Chapter 9

Rhokar

She keeps smiling at me.

I haven't seen her smile since… well, since our night together. I don't know how I'm supposed to react to this development.

I shift in my seat, no longer sure what to do with myself, and spear the last hunk of lamb from the sharing platter before us, just to give myself something to do.

I pause before bringing it to my plate, though. "You sure you don't want more?"

"Oh, god, no thank you. I'm stuffed." She leans back in her seat, pushing her plate away as if it might leap up and try to force itself down her throat. "That platter was big enough to feed an entire household!"

"Sure, if you and I were a household," I say, before immediately internally cringing and glaring down. Gods and above, Rhokar, really? You might as well beg her to marry you, next. I resist the urge to wipe my hand over my face in despair. "Because it's finished, I mean. The food. We finished it." I stab angrily at my plate, shoving half the hunk of meat into my mouth in one go to stop myself from speaking.

This is her fault. Why in all hells wasn't she going to feed herself? Why couldn't she have gone home to eat a regular dinner like a regular adult person should?

When my eyes dart up to her of their own accord, she's grinning and watching me. "No-one's going to take your food away, Rhokar. You can relax."

I glare and keep chewing.

"I don't even know how you're still eating, there must have been ten pounds of meat on that platter you ordered us."

I cut into another large piece as I swallow. "This is perfectly good lamb."

She lifts both her hands as if in surrender, before reaching for her wine. She's nearly finished her second glass, and she looks relaxed in her seat. Her body languid and comfortable as she leans back and sips. Her dark curls shine in the warm light, and her lips are practically set in an upturned position.

"Quit smiling," I grouch after a few moments, and I go for the last piece on my plate. "It's irritating."

"Ah, there's the Rhokar I know and love." My left eye twitches, and I swallow hard. "Sour as a lemon."

"Lemons are good for you," I say as I let my cutlery clutter onto my plate, and grab for the last of my beer. "Full of vitamin C."

She chuckles and tips her glass up to finish the rest of the red liquid inside, unfazed. "Got an answer for everything, don't you?"

"The sooner you learn that, the better." I flag our waiter, hoping Ella doesn't notice how much I'm struggling not to smile back at her. I'm having a dangerously pleasant evening. It's probably best that I cut this short now.

But instead of ordering the check, I order us another round of drinks.

"Rhokar! I've already had two glasses, I think that's enough for me."

I shrug and drain the last of my beer. "Don't finish it, then. I don't care." Mind. I should have said I don't mind.

I glance at her again as I finish up and lean back, surveying the completely cleaned plates, including her own. She ate plenty, I made sure of that. Something deep inside me settles with satisfaction at this knowledge.

"Why were you eating Lunchables for dinner," I ask, unable to get the topic off my mind. "You can't be that poor, I'm paying you a small fortune."

"And I'm worth every penny," she bites back without a moment of hesitation. But her blue eyes are sparkling with good humor, and when the waiter serves us our drinks, she takes another happy sip. "I've just been busy. It's not a big deal."

"You didn't have leftovers from yesterday?"

She shrugs. "I've been eating the same thing all week."

My face immediately pulls into a frown. I don't like the idea of her not being looked after. "Don't do that again. Eat properly."

"Or else what? You'll kidnap me again?"

"If that's what it takes," I growl. But instead of hitting me with a sharp retort, her lips spread into another soft smile, and she tilts her head to the side, swirling her glass of red as her hair shifts back to expose her neck.

"Okay. It's a date."

I grab my beer, and glare at it. "It's not a date."

What is she doing? Is she playing some sort of game with me? This behavior is the complete antithesis of our every interaction so far, and if she is playing…she's going to win.

I'm coming to realize I'm a much weaker orc than I thought I was, because I'm not fighting very hard to stop her.

"Why are you being so pleasant?" I ask suddenly, gruffly, as if my subconscious is in charge of my speech instead of the very conscious, very prominent part of me which demands that I should be paying the bill and leaving immediately without another word spoken.

She snorts into her wine at my words, spluttering and laughing at the same time while she quickly lifts her napkin to cover her mouth.

"I'm serious," I growl, as a red-skinned teifling couple walks past us with their two kids. "You're…scaring the children."

"Oh my god, Rho…" She finishes wiping her lips, still giggling, and the sound is making something stir in my chest that I don't know how to name. "You're kind of an odd one, aren't you?"

"Just answer the question," I sigh, suddenly feeling drained. I don't want to play games. I'm sick of second guessing myself, since I clearly don't have a track record of correctly interpreting the intentions of women. I'd rather she just tell me what's going on so I can understand, pack the situation away, and go back to my favorite pastime of ignoring her.

Except that's not exactly true, is it? A quiet voice slithers through my thoughts. You've been avoiding her, but you've been doing anything but ignoring her. There's a difference…

"I'm not doing anything!" she exclaims when my only response is to continue glaring at her.

"You're smiling."

"Oh, dear, I am so very sorry for exposing you to such a horror."

"You haven't smiled since…you first started working for me."

"I'm responding to you, you giant monster of a jerk!"

She rolls her eyes, and I lift my mug, before thunking it back down without taking a drink. "What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

I tsk and take two large gulps of my beer, flagging the waiter once more with the universal gesture for ‘check, please'.

"Hurry up and finish so I can go home," I mutter. If she doesn't want to be clear and honest, then this conversation is done. I don't like the feeling of being made a fool of, which is always what ends up happening when women do their ‘if you don't know why I'm mad, then I'm not going to tell you,' dance.

Inadequate. Unprepared. Unworthy.

Morgatha was always very good at reminding me how much those words suited me when she got upset, without ever once having to say them directly to me. It makes me tired just thinking about it, and it reminds me why I haven't taken a woman out for dinner in so long.

I don't know what I was thinking, bringing Ella here.

I chance a glance at her as the waiter drops the bill at the table, and I throw a handful of notes into the black booklet holding the receipt. Her soft lips are pursed, and her brows are drawn over her eyes, but she doesn't look angry or annoyed anymore. More thoughtful, maybe. I'm just about to ask if she's finished, when the waiter leaves and she opens her mouth to speak.

"I just mean," she says quietly, all traces of both the mirth and annoyance from earlier gone, "that I'm affected by the way you act with me, and I can't help but respond defensively."

Not ‘You're a jerk and you deserve my anger.'

Not ‘ It's your fault I never smile.'

Her blue eyes are bright from the wine and possibly a little vulnerable, and she shrugs. "I wish we got along better. Tonight was really nice."

My previous thoughts fade, and I find myself wondering completely out of the blue once more, why she disappeared so thoroughly all those years ago. Why didn't she want me?

I don't know what to do with that question, though, so I shove it away and ignore it.

But she sighs into my silence as I wrestle with my emotions, then she grabs her bag and stands up leaving me staring at the space she'd just occupied.

"Sorry I'm such a bitch all the time."

I shake my head and look up at her, realizing I'm still sitting like an idiot, and I jump up and follow her out as she begins to walk.

We make it back to the car in silence, but I don't unlock, and she turns to face me expectantly.

"You're not a bitch," I mutter, feeling incredibly uncomfortable, as we stand alone in the dimly lit parking lot. "I, uh…"

I scrub a hand roughly over the back of my neck, and scowl.

"It's fine, Rhokar, you don't have to—"

"I'm sorry," I find myself saying, my voice gravelly, and I've never felt such profound, nervous awkwardness take over my entire body. "For being so difficult to deal with. You're right, I attacked you first. I took my issues out on you."

She blinks a few times, her eyes darting all across my features as though she could read the contents of my soul.

"Okay," she says quietly, and when she smiles my heart tugs in my chest, as if being pulled out towards her. "I'll forgive you, if you forgive me for fighting you, too. And for suggesting that you deserve to be alone earlier tonight. You don't, by the way. I'm sorry I said that in the car."

Just like that? No blaming? No holding it over each other's heads for the rest of eternity?

I huff in bemusement, my gaze stuck on hers, despite how much I tell myself I should look away now. "Okay."

Her smile stretches. "So can we start a new chapter, then? Friends?"

I nod, not knowing what else to do or say. "Friends."

"Good."

She takes the final step towards me and stretches up onto the very tips of her toes, resting a hand on my cheek and drawing me down. My body moves at her command, even as another part of me remains entirely frozen, watching as if from a distance as she drops a light, almost friendly kiss against my cheek.

Almost friendly, that voice in me murmurs again. She lingered a little.

When she turns away, I don't know which part of me takes over and grabs her small wrist between my fingers, but it's like I'm no longer the one in control. Within a second, I've pulled her close again, my hand fisting the hair at the base of her neck as I walk her slowly backwards, caging her between me and my car.

She gasps, her eyes widening as she stares up at me, lips moving as if she wants to speak, but can't.

"Your scent is incredible," I whisper, taking a deep inhale of her smokey sweetness, letting the fog of it completely drown all remaining sense and reason from my mind. "I've missed it."

She blinks, her mouth settling in a surprised ‘o'. When I scent the gentle bloom of her arousal begin to thicken the air between us, I lean my body against hers with a growl, feeling dizzy with want as I brush my thumb over her soft bottom lip.

That's when a car alarm suddenly blares into the night near us, followed by the surprised yowl of a small night ghoul. When Ella's body startles against mine, it's as if she startles the sense back into me, and I practically jump away from her.

What in all hells am I doing?

The restaurant doors swing open somewhere behind us, and the sound of chatter fills the no longer silent night as a group make their way towards the car alarm.

"Um," Ella says uncertainly, her voice shaky and her expression still shocked as she pushes slowly away from the car.

Probably because you nearly mauled her, idiot.

"Sorry," I mutter, running a hand from my forehead to my tusks, as I turn and quickly walk to the driver's side. I ignore the way my cock has already thickened, jumping to full mast from that short interaction alone, letting me know without a doubt that it most definitely wants to return to Ella.

I want to feel her again, I need to see how wet she is, how much she needs me—

"W-wait," she practically whispers, but I pretend I don't hear her and step into the car, completely unwilling to extend the awkwardness of the moment.

She's nice to you for five minutes, and you're already making a move. This is your problem. You jump in too quickly.

I rub at my chest, trying to dissipate the odd tug that's started up at my heart, and when she doesn't get in for a few more seconds I power down the window on her side.

"Come on." I clear my throat, annoyed at the gravelly quality of my voice. "I'll take you back to your car."

Another moment of hesitation, and then her door clicks open, and she slides in quietly.

We don't speak for the entire ride back to the office, and I don't look at her once, despite feeling her eyes on me.

It's for the best. I know it is.

Is she wondering if I'm going to attack her again? Is she hoping I will? Either way, it doesn't matter. Because I won't be.

When we arrive, I

wait with my engine running for her to get safely into her car before I leave.

"Goodnight, Rhokar," she says quietly as she steps out.

I grunt and nod, and don't look at her. "Night."

The second her car pulls out of the lot I floor it and don't look back.

I don't need anyone. I don't want anyone.

I'd just…gotten caught up in the moment. It wasn't going to happen again.