9. Chapter 9

My eyes fluttered open enough to see who was moving me. Cassius lifted me gently off the floor before laying me under my blankets. How had he gotten here so quickly? I tried to sit up, but he gently laid me back down.

"Easy, Thea," he sighed. "I'm just getting you situated." Nev was pacing by the doorway.

"Sorry Thea, you passed out and I didn't know what to do," Nev said.

I opened my mouth to respond but nothing came out.

"You need rest." Cassius was close to me as he spoke, but my eyes were feeling hazy again. "Using magic too much will weaken you, especially if you don't use it often." My mouth opened to ask him why he thought I hadn't used magic often, but the question died on my tongue as my mind fell into the darkness again.

I was stuck in the dark, suspended by time. How long have I been here? Where was here? Nothing but cold darkness encircled me as I looked around. My chest tightened with a suffocating panic.

"Little Viper?" His voice instantly stopped the panic from taking over.

I turned towards Cassius. As I did, the walls around us transformed from darkness into my room at the castle. He came towards me quickly and inspected me for injuries.

"You look uninjured."

"I healed myself after the trial."

Confusion crossed his face. He stared deep into my eyes as he contemplated something.

"I've never seen you heal before."

"Well, you don't know anything about me, Cassius. You've never seen me use magic."

He nodded like it was true but didn't say whatever was on his mind. He turned away from me and glanced out the window of my room. I joined him. It was nighttime at the Crimson Kingdom. The fountains were all lit up and the water shined red under the lights. It was beautiful. I had always wondered what the red lights were when I admired the castle from the forbidden wood.

"The gardens are my favorite part of the castle," he spoke softly. "I like to go out there to clear my head and think."

The gardens were peaceful to look at, but my favorite part was the sound of trickling water. He was much calmer in my dreams than real life. I wondered which one was the real him. He turned to me and froze me in place with his piercing golden eyes.

"You need to watch yourself while you're here. Danger hides everywhere, Thea, and you are the biggest target. If you don't look out for yourself, you'll die." His voice held an angry tone.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"It will only be more dangerous the longer you stay. The target on your back will only become larger the farther into the trials you make it. There are others that don't want you to succeed."

"Cassius, I'm stronger than you think I am. I can handle it." I paused and turned to him. His eyes held a real concern for me. "You know something that you aren't telling me," I accused.

He didn't deny it. Instead, he simply reached up and smoothed my braid over my shoulder like he had done it a million times before. Before I could question him again, he pulled me to him and hugged me tightly. The gesture caught me so off guard I didn't know what to do but hug him back. He held on for a long moment then stepped away from me.

"It might be a while until I see you here again."

"What? Why?"

He disappeared from my sight. I moved towards the spot where he was standing and stopped. There was no trace of him.

As I sat up from my dream, I shivered at the sweat dampening my forehead and shirt. I sucked in a heavy breath as my eyes adjusted to the brightness shining in from my window. Cassius was standing at the foot of my bed watching me.

"Bad dream?" He raised his eyebrow at me.

He had always told me he didn't remember me when he woke up. Was that true or was he trying to keep me at a distance? Did he know me or something about my past?

"How long have I been out?"

"Almost a full day." He cocked his head to the side like he was studying me. Did I miss the second trial?

"I should be up getting ready for the trial."

"There isn't one today, but you should eat. I brought you some food."

The aroma of the soup and bread he brought to my room made my stomach growl in hunger. I glanced at him and wondered why he was even here and why he was pretending to care about me at all.

"I don't need a caretaker," I snapped at him. His golden eyes darkened for a brief moment before returning to their original color.

"You're welcome," he spoke sarcastically. "Don't mistake this for me giving a shit about if you're alright. It's my job to make sure all the contestants make it to the next trial without dying. It would be boring to watch if only three of you were left standing. I have better things to do with my time than pretend to care about your well-being, so I'll be leaving."

He disappeared through my doorway and out of sight. What a prick. I couldn't trust kindness, especially from someone who protects my enemy.

They always had ulterior motives. Pushing others away and keeping them at a distance is something Sybil always warned me would make me lonely. She worried that I didn't care about anyone. That I enjoyed being alone. It wasn't true, but I still couldn't let my guard down no matter how much I craved to find somewhere I belonged.

Who would ever want a monster like me? It was better to push them away before they decided I wasn't worth loving and rejected me first. I was frustrated with myself as I ate my food but decided to leave my room and explore the grounds a bit more. I shouldn't feel bad about my attitude towards Cassius. He had been an asshole since the trials started.

I took a piping hot shower and dressed in new clothing that Cassius had probably brought me. Guilt seeped into my mind as I replayed the attitude I had. I could acknowledge his kindness without trust.

When I was presentable enough, I left my room and made my way outside. The air was cooler than I was used to in Exile, but the sun shined here and warmed me.

It was waiting for me. The soft blue flame lured me down the cobblestone road. It moved towards the town, and I paused. I had no intention of mingling with Crimson fae, but the Wisp moved at me quickly. It stopped only a few feet in front of me before swirling around me. I had never seen it this close before. If I focused hard enough, I would almost see the silhouette of a woman within it. She stopped and I swore she pointed to the town. I huffed in irritation as I headed in that direction.

The streets were lively with fae like they had been when I first walked through them.

A stone bench in a small park caught my eye, so I sat down to admire the happiness that everyone seemed to have here. My past was a mystery to me, but something told me that I wasn't used to this happiness there either.

I had spent so many nights trying to convince my own mind to help me remember what I was missing. Sybil thought it was trauma preventing me from remembering. That I had endured so much pain that my mind made it disappear forever so I could simply keep surviving. I wanted to believe that, but why was my whole life missing? Why didn't it just take out the part where I was sent to Exile since that was obviously traumatizing for everyone who went?

This sinking feeling started in the pit of my stomach. Maybe my life was just as bad outside of Exile as it was in it. I was fine being alone and I didn't trust anyone. It seemed like those were traits that I had before being placed in Exile.

My chest got heavy with a darkness that lived deep within it. Something was wrong with me, and I knew it. A large part of me wanted to know about my past but I also didn't want to know anything. The Wisp moved from beside me and swirled around me like she sensed a shift in my thoughts.

Music started playing somewhere in the town and I closed my eyes and admired the sound. It was peaceful here. Something about that thought made me feel like a traitor. This is the Kingdom of a monster. A king who locked elite magic away like we were monsters. I shouldn't be out here enjoying myself. Not when Sybil and the twins were living off nothing.

Guilt clawed at me as I stood up. Enjoyment was not something I should have experienced here. I turned back towards the castle and started back. I would not enjoy this facade that the Crimson King has made here. This was probably a show he told them to put on.

Fae watched me stand abruptly, and I couldn't place why I felt unnerved by them. They seemed almost… happy to see me. No one had seemed to recognize me in Crimson, so I wasn't sure why they stared. The Wisp stood in front of me as if to stop me, but I kept walking. A part of me expected the Wisp to be hard, but she burst into a million small glowing specks when I walked through her.

She didn't appear again.

When I entered the castle's gates, I made a quick left turn towards the gardens. Maybe Cassius was here, and I would ask him why he was such a prick, but if not, I would sit by the fountains to help calm my racing heart. I rounded the tall hedge that served as an entrance to the garden and just kept walking. It was more likely for me to get lost in the vast gardens than find him.

I stopped at the sound of faint voices floating through the air. Cassius stood in front of a black stone fountain with another man with dark blonde hair and a stunning woman. The woman was talking closely to Cassius. I couldn't hear what was being said over the water of the fountain, but it looked serious judging by their rigid statures and furrowed brows.

The other man stood watching but said nothing. The woman moved closer to him. Her vibrant blonde hair was blowing softly in the wind, and she was dressed impeccably well in a silk white dress. Was this what he meant when he said he had better things to do with his time? Meet beautiful women in the gardens?

My eyes watched the Wisp appear next to him and instantly turned black. She had never been that color before. I didn't care what he did, but apparently, Wisp did. The woman's hands touched him as they spoke, and he didn't stop her. Suddenly Wisp moved towards me as if I was supposed to stop this interaction. My eyes drifted back to them, and I was surprised to see Cassius noticed me watching. He smirked like the smug prick he was. I went to leave because something was obviously going on with them.

"Excuse me. Can we help you?" Her voice held a cold unfriendly tone.

When I glanced back, Cassius's golden eyes assessed me, waiting for my reaction.

"I came to speak to Cassius, but it wasn't important."

Her cold blue eyes narrowed on me. Her pretty face contorted with anger. Or was it possibly jealousy? Either way, this woman was pissed I was here and that I had interrupted whatever they were doing. Cassius's face seemed annoyed by my presence, too, but that was usual.

"Do you know this woman?" She turned her hard stare at Cassius. His eyes left mine and he peered down at her with a smile that didn't match the crabby attitude I always got from him.

"She is just a participant." He dismissed me with the phrase. I don't know why the dismissal pissed me off, but it did. It was clear they wanted me out of there, but I stood where I was unable to move because of anger and defiance. Her hand gripped his possessively, and my eyes narrowed at the touch. Cassius must have seen a look of disgust or jealousy because he gave me a knowing smile before stepping slightly away from the woman so her hand fell.

"Oh, how odd." The woman turned her nose up at me. "A woman participant. How utterly un-lady-like and savage. Although I suppose I should have guessed by the atrocious clothing you"re wearing."

My eyes shifted to Cassius to see if he would tell his guest to quit being rude to me, but it was clear he would do nothing of the sort. The bastard smiled at her comment while staring me in the eyes. My clothing was rags compared to what she wore.

"It's sad a family would send their daughter into this tournament. Did they not have a son, or did they simply want to get rid of you?" She gave me the fakest smile she could. Magic burned under my skin like it might explode. My fire wanted to escape and evaporate this woman in front of me. I could grab my dagger and kill her before she stopped smiling at me. My darkness hummed at the thought as if to tell me to do it. The Wisp flew towards the woman with black flames of anger. The Wisp rammed into the woman making her shift slightly like she sensed the attack. Her blonde hair blew up slightly from the Wisp. Cassius' smile widened like he knew exactly what had happened.

"You should teach your friend some manners or put a gag in her mouth before letting her out in public." I smiled back at her but spoke to him.

The man beside her was horrified but seemed truly entertained by the exchange. He smiled at me brightly. Cassius's eyes were full of amusement at the reappearance of my attitude. Bored indifference painted my face, but the woman was turning red with anger.

"Do you know who I am? You should be bowing for forgiveness," she hissed.

"If you have to tell someone how important you are, you aren't that important."

The blonde man laughed so loudly that I knew I had struck a nerve.

"Cassius, will you say something to her? This is embarrassing." She started to fake sob as she latched onto his chest. He made no move to comfort her as his eyes found mine. They twinkled with something close to pride as a satisfied smile spread over his handsome face.

"Don't worry. I'm leaving. I've got somewhere to be." Instead of heading for the castle, I turned around and made my way out through the front gates, venturing into the depths of the forest. My fire was raging inside of me, and I needed to let it out somewhere safe. I ran through the thick forest until my lungs burned and sweat beaded down my back. The air was hotter the farther from the castle I got. The Wisp was waiting in a melancholy grey color when I met her in a clearing.

A pool of water stood so still the sky reflected in it. Gazing at my reflection cast in the water, I noticed my dark braid coming undone and my once vivid green eyes consumed by swirls of blackness. There was a faint scar running from my hairline over my eye and down my cheek. My skin was starting to glow with anger. That woman was so fucking rude, but what pissed me off more was Cassius's dismissal of me. He let her be rude to me, and seemingly enjoyed the spectacle.

With that thought, I yelled and sent my fire into the pond. It ran freely from me and power like never before burst from me. Power pulsed through me so intensely that I realized how much magic I had. Could I burn down the whole forest if I were mad enough? It felt too good. An all-consuming need to know how powerful I was took over. This was the first opportunity I had to let my magic out freely. I was always cautious when out of Exile, but I didn't care at this moment.

My power and energy were draining from me quickly as fire exploded from me. I screamed into the sky as if it would soothe this unnecessary rage in me. As my fire died, I sank onto the mossy shore of the pond. Exhaustion had me falling to my back. The bright blue sky was starting to change colors with the setting sun and the air was cooling off, but I couldn't be bothered to move.

Besides the exhaustion of using my magic, I was tired in general. I had been fighting to survive for so long that I was utterly exhausted just to make it through the day. My thoughts drifted to Exile and how I missed Sybil and the twins. What were they doing right now? What would we do if I freed all of us? Maybe then I would seek out information about my past and who I was. Possibly even find my family. If I dared to dream, I hoped that maybe someone who loved me was waiting for me too.

My eyes fluttered closed as the warmth of the sun hit my face. Before heading back, I would have to rest. With that thought, I drifted into a deep sleep.

When I woke up, blackness surrounded me, but I found comfort in it. As my eyes adjusted to the dark, I stood up. With the uncertainty of the timing of the next trial looming, I knew I needed to hurry back to the castle. In a swift motion, I snapped my fingers, conjuring a ball of orange fire that hovered in my palm, illuminating the darkness that enveloped me.

Attempting to navigate my way back by following my footprints from earlier proved difficult. Distinguishing between my tracks and those left by animals was challenging in the dirt.

A long breath escaped me when the Wisp appeared next to me. Her soft blue flame was darker blue than normal, but I didn't know what that meant. She floated in front of me and led me until the castle appeared in the distance, but as much as I knew I needed to be in the castle, there wasn't a part of me that wanted to be here.

My reaction to Cassius and the woman made me wonder more about who I was before losing my memory. Somewhere deep inside I knew that I was treated poorly and the way that woman spoke to me today had triggered a past wound I couldn't remember. The feeling of loneliness had always been a constant, but I was sure there was deep rooted wound from my past that caused it.

At times when I sat long enough in the silence, emotions and feelings familiar to me would bubble up. I enjoyed being alone and I enjoyed the silence. Perhaps I didn't have a family or someone who loved me, but something would nag at me in the back of my mind like it knew that wasn't true. The same nagging feeling happened every time I thought of not having a family. Someone out there knew I was gone. The true question was, did they care?

The sound of horse hooves running at a fast pace stopped any more thoughts from forming. Guardsmen were in a dead trot towards me and the woods. I smothered my flame, doubtful that they had seen me, but the Wisp still floated by me. Would they see her? No one had seemed to notice her before, so I doubted it. Cassius was hard to miss as he led them in my direction. Even in the darkness his shadows surrounded him and made it impossibly dark.

My feet froze where I was as they halted in front of me. Cassius's horse was so large and black that it was hard to tell where he stopped and Cassius began.

"Where have you been?" He snapped with so much venom that I took a step away from him.

"Out," I retorted. "I wasn't aware we had a curfew." The Wisp swirled around Cassius as if she were happy to see the smug bastard. Her color shifted in front of my eyes from dark blue to a vibrant dark green.

His face pressed into a concerned look before looking behind him.

"Is there someone out here with you?"

His eyes narrowed on me when I shook my head no. "Then what are you looking at?"

My eyes shifted from the Wisp to Cassius, and I didn't look at her again.

When I went to walk around him his shadows wrapped me in a vice and held me in place. Using his shadows, he plucked me off the ground, setting me on his horse with him.

"Put me down," I demanded.

Ignoring my demand, he settled me on the saddle with my back pressed to his front. His shadows held me tightly so I couldn't jump off.

"Am I a prisoner now?"

Still, he ignored me. His arms wrapped in front of me as he grabbed the reins. The horse took off in a dead sprint for the castle. I struggled in the death grip of his shadows before giving in and relaxing, but Cassius remained tense against me. More than likely with anger. I wasn't sure why he would be angry besides that maybe he was angry with how I talked to his friend earlier.

I refused to apologize for my behavior when he should be the one to apologize. The warmth from his chest seeped into me, and I shivered at the contrast from the cool night air. He pulled me in closer to him and wrapped me in his cloak. Night and rain and forest were all I could smell.

As we got closer to the castle, I was the one who tensed. Cassius and I were so close that I became hyper-aware of my every movement. My ass was practically in his lap. Had I ever been this close to a man before? I grew increasingly tense with every bump and jerk the horse made. If anything, he didn"t seem to notice how I bounced on his lap, or he found me atrocious enough that it didn"t affect him. His grip tightened around me, holding me flush against him. The position only made the friction more intense.

Cassius leaned forward enough that his lips brushed my ear so he could whisper, "You"re killing me, Little Viper. Relax."

Hearing him utter that nickname had me forgetting about our bodies moving together.

"What did you just call me?"

Turning my head as far back as I could without snapping my own neck, I glared. Our mouths were almost touching as he stared at me with his angry black eyes.

"Little Viper." Cassius's eyes drifted slowly to my mouth.

"Why did you call me that?"

"It fits you." He shrugged. "You carry the viper-handled dagger everywhere." His eyes moved from my mouth to looking past me to the castle we were next to.

Little Viper is what dream Cassius calls me, not real Cassius. Maybe he did remember me from dreams. Why would he lie about it though?

"I can walk from here." I struggled as his shadows still held me hostage. The horse stopped abruptly, and he dismounted before grabbing me and setting me on my feet. His eyes held unspoken words as he released me from his shadows, disappearing toward the castle without a glance back.

The guards parted as I stormed through the castle. That man was frustrating beyond words. How dare he manhandle me and be in a bad mood towards me.

When I got to my room, I locked the door and stared out the window to the gardens. The Wisp was there dancing around the fountains in her dark green form. I ignored her. Why was she so damn happy?