32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

W hen I woke up in the morning, I stared at the ceiling of the bedroom. Cassius’ scent of rain and forest took over the space, even though he wasn’t here. I wasn’t in a hurry to go find him because I was worried it would only reinforce that I should be leaving Crimson, not staying. So, I laid in bed a little longer before getting in the shower.

The sound of the water drowned out Cassius climbing into the shower with me. His hands wrapping around me startled me as I turned to face him. He kissed me softly before grabbing soap and washing my hair for me. His fingers gently untangled my wild curls. He turned me so I could see his face as he tilted my head back into the water to rinse my hair off. Cassius smiled at me brightly when I opened my eyes again.

“Are you ready for our date?”

“A date.” I smiled. “Is that what you were doing this morning?”

“Yes.” His eyes flicked down to my mouth before he leaned forward, pressing his lips against mine.

“Aren’t you scared?” I whispered because I was terrified. He knew what I meant by my question.

“No.” He traced the crown bond on my arm. “I was, but I know you better than anyone. I know you’ll understand and forgive me.”

Relief filled me with his words.

“Let’s go on our date then.”

★★?★★

Outside, the weather was nicer than it had been in days. The sun shined, and it made the air perfect as we rode our horses through the woods.

I realized we were going to the cliffside overlooking the waterfall. My heart pounded so fast that I thought it would explode before we got there. The flowers and waterfall were as breathtaking as they had been the first time, but I felt nauseous as I looked around.

This could be the end. This could be everything I wanted, withering and dying before my eyes. We slid off our horses, and I stood quietly for a moment before deciding to sit. Cassius followed my lead and sat down. His eyes stared off into the distance for a while before he looked at me.

“You know, a long time ago, there was a prophet who foretold of a goddess who would fall from the stars. It was before you or I were born.” Cassius smiled at the darkening sky as the clouds moved in. “It was said that the gods and goddesses had been warned about a future where Elloryon would be destroyed and ripped apart by the fae. They didn’t know what to do to save the fae because they had been unable to save the humans. The gods are not supposed to directly interfere with our realm in significant ways.”

I watched Cassius’ eyes burn brightly in wonder as he admired the view.

“One day, a woman came to offer guidance. She claimed to have had a vision and knew how to stop the realm from being destroyed. But for her to save the realm, the gods had to grant her a child. Not just any child, but a child touched by stars and who shared the blood of a god.”

“It sounds like she was using misfortune in her favor,” I scoffed. Cassius’ lips twitched as he looked at me.

“Well, the woman convinced the gods after she shared her vision and told them how she knew Elloryon would be destroyed. She also told them she had a vision of her child saving the realm. The gods and goddesses were desperate, so they agreed."

“Seriously?”

“They told the woman that after stopping the madness of Elloryon’s destruction, her child would be brought back to the stars to claim their place among the other deities. The woman protested at first but ended up agreeing with them. A power like that was not to be among the fae.

“The woman became pregnant not long after, so the gods waited eagerly to see if the child would be the answer they needed. The woman ended up having a daughter, and she was more powerful than the gods had intended. They feared for the child’s safety while she was in her mortal form. So, they bound some of her magic inside of her to keep her from being feared and killed by others.”

“Like my mother did to me,” I said, frowning.

“Yes,” Cassius whispered.

“So would that make her a mortal goddess?”

“Yes, unless she chose to go to the stars and live an immortal life there. Specifically, she's the deity of blood and vengeance.”

“Sounds badass.” I nodded as Cassius agreed with a soft smile. “So, what happened?”

“The child’s mother was killed, but the gods and goddesses did not know of it. So, they did not check on the girl because they thought she was safe under the supervision of her mother. Unfortunately, the girl grew up with her star-blessed magic locked inside her, thinking that she only had elite magic and not knowing the truth. The problem, though, was that a mortal body could not hold that magic for too long before it killed it.”

My brows creased as Cassius told the story. Why did this sound so similar to me? When I glanced at Cassius, he frowned slightly at me.

“What happened to the woman?” I asked. I swallowed the lump of emotions forming in my throat.

“The woman fell in love with a mortal man. Eventually, he noticed how tired she was and how she seemed to get weaker by the day.”

My heart pounded as Cassius kept talking like he wasn’t describing me.

“What did he do?”

Cassius stared at me with a look of longing and sadness.

“He did what he had to. He went to a seer who saw the woman’s prophecy of crumbling kingdoms and killing kings. Her prophecy of saving the realm, just as the gods intended. The man asked how she was supposed to be Elloryon's savior if she was dead. The seer said the answer to her freedom was in the prophecy. So, he spent days in that gods-forsaken cabin in the woods and tossed out every idea he could think of.”

Cassius paused as his eyes cascaded over my face as if he were writing this very moment into his memory forever. He took in a shaky breath before meeting my eyes.

“Brim shot down every idea I came up with until I finally guessed correctly.”

I nodded because I couldn’t form any words.He was talking about me.

“A decision to be made, a choice that only results in death to be reborn, freed from a cage, a power awakened by a knife's blade. You had to die.”

My eyes widened as he stared at me, waiting for me to process what he was saying. I had to die. To be reborn. I had star-touched magic and the blood of a god in me. I shook my head. This couldn’t be true.

“But my father said he begged the gods to get rid of the curse when you killed me. That he was the reason why I ended up in Exile and could use my magic.”

Cassius let out an angry sigh.

“Your father lied to you. He wasn’t even there that day until the gods brought him to give him the bloodstone. Your father did not know the true nature of your magic, Thea. He believed it was just elite, but it is far more than that. I still don’t think that he believes you are the deity of blood and vengeance. You should have seen him the day that the gods told him what you were. He didn’t know any of it.”

Anger clouded my insides. My father had lied about everything.

“Your magic needed out before it consumed you.” He looked away from me. “I begged Brim for a different answer, but he gave me none. So, I went back to Crimson and stumbled upon war. Cerithia had stormed Crimson while I had been gone, and you were out there fighting. After the prophecy revealed itself, your father wanted to keep you as a weapon, not knowing how close you were to dying. The group of elite magic fae you saved were fighting with you. Sybil, Kaz, Kai, and Fallon, among others. They knew you were too weak to be fighting like you were, so they circled you, helping. I ran across the field to you just as you collapsed to your knees.

"I knew I had to kill you before the magic consumed you completely,” he said, his voice breaking as he continued.

“I remember catching you before you hit the ground, and then you smiled at me. You were too pale, and your eyes were turning white. Your magic had almost drained everything away from you. You were being consumed. I had to hurry, and there was no time to explain. You told me you missed me. You told me you loved me as I grabbed your viper-handled dagger. I told you I loved you too.” He took a deep breath and looked me right in the eyes.

“Then I plunged the dagger into your heart. Your magic exploded out of you with such a force that trees and fae flew everywhere. Dark clouds moved over us, and lightning lit up the sky. Everything was destroyed around us. I waited for you to open your eyes, but I didn’t know...

He stopped holding my hand and was silent for a long moment. Cassius was breathing heavily, as if he was reliving it. I went to grab his hand, but he didn’t let me.

“Gods came down from the stars because...” he looked at me, “I betrayed you. I did what I did because I loved you, and I would do it again, Thea. But if I could go back, I would have had anyone else kill you but me.”

He was angry, but not remorseful.

“You weren’t supposed to die. You were supposed to wake up. And when you didn’t, Della and her brother, Mikel, showed up. They told me how you were a deity sent here to save Elloryon, but I had taken that away because of what I did. I begged the gods to give you your soul back or at least take mine instead. I hadn’t meant for things to happen the way they did. You were supposed to wake up and be reborn from your curse.

“They knew I only killed you because of the binding spell, but it was like the god, Mikel, didn’t care. He said he was taking you to the stars, but I couldn’t let you go. I’m too selfish to let that happen. Della made me a deal instead. She wouldn’t take your soul, but to keep the balance, you had to pick me and fall in love with me again. I agreed immediately because I knew I could make you love me in every life. She understood that you had not fulfilled the prophecy yet.”

His face turned hard and angry.

“Mikel woke you up from death right then and there. He asked you what you wanted. Either you go to the stars and claim your title as a true goddess, or you choose to stay and fight for a chance at a normal life with me. You didn’t even hesitate when you said you chose me. This seemed to piss off Mikel, though. He said if you stayed, you would lose the chance at being a goddess. And yet, you still agreed. Mikel became enraged at your choice and refused to accept it. He said you didn’t have a choice anymore; you were going with them to the stars.”

My eyebrows knitted together in confusion.

“I don’t understand.” I frowned. “Is this what Della meant when she said the gods hadn’t dealt with a situation like ours before because of what I was?”

He smiled softly as he shook his head. “I told him you were my fated mate, and you had the right to stay if you wanted. This changed everything. Della told me years later that gods and goddesses hold the fated mate bond as sacred above all else. They could not force you to go with them, and you chose me, so they must honor it. If we weren’t fated, Della said Mikel would’ve taken you.

“It was obvious that this angered Mikel further. He kept telling me that I was not worthy of you as a mate. He said I needed to be severely punished for betraying you like I did. Even Della could not calm his wrath. He kept repeating that I was made to protect you and not let harm find you and that I had failed. Mikel was so cold and unforgiving to me that day, even knowing the circumstances.” Cassius rubbed his hands down his face as I tried to gather my thoughts about being both a deity and his fated mate.

He waited to see if I would speak, but no thoughts formed, so he kept talking.

“Mikel said it wasn’t enough to have you just choose me again; that was too simple. So, he wiped your memories to make it more difficult for me. He claimed that it was to spare you from remembering what I did, even though you would have understood the reasons behind my actions. I still wasn’t worried, though, because I knew you would love me again. Then he announced that because you were the last surviving blood witch, your bloodstone would be given to your father.

“The witch’s bloodstone that belonged to your mother, the queen, is sacred. You see, covens believe in preserving powers. When witches are born, they use a stone, in this case, a bloodstone, to which they attach their power. When a witch dies, their magic returns to the bloodstone, enabling other members of the coven to guard that magic. That stone holds so much power, Thea, and it’s all yours as the sole survivor of the blood witch coven.

“But the bastard, Mikel, gave the stone to your father to keep, just to be an asshole. I still remember the way he smiled at me when I realized how difficult this would be. We had to come up with the trials to give you a reason to get the bloodstone and give it to me. It became so difficult over the years because it seemed like you hated Crimson more and more each time you came back. I still believe that Mikel did something to make you hate me more the longer it took to save you.”

“Della told me it was her fault that Mikel was so cruel to you. She killed the woman he loved to save the man she loved, and it destroyed all the compassion he had left.” I squeezed his hand in mine. “Besides, Mikel wouldn’t have taken me anyway because I still needed to fulfill the prophecy.”

“That’s just it, though; Mikel was willing to let the realm be destroyed just to punish me, like he wanted it to be destroyed. Thank the stars Della talked some sense into him. Maybe he did not want a realm where the woman he loved did not exist anymore,” Cassius frowned. “I would have destroyed the realm too if I had lost you that day. I could not bear an existence where I do not have you. One where I must exist without being able to hold you, kiss you, or love you. It would turn me into a monster.”

I squeezed his hand in mine.

“It makes sense why I always felt so drawn to you, even knowing you killed me. I thought I was sick and twisted to still miss you.”

Cassius stared at me for a long moment.

“Watching you die over and over again, just to come back and not remember me or the life we had started together, is the worst torture. This new curse was not yours, but mine. Loving you so much and watching you stare at me like I was a stranger was the worst part of this. So many times, I caught myself about to tell you I loved you, or I had to stop myself from kissing you. Then you would die, and each time, pieces of me would die too. My father had to drag me out of our room after months because I could not function without you.”

Cassius’ voice was laced with emotion as he stared at the waterfall. It was clear that he was thinking of all the times I had failed and that he didn’t want to go through it ever again.

His golden eyes locked onto mine.

“I knew for a long time who you were, Thea. I think I knew on the blood moon when you stabbed me with that damn dagger you love so much. Your soul was cursed because your fated mate killed you. The gods never had a mate kill the other before, and they could not let me go unpunished. It was the ultimate betrayal in Mikel’s eyes. Maybe it is because he lost his mate. I do not know.”

My eyes blinked slowly as I stared at him. Cassius was my fated mate. I had heard him say it earlier, but the reality of it was just now clicking in my mind. He moved toward me, but I backed up slightly. I needed to process this. He didn’t try to touch me again. Cassius watched me closely.

“This is why I dreamt of you, why my mother came to meet you, and why I always find myself drawn to you, even if I don’t remember us. It’s why I love you even though you killed me.”

“It is why you chose to give up going to the stars and stay here to live a mortal life with me. There are times when I feel you made the wrong choice. Maybe you should have gone to the stars because I have not been able to save you.”

“You and I were destined to be together,” I whispered as my head swarmed through all the emotions of finding out that I never had a choice in loving Cassius. I stared at him, trying to process this. “Does that bother you that we had no choice in who we loved?”

Cassius looked at me as if the thought never crossed his mind.

“No, because we could have ignored it and chosen not to follow our feelings. It would have been easy not to act on them since we were enemies, but we both slowly fell in love. I admit, I think I fell in love a lot faster and way before you did,” he chuckled softly. “We still chose each other. We still had a say in it. Does it upset you to know that we are fated?” he asked with pain in his eyes.

“No, and being a goddess sounds boring,” I chuckled softly to lighten the overwhelming feelings I was having. “I made the right choice by staying.”

Relief filled his eyes.

“You should have seen their faces when I told them that you were my fated mate. I didn’t know Mikel could be surprised, but that only made him angrier. Della understood why I did it. She took pity on how destroyed I was. If anyone else would have released your magic that day, we would not be in this fucking nightmare. Della kept apologizing to me, saying that it was her fault Mikel was such an asshole.

“The gods promised you would be kept in a safe place—Exile, as you called it. They let the group of elitist magic holders go with you, so it would seem like normal life. Those fae chose to go with you so you weren’t alone, but then started not remembering things either. They also seemed to turn on Crimson the longer they were there.

“Your father has been hiring witches and others to curse Exile, to dry up your water and your food. Everything that started going wrong with Exile was his doing. I’m not sure how he found out where it was, but I think Mikel had something to do with it, or maybe it was Lavtan.”

I stared at the waterfall and all of the pretty rainbows in the mist. Fated mate. A deity. I had the blood of the gods and the touch of the stars, but that didn’t make me feel as special as knowing I was Cassius’ mate.

“It makes sense why I felt so drawn to you in my dreams and at the trials. Every time I see you, there is a pull that I cannot describe.”

“I would’ve torn the realm apart and climbed to the stars to kill that damn god myself if it would give you back to me, so we do not need to keep going through this torture.”

Flashes of the day I had the witch’s bloodstone in the clearing filled my mind. He had been so worried that I didn’t get it, but it was because it would break our curse, not give him power. He had told me I was so close, but he couldn’t tell me anything else.

“If I had given you the stone that day in the clearing,” I choked out, “this would be over.”

“Yes,” he frowned. “There are two parts to the curse. You must gift me the bloodstone and choose me even after I confess my betrayal.”

My mind was still reeling from the fact that Cassius was my fated mate.

“You knew I was your fated mate when we were at war with each other?”

“The moment I saw you in the woods on the blood moon, it was like a switch flipped, and I knew you were it for me. I didn’t know what it meant until my father told me,” he chuckled. “I couldn’t simply tell you that while we were enemies.”

“And I obviously knew before I died, since we were married.”

“Yes,” he smiled. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you we were mates or that we married soon after I took you prisoner. This is where we got married.” His eyes glanced out to the cliffside and smiled.

I looked over his handsome face and felt that connection I always had, making him smile softly.

He was all mine.

“I never know how much I should tell you when you come back. It always seemed like the more information I told you, the worse you handled it. Then you started talking about how Crimson and our family were your enemies the last few times. When this all started, I made the mistake of telling you everything, thinking it would be a quick way to break the curse. You took it terribly and died almost immediately because you were distracted. The second year, I didn’t even get a chance before Cerithia killed you. Each year I told you a little bit of information, but it seemed like it only made it worse. I thought this year I wouldn’t tell you anything and would try to keep my distance. That was probably the worst torture I could have done to myself.”

My mind was blank. What did I say to all of this? How was I supposed to act? Relief was the only emotion that sank into my chest. I thought I would have to leave Crimson today if he didn’t tell me anything that I could believe.

I looked over at his handsome face. All mine. An overwhelming urge to touch him spread through me. Cassius watched me cautiously.

“Does my family know we are fated mates?” I asked.

He shook his head. “Your family does not even know that we are married. At the meeting of the kingdoms, when they announced your engagement to Jesper, I felt sick. I was so close to killing him, but I didn’t because you still looked at me like I was your villain. I didn’t want to force anything. Della told me I needed to let you piece together everything on your own after I kidnapped you at the border. She said it was the only way for you to truly choose me.”

“How did you know I was going to be at the border when I was kidnapped? You said a friend tipped you off.”

“Wisp, as you call her,” he smiled. “Your soul.”

“My soul is attached to you,” I repeated his words to him. Cassius smiled as he nodded. “Della told me who Wisp was.”

“You are the other half of my soul, Thea. We are destined to be together. Even if the gods did not destine us, I believe my soul would have searched until it found yours. You are my everything. My heart, my soul, my purpose.”

My lips crushed his as he tumbled backward.

Mine. He was mine, and I was his. Cassius held me to him like he never wanted to let go. Like if he let me go, I would disappear. He had been trying to get me back for years. I couldn’t imagine what that was like for him.

We lay there in silence for the longest time, just holding each other. My heartbeat was rapid with so much emotion. I sat up, so I straddled his hips and stared at him.

“I missed you so much when I was at Cerithia. I thought I would die,” I confessed. “I called for you, begged for you in my dreams to come and explain why you did what you did. Even though I knew you killed me, I was still searching for any reason to understand and forgive you.”

Something somber clouded his features.

“As soon as I fixed your bond, I could feel all of it. All the hurt, fear, pain, and moments of happiness and betrayal flooded me constantly. I had already planned on coming to the wedding to plead with you to come home. But then you called to me and begged for me, so I came to the rehearsal. If my bond hadn’t broken, you would have known that I didn’t mean what I said to you. I thought you were ignoring my pleading.”

He had felt it all. I leaned forward and pressed my lips to his.

“I have something to show you that will make you very happy.” He smiled as we stood. “Our real date that I was getting ready earlier.” He grabbed my hand. “The other reason I was so cruel to you in the clearing.”

We climbed on our horses and headed back towards the castle. Anticipation coursed through me as we got closer. Cassius just kept smiling like this was the best day of his life. Instead of continuing to the castle, he turned toward the woods and led our horses down a narrow path around the outskirts of the city.

Cassius’ smile widened when we came to a tiny town. I furrowed my brows in confusion as I looked around.

“I don’t recognize it.”

“You’re not supposed to.” He climbed off his horse before helping me down. “One last lie I needed to confess.”

“Another one?” I raised my eyebrow at him with humor.

“I had to make sure you would be sticking around before I could tell you this.”