Chapter 26

26

Connor

Something was wrong with Julie.

At first, he'd thought it was the presence of her ex, but after John finally left—called in for a consult at work, which he announced very loudly before leaving—she didn't seem any less tense. If anything, she seemed more so. But he wasn't sure what to do about it, especially as people started leaving, and he started helping her parents clean up.

He wasn't sure what the problem was.

Her family liked him, as far as he could tell. Her dad seemed like he was approving. Even her mom was thawing out toward him.

But Julie was stiff and cold toward everyone, including him. Which didn't seem very fair after he'd spent the afternoon doing his best to charm her family. He wasn't a natural extrovert, though he knew how to handle himself in social situations, and he knew he was going to be extra tired after this. He'd put on his work face for her family, on his day off, and now he was tempted to call in sick tomorrow just to get some rest.

He already knew he wouldn't do that—it wouldn't be fair to his coworkers or his patients since he wasn't actually sick—but that he felt the temptation meant something. Of course, he hadn't realized exactly how many family members she would have here today, or he might have been more prepared.

"It was very nice to meet you, Connor," her dad said, shaking his hand again as he escorted them to the door.

"Nice to meet you," her mom echoed. There was still a look in her eyes that made Connor think he was being weighed, judged, but not in a mean or malicious way. It was just that her mom hadn't fully decided whether or not she approved. That was the sense Connor got.

"It was nice to meet you. Thank you so much for having me," he said with a grin.

Julie slipped out the door past him, her gait slightly stiff.

"Bye," she said as she moved past her parents.

"Goodbye Julie," her dad called after her.

"I'll call you, Julie," her mom said right on top of him, raising her voice to make sure Julie would be able to hear her.

Connor grimaced. That had been rude. He gave them an apologetic wave and hurried after Julie, catching up to her halfway to his car.

"Hey, what was that about?" he asked, frowning down at her as he took her hand, trying to figure out what the problem was. As far as he could see, there shouldn't be a problem.

"What was what about?"

The belligerent tone of her voice meant something was really really off, which made him feel even more exasperated.

"The way… the way you're being right now." He wasn't sure how to describe it in a manner that wouldn't make her even more angry. Part of him was already cringing internally, not knowing how she would react to his questioning. "What's wrong? Did something happen? Did your parents say something?"

Rather than answering him, Julie took a deep breath and closed her eyes. Despite his impatience for an answer, Connor made himself hold back his questions. Whatever was going on with her, she was struggling with it, and if she needed a moment, he could give her that, even though it was hard for him to wait when he couldn't even imagine what the problem was.

Opening her eyes, she gave her head a shake. She was just as tense as she had been before she took her breath. His stomach churned, wondering what the hell was going on.

"I can't talk about this right now." Turning away from him, she put her hand on the car door handle. "Let's just go."

"Was it me? Was it something I did?" His mind shot back to the afternoon. Had he done something she didn't approve of? Had he accidentally flirted with someone? Been rude to someone? Had her parents said something to her about him? Maybe they'd only been friendly to his face.

Had John said something to her?

"Connor, I can't talk about this right now. Let's just get in the car and go, please." Despite the ‘please,' her words came out clipped and angry, and it felt like the anger was directed at him.

His own frustration was starting to bubble up. He was tired after an afternoon of socializing with people he didn't know and doing his best to make a good impression on everyone, and he didn't know what he'd done to deserve this.

He'd expected praise. Gratitude. Maybe even a reward.

Not… whatever this was.

"Sorry," he said, though he was having trouble feeling like he meant it. Pulling his keys out of his pocket, he started walking around the car. "I just wanted to know if I did something. I thought the afternoon went well."

He could hear the edge in his voice. He hadn't exactly meant for it to be there, but at the same time, he wanted her to know that he was annoyed, too. A few minutes ago, he'd been really happy, thinking everything had gone well, but she wasn't acting like it had, and now, she wasn't talking to him about what was wrong either.

It hurt.

On multiple levels.

Something tickled his awareness, and he looked up, looking across the top of the car to see Julie on the other side of it. Since she was standing on the grass, just past the curb, she was tall enough that he could see her face. It was paler than usual, tight with emotion, and her eyes glittered, nostrils flaring as she took in another deep breath through them.

"You know what, I can't do this right now. I will call you later." Turning away from him, she pulled her phone out of her pocket and started typing into it.

"Julie… what… I just asked a simple question." Frustrated, Connor glanced around, trying to keep his voice down. Some of her family were still leaving, heading to the cars lined up along the street. None of them were within hearing, but they would definitely see if he left without her. Now, it was his turn to take a deep breath. "Just… get in the car, okay? We can talk about it later."

"You know what, Connor? Not everything has to be done on your timetable. I get a say in when I want to do things."

"Hey, we did today on your timetable." He pointed his finger at her. "You invited me here today, remember? I didn't ask to be invited or push to meet your family. I'm here because you asked me to be."

"I'm aware of that, Connor." She was looking away from him again, though, down the street like she was waiting for a ride.

Dammit. Some of her family were starting to look over at them. Thankfully, not Sandra and Terry, they'd already left, but he felt like there was probably a good chance that she'd hear about this eventually, and he was going to have to explain what happened. Even though right now, he wasn't sure what was happening. If she didn't get in the car with him, it was going to be really obvious that something was wrong, undoing all the effort he'd put in today.

He didn't want her family thinking she was scared to get in the car with him, even though they were having a fight.

He'd never hurt her, but he knew what it would look like if they argued. She was half his size. What would they all think if she went home separately just because they were having a disagreement?

And he didn't even know what their disagreement was about, other than the fact she wouldn't talk to him. Which he really didn't understand why.

"Just get in the car, please, Julie. Your family is starting to look at us. I think your parents are watching."

It was the wrong thing to say. Her head snapped around, gaze pinning him with a fiery glare.

"Oh, well, by all means, let's pretend everything's fine then since my parents are watching. I shouldn't get what I've asked for because my parents are watching. God forbid, I get a minute to think or get to make a decision about what I need, just so that you can make sure my parents like you. " Her voice rose higher and higher with every sentence until she was shouting at him across the top of the car.

Connor stood in the street, stunned, because he didn't know what to do.

That wasn't… he hadn't…

She'd taken it the wrong way, yet she hadn't at the same time. Because everyone was staring at them now and he really wished he'd just gotten in the car and gone when she'd made the request. Why hadn't he? Why had he had to push?

"That's not what I meant. I'm sorry."

Closing her eyes, Julie pinched the bridge of her nose.

"I'm sorry too, Connor, but I really can't do this right now." Even though she'd stopped yelling, her voice was pitched high, like she was on the verge of losing it.

He shouldn't have pushed her. He should have seen how tense she was, how on edge she was, and he should have let her have her space, the way she'd asked him. He shouldn't have picked a fight just because he was upset that she wasn't more grateful after everything he'd done that afternoon. He'd realized something was going on, and he'd made it about how he felt instead of focusing on what she needed from him.

Some of what she'd told him about her ex, about how he was with her family, was popping up into his head now. Why it hadn't before, he didn't know. Maybe because he'd been too busy trying to make a good impression on her family.

Just like her ex.

"I'm sorry. Get in the car, and I promise I won't ask any more questions, I won't say anything. We can just get in the car and go." His voice had turned pleading, and he didn't care anymore who was listening, who was watching. It didn't matter what they thought; what mattered was what Julie wanted, and he was internally cursing himself for not prioritizing that in the first place.

What she felt should matter more to him than how her family felt about him.

For a moment, one long moment, he thought he'd convinced her.

And then a car pulled up behind him.

"Julie?"

He turned. Camille. Dammit. He'd forgotten that she and Freddy lived in this neighborhood.

Movement out of the corner of his eye, he turned his head to see Julie coming around the back of his car, heading for the passenger side door of Camille's. Pausing before she opened the door, she turned to look at him. Tears filled her big brown eyes, though none had spilled over yet.

There was more than sadness in her gaze; there was disappointment, and he felt it like a blow to his chest, making him want to crumble in on himself.

"We'll talk later, okay?" she asked.

Dumbly, he nodded his head, no longer trusting his voice, not sure of what might come out of his mouth.

Stepping forward, Julie put her hand on his chest and went up on her tiptoes. Connor bent his head down to meet her lips for a brief, unsatisfying kiss.

Then she was gone, pulled away and into Camille's car with the door closing behind her. She didn't look at him as Camille pulled away, taking his heart with her.

"Everything okay, Connor?" One of Julie's uncles called to him, concern clear in his voice.

Connor shook his head and waved at the man, getting into his car before anyone could come over to question him. No, everything wasn't okay, and he didn't know what to do about it except drive away and hope he didn't make anything worse.

Julie

Staring at Camille's dashboard, Julie felt the sobs she'd been holding back clawing at her chest like they could rip through her skin and break free into the world.

It hurt.

Everything hurt.

Knowing she'd hurt Connor hurt.

The fact that he hadn't just given her what she'd asked for—twice!—hurt.

The way he'd spoken to her hurt.

That he'd been more concerned with how things looked to her family than how she was feeling hurt so much, she felt like her heart was breaking.

Knowing that some of this was left over from John's hurt.

Not knowing how reasonable or unreasonable she was being hurt.

She felt like a big walking open wound, and someone had just poured a saltshaker all over her. She hadn't wanted to fight with him. She'd known the way she was feeling wasn't all his fault. That's why she'd needed some time to sort through her feelings. She hadn't wanted to blow up at him. She'd known she needed to get herself under control before she tried to talk to him about it.

And she was so mad and hurt that he hadn't been able to give her that, even as she blamed herself for not being able to control her temper or her pride. She'd seen the way her tears affected him, yet she hadn't wanted to cry to get her way, even though if she'd started crying, he probably would have just gotten in the car and let her ride in silence.

But why should I have to cry to get what I asked for?

It wasn't the first time that question had whispered in mind, though it had been years since she'd heard it. That's why she hadn't cried. She'd sworn to herself that she wasn't going to do that again to get what she needed from a man. From her partner.

Lifting a hand to brush the hair out of her eyes, she immediately lowered it when she saw how badly she was shaking. She didn't want Camille to see.

But of course, she had.

Camille reached out and patted Julie's knee.

"It's going to be okay, honey," she murmured.

She didn't ask what was wrong. She didn't press Julie to talk, which was part of why Julie had called her over Olivia. She wasn't ready to talk yet, not sure what was going to come out of her mouth, which was why she'd asked Connor if they could just go. That was all she needed.

One simple request.

Which he'd ignored—the same way he'd ignored that she'd wanted to leave earlier.

Was it a sign of things to come? Was it leftover baggage from John?

Some psychologist she was—she couldn't even sort through her own mess. And she didn't trust herself to know at this point. She'd already let herself down once with John; was she going to ignore red flags a second time? Set herself up with someone who cared more about appearances than her again?

It hurt so much, and she didn't know what to do.

And she wasn't sure it was ever going to be okay.

Burying her face in her shaking hands, no longer able to hold back the sobs, Julie let herself drown in the bitter hurt while Camille kept rubbing her knee, murmuring soothing words that fell on deaf ears.