27. Chapter 27

Cassius stared at me with pleading eyes, and it made me so anxious that I felt tears brimming in my eyes, threatening to escape.

"Who?" I begged. The Wisp stood by Cassius with dark grey flames.

"Please, Thea, don't do this. You're so close," he begged.

"Who!"

We stared at one another for what seemed like an eternity. My stomach lurched at the way his body sagged with defeat. The way his eyes filled with regret and remorse made tears silently slide down my cheeks.

"I did," he confessed softly.

As if I had been slapped, I stumbled backward. No. He didn't do this to me. He loves me. My fire mist burst out of me, and it crept along the ground towards him. My fire wrapped around his wrists, but instead of hurting him, my magic caressed him. It begged him to be lying. Cassius closed his eyes tightly like that was the worst thing I could have done to him at that moment. Caress him like he was everything to me because he was everything to me. He fell to his knees as silent tears fell down his face.

Haden and everyone behind him watched me like they knew. Like all of them had known he was the one who cursed me. My magic tightened on Cassius. That darkness that lived in me clawed its way up my chest. Betrayal. Betrayal. Betrayal.

It called out in my mind. He lied to us. The darkness wanted to take over to help me from falling apart, but I couldn't do it. Kill him. Kill him.Make him pay for what he did to us. For making me believe his pretty words. For being so blind. The Wisps had gathered by the dozens at Crimson's border. All of them a sad melancholy grey to match how I felt.

"Tell her how you cursed her, what you had to do to her for her soul to be damned," my father demanded with anger.

"Please," Cassius begged on his knees still bound by my magic. "Thea."

"He killed you," my father answered. "Drove a dagger straight through your heart. That viper-handled one you love so much."

Cassius"s lips pressed into a hard line as I fell to my knees. Somewhere far away my world fell off its axis and stopped moving. My body froze at the confession, but my father could be lying. My fire mist jolted a wave of betrayal down it. Cassius's painful sob made me pull them away, but I could see them. I had burned red marks around his wrists.

"But I'm not dead," I muttered to my father. "I'm fine." He was lying. This had to be a lie. My father gave me a look of pure pity.

"Tell me that he's lying, Cassius," I cried out to him. His eyes were so colorless as he looked over at me. My heart thudded inside my chest loudly as I waited for him to refute all of this. All he had to do was tell me my father was lying and I would run across this boundary and choose him. "Tell everyone that you would have never done that to me." He physically winced at my pleading.

"He's telling the truth," Cassius whispered. The Wisps turned black in an instant before swirling together like a black tornado. Only they didn't go after Cassius. They charged at me. Were they angry with me for believing Cassius? They broke into a million floating orbs when they rammed through me, but I couldn't focus on them.

I shook my head no. "Why are you lying to me?" I cried out. "You love me!"

He simply hung his head in shame. No, this was a bad dream, and I would wake up in the cave. I must have fallen asleep.

"A betrayal that ran so deep and wicked that it cursed your soul to die over and over again in front of the man you had loved so deeply. The Gods came down from the stars themselves to curse you for loving the wrong man. These trials they put on every year to get you out of hiding were just a ploy. You don't need these trials to get your life back. All you had to do was take the witch's bloodstone and gift it to a side. You weren't meant to die. You were never supposed to be with him." My father hissed towards Cassius. "He just wants you for your power and the stone."

I shook images out of my mind. Cassius driving a dagger with a viper handle through my heart. He killed me with my own dagger.

"You've died in every trial but this one," my father continued. "His curse to bear is to watch you die over and over. His burden is to make you fall in love with him over and over again without you ever remembering who he is. Because if he can't convince you he loves you back, you'd never choose him to gift the bloodstone to. Not over your own family."

Cassius was completely broken now. I was slowly slipping into a darkness I didn't know if I would ever find my way out of. I felt the darkness consume me as if to say it would protect me. He had killed me. He had cursed me. He had broken me beyond repair.

"The day he killed you the Gods granted him a choice: let your soul move to the next world or give you a chance to get your life back. Your magic is special, Thea, and it was never meant to end so quickly. Even the Gods did not see the betrayal coming. Your memories were erased each time you died so that you did not have to remember what he did to you."

"That is not why they erase your memories!" Cassius called out to me. "He's manipulating you, My Love."

"Then tell her whatever excuse you have." My father glared.

"I can't." He frowned. "Thea, I swear…" his voice faded as my mind raced.

My mind flashed to Cassius resting his hand over my heart a few short days ago. He had made it a point to say it was his favorite sound. Died. I have died over and over again. I could hear sobs come from me, but I felt as though I watched it all from outside of my body. How could this happen? He had convinced me he had loved me. He had pretended the whole time? Nev's words came back to haunt me. You"re falling for it…again.

Did he ever love me? All of the stories he told me, were any of them true? Their eyes were on me as I kneeled in the dirt and mud and felt the betrayal as if it was the first time I ever felt it. My darkness crawled so viciously out of me that the noise that ripped from my chest sounded unnatural. The ground cleaved in two between us from my power. Birds flew from the trees as dark clouds moved over the clearing to match the devastation I was feeling. The Wisps didn't move from Cassius's side.

A sharp unforgiving pain had my eyes snapping to my wrist where the marking he gave me sat. Only now the crown had a large crack through it. Broken, just like me. Red and orange swirls formed on my skin as blackness covered my sight. Cassius was saying something to me, but I couldn't hear through the thoughts of betrayal running through my mind. The weight of his betrayal was slowly crushing me as I kneeled in the mud, the truth of everything came crashing around me. Tears ran down my face like rivers taking all the happy moments with Cassius with them. He never loved me. It was all a show. I was just a pawn like I had feared. If my curse was losing memories did that mean Exile was a part of it?

"What about Exile?" I asked my father.

"I don't know what that is." He frowned.

"Where I lived these past seven years. Where all the elite magic holders live."

My father's eyes frosted over.

"That must have been part of the curse," he muttered. "It doesn't exist."

"Thea, he's lying!" The King of Crimson called out to me.

"B-but I've been there. I've lived there with Sybil, Kaz, and Kai. It has to be real."

My father glanced down at me with pity. My stomach lurched at the look, knowing that only bad news would follow.

"Sybil and the twins died, Thea. They can't be in Exile with you because they're dead, and Exile doesn't exist."

My mind raced with flashes of Sybil and the twins in Exile. That couldn't be true. It all seemed so…real. Tears blurred my vision as everything I thought I knew was ripped from me. Was part of the curse to make me think I wasn't alone in Exile? Nothing made sense.

"I'm sorry," my father whispered. "I know how important they were to you."

A fog of confusion overtook any ability I had to think. Sybil and the twins were dead. I had died. Cassius killed me. Cassius didn't love me. My father was the only one telling me the truth. He thought my magic could be good.

It was too much to process.

"It was all a lie," I whispered trying to process it all. Sobs wracked through me as racing flashes of Cassius, and I tortured me. How did I fall so easily for his bullshit when I knew I was never worthy.

"No, it was not." Cassius pleaded.

"You killed me." I tried not to cry, but I was no longer in control of my emotions. "You shoved my dagger into my heart and killed me. For power? To curse my soul? I do not understand."

"Because it had to be done." He said it so casually like he wasn"t talking about ending my life. His face was cold as he looked at me now. He couldn't pretend to care about me any longer I supposed. Like it didn't matter...like I didn't matter. I was a pawn to everyone, and I should have just stayed dead. Cassius's face contorted like he heard every thought racing in my mind. At his declaration, I stood on shaky legs and frowned at Cassius one last time before grabbing the bloodstone and handing it to my father.

"You chose Cerithia," Cassius spoke in a voice so dark and menacing that it made me recoil from him. "Do not come back to the Crimson lands again, Thea Alzara of Cerithia. Born enemy of my Kingdom, my crown, Crimson fae, the family of Valeska...of me." He stood and glared at me; his eyes so black I could hardly tell it was him. "I wasted years pretending to care about you all for you to still choose Cerithia!" His voice bellowed so loud that trees swayed at his madness. Stop. Please. My eyes begged him.

I could not stand to know it was all a lie. I could not get through this. At least if I didn't hear him say it, I could pretend.

"Stop." My one-worded plea fell from my lips because the lump in my throat wouldn"t allow any other response from me. I feared I would lose myself completely if he kept talking. It made Cassius's dark shadows swirl around him in an angry cloud as he fisted his hands by his sides.

"No." His voice was thunderous in the clearing. He took deliberate steps back to escape me, each one making my chest ache with loss. "You chose them, so I guess you want the truth. How easy it was to manipulate and bend you at my will. I've never had to work so little for something before, Thea. You were so fucking desperate for attention and love that you would have fallen for the first man to bat his eyes in your direction. And I thought I was lucky, blessed by the Gods above that I found you first before another Kingdom could sink their claws into you. A waste. That is what I will remember every time I think of you."

His shadows circled him in an angry ominous storm, filled with hate and disgust for me. No one had ever looked at me with this much hatred. This wasn't him pushing me away to protect me. Cassius meant every word he said to me.

Tears brimmed in my eyes as Cassius transformed into this heartless monster. A waste. Pathetic. Unlovable. Unworthy of love. I should have stayed dead. My body trembled at the hate in his voice when he talked about me. How could he be my Cassius, the one I loved only yesterday? Everyone behind him stood immobile like they too couldn't believe how horrible he was being, but they did nothing to stop it. The Crimson King peered at me with pity as I sunk onto the ground, curling into a ball so that Cassius's words could not get to me, but they still had.

Please, Gods above, let the ground open and swallow me whole. I did not want to be here any longer. I needed Cassius to be lying. He was the only one to make me feel like I wasn"t a monster. If he thought I was a monster, then it must be true and who would ever love something so grotesque as me?

"Look at your pathetic Captain of your Guard, King Luren. Look at how easy it was for me to weasel my way in and break her." Cassius laughed and it pierced straight into my heart, obliterating it beyond repair.

Someone lifted me off the ground, and I didn't fight it. Maybe they would end my pathetic existence.

"It's alright, Thea. I've got you."

My eyes stared up into bright blue ones. His hair was dark blonde and his face handsome. The boy who had kissed me in those memories when I first arrived at Cerithia lifted me effortlessly. The Wisp's black flames caught my eye as they swirled around me. I didn't know what they wanted from me.

"You can have my sloppy seconds, Jesper, but just remember how easily I took her from you the first time," Cassius hissed at the man holding me. Cassius tensed with hatred as he watched me being carried away.

"Enough!" my father yelled. "Being a sore loser doesn't suit you, Cassius," He said in a much calmer, composed tone, allowing a smug smile to creep onto his face.

"Who's the loser here? I no longer have to tame that monster you're holding. I don"t have to pretend to love her. I don"t ever have to touch her again or force lies out of my mouth to make her believe anyone could love her. How could they love a monstrosity like you?" Every word was punctuated to drive home the idea that I was not worthy of anyone, especially the Crimson Prince who could have whomever he desired.

I was a monster. He thought I was a monster just like I feared. He had to be completely disgusted every time he touched me, kissed me, said those pretty lies to me. Did my touch make him feel uncomfortable? Did he think of someone else when he looked at me like he loved me? Was there someone else he loved someone worthy of him? Did they laugh behind my back because I stupidly thought he could love me when I knew all along that I was a disgusting monster? Every touch and kiss we had made me cringe inward with complete disgust for myself. His words shredded through any hope I had that I could be desired or loved by anyone. I didn"t even love myself; how could I expect anyone else to?

My eyes shifted to Cassius as his cold unforgiving eyes glared at me with hatred. Pure hate radiated from him. Yet my pathetic heart still wanted him to say he was lying and to come get me. To live in those pretty lies he whispered to me. Everything I thought I knew about my past crumbled around me and painted the true, sad, and pathetic existence I had before Exile.

Unloved now, unloved always.

"I've got better things to do than be here," Cassius spoke as his eyes stared at me. Then he turned around and disappeared into his shadow mist without a glance back. My eyes stared at where he disappeared. Haden, Zade, and Kace stood on Crimson's side staring at me with confusion. The Wisps floated in a white flame. They didn't move from their spot like they didn't know how to process the news either. Weren't they my friends? The clearing was silent besides my sobs that sounded like my heart had been ripped violently out of my chest. The King of Crimson's face was the last one I saw. Tears filled his eyes as I turned away from him.

They had all used and betrayed me. All of them probably laughed with Cassius about how stupid the Cerithia Princess and Captain of the Guard was.

I heard the unnatural growl in the far distance, and it called to my own darkness. Cassius. He must be so relieved to be free from me. To never have to see me again. Never touch me or lie to me, now he could be free to find someone else. Jesper placed me in a carriage with him and my father. We faded away from the clearing in a carriage. I could hear them talking but all that ran through my tainted soul were images of a life Cassius had promised me. A life that had never been possible. A life I didn't deserve but allowed myself to believe in anyway.

My darkness swept through me, forcing me to only notice a small ache of betrayal I was feeling. Would I ever be able to free myself from this pain? I was a monster, and I should have never left Exile. I should never have been born, but something darker burned below my hurt…rage. Rage that Cassius had used and manipulated me so effortlessly. Rage because I loved a man who only wanted to take something from me. My eyes glanced up to Jesper as he watched me oddly.

"We'll make everyone in Crimson pay for what they did to you." Jesper's eyes shone brightly as I nodded in agreement.

Revenge…my darkness hummed at the thought.

"Don't worry, Thea, you will get your chance for revenge," my father bit out coldly. "This time you will be the one to drive a dagger through Cassius's heart, if he even possesses one."