1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

B lood covered every surface of the forest around me.

Glancing at the dead bodies, I ensured my magic had killed each man. No survivors could be left. As the blackness around my vision lessened, the darkness within me still refused to release its grip.

It pulsed through my veins, searing itself into my bones. It wouldn’t let go. Not once in the last few weeks has its hold lessened—not since his betrayal. I was a shell of who I used to be. Rage and devastation waged such a violent war inside me that no one was safe. I once believed my darkness was a manifestation of my most powerful self, but that was before I felt this white-hot rage swarming within me. All because of him . It was a rage that demanded vengeance and insisted I punish all who had wronged me. It burned so fiercely in me that not even the gods were safe from my wrath.

If I ever found a way to the stars, I would unleash this rage upon them for giving me such a cruel fate, for allowing me to know what it was like to have Cassius and then taking it away. Neither the gods nor Crimson would be allowed to live happily while I lived like this—a weapon.

These last few weeks have been spent killing Cerithian enemies. Nothing had made me feel better. Nothing would until I could kill Cassius. Not until I could drive my viper-handled dagger through his heart. A noise behind me interrupted my thoughts. A man was trying to crawl away from where all his companions had been slaughtered. I watched him for a moment before taking a step toward him.

“Why did Falgon come onto our territory?” I asked him.

The man was struggling to breathe as he bled from a large chest wound. I felt nothing as he bled out at my feet. His mouth opened to say something, but at first, nothing came out. He tried again and managed one word—a word that made my blood run cold.

“Cassius…” the man coughed blood. His eyes turned vacant as he died at my feet, but the grip on my dagger tightened at the mention of Cassius. No one had said his name in front of me since the day I left the clearing.

Madness lurked at the edge of my mind, waiting and watching for a moment of weakness so it could take over. Something as simple as hearing Cassius’ name was enough to tip me into insanity. The gods knew I was barely holding onto the tiny shred of myself I had left. What did that man mean by uttering Cassius’ name?

It made no sense unless Cassius had sent Falgon to capture me so he could kill me himself. That didn’t sound like Cassius, but then again, I didn’t understand how Cassius’ mind worked. If he wanted to kill me, he could come and try himself—coward.

As I glanced at the faces of the dead men, all I could picture was them as Cassius. The blood bond on my arm sent a sharp, angry pain through me every time I imagined him dead, but I ignored it.

I stepped over the dead Falgon guards, their blood sticking to my black boots as I headed toward Cerithia’s castle. My horse, Kaida, waited for me out of harm's way. She didn’t shy away from me, even drenched as I was in enemy blood. Her white coat stained red as I climbed onto her back.

There was something unforgiving and tense in the air of the forest, but I paid no attention to it because I was used to it. It followed me. No matter where I went, I never felt right. My eyes darted around the darkness, searching for Wisp out of habit, but she had abandoned me too. She never left Cassius’ side in the clearing, and she never appeared again.

As if my darkness anticipated feelings of sadness and confusion, it buried itself deeper into my mind, refusing to let me feel those emotions.

Just as I started to urge Kaida forward, I saw her. The woman with golden skin and eyes the color of the stars stood in her black lace gown, watching me oddly. I watched her as she stood in the forest, staring at me like she always did. She never spoke, but she always lingered around me.

Just like Wisp, this woman was unseen by anyone else, which only made me question my grip on reality even more. Maybe that day in the clearing took more than Cassius and my friends from me—maybe it took my sanity too. Her pretty eyes flickered to the dead fae around me before a deep frown tugged at her lips.

I could practically feel her disappointment in me, so I looked away without saying a word. I had convinced myself that this woman wasn’t real, so trying to talk to her would shatter any semblance of sanity I had left. At this point, though, it might be an improvement over my current reality.

I nudged my horse into a run, turning away from the woman. Numbness and nothingness coursed through my mind and body as Kaida raced through the forest of Cerithia, where Falgon guards had attempted to sneak in. My chest tightened at the sight of Cerithia’s castle in the distance. Dread filled me as I got closer, but like every other emotion, I pushed it aside. The castle was beautiful with its pale gray stone walls and blue flags. Even at night, the air was hot and sticky, reminding me of Exile.

The memory of Exile made my throat tight and itchy with sadness. My chest grew heavy with the grief of losing all my friends and questioning their very existence.

I had been so stuck in this grief when I first arrived that I couldn’t allow myself to go there again. I had yet to emerge from the darkness that swallowed me whole the first time. My eyes drifted behind me to see if the woman was following me. She wasn’t, but I could feel her close by, watching me from out of sight.

When I returned to the castle, I put Kaida away before heading in through the side door. My father, Jesper, and the queen were waiting for me when I entered. A sigh escaped me. I had hoped to avoid them by using the side door.

“You’re dripping blood on the rugs,” the queen gasped, disgusted. As if she hadn’t ordered me to kill those men.

My black eyes darted toward her, but I didn’t say a word. I had hardly spoken to anyone since being back. My father stepped forward a half step before stopping. My darkness hummed at the sight of him frightened in front of me. He tried to hide it; they all did, but I could sense it all around them. They were terrified of me.

My father and his family all kept an arm’s length away from me, as if I might explode at any moment and kill them all. I smirked to myself, as if that would save them. I could kill them all from across the realm if I chose to. Jesper was the only one who didn’t seem afraid of me. His handsome face was always smiling at me, but I found him unpleasant. He was always so happy to see me, and I didn’t trust that.

“Thea, are you alright?” My father’s voice wavered. “Is this blood yours?”

I shook my head before glancing at my half-sisters walking up behind our father. Tally and Mae reminded me of Princess Flora. Their pretty, sun-colored hair was perfectly straight, and their bright blue eyes reminded me of the summer sky. They gawked at me like everyone always did, as if I were a monster. There was no denying it anymore, though. That’s exactly what I was.

They were the true daughters of my father, and it was clear that we were not the same. They had the parties, the clothes, the parents, and the smiles. I got none of that. I was simply the bastard daughter of the king, and I did not get such privileges. No one celebrated my return. No one told me I had been missed. No one touched me.

“Girls, stay back,” Gwyn, my stepmother, spoke as if I would kill them.

The girls stopped immediately and stared at me.

“Thea, did you do what I asked?” My father raised his dark brow at me.

I nodded. For some reason, I did not mention the guard uttering Cassius’ name because I didn't even know if it meant anything significant. At this point, I believed I had probably imagined it, just like I imagined the woman with star-colored eyes.

“How many guards were stationed?”

“Twenty-one,” I muttered.

The queen scoffed, making me turn my attention back to her, which she shrank away from. She was always so rude for someone who was terrified of me.

“You killed twenty-one men by yourself?”

I didn’t respond because I hated her. No, my darkness hated her. As soon as I returned with my father and saw her and my sisters, I hated them. My mind might not remember why, but something deep inside of me did.

She did not hide her distaste for me. Gwyn referred to me as the bastard of Cerithia, and my father did not stop her. It was clear what my position in this kingdom was.

“Gwyn,” Jesper said, his glare sharp. “Do you need Thea to demonstrate her powers to you firsthand?”

He was always sticking up for me, and I didn’t ask him to. I didn’t need him to. They stared at each other for a long, awkward moment before everyone turned to me again.

“Am I dismissed?” I muttered.

“Yes,” the king whispered, and they all watched me walk away without another word. I headed down the stairs to where the maids and servants lived—where I lived. Just before going into my room, my eyes lingered on the black door at the end of the hallway, as always.

It caught my attention every time I came to my room. Without thought, I walked to it quickly. The closer I got to the door, though, the more the air filled with an almost suffocating feeling. I struggled to approach the door. Slowly, I placed my hand on the knob and tried to enter the room. As usual, it was locked. It had been each time I tried to get in. The physical effect of being close to this door was unbearable, so I turned and headed into my bedroom.

As soon as I was in, I stripped off my blood-soaked clothes and bathed. No thoughts ran through my mind as I watched blood and dirt circle the drain. My mind was in a constant state of confusion. Nothing made sense anymore, and I tried to stop piecing together what my life was before I lost my memories. When I walked out of my personal washroom, my eyes scanned the ridiculously small bedroom that was mine. Seeing that nothing was amiss, I decided to rest.

My body protested as I lay on my extremely uncomfortable bed and stared at the crack running along my ceiling. The walls were chipping from age, and an odd color of pale yellow had started to show through.

This room was more suffocating than my room in Exile had been. Each night, I lay here and stare at the cracks in the walls, and each night all I can think of is how much I missed my home. The gods were sick fucks, making me think Exile was my prison, but Cerithia felt worse than anywhere else. Crimson had at least pretended to like me. No one here could even muster up enough fake affection to make me feel welcomed.

My family did not seem to miss me. Sybil and the twins were dead. The man I loved did not want me back. He had never been my savior like I thought; he was my captor. I was just too starved for love to notice. But now my eyes were open, and my heart was closed off. I noticed the way those in Cerithia treated me—like I wasn’t anyone of importance. I noticed the cold looks and the fear in their eyes. No one here trusted or liked me, but I didn’t feel sad about it. I didn’t like it here either.

I turned to my side and stared at the dried, black flowers on my nightstand. They were out of place here, but they were the only thing that made me stop thinking about this new prison I was in. I wondered where they had come from. Had I collected them when I was younger? Did someone give them to me?

I yawned as I tried to fight sleep. My heart’s pace quickened because it knew what would happen when I closed my eyes, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was happy about it or tortured by it. I sighed and closed my eyes, knowing my broken mind would show me Cassius.