it was to be so close to her and not be able to touch her. Did she?

They shared a meal of bread, cheese, and dried meat, washed down with the alcoholic tea. As they ate, the urge to once again try to explain his long absence to her, to gain her understanding and forgiveness, came over him. But there was always the stumbling block of knowing what he knew about her origins and having lied to her about it for so long.

How could he be honest when telling her the truth meant losing her forever? However much he wanted to, he could not risk it. This horrible distance between them was the price he had to pay just to be with her. And he knew he would pay it for as long as he could.

Still , he thought to himself, maybe there's something I can tell her . He swallowed a piece of cheese and then said, "Ye ken when I was away?"

"Aye. I'll never forget it," she replied, flicking him a quick glance as she sipped her tea.

"I worked as a scout, fer mesel', nae fer any clan in particular."

"Ye told me ye worked as a mercenary." Her eyes were on him now, sharp and assessing.

"I lied about that. I'd never dae that sort of work, if work it can be called."

"Then why did ye say it?"

"I suppose I thought ye couldnae think any worse of me, so why nae? Mayhap I wanted ye tae think badly of me."

"Well, that's stupid," she observed bluntly, her gaze frank.

He shrugged. "Ye hated me anyway when I came back. Perhaps I thought ye deserved better than me and wanted tae give ye a chance tae push me away."

"Ye need nae have bothered. What ye did tae me, that was enough."

"And all this, now, it makes nae difference tae yer decision?"

She sighed with impatience. "We've been through all this more than once, Tadhg. What's the point of doing it again? It willnae change anythin'."

"Why did ye marry Sloan?" The question burst from his lips seemingly without any preamble in his head, born of a deep-seated jealousy he had tried so hard to suppress but which now reared its head.

Alana looked at him with a strange and unreadable expression. "I told ye why."

"Tell me again so I can understand."

She sighed and put down the hunk of bread she had been eating. "It was the worst time of me life. Why d'ye keep makin' me relive it?"

"I just wantae ken why ye wed him. Why did ye nae wait fer me?"

"Ach! Are ye jestin'with me? I told ye, I waited two miserable, endless years. Was that nae enough?" she demanded bitterly, her eyes flaring with anger. "I've already told ye why I married him. Me maither was worried about me. She wanted tae see me settled, and Sloan asked me tae wed him. He was a good man, and he loved me."

"But ye didnae love him?"

"Ye ken all this. I'm nae gonnae keep explainin' mesel' just tae make ye feel better."

"Did ye love him?" he repeated with emphasis.

"Ach, once and fer all, nay, I didnae love him!" she shot back, clearly flustered. "Daes that make ye feel better?"

"It daesnae make me feel any better," he assured her with some bitterness of his own. "Nae at all."

"Well, good, I'm glad. Ye broke me heart intae pieces. D'ye think I care that ye dinnae like it that I wed Sloan after ye deserted me? Because I dinnae!" she declared angrily.

They continued to stare at each other, finishing their food in the short silence that descended between them. Finally, Tadhg managed to swallow his pain and jealousy over Sloan along with his bread and tea.

"Ach, ye're right. What's the point tae keep goin' over it? I'm sorry fer bringin' it up. 'Tis late. Let's try tae get some sleep." He began tidying away the remnants of their meal in preparation.

"Aye, it's been a long day, and the whisky has just about finished me off," Alana admitted, stifling a big yawn with her hand. "I feel exhausted." She shivered as she drew her cloak around her and lay down on the nearest bedroll.

"If ye're gonnae be cold in the night, we should put the bedrolls together and cuddle up tae keep warm," he suggested, seeing an opportunity to get close to her.

She sighed. "We can put them next tae each other. There's nae need tae cuddle. We'll keep warm just the same without that," she insisted, watching dubiously as he moved his bedroll next to hers.

"All right, but dinnae blame me if ye get cold. And if ye change yer mind, I'm right here," he told her, lying down at her side but being careful not to touch her.

"Ye dinnae need tae remind me," she murmured, turning her back to him.