2. Chapter 2

My dreams had never given me much insight into my past, but each nightmare only made me hope that one-night things would change. That my dreams would reveal something that had been forgotten about my past.

That was why I stared at the large wooden door in front of me. It was familiar. I wasn't sure if it was because I had dreamt of it for as long as I could remember or if it was a memory of the past I didn't remember. Standing in the dark hallway, I gazed at the door at the end of the hall as it glowed red under the crack. Dread filled my chest as I stared at the golden handle of the door like it held all the answers to my past, but what if those answers only showed a life worse than Exile?

My hand reached out to open the door but paused when a swirling red, black, and orange tattoo crept up my arm. These had never shown up before. My fingers traced the markings on my skin, and they glowed brightly at my touch for a moment.

I focused back on the door in front of me. I had never been able to open this door in my dream, but maybe tonight would be different. My hand pushed the door, but nothing happened.

I froze with my hand on the door when a small noise sounded from behind me. I knew who waited behind me without needing to look.

When I finally turned, the man I expected stood in the shadows watching me. He wore dark clothing that obscured many features about him, except for his deep gold eyes, glowing brightly against the dark clothing.

He was here almost every dream, too, but he never revealed anything about himself. The man never spoke, and I was too worried that if I said a word to him, he would disappear. Despite this, there was a comfortable silence between us. I simply gazed at his golden eyes glowing from the dark. The tension in my muscles slowly eased the longer I watched him.

Screaming from behind the door ripped my gaze from the man.

"Thea!" The voices pleaded from the opposite side of the door.

The urge to help whoever was on the other side overtook me, and I yanked on the door, but it didn't budge. Flames engulfed the door in front of me, the smoke making my eyes water. The door handle instantly heated, and I yanked my hand away. The roaring of the fire filled my ears. Their frantic pleading became louder from the other side, but I couldn't save them.

I never could.

I bolted up in my bed. My hazy eyes flew to the door, checking for flames or smoke, but I was in my room in Exile. I chuckled at the irony of feeling relief that I was happy to be in Exile for once.

Falling back onto my lumpy bed, I stared at the moss and mud that we used to make a roof. It was cracking under the constant heat of this place and would need to be replaced at some point. I didn't know how long we had lived here, but it was certainly due for some work.

There were things I kept secret from Sybil. One of them was that I couldn't remember periods of time while living here. Others would tell stories, but I didn't recall them like they could. It was like I hadn't been here for as long as them. Sometimes I woke up in a fog of confusion and couldn't remember anything from the past few days. Sybil never said I was missing so something had to be wrong with me if I couldn't remember memories from Exile.

From what others had said, we all appeared in Exile at the same time. My brain just couldn't remember like theirs could. It was crazy to think that I was missing time in Exile, so I said nothing, but deep down there was something very wrong with me.

I guess it didn't really matter how long we lived here because not once did it comfort me like a home should. Not that I had something to compare it to. The only happy memories I had were of Sybil teaching me new things or the twins showing me how to fight or shoot a bow.

Sybil"s loud movements in the kitchen had me slipping on my clothes so we could work together on making bread.

Even though our home was small, I was thankful for the privacy it offered. Most male fae lived in community houses with little privacy, opting to let the females and children have the small homes. The house was bland and had no personal or warm touches besides the dried herbs Sybil displayed.

There was nothing frivolous about Exile.

I had lived alone at first, but Sybil moved in a short time after I found her barely breathing in the street. I shook my head to clear the memory of her near lifeless face.

"Good morning, Thea. I've made bread." The aroma floated through our house, the comforting smell mingling with the obvious tension between us. She gave me her usual happy smile, but I was cautious that it wasn't genuine. Guilt still gnawed at my insides because I had been cruel to her.

"Smells great." I picked up a piece of warm bread and nibbled on it. My stomach clenched almost in protest at the food. It wasn't used to getting enough to eat. "Thanks."

She nodded and sat on her stool staring at me. I wanted to avoid a conversation with her because we had never agreed on how to view the world. We didn't see eye to eye on hardly anything, really.

"I'm sorry for being upset with you," she started. My hand froze midway to my mouth with my next bite of bread. How was she apologizing so easily? We had fought countless times before without her ever acknowledging that my violence might be necessary for survival. "You are the reason we are both still alive. If you must kill to do it, then so be it." The sudden shift in her views startled me. My stomach churned with hunger, but also with the oddness of Sybil validating my violence.

"I'm sorry for saying your family abandoned you. It was a low blow and uncalled for."

"Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had chosen differently," she whispered, more to herself than to me. "I should have fled like my husband begged me. Then my life wouldn't have ended like this." She waved her hand around our cramped kitchen for effect.

"But you always said our families abandoned us. Yours wanted to protect you?" My eyes narrowed on her because she had never said this before.

"There are things that you don't remember, Thea, but I made a decision that was bigger than my own wants and needs. I did it for the realm of Elloryon."

Her eyes were fixated on the herbs and vials I had brought her last night. She didn't say anything for a long moment, and I thought that we were done with this conversation.

"Maybe one day, somehow, we will be rescued from Exile and find our place in society again. That is the thought that keeps me going, Thea. Hopefully, my family will be waiting for me when I"m freed. That they will forgive me for not listening to them."

Confusion swarmed my mind as a heaviness settled on my heart. Sybil had never said any of this before. Everyone made it sound like their families had abandoned them, and turned them in to the Crimson King the moment they could. Why had she led me to believe that everyone hated us?

"So, your family didn't abandon you?" I questioned. Her eyes found mine and worry flickered across her face. Doubt stormed inside of me, casting a shadow over everything she had ever told me.

"It's complicated." She frowned and turned from me to end the questioning.

"Why would you choose to come to Exile if you had a different option?" Her body became rigid at my questioning. My fingers dug into the skin of my palms as my fists clenched tightly. What else had she not been truthful about? My heart raced with this news. Sybil wasn"t abandoned by her family; she chose to come here. Had I chosen to come here, too? Uneasiness swarmed in my stomach; something was wrong about all of this. It contradicted all of her stories from before.

"There are decisions we make because it is what's needed. We don"t always have the luxury of doing what we want." Her eyes focused on a spot over my shoulder. "If you had your memories, I"m sure you"d agree with me."

"There is no reason I can think of that would make me choose this hell over my family."

Her eyes frosted over as she spoke, making me shiver even though the air was warm. "You would if it meant saving them." Sybil frowned. "You would give up anything for those you loved, even your own happiness."

All I could think of was that we would never be saved, we would never find our places in society, and elite magic would die out once and for all. The king would never allow us to exist in this realm again just because an Elitist tried to kill him.

Or at least that is what I had been told when I woke up in Exile without any memory of myself, my past, or the realm of Elloryon. I couldn't trust that anything I had been told was true. My skin prickled at the realization of how easily I could be manipulated by others. My lack of memory could be used to other's advantage and that was terrifying.

"Enough sad talk. Tell me how using your magic was." Sybil's gloomy expression was replaced by intrigue. A war raged inside of me. Did I continue with this conversation and risk losing Sybil"s companionship or should I let it go?

"Honestly, I don't even know how to describe it, Sybil. It feels comforting and so much stronger each time I use it. It's like every time I leave Exile, it grows bigger inside of me."

Her eyes widened at this bit of information, but then she smiled softly as if remembering a fond memory.

"What I would give to have my magic coursing through my veins again." She chuckled. "You know I met my husband when he came to me for healing."

Sybil rarely talked about her family. All she had told me was she was married and had a couple of daughters and a son. She did not pass down the elite magic to her children and thanked the gods every day she didn't give them her mark.

My hand instinctively rubbed the mark of elite magic behind my ear. I was lucky that mine wasn't as visible. Sybil's was on the back of her hand in the shape of some sort of black flower. Everyone's mark was different. Mine was a half-moon with four stars that lined the crest of it, but all of our marks glowed slightly making them different than tattoos.

"What was wrong with him?"

"He shot himself in the foot with an arrow on accident." Sybil's burst of laughter made me smile. We didn't experience sounds of happiness here very often.

A woman's scream from outside jolted us back to reality. I grabbed my viper-handled dagger and stood in front of Sybil. We didn't hear anything again, and I cautiously opened the front door to assess if I could help.

A woman around my age lay on the ground next to a man, I assumed was her husband, who was dead. He had been moved into the streets with others who died so they could be buried.

Grief surged through my veins at the sounds of her overwhelming grief. I longed to be able to do something to take away her pain. Powerlessness filled me as I watched her body tremble with loud sobs. Her hands clenched her husband as if it would bring him back to her.

We couldn't keep living like this. We would all be dead by next year. The woman wrapped herself around the man and cried into his lifeless chest even harder. I wished we had our magic still. Sybil would be able to save everyone from sickness, but the king made sure to take the biggest parts of us: our families and our magic.

We might as well have been born humans. We were weak without our magic abilities. We would become extinct like humans had hundreds of years ago.

Fae walked by her, not saying or doing anything to ease her suffering. No words of comfort, no helping her or making sure she wasn't alone. She was on her own.

That thought compelled me to step forward. I didn"t want this woman to feel what I did every day I was stuck in this prison. Sybil pulled me back before I was able to take another step.

"Let her grieve, Thea."

I nodded as I watched the woman still pleading with the man to open his eyes. Hatred and sorrow waged a war inside my chest. I couldn't do this. I went inside and grabbed my bow and arrows before slipping on my cloak.

"Thea."

"I'll be back," I muttered as I headed towards the meadow. I crossed the meadow to the farthest part of it. I wanted to be far away from the shitty town we were forced to call home.

Once my makeshift targets came into view I stopped and loaded an arrow onto my bowstring. My breathing quickened. My chest felt like it was slowly caving in on my lungs. Dizziness made my eyes blur, but I tried to focus on getting my breathing to slow down. I spent the first few years here perfecting my fighting and defending skills. One, because there was nothing else to do, but two, I wanted to be ready for when I had an opportunity to save us or kill the Crimson King. I was still waiting for that second part. I envisioned the targets to be the king and his disgusting line of heirs, not that I had the faintest idea what they looked like. It didn't matter. They all deserved to die. All the fae living outside of the shadow boundary deserved to be punished for allowing the king to dole out such a cruel fate, simply because our magic made us more powerful.

My arrows hit the center of the target every time, each small victory making it a little easier to breathe again. Something deep in my chest stirred with uncertainty. Would I ever have a chance to at least fight for us?

I would give up anything to kill the king.

The crunch of dead grass being stepped on alerted me that someone was coming. I turned quickly and drew my arrow, prepared to defend myself.

"Gods, Thea!" The boys ducked down as if I would shoot them. I lowered my bow in relief. The twins straightened and smiled at me. The twins were at least fifty years older than me, but when they smiled, they looked young. They were the same in every way except where their elite magic marks were on their skin. Kaz's blackbird elite mark was on his forearm and Kai's identical mark was on his neck. They never talked about their magic, but I had overheard them talking about shifting once.

"Sybil sent you," I muttered. I had just wanted time to think. Alone.

"She gets worried about you when you"re left to your own thoughts and angry."

I knew this but I still wanted to be alone.

"Where have you been lately, Thea? We haven't seen you much?" Kaz frowned at me. His blonde hair was a lot longer than I had remembered. It had been longer since I had last seen them than I thought. His dark eyes held my stare, waiting for a truthful answer. My eyes drifted over them.

"Taking care of Sybil. She hasn't been doing well," I sighed.

Kai was the one frowning now. He had always been the more caring of the two. Kaz's heart had hardened when his girlfriend exposed their hiding place and turned him and Kai over to the King's Guardsmen. I was certain there was more to that story, but he would never talk about it when asked.

"She said you crossed again." Kaz stared at me like an annoyed older brother even though he was barely older than me. Although I wasn't sure what having a brother was like. I had seen children in Exile give this same expression to their annoying younger siblings. "It's too dangerous."

"I don't need a lecture from you, too. I'm going to continue to cross over to keep us alive. I got enough food this time to make you fresh bread and Sybil to have medicine. Would it kill any of you to thank me for keeping us alive?"

"We are thankful, but we're terrified for your safety. What if it's a test, Thea? What if the king finds out and all of us are punished for it? You shouldn't be able to go through the boundary. I don't know how you figured out you could, but it's not a blessing. It's a curse!"

I didn't acknowledge him as guilt soured my stomach.

I had stolen a cart of food from one of the towns before and brought it back. No one knew where it came from, but chaos ensued. Fae beat and killed each other for food. I never did it again although I wanted to help everyone.

Kaz, Kai, and Sybil were the only ones that had any idea I crossed the boundary, and it would stay that way. The others would demand more than I would ever be able to deliver. They would become dependent on me, and I can barely care for the four of us as it is.

"Thea, you're too impulsive. Your lack of regard for yourself will kill you." Kai chimed in. Great. He was right, but I didn't care. My eyes narrowed on him as my anger simmered under my skin with my magic. Feeling my magic so close to surfacing was its own form of torture. I wondered if others in Exile felt it, too.

"So what?" I huffed. "If I died it would be an improvement from this hell."

Kaz and Kai didn't say anything in response. They cared for me, and I didn't ask them too. Just like Sybil. They all learned that I could cross the boundary by accident. Kai and Kaz had been near the forbidden wood when I crossed back over one time.

Sybil had asked too many questions about where I found herbs, so I felt like I needed to tell her. I had expected her to tell others, but she hadn't. I still couldn't trust any of them completely, especially with what she revealed to me earlier. Nearly everyone here had been turned in by a loved one. Or that was the story I had been told by everyone. Families were torn apart in seconds because they turned their backs on the elite magic fae. Mine and Sybil's conversation replayed in my mind. Something about what she said made me doubt how we all ended up here.

Would I always doubt others" true intentions? Not having a memory of my own made me rely on others for information and I hated it. It caused a constant unease that weighed heavily on me, draining me of energy because I was always on edge and overthinking. My shoulders slumped with how tired I realized I was.

"Thea, we don't want you to be hurt or dead. We just want you to think about your decisions." Kaz sighed. The weight of his words settled over me as he seemed genuine in his concern for my well-being.

"Why does everyone assume that I don't think before I do something? If I don't go, we will all die. If I can prevent that then I will." I raised my bow, pulling the string of it against my cheek forcefully. My magic tried to claw its way out but sat just under my skin like an itch I couldn't scratch. "You will not tell me what I can and can't do."

I released the string and my arrow hit the dead center of the farthest target. I walked away from them to gather my arrows, but they followed.

"Sybil wanted to make sure you'd come back before the town meeting so we can make some food," Kai muttered.

I nodded as I collected my arrows. I never missed a town meeting, even though it was torture to go. Tonight"s meeting would likely be just another reminder of our gloomy future.

"Let's practice throwing daggers first." Kai offered when he saw how upset I was. "We've been lacking on helping you learn different weapon skills."

Kaz and Kai had taught me all the combat I knew. Kaz was the one who taught me how to shoot my bow after I brought it from across the boundary, but both of them had helped me carve new arrows for it. They had said I was a natural fighter and, to be honest, all the fighting and weapons they taught me felt natural. Maybe I had a background in these things.

I set my bow down and pulled out my viper-handled dagger. Kaz grabbed one of my targets and moved it closer.

"Do you remember the stance from the last time we practiced?"

I nodded and took the stance, making sure I widened my feet like he drilled into my head. Lifting the dagger with a firm grip, I waited for his instruction.

"Good. Now feel the weight of the dagger. Balance it with your fingers. Remember to twist your hips the same time you release it." Kai instructed. I listened to him and focused on the target before twisting and releasing it.

The dagger hit just outside of the bullseye.

"Again. You can do better than that." Kaz went and got my dagger for me. They made me practice until I was begging to be done. They were perfectionists if nothing else.

"Your throwing has definitely improved." Kaz chuckled as he clamped his hand on my shoulder. "You just need to be confident like you are with your bow."

"Well, I can still take both of you down in hand-to-hand combat," I muttered before laughing softly.

"Honestly, Thea, I think you might be able to fight both of us at the same time and kick our asses." Kai laughed. "Actually, that might be a great lesson for next time."

"Great," I spoke sarcastically. I was thankful for their willingness to teach me fighting and weaponry skills.

The twins and I walked in silence toward mine and Sybil's home. My eyes glanced to where the woman had held her dead husband in the street. My footsteps faltered as she lay still across his chest, gripping onto him. The knife she had used on herself lay in her bloodied hand. Another one I couldn't save in time, but at least they were together.

When I walked in, baked bread sat everywhere on the counters. Sybil smiled and handed us each a loaf. I took mine and wrapped it in the baby blanket I had found last night before grabbing a thing of milk.

"I'll be right back."

I headed out the door and down the side trail next to our small house. The woman with the child lived in the house next to ours. Hopefully, she was still there and hadn't been run off by others. I peeked in the window and saw her cradling her young child inside. I set the food and milk in front of the door and knocked before ducking behind a wall.

The woman answered the door, looking down at the gift I left for her. The sobs that escaped her made my hardened heart crack just a little. She hurried inside and I crept back to the window. She already had a cup of milk and bread in front of her child. She wrapped the new blanket around him and smiled. I would continue to share our food with them. I would save them, too.

I hurried back to our house. Fae was scarce on the streets today. Either they were all dead or it was too hot to be out. The constant fighting and yelling got old. I would take the eerie silence over the blood-curdling screams.

As I walked in, Sybil, Kai, and Kaz were in a heated discussion that abruptly ended when I walked in.

"What?" I asked, instantly suspicious.

"You can't save them all, Thea." Kaz frowned.

"Well, I got the food so I will share it how I please. Besides, I will not let a child and his mother die because we are being greedy."

They all fell silent. I grabbed a piece of bread and ate it in silence. The small boy was born with elite magic, but his mother was not. I had never seen the mark of the elite on her which meant she had sacrificed a much easier life in order to come with her son.

It was more than any other family member had done for any of us. She deserved to live, too. Who was I to decide that she was unworthy? If anything, she was more worthy than all of us because she chose to come. She had not abandoned her small child like so many others did.

Was it a decision that other family members were offered, and no one took?

I kept to myself for the rest of the afternoon while Sybil taught Kai and Kaz how to make medicines. While their presence in the house made it feel alive and I would have loved it any other day, today I wished I lived alone. It was getting harder to hold my anger in. I worried constantly that I would snap at them or Sybil. Guilt would consume me if I hurt them, or they turned on me.

A bell rang out through the town, signaling the start of the meeting, and we all walked in silence to the small town center. I took mental note of the fae that were in attendance. Less than half of what we started with were here. Most fae attended the meetings, even though not a lot of information came from them. We had nothing else to do or look forward to in this hell, so at least it was something to do.

Standing in the town center brought the stark realization that our town was falling apart as quickly as we were. Homes that were once in decent shape would all crumble within the year because we didn't have the ability to provide upkeep. There were no roadways for carriages, but wide dirt paths carved by heavy foot traffic. Even the forest and meadows on the outskirts were filled with dead decaying plants. It wasn't long ago that the grass and trees were colorful and full of life. Not even they could survive the harsh elements that the king had cursed us with. The change to Exile had been sudden and unexpected. I wondered if he thought we were all dead by now. It was hard to gauge how much time had passed, but it was likely several years.

Fallon, the oldest fae in Exile, took the center of a makeshift stage. He had assumed the role of organizing town meetings and deciding rulings of fae here. He was desperate to keep rules and laws here to provide some safety and normalcy. It worked most of the time. Things had been uncertain when he first took over, but when he executed those found guilty of high crimes like murder, fae quickly realized that we needed some stability. He had made a spectacle about it, and the murder rates dropped significantly after that.

I admired his willingness to step into the role. No one else wanted to, and there was a high chance that we would have killed each other by now.

"Thank you all for attending." His voice carried through our silence. "I'm afraid I don't have much to say tonight. We are dwindling, our food sources are suddenly almost nonexistent, and we still have no plan on how to save ourselves." His shoulders slumped with exhaustion and defeat. "Our creek is drying up and once that does, our main food and water source will be gone."

"Maybe a food cart will appear again?" Someone yelled from the crowd.

This caused a murmur of hope to erupt, but my chest tightened with dread. I would bring another cart, but what if they killed and beat each other again? Guilt crept in. I vowed to never do that again.

"We still don't understand where that came from." Fallon sighed. "It caused so much havoc the last time. I feel you all would kill one another for a slice of bread."

The fae fell silent. It was true that they would likely kill one another again. Sybil"s hand squeezed mine.

"Do we have any idea why all of our resources have suddenly dried up or died in the past months? We never had an issue in the seven years we've been here, then suddenly this year it's all going to hell? Why?" Someone called out to Fallon. Whispers sounded through the small crowd.

Seven years. We had been here that long, and I couldn't remember it all. Some small details were familiar from years prior, but mostly I could only remember the past several months. Why?

"We don't have answers to these questions. Perhaps we were on borrowed time and that time is ending. We need the Gods to show us a way or pray for a merciful end," Fallon announced in defeat. If he had lost hope, then we were all doomed to die soon.

Silence fell once again. Fallon looked around at every fae that stood in front of him. Defeat was clear in everyone's eyes. Everyone was worn down and tired. At this point, they were probably praying to the stars that death would come quickly, or they would take matters into their own hands and start jumping through the boundary.

"Let's make the most out of the time we have left." He gave us a soft smile, and the meeting was dismissed.

We all stood in a defeated silence before parting ways. Sybil, the twins, and I walked to the house without speaking. Kai was the one to finally disrupt the quiet.

"We're all going to die."

"You don't know that, Kai." Sybil sighed heavily into the small quiet space. "There's always a chance for us."

"If there was a way, we would have figured it out by now," Kai spat back at her. He was the levelheaded twin most of the time, but he had a point. If there was a way to save everyone, wouldn't we have already thought of it? That had been the main goal when we first got here, but with each failed attempt we lost motivation. Eventually, the escape plans stopped altogether.

"Thea can track down supporters of elite magic and ask them to help," Kaz suggested.

"You know that would do nothing, Kaz." Sybil gave him a pointed look with an unspoken message within it.

"Perhaps kings from neighboring Kingdoms would support us if they knew where we were."

"Kaz, it would be pointless," Sybil spoke more harshly this time as something unspoken passed between them again.

"Where would I find them? And besides, the other kingdoms aren't here because they stayed out of each other's business. Why start a war over a small group of elite magic holders?" I sighed in irritation.

Kaz was confident when he spoke. "They would help."

"No, they wouldn't. If they wanted to help us, they would have. They would have prevented this, but they did not care."

He stood fuming in front of me.

"How would you know? You can't remember shit from before this prison. You sit here pissed off, but you don't even remember what it's like to be on the outside with family and friends. You don't know the emptiness that we do, the loss of everything! You don't even know if there's anyone outside of that boundary that loves or misses you."

"Kaz!" Kai and Sybil both spat in shock.

I shut my mouth in an instant. That was a low blow. It was the thing that haunted me the most. Did I have a family or a mate out there that loved me or missed me? What if I didn't? What if they had turned on me and didn't care that I was stuck here?

It created a hollowness deep in my chest that made it difficult to move past sometimes. Maybe I would be just as alone out there as I was in here.

I shoved past him and headed into my room. I didn't want to think about life outside of this place because nothing but negative things ever came from it.