14. Chapter 14

My eyes stared at the crest on the wooden door. I turned towards the darkened hallway, but Cassius wasn't in my dream with me. I shook away the disappointment and turned back to the marking on the door. It had an A at the center with swirls of silver and blue. The crest had small trees within it, crossed arrows, stars in another section, and a blue flower in the last section. On the outside, two golden dragons held each side.

It was a stark contrast to the Crimson Kingdom's which was gold with a phoenix sitting upon a skull, illuminated by rays of sunlight, two swords crossed behind it. Of course, the emblem was wreathed with vines of red flowers.

My hand started to trace this unfamiliar crest, but the door opened before I finished. I walked in, half expecting to see the same scene I had the last time, but this was very different. I watched a memory of myself standing in the center of the room dressed in a blue guardsman uniform. The faceless man who had been in my dreams before was standing in front of me.

"So once again, you didn't do what I asked you to do."

I stood stoically without saying anything at first.

"Such a disappointment, but that's nothing new, is it?" He sighed and it was tinged with annoyance. Hurt contorted my face.

"We did the best we could, but they seemed to know we were coming."

"Then improvise, Thea. I'm trying to help you find your place here, but you make it difficult to keep you around because you never do anything right."

I swallowed hard as I watched myself take those harsh words. Why wasn't I saying anything?

"I will do better," I promised.

"I doubt it," he scoffed. Again, I remained silent. "I detest the fact that I can't rely on you. You promised me your best effort, yet this is mediocre at best. Now, get out of my face."

I turned and hurried out of the room. I accompanied my dream form down the darkened hallway, but I couldn't see any details about where we were. My mind liked to fuck with me.

I paused when we stepped out of the building we were in into blindingly bright light.

"Saddle up. We're heading out," I demanded.

"We just got back," another guard groaned.

"I said saddle up. We didn't complete the mission."

"Thea, you don't have to prove anything to him. He gets under your skin to push you into reckless behavior for his own benefit." I watched as my dream form glared at the man who said that to me.

"Kaz, we don't have time for this. Saddle up. It's an order."

Kaz? He turned around and I nearly fell backward when I saw Kaz, my Kaz from Exile, mounting his horse. He looked pissed, but it seemed to be directed more towards the man who talked to me poorly. My eyes shifted to Kai when he walked over to another horse.

"Heading out again?" Kai asked with confusion.

"Our mission is to find as many elitist magic holders as we can." I spoke coldly and galloped away with Kaz and Kai on my tail.

Quickly, I sat up in my bed and sucked in a deep breath. What the fuck? Kaz, Kai, and I had known each other. Why had they always said they didn't know me? My heart beat rapidly and sweat beaded on my forehead at the memory of the dream. Why were we the ones gathering elite magic and who the hell was treating me that way?

I begged the Gods to give me back my memory. When nothing came back to me, I reluctantly sat up and got dressed. Still, no magic stirred inside my chest. I must be too weak to use magic. Maybe after food and more rest, I would feel better, and that could be possible, so long as the trials didn't happen today.

All the talking and laughter died down when I entered the dining hall. I could feel their eyes on me, but I didn't look at them. I gathered a heaping pile of food and turned to find Nev and Haden. Only it was Cassius' golden eyes that I found. He was standing across the dining hall from me. Immediately, I glanced down but could feel him watching me. I could barely stand being this close to him, and he said he didn't want to be near me, so I made the only logical choice.

I headed out the door and went straight back to my room. I would eat and rest here until I could heal myself. The silence in my room was unbearable as I ate an uncomfortable amount of food. I stared at the wall of my room for most of the afternoon before falling asleep again.

When I woke up, I was sweating profusely once again. I couldn't remember my dream this time, but my heart thudded rapidly like I was scared or had been fighting.

Enough time had passed that the sun was going down, so I stood and tried to heal myself, but nothing happened again. Sighing heavily, I struggled to stand up and pull my boots on. Like earlier everyone was watching me as I got my plate. I turned and saw Nev and Haden at our table. My eyes flicked over to where Cassius stood against the wall talking with another guard. I looked away before he saw.

"Where the hell have you been?" Nev frowned.

"My room taking another nap after breakfast. I'm just so exhausted." I took a bite of the sausage and my stomach growled. I was somehow still ravenous even though I had eaten only a few hours ago.

"That was two days ago, Thea," Haden said softly. "We tried to check on you, but you moved a bunch of shit in front of your door."

Two days? I hadn't woken up once in that time frame. I thought they must be kidding, but their concerned faces proved otherwise.

"Thea, we were worried you died in your room or something." Nev frowned at me. "Glad that wasn't the case."

"Are you sure that was two days ago? I didn't wake up at all and I still feel exhausted. I didn't miss a trial, did I?"

"The king announced that they were suspended until you were healed." Haden"s eyes cascaded over my face before glancing away at the sight of my wounds. I knew I looked horrible.

"Still no healing magic?" Haden questioned.

"I tried when I woke up and nothing happened."

My eyes drifted to the table next to us when they all laughed while staring at me. My eyes drifted over each one as they whispered about me. Anger simmered in my chest, but more than that, embarrassment. Nev and Haden turned to glare at them.

"You got a fucking problem?" Haden snapped.

"We were just saying that we understand why you formed an alliance with the whore. Must be nice having your own personal slut in the games," one of them yelled loudly. The whole room erupted in laughter. My eyes stayed on the table so I couldn't give them the satisfaction of being upset. I could only imagine the rumors that had spread about me after Cassius's outburst.

"We teamed up with her because she combust your body with just a look, asshole," Nev snapped.

"Hey, Captain!" one of them yelled. My attention turned to them as if they were calling to me. My eyes shifted to Cassius, who was staring at the table talking about me. "Was Thea that bad of a lay that you ordered the king to keep her away from you?"

Cassius's eyes shifted to me, but I didn't look at him. My eyes stayed focused on the man who apparently felt brave today. "I'm taking it that she's a lousy lay."

"Damn Royer!" One of the men sitting at the table made a remark.

Cassius didn't do anything to defend me, and I hadn't expected him to. Nev and Haden stayed silent as I stood up with my plate so I could go back to my room. Before I could make it to the dish station, I felt a clump of soggy food collide with my shoulder. The guy that was talking the most shit started laughing.

"How does it feel to be humiliated in front of everyone? If you were wondering, we all think you're pathetic."

My plate hit the floor with a loud clatter as my fire burned wildly in my chest. I charged at the man, who immediately stopped smiling. Cassius's shadows formed a shield between me and the man, but I sent my mist of fire out and burned through his shadows. Then, I sent another round of fire mist after the guy and wrapped him up in it. His smart-ass remarks disappeared as I stalked towards him. Cassius's shadows pulled me away, forcing me to release the man.

I snapped a warning to Cassius, "Stay the fuck out of this."

The man tackled me to the ground. His fist connected to my face, but I welcomed the pain. At least it was different from the humiliation I was constantly feeling. Bucking my hips up, I rolled us over. It was my turn to punch him. I punched and punched until he grabbed my arrow wound.

We both tumbled backward until shadows separated us again. My eyes snapped toward Cassius who was staring at me with a soft plea. My fire mist shot out at him, forcing his shadows to scatter.

Cassius slammed into the wall at the force of my mist. Then, I turned to Royer and smiled as his body trembled. Fire gathered in a ball in my hands before I slammed it into the man. He flew across the room, coming to a halt inches before he would have hit the wall thanks to Cassius's shadows. He threw his hands up in defeat when I moved for him again, so I turned towards Cassius.

"Thea, calm the fuck down," he demanded.

"Scared of me?" I snapped.

"I would be stupid to not be," he sighed. His answer stopped me in my tracks. My eyes scanned the room and saw terrified faces looking back at me.

"No one else wants to make comments?" I asked the room, only to be met with silence. "You're all fucking cowards." I narrowed my gaze at Cassius who had his shadows ready to come at me. "And you're the biggest fucking coward in here."

Hurt flicked across his features. Sybil's healing magic surged forward and healed me as I fled the castle.

"Thea!" a voice called after me, but I kept going. I ran until I couldn't anymore and found that I had wound up in town. Catching my breath, I surveyed the quaint black stone structures, when my eyes locked on a charming bookstore. Eagerly, I made my way inside, and there, behind the wooden counter, an elderly woman greeted me with a warm smile.

"Good evening, dear. I was just about to close up."

"Oh," I breathed. "I was just wondering if you have any books about family crests from the area?"

She gave me an odd look before a smile returned to her face.

"I'll be right back." She disappeared into the back, and I breathed in the smell of all the old books in here. My heartbeat slowed as I relaxed. She came out a few minutes later holding a red leather-bound book.

"This has a bunch you can look through."

"How much?" I didn't have much, but hopefully it was enough.

"You're Thea from the games?" she asked. When I nodded yes, she gave me a friendly smile. "Keep it. Free of charge. You've been very entertaining to watch."

"Thank you." I smiled and headed outside. It was dark now and hardly anyone was on the streets. I looked at the castle in the distance and wanted to be anywhere but there, so I wandered through the desolate town with my book in my hand. My mind flashed to Kaz and Kai from my dream. Part of me hoped it had been a dream, something made up, but I knew that wasn't true. My best friends had lied to me. They had acted as if they had no idea who I was.

Betrayal tugged in my chest as tears welled but I refused to let them out. I would search this book until I found that crest in it. I needed to know who I was before all of this. Needed to find my place. Maybe this crest would lead me there because, clearly, I couldn't trust anyone I knew, and today's fight had proven that everyone is terrified of me. That's what I wanted, but I also felt like a monster.

Cassius was scared of me, too. The thought was unsettling, but I was better off by myself. Maybe I always would be. After hours of wandering aimlessly through town, I headed back to the castle, expecting it to be quiet because it was so late. But when I walked towards my room, I could hear the contestants laughing. Cautiously, I walked past my room and down the hall where I saw lights. When I glanced around the corner, the men were in some sort of mess hall drinking. Their cups filled with amber liquor as they boisterously laughed. The room was small compared to the dining hall and reeked of liquor. Most men stood in groups chatting instead of in the wooden chairs.

They all quieted down when they saw me. Royer sat all bruised at one of the only tables available. The guards were in the room, including Cassius, who already had his shadows ready. I grabbed my amulet and extended my hand at the guy I beat up. Orange and red swirled out from my open palm and towards him. His wounds disappeared instantly. Confusion marred everyone's face. Good, I hoped that threw all of them off. They all acted as if they knew me. That should get them talking about me for a different reason.

Without a word, I turned and headed for my room. Cassius's loud footsteps let me know he was following me, but instead of acknowledging him, I put up a wall of fire mist around me.

"Thea," Cassius spoke sternly but I didn't respond. I walked into my room and locked the door. It only took a moment before his shadows moved under the crack of the door to unlock it, but I used my fire mist to create a barrier that he wouldn"t be able to get through.

"Thea, let me in," he demanded. "Please."

Ignoring him was difficult, but he was not getting near me again. I couldn't allow him to use my feelings for him against me. There was no way I would fall for his shit again.

"I know you can hear me." He tried one last time. When I didn't respond or allow his shadows to unlock the door, I heard him walk away. Sitting in the middle of my small bed, I started looking through the book of family crests, hoping it would lead me somewhere better than this place full of liars.