21. Chapter 21
Chapter 21
J esper had kept me close to him all day. His hand was clasped tightly around mine, as if he feared I would be snatched away at any moment, and I worried why he had this sudden attachment. Hopefully, he will leave me after dinner like he normally does. I ate in silence with him and my “family” like we did almost every night. Tally was staring at Jesper with a smile. Every now and then, he would look up and return it to her.
Good—hopefully, she’ll keep him busy after dinner so I can make my escape. I would make a quick stop at Leer’s home, then head to Exile. I knew that I would probably be caught sneaking off, but I had to try. I needed to know if my friends were still alive. I couldn’t wait any longer to go. Exile depended on me, and I would not give up on them until I saw the truth for myself.
★★?★★
After dinner, everyone stood and went their separate ways. I thanked the stars as I watched Tally and Jesper disappear down the same hallway, then hurried downstairs to grab my cloak and daggers before sneaking back out to the hallway. Guards had been watching me closely, so I knew I probably wouldn’t get lucky enough to avoid them.
I crept silently up the stairs, only to be met with two guards. As soon as they saw me, they were on edge.
“Where do you think you’re going?” one of the guards asked.
My eyes darted around to see if there were others. There weren’t.
“I’m sorry,” I said quickly as I stepped forward and killed one of them. The other immediately attacked with his sword. Stumbling forward, I fell face-first into the wall. Pain radiated from my eye. I turned and barely dodged his sword. The force of his swing made him stumble slightly, giving me an opportunity to stab him in the back.
He slumped to the ground. I wasn’t sure if he was dead, but I didn’t stay to find out. I ran from the castle before anyone saw the bodies.
My horse snorted at me when I turned the corner of the stables, like she was pissed off that I hadn't come to see her. I pet her as I snuck her out of the stable, then walked her deep into the trees to picket her while I went into the city. I couldn’t take her to Leer’s home; it would look suspicious.
“I’ll be back for you shortly,” I assured her. “Be quiet.”
I turned and ran toward Leer’s house, thankful that he lived on the outskirts of the city. When I got there, I walked in without knocking.
“Thea!” Leer jumped up and wrapped his large arms around me, squeezing me to near death. “I thought you were going to die.”
“I’m sorry for barging in.” I breathed a small breath as he let me go. His wife, Larissa, gasped when she saw my face. I glanced away from her. “You said you were in debt to me, right? I’ve come to ask a favor of you.”
“Anything,” he nodded.
“I want you to take your family far from here. Take anyone from Cerithia that you care about and leave.”
Confusion was clear on his face.
“But…”
“No, please don’t argue. You and your family need to leave. War is coming, and Cerithia will be destroyed.”
“What will you do?”
“I will destroy it, Leer. I cannot, will not, stand by and destroy other innocent kingdoms because Jesper and my father are greedy bastards. I will take Cerithia and Kizar down with me if I must, but you have a family that you just got back. I don’t want to see you killed because my father will gladly sacrifice all the guardsmen for greed. So, I need you to leave and never come back.”
He looked at his wife, who shared the same worried expression.
“Leer, I don’t want to lose you,” Larissa whispered. “We should listen to Thea; she is our only friend here. I trust her.”
The words warmed my cold heart. He looked back at me with wide eyes. I could see all the questions forming in his mind, but I couldn’t answer them. I didn’t have the time.
“Where should we go?”
“Crimson. They will gladly let you live there.”
“Our biggest enemy?” he frowned.
“They aren’t monsters there, like the fae in Cerithia or Kizar. They will not kill those who seek refuge from my father or Jesper. I know they won't. You saw how happy everyone was there; it’s nothing like here.”
“No, they wouldn’t harm us,” he said. “We will go tonight.”
“They will be searching for me in the woods soon. You need to go now and not stop until you are in Crimson.”
“Alright,” he nodded. Larissa was already running around, throwing their belongings into bags.
“I must go. Travel safe.” I looked at all of them. Leer grabbed my arm and turned me back to him.
“If you ever come back to Crimson, find us. You will always be welcome in our home.” He gave me a tight hug before I nodded and left. I would never return to Crimson again. My father would make sure of that.
I ran through the darkness and into the forest, where my Kaida waited. She was standing silently.
“Good girl,” I whispered before climbing on her back and urging her to run.
★★?★★
When we entered the Forbidden Wood, it was just sunset. I could feel the adrenaline start pumping through my body as anticipation and dread filled me. I was worried about what I would find—or not find. Once I spotted the large tree I had carved an X on to mark the shadow border, I dismounted from my horse and told her to stay.
It turns out I didn’t need the marker, though, because the shadow border was no longer there. Almost scared to look, I turned my gaze to where the town should be.
A cry caught in my throat. I could see the remains of Exile across the meadow. “No!” I cried as I ran to the burned buildings, hoping to see something—anything—that would let me know the inhabitants were still alive. I paused at the green door that marked where mine and Sybil’s home once stood. It was half burned, and now it led nowhere. It was the only part of our home that still stood.
All the structures had been destroyed a while ago, but the smell of burning wood still clung to the air. I turned and looked at the dead grass and the dead trees—everything just felt... dead. Exile was gone.
So where were the elite magic holders that had resided here? My mind flashed to Jesper telling me that Crimson must have killed them to prevent them from fighting in the war. He hadn’t been lying. Crimson had killed them all; everyone that I held dear was now gone forever because of them. It had to be Crimson. My father and Jesper had no reason to lie about Exile being gone. They would have taken them prisoner and used them to control me. Fear trickled into my mind. I couldn't take a betrayal from Cassius. My darkness wanted to take over to shield me from these dangerous thoughts, but it was stuck inside of me.
Disgust, anger, grief, and confusion filled my every breath and tainted my insides with the strong need for revenge. Someone would pay for this. Someone would answer for taking them from me. All of them suffered and died because of me.
I had failed them, and it made me want to kill someone, anyone. Darkness clouded my thoughts as I looked at the destroyed town that I used to hate so much but where I would now gladly live the rest of my days.
Sybil's and the twins' faces haunted me. They hadn’t deserved this. They deserved to get out of here and be with their families too.
Justice, they deserved justice.
I turned and made my way back out of the village, then headed straight for my horse. I climbed on her in a numb haze, not sure of my next step.
I let Kaida lead me, and as the fates would have it, she headed toward the Crimson Castle.
If Cassius was there, I would kill him. I would slit his throat if he told me he had done it. I couldn’t even process the emotions I felt at the sight of the castle looming in all its dark glory. There was sadness, for sure, and yet happiness was somewhere in there as well.
This place just called to me.
Home, my mind called it, and I had to shove those thoughts aside as soon as they appeared. I had no home. I belonged nowhere.I pressed on and rode through the towns without looking away from the castle. It was my destination, my only purpose tonight.When I got to the gates outside of the castle, the moon was high in the sky. I jumped off my horse, and she immediately ran to the stables where Cassius’ horse stood. She had missed him.
“Don’t mo—” I tossed my dagger at the guard who dared try to stop me. Dead. Kill them all. My mind was on a rampage. I looked at the guard running at me with a sword and felt my fire magic begin to simmer, but it couldn’t break free. Instead, I tossed my dagger at him, hitting the Crimson crest on his uniform dead center.
“Cassius!” I yelled for him so violently that the ground vibrated. I knew he heard me. How could he not in the dead silence of the night. I paced in front of the castle, my eyes burning with fire and shadows. I watched the door, waiting to see him walk through it. I had already retrieved my viper-handled dagger. I was willing to die tonight if it meant justice would be served.
It was then that Cassius stepped out of the castle doors and stopped immediately at the sight of me. He was wearing black trousers and a loose-fitted black shirt. Suddenly, he was running to me, like he couldn’t believe I was there. Instead of embracing him when he reached me, like he probably hoped I would, I tackled him to the ground and straddled him. My dagger was instantly at his throat.
“Little viper?” he asked in a confused voice. “Is this a dream?”
“Where are they!” I bellowed at him. His dark eyebrows pulled into a confused expression, and his golden eyes traced over every line of my face. I could hear guards coming, but I paid no attention to them. Cassius was my target. I could hear swords being unsheathed.
“If any of you hurt her, I will kill you myself,” Cassius barked at them. His declaration confused me, but I didn’t release my dagger from his throat. His golden eyes didn’t leave my face, like he was worried that if he looked away, then I would be gone.
“Thea?” It was the King of Crimson who spoke, but I still didn’t look away from Cassius.
“Where. Are. They?” I spoke with so much hatred in my voice. “Did you kill them all?”
“My love, I don’t know who you are talking about.”
“Do not call me that.”
“It’s a habit,” he frowned. A light briefly shined on my face as a door nearby was opened, and I saw his eyes widen in shock. “Who the fuck did that to you?” I had forgotten about my cuts and bruises. I knew they had been bad, but I hadn’t even looked in a mirror since Jesper forced me to read the words carved on my stomach. Cassius’ big, calloused hand brushed against my face, and I pushed my dagger into his flesh harder. He dropped his hand and looked at me like he could feel my pain.
Rage was all I felt at that moment. He didn’t get to pretend to care about me now. Not ever again.
“Where is everyone from Exile?” I demanded.
“Why do you think I would know?”
“Jesper came to get them, and he said they were gone. I came to see for myself, and no one was there. So where are they, Cassius?”
His face turned cold in the blink of an eye. Disgust contorted his face at the mention of Jesper, and his body was suddenly angry and tense under me.
“So, you thought it was me? Or did your precious fiancé blame me, and you believed him? Or is he your husband now? The date on your wedding invitation slips my mind at the moment.”
He was jealous. I pulled back slightly at his onslaught of jabs, my emotions still raw from the abuse I had suffered.
“Why would Jesper lie about them not being there?” I hissed. “He would have told me that he killed them; that was the whole reason he went to Exile. To punish me by slaughtering them! That leaves you, did you do something to them?”
I hadn’t realized Cassius’ hands rested on my hips until his fingers gripped me tightly. I hated that it felt warm and comforting.
“What could you possibly do that would warrant the slaughter of Exile?” he questioned. His body tensed at my questioning.
“Because of you,” I whispered. I didn’t elaborate on what I meant, but he just stared at me oddly. “Just tell me if you killed them.” My voice broke. “I cannot continue without knowing.”
“Maybe you should ask your father or fiancé again. They are the ones who despise elitists. They will not even allow magic to be used on their lands at all,” he hissed back at me. “You really think I’m capable of slaughtering them? I’m not a monster, Thea. I hold elite magic; did you forget that?” he said my name so angrily, and it sounded so wrong coming from his mouth.
We stared at each other for a long moment before he huffed out a deep breath.
“I do not understand you,” he said, sounding so confused. “You chose Cerithia, yet you use magic to freeze a room so that you can kneel and cry at my feet. The letters you gave me... you betrayed your own kingdom for Crimson. I beheaded Lavtan myself for everything he did to you.” Cassius looked so sad, but I didn’t have an answer to give him. “Then you come here and think I’m capable of doing such an atrocious thing, but the man you chose to marry has left you looking like this.” He waved his hand at my bruised face. “You turned your back on me and closed me out without ever giving me a chance to defend myself.”
“I didn’t choose him! I chose you, and you betrayed me.” I could feel the tears stinging my eyes, but I didn’t want them to fall. I had begged him through our bond and called to him in my dreams. He never showed up. Cassius’ hands gripped my hips tightly at my declaration. My heart fluttered when I looked at his handsome face, wondering why he didn't come for me in our dreams.
“You’re getting married to him in three days.” His eyes looked away from me. “You didn’t choose me.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I scoffed. “Did Haden tell you of his last visit? How cruel Jesper was to me? Do you think I would choose a man so awful?”
“Yet you are tying yourself to that monster forever? A man who puts his hands on you like this?” He touched my face softly.
“What was my alternative, Cassius? Stay here and marry you? You forget the fact that you stabbed me through my goddamn heart!”
Hurt, shame, and guilt are what I saw flicker across his face as he stared at me.Gods, why was I being cruel? Because I was angry at him. I still loved him, but I was angry at how everything had happened.
“I am a slave, no matter where I am. Someone will always try to cage me, use me, or betray me.”
“I didn’t kill them,” he whispered as his eyes broke their contact and his hands fell from me. I pulled my dagger from his throat. For some reason, I believed him. I didn’t need reassurance from him. So, if he hadn’t done it, then what happened to them?
I straddled him still, even though there wasn’t a reason to. I had put my dagger away. His eyes found mine, but there was nothing I could decipher in them.
Then suddenly, his shadows swarmed around me, holding me tightly as he stood up. They tightened on me like a vice.
“Go ahead and kill me,” my voice wavered slightly. “Death will be a mercy compared to what Jesper will do to me when I go back.”
“I would never hurt you, little viper.” His back was toward me.
“You killed me.”
“I know,” he answered. “And I’d do it again.”
My eyes flickered at everyone watching us; their eyes were all sad. Even the king frowned at me, like I was in the wrong. I felt like I was in the wrong. His shadows caressed me like they missed me as they released me.
“You shut me out, my love, and you never gave me a chance to explain why I killed you. You will not let me into your dreams, and you refuse to come home. I do not know what to do anymore. Stay here, please. You do not need to go back to them. I will protect you.”
“I can’t stay,” I whispered. If elite magic fae had families in Cerithia, then I had to try and go back for them. I would not fail Sybil or the twins ever again. If I couldn’t save them, then I would save their loved ones. I had to find out what Jesper or my father did to them.
My response made Cassius’ shoulders slump. He released me a moment later and started walking to the castle. Panic set in. That was the only thing I felt as I realized this would be the last time we were likely to see each other.
Anger and hurt burned through me, and I ran at him, shoving him hard from behind and making him stumble.
“No, you don’t get to walk away!”
“Thea.” He looked so hurt. “Please stay. He will never lay another hand on you again. Why are you allowing them to do this to you? I can keep you safe.”
I shoved at him again, but it was a weak attempt. There were so many things I wanted to say and do, but they all slipped my mind as I glared at him through tear-filled eyes. He looked at me like I had lost my fucking mind, and I probably had.I was angry that I couldn't stay.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his nostrils flaring in anger.
“This is all your fault! How could you be so fucking heartless? You have destroyed me. You have made me beg the gods to take away my suffering, even if it is in the form of death.”
His eyes flashed black.
“I am trying to fix this, but you do not want to stay.”
“It doesn’t matter. I’m giving you the chance to end all this talk of war and suffering by killing me right now. So do it.”
“No,” he growled. “What the fuck have they done to you to make you think death is the only escape?”
“You mean what did you do?” I hissed. “You broke me more than they ever could.”That was the truth.
His eyes faded from black to gold in an instant. It was the truth. I loved Cassius and his words in the clearing had broken me. I was angry at him for that even if I still loved him.
“My love…”
“I’ll see you at my wedding,” I said, just to see his reaction to me marrying someone else.
I turned and started walking away. I was leaving my horse. She deserved to be here, and she looked happy.
A moment later, I was tackled to the ground as Cassius jumped on me, flipping me over so that I was on my back. This time, he was straddling me. His friendly golden eyes, however, were gone and replaced with unforgiving blackness.
“If you think I will ever let you belong to another man, then you severely underestimate my affection for you.” His voice was laced with possessiveness. “You are mine; I do not care if you hate me. You can hate me for what I did, but I will never apologize for it. But you can hate me here, you can hate me in our home. One day, you will forgive me. Do you know why? Because you fucking love me, Thea. Even now, you cannot stay away from me. Even knowing that I took my dagger and pushed it into your heart, you still want me. Admit it.”
He laid his hand over my heart and felt it beating wildly in my chest. Gods, he had lost his fucking mind and I loved to see it.
“You're as psychotic as they said you were,” I spat back at him.
“Only you bring that out in me.” He glared down at me. “I love you. Is that what you want to hear? I love you so much that everything feels wrong when you are not nearby. I crave you as if you are the air I need to breathe, and I am slowly suffocating without you. I have been yours since the first moment I saw you in my dreams, and I will die belonging to you. Please stop shutting me out. Let me see you in your dreams. Let me make this right.” Then I saw the glistening in his eyes. He was holding in tears. The emotion was too much.
“I have called to you in my dreams, and I begged you for an explanation, but you never came!” I yelled, so mad I could stab him. “You left me. You are the one who shut me out.”
Suddenly, he was tense on top of me. When I turned to look at him, his eyes were staring at my wrist. His grip loosened as he traced his thumb over the crack in the blood bond.
“It’s broken,” he whispered. His eyes stared at me like he couldn’t believe it. “How long has this been cracked?”
“It broke when you told me of your betrayal.”
He shook his head like he was confused, and his grip tightened on me like I would slip away from him.
“It’s been broken this entire time.” His eyes shone bright gold as he looked down at me. A bright smile spread over his face, confusing the fuck out of me. My stomach clenched at how beautiful he was. “All this time, I thought...” he swallowed down the emotion that was forming inside of him.
"Please, don't. I have to go back to Cerithia," I sobbed. I needed to save the families of the elite fae. If he kept talking, I would stay, and they would be slaughtered. That would make me a monster if I allowed them to be killed. "I have to go, but I do not want to."
Cassius' eyes stared into mine and he must have seen something pleading back at him because he let me go. I ran until my lungs burned and sweat beaded on my back. Then I ran some more. I paused as I kept heading toward Cerithia. I didn’t want to go back. I wanted to stay here.
I froze when I felt it. I lifted my hand and watched black shadows swirl around my wrist, caressing me, holding me. I turned and saw Cassius in the far distance, watching me. He pulled the shadows back, bringing me with them.
I tried to fight them, but I was weak and unable to do anything. I was in front of him in only a moment. His whole body was rigid, and his face was menacing. Almost angrily, he stepped forward and pressed his lips against mine, claiming me. Before I could react, he stepped back and let me go.
I started running for the border, but his words stopped me.
“I’ll see you at your wedding, little viper.” He didn’t sound angry. He sounded…happy. I kept running. My body and heart begged for me to turn around and take Cassius up on his offer. It would destroy me knowing I didn't protect Sybil's family, so I kept running.