Chapter 12

CHAPTER TWELVE

T adhg thought for a moment, and while he was doing so, he absently picked up her teacup and drank from it.

"Hey, are ye stealin' me tea?" Alana complained with a small laugh.

Tadhg looked down at the delicate cup in his hand. "Aye, it seems I am." He realized he had just touched his lips to the rim where she had been drinking. The intimacy of it sent a tiny thrill running through him; it was almost like kissing her. As close as I'm likely tae get anyhow , he thought, taking another sip and then replacing the cup on the table.

"I like tae imagine us bein' very happily married. We'd be one of those couples ye see holding hands and laughin' together, even though they've been wed fer donkey's years. D'ye ken the kind I mean?"

She leaned her chin on her hand, gave a half smile, and nodded. "Aye, I ken the kind."

"We'd never run out of things tae say tae each other because we'd just love bein' in each other's company."

"I suppose I'd laugh at all yer jokes," she said, faintly mocking.

"Aye, of course. That's obligatory. And I'd keep tellin' ye how clever ye are and how beautiful ye look and how much I love ye." He winked at her. "That's the easy part because 'tis naethin' but the truth." He was encouraged when that drew another small laugh.

"We'd have a nice wee house, and I'd plant ye a lovely garden, with all yer favorite flowers and plants in it."

"And an herb garden, fer me medicines," she said.

"Naturally. That goes without sayin'." He paused to admire her for a moment, finding inspiration in the curve of her cheek and the brightness of her eyes. "In the summer, we'd go down tae the loch and take all our clothes off and swim together in the sunshine."

That was taking a risk, he knew, and he half expected her to slap him again. But to his pleasant surprise, she only chuckled. "I might have kent gettin' naked would be in there somewhere."

He raised his eyebrows. "But of course. Why else would I have married such a beauty? Since 'tis but imagination, I figure I may as well enjoy mesel'."

"I suppose ye think ye'll get round me with all these compliments."

"Is it workin'?"

She snorted with laughter this time, looking more relaxed than he had seen her in a long time. He ached to hold her but held himself back. He did not want to do anything that would make her leave.

"So, I suggest we should reminisce over such romantic times at dinner, where everyone can hear us," he said. "And I'll be sure tae tell everyone how proud I am of me wife and how I worship the ground she walks on."

"Now, ye're goin' too far."

"Nay, because that way, they'll see how much in love we are and start believin' we're truly wed."

"And I suppose I have tae go around tellin' everyone what a wonderful man ye are and an ideal husband."

"That would help, but if ye really want tae make an impression then ye'd best throw in a remark or two about what a beast I am between the sheets. They'll love that."

"Tadhg, stop! Ye really are goin' too far with this," she told him, batting at his arm. But she could not help smiling, so he caught her hand and brought it to his lips.

"I havenae gone far enough," he told her, his voice husky. He kept his eyes on hers and dared to press his lips to her knuckles, thinking she would pull away any second. But she just kept on looking at him, letting him kiss her hand. He moved almost imperceptibly closer, peppering the hand with tiny kisses.

"All day long, whatever we were doin', we'd be a cuddlin' and kissin' because we wouldnae be able tae keep our hands off each other."

"It sounds exhaustin'," she observed wryly, not moving her hand from his. He continued to press his advantage with small, delicate kisses that crept subtly up to her wrist.

"People would always be pointin' at us and sayin', "Look at those two. What a proper pair of lovebirds."

"They'd probably complain we were makin' a spectacle of ourselves and chase us away."

"D'ye mind?" he said with mock umbrage. "This is me fantasy and ye're spoilin' it."

She laughed softly and, if he was not imagining it, drew a little closer to him. He noticed her eyes had turned dark, and her hair glittered with red tints from the fire. When she ran the tip of her tongue around her lips, the familiar desire stirred in his belly.

He turned over her wrist and trailed kisses over the tender white skin, starting to get seriously excited. He wondered how far he could go before she snatched her hand away and hit him with it.

"I wish it wasnae a fantasy, Tadhg, because ye ken how much I loved ye before. I wish we had been married all those years ago. But ye broke me heart intae pieces when ye left. And now, I'm too scared tae let ye in, however much I might want tae, in case ye break it again. It nearly killed me the first time. I'd just die if it happened again."

"Are ye sayin' ye dae want tae then? Because if ye are, then I can promise ye I'll never leave ye again." Filled with hope, he pressed his lips fervently to her wrist. "I can never tell ye too many times how sorry I am fer hurtin' ye, Alana. Ye deserved much better from me, and I ken I let ye down.

"But if ye'll just give me a chance tae show ye how much I truly love ye and need ye, then I'll stay by yer side forever, and I'll dae everythin' in me power tae make ye happy, I promise."

"I want tae believe ye so much it hurts. I just dinnae ken if I can," she said in a whisper, and she looked so sad for a moment, he longed to fold her into his arms and hold her, to give her comfort and reassure her that he was being truthful.

"D'ye think ye'll ever be able tae forgive me?" he asked, silently praying she would say yes.

"I'm nae sure. I'm thinkin' about it."

His heart skipped in his chest, and he kissed her wrist tenderly once more and then enclosed her hand with both of his. "Thank ye, Alana, that's all I'm askin' fer, a chance tae show me love."

There was a short pause, and then she said, her voice low and breathy.

"Ye havenae finished tellin' me yer fantasy. I want tae ken what else would happen if we were truly man and wife."

A chuckle bubbled up from inside him as hope infused his bones. "Well now, let me see. Where did I get tae?"

"There was a lot of cuddlin' and kissin', I seem tae recall," she supplied, her eyes dark pools he would willingly have hurled himself into.

"Aye, as I said, we'd be cuddlin' and kissin' all day long… and at night, we'd cuddle up in our cozy bed?—"

"Ach, how did I guess that bed would feature in yer fantasy?"

"And we'd make love, tenderly, passionately, fer hours on end…"

He let his voice trail off because there was no doubt now that she was slowly inclining her body towards his, and her eyes were drifting from his eyes to his mouth.

She wants me tae kiss her. I'm gonnae kiss her. By God, I'm gonnae kiss her…

He leaned forward and closed his eyes, preparing to reenter the heaven he had been denied for so long. Or so he thought. For just as their lips were about to meet, the sound of someone loudly clearing their throat interrupted them, and they sprang apart.

"I beg pardon fer interruptin' this lovers' tryst, but can a man get in here tae get a book, fer the Wee Man's sake?" asked Knox from the threshold. "I need somethin' tae help me sleep."

"Me God, Knox, ye scared the livin' daylights out of me!" Tadhg exclaimed, sitting up straight and meeting his friend's laughing eyes. He glanced at Alana and saw she had gone bright red and was paying a lot of unwarranted attention to smoothing her skirts. "Did ye have tae burst in on us like that? What are ye doin' here? I thought ye'd gone tae bed."

Knox came in and closed the door. "Aye, I thought so too, but after I'd laid there awhile with all me thoughts runnin' around in me head, I thought the only way tae get mesel' off tae sleep would be either tae find a willin' wench tae bed down with me or come down here and find somethin' borin' tae read. I couldnae find a willin' wench, so here I am."

"Well, ye certainly choose yer moments," Tadhg said, trying to sound as if he did not mind missing out on the kiss he had fought so long to win.

Alana suddenly stood up, her cheeks still pink. "If ye'll excuse me, I'm goin' up tae bed. I'll see ye shortly, Tadgh." She smiled at Knox as she sailed past him. "Good night, Laird Stewart."

"Good night, lass. Sleep well," he called after her in his usual good-natured tone. But once she had vanished from sight, he turned back to Tadgh. "I'm glad I caught ye. I was wonderin', since I cannae seem tae sleep, if ye'd like tae come and have an ale or two with me," he said with hopeful expression.

Tadhg considered the request and quickly decided that after what had just passed between him and Alana it was going to be more than difficult to sleep on the floor again. Being closeted in their chamber without being able to touch her was going to be murder. "Aye, I'll gladly come and have a wee drink with ye," he said, joining Knox by the door. "Funnily enough, I'm nae feelin' much like sleepin' mesel'."

They went to the great hall and joined the few folks who were still partaking of alcoholic refreshment at that late hour. They made themselves comfortable at a secluded corner table and ordered a tankard of ale each.

A few minutes after they sat down, Knox leaned his elbows on the tale and said in a low voice, "Tadhg, I heard ye and Alana talkin' in the library."

Tadhg's heart began to race. "Did ye now? And what did ye hear?"

"I heard what I already suspected. That pair of ye are nae wed," the laird replied bluntly. When Tadhg opened his mouth to contradict him, Knox butted in. "'Tis alright. Ye can count me as a friend, and I ken how tae keep a secret. I swear nae tae tell a soul."

"I have yer word on that?" Tadhg asked, searching the man's eyes for any sign of duplicity. He could see none in Knox's forthright gaze. His heart began to calm, and he took a long draught of ale to soothe his frazzled nerves.

"In any case, I owe ye a debt of gratitude," Knox went on.

"How so?" Tadhg asked, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Ye ken when we met on the road tae the castle, I said I thought we'd met afore?"

"Aye."

"Well, I remembered where it was." He drank some ale while letting that sink in with his companion.

Tadhg looked at him closely and shook his head. "Nay, I still dinnae recognize ye. Where did we meet? Was I blind drunk? I didnae try tae fight with ye, did I?" he asked, slightly worried.

Knox laughed. "Nay, naethin' like that. Well, ye did some fightin' but nae with me. In fact, ye saved me from a bad beatin'."

Tadhg nodded. "Aye, that sounds like the sort of heroic thing I'm always doin' in me cups. So, where did all this happen?"

"D'ye really nae remember? Ye're nae pullin' me leg?" the laird asked.

"Did ye change yer hair since then?" Tadhg asked jokingly, eliciting more laughter from Knox.

"It was a year or so ago, in the lowlands, at a market. I was getting' me arse well and truly kicked by a bunch of drunken ruffians in a tavern when ye suddenly stepped in and saved me. By the Wee Man, the way ye laid those fellers out was a miracle tae me at that moment. Like an avengin' angel, ye were. Ye got me a healer and a room for the night too. I owe ye me life fer certain."

"That was ye, was it? That poor, bedraggled, bloody lump of flesh I had tae throw over me shoulder tae get up the stairs. Well, lookin' at ye now, I'd never have guessed it was the same man."

"Aye, that was me," Knox said laughingly. "I honestly thought I'd had it. I'd started sayin' me prayers, thinkin' I was goin' tae meet me maker. And then, ye appeared out of nowhere, me savior. But ye can imagine, after bein' set upon by three of those bastards, me face was badly battered, all swollen, and I had a couple of good black eyes, so I looked a wee bit different. I'm guessin' that's why ye havenae recognized me."

"Well, well, well, who'd have thought we'd meet again. And here of all places," Tadhg said, genuinely amazed. "I'm very pleased we have though, man. Cheers!" He raised his tankard, and Knox followed suit. "Tae good friends," Tadhg proposed.

"Aye, tae good friends!" Knox seconded, and the two men laughed heartily and ordered more ale.

An hour or so later, when Tadhg crept into the bed chamber, he found a candle burning low on a nightstand next to where Alana was fast asleep in the bed. He was feeling a bit tipsy and wanted nothing more than to lie down and go to sleep, preferably in the comfort of the bed.

Knowing he could not, he let out a small sigh of disappointment as he took off his boots by the door. Then he padded over to the bed as quietly as he could, trying not to knock into anything on the way and wake her. For several long moments, he stood looking down at her, drinking in the delicate beauty of her features.

Her dark hair lay spread out over the white pillow, and her eyelids were violet in the dim lamplight. His heart clenched in his chest to see how lovely she was. He wondered what would have happened if they had not been disturbed in the library. After their talk, he felt they had reached a new understanding. She had let him kiss her hand. But more importantly, he was certain they would have kissed, that she had actually wanted him to kiss her.

Looking down on her now, he so wanted to climb into bed with her and cuddle her, to go to sleep with his arms wrapped around her slender form, every curve of which was engraved in his heart. Instead, he bent down and touched his lips lightly to hers in a good night kiss, then gently brushed a stray, curling tress from her forehead.

It took all he had in him not to get in the bed but rather take the coverlet and pillow and bed down in his usual spot on the floor. Dinnae get yer hopes up fer a reconciliation. Fer if it should happen that Alana finds out I've been lyin' tae her all this time, then she'll kill me rather than kiss me.

With that sobering truth in mind, he let the ale topple him into slumber.