Chapter 20 Luka

Luka tossed and turned all night, unable to find a comfortable position to sleep. His thoughts were a whirlwind, darting from one idea to another. The thought of Maleko wanting to meet him in Sint Maarten with his baseless marriage proposal sent an icy chill running down his back. While he had no fear of Maleko, he was terrified of the consequences of breaking his contract with the captain. The intensity of his anger grew, directed not only at his father but also at Maleko and the captain. Every time he let his guard down and placed his trust in someone, it ended up blowing up in his face. He desperately wanted to salvage his relationship with the captain, but he felt completely clueless about what steps to take.

He reread the captain’s message, going over the words repeatedly, as if trying to decipher a hidden meaning.

Captain Clark: I’m sorry you’re upset with me. I hope you’ll come to understand my situation. I wouldn’t have taken you on my ship if I thought you destroyed my home. Remember the day after tomorrow we’ll be stopping at Sint Maarten. You’ll have to come with me since I have business there. Hope you sleep okay. I miss you.

Luka stared at the message from Captain Clarke.

He claims to be sorry, but it’s only because he knows I’m upset with him. He hopes I’ll understand and forgive his dishonesty. He wants me to believe he took me on because he doubted my involvement in helping Maleko destroy his home. Little did I know he had a connection to my ex-boyfriend in the Marines, a fact he conveniently kept to himself. What else is he keeping from me? And Maleko never mentioned he was in the Marines, let alone was kicked out.

Luka got up and checked the door to the balcony. Much to his surprise, it swung open easily, revealing the breathtaking view outside. Without hesitation, he stepped out onto the balcony with no clothes on, feeling the cool tiles beneath his bare feet. His mind raced with possibilities, and he realized he needed some time alone to figure out what he wanted to do about the captain.

The salty wind teased Luka’s hair as he leaned on the wrought-iron railing of the balcony. Below, the endless expanse of the ocean stretched towards the horizon. The beauty did little to soothe the turmoil within him. Captain Clarke’s words hung heavy in the air, laced with regret and a stubborn pride mirroring Luka’s own.

The bitter anger continued to twist in Luka’s gut. The gentle sway of the ship did nothing to calm the intense emotions churning inside him. His father, the man he’d always put on a pedestal, had decided for him to serve Captain Clarke? He scoffed, a sound barely audible above the rhythmic whoosh of the waves. The revelation had ripped open a chasm of doubt, making him question everything he thought he knew about the captain and their connection.

The balcony door on the other side swung open, and the captain emerged, standing next to the partition as he gazed towards him.

“Can’t sleep?” Captain Clarke asked.

Luka shook his head. “I guess your bed got too crowded with all your lies for you to sleep.”

“Put some clothes on,” the captain hissed, eyeing his naked body.

“Yes, sir.” Taking his time, Luka walked inside. He changed into a comfortable pair of shorts before making his way back to the balcony and sitting down.

The captain was seated in the chair beside Luka.

“Did you fly over here?” Luka grinned as he sat down beside him.

“I wanted to be closer to you.” He gently placed his hand on Luka’s, savoring the warmth of their touch.

With a swift motion, Luka pulled his hand away, breaking their contact. “Don’t touch me.”

“Okay. Let’s talk about how we can make it right with us. I want an ‘us’ with you.”

“We’re not an ‘us’ right now and probably never were or ever will be. I’d like to hear how you didn’t think I should know who you were.”

“I vowed to your father I’d keep my true identity a secret from you.”

“Why did he make you promise that?”

“He feared your rejection of the deal to serve time on my ship, thinking you might prefer going to prison.”

“He actually said that about me?” Luka leaned his head closer to the captain.

“He did. He said you’re very stubborn.”

“How would he know? I guess I’m a little stubborn. When I get something in my head, it stays there.”

“I’d say you’re on the stubborn side of things.”

“Stubborn,” Luka repeated, the word tasting sour on his tongue. It was true. He couldn’t deny it. But was it blind stubbornness, or a fierce loyalty to his own desires? A flicker of something warmer, perhaps a memory of stolen glances and shared laughter, sparked within him. Despite the anger, there was a connection that wouldn’t be easily extinguished.

The captain winked at him.

“If we’re ever going to be together, you need to understand I expect to be your number one concern, not your promises to others.”

“I don’t understand why you don’t value keeping your word. I’m as good as mine.”

Luka met Captain Clarke’s gaze, a challenge glinting in his eyes. The captain’s face, usually a stoic mask of command, reflected a vulnerability he hadn’t expected. Maybe, just maybe, there was room for compromise amidst the wreckage of misplaced promises. But compromise meant trust, and trust meant honesty.

“Being my number one concern,” Luka began, his voice low and firm, “doesn’t mean breaking promises. It means making me a part of them, Captain.”

“That’s something I need to learn, then. I don’t know how to do that.”

“Who you are is public information. You could have told me before we were together.”

“I knew you’d want to break the contract and not engage in a relationship with me because of who I was.”

“So, you made the choice for me. I didn’t get a say.”

“That’s not exactly the whole story. I thought it would be best for our relationship if you didn’t know that detail.”

“You mean best to help you persuade me to enter into a relationship with you?”

“Yes. I wanted you with me.”

“I had doubts about you because you hold too much power over me. I should have listened to myself instead of listening to my dick.”

Captain Clarke grinned. “I want us to work out as a couple, and if you let me know when I’m being too controlling, I can adjust my behavior.”

“Right now, you have most of the power in our relationship. I’m not willing to give you any more than you already hold. I wonder if that’s why you became interested in me in the first place. You had me where you wanted me.”

“You were under my total control and that was a big turn on and my first attraction to you, but it changed as I got to know you.”

“I don’t believe you’ve changed for a minute. You want to control me to where I have no choice when it comes to you or anything else in my life. You want me because I can’t leave you and your ship. You have me right where you want me.”

“I don’t know what to say to make you believe I want you in my life. When we’re in Sint Maarten, give me another chance to show you how much I want you for you.”

“I don’t have a choice, do I? I have to go with you since you don’t trust anyone to watch me.”

“You don’t have a choice because I’m in charge of you. But more than that, I want you with me.”

“You could just lock me in my cabin during the island stops like you told me on day one.”

“I’m not going to lock you in your cabin anymore. I trust you.”

“Why the sudden change?” Luka didn’t buy that the captain trusted him.

“Because I’m willing to break some rules for you.”

“I wish I could believe you. I’d want that more than anything.”

“Can I take you to breakfast tomorrow morning before you go to work?”

“I guess so. I’m going to try to sleep.”

“Good night, Luka.” The captain climbed back over the partition.

Luka made his way to his berth and wondered if he could forgive him. He wanted to in the worst way, but could he ever trust him?