1. April

ONE

APRIL

After the initial reunion, things were a little awkward. It had been so long since we'd been together that there was some hesitation on all our parts, but Kris and Kellan hadn't let that last long. The first thing they'd done was reintroduce me to my nephew, Aiden. I hadn't seen him in years and was a little nervous at meeting him properly.

Kellan called the boy down from his room, and I smiled at him. He looked so much like Kellan and Kris had at that age. Not knowing what to do, I kept my hands clasped in front of me and waited for Aiden to say something.

"This is your Aunt April. She hasn't seen you for a long time, but she's great," Kellan said, kneeling next to the boy.

Aiden frowned and tilted his head at me. Then he looked at Kellan. "Isn't she the lady on that commercial you always gag at? The one where she's wearing that little tiny swimsuit?"

"Well, yeah. If you had a sister, you'd also gag if you saw her in a thong bikini. Gross. But yes, she's on that sunscreen commercial. She's a famous model."

Aiden's eyes widened and he turned his gaze back to me. "You're famous?"

My face went red, and I shrugged. "I mean, I don't really like that word, but yeah, a lot of people know me. It's nice to see you again, Aiden."

"You're really pretty."

"Um, thanks. You're a very handsome young man," I said, my face growing even hotter.

He looked at me for several more seconds, and I couldn't help but think I was being weighed and measured. I'd had couture fashion designers look at me with a critical eye before, but that had all been about my face or my body. Was my ass too skinny? Was it too fat? Were my tits too big or not big enough? Those had been easy to handle. This inspection by a nine-year-old boy was like my very soul and personality were being checked over. What flaws did he see that were invisible to adults? What sins could he see in the way I held myself? Frankly, it was terrifying.

After a few seconds, Aiden grinned. "I like you. You're cool."

I almost let out a breath of relief; thankfully, I had enough self-awareness to stop myself. Instead, I returned his grin. "I'm glad I passed inspection."

Kellan laughed and pointed toward the hallway. "Third bedroom is down the hall on the right. You have your own bathroom. Make yourself at home."

Doing exactly that, I hauled my suitcases down the hallway with my brothers' help. The bedroom was small but more than enough for me. There was a full-sized bed, a small closet, and a tiny bathroom with a sink, toilet, and corner stall shower. Over the last twelve years, I couldn't remember ever staying in anything this tiny. Yet, I couldn't remember ever being so happy to be anywhere.

After he got my luggage wedged into the closet, Kellan said, "Do you want to drop by the bar?"

My parents had run a bar in town until I'd paid for their retirement. After they left for Texas, Kellan and Kris had taken over running it. My very first job had been washing glasses in the back. A nostalgic warmth spread through me at the memory.

"Yeah, that would actually be great."

I spent the next several days reconnecting with my family. To their credit, neither of my brothers asked about the tabloid stuff. Which I very much appreciated. One thing I couldn't deal with was trying to explain to my brothers why I'd had an orgy with God knows who while stoned out of my mind. That stuff slipped further into the rearview the longer I was back home. Like some other me had done all those awful things.

I also spent a good bit of time getting to know Aiden. We'd already developed a bit of a ritual—after dinner, we played Uno for an hour before he went to bed. He really reminded me of my brothers, and it only took a day or two before I was head over heels in love with him. Knowing that this awesome little man had been here all this time, that I had opted not to be a part of his life, was a gut punch. So much had been missed, but I was back now. Even if I did find my way back into the world of fashion and glitz and glamor, I'd already decided I would visit much more often. Not only Kellan and Kris, but my parents as well.

A week after my arrival, I found myself helping Kris get the bar ready for the night. I was polishing glasses while he swept the floor and wiped down tables. My brothers had elevated the place. When Mom and Dad had run it, it had been a cozy, warm little place where loggers, plumbers, and similar tradesmen relaxed and ended their days with a few cold beers. The boys had changed the décor and refreshed the paint. They'd also expanded the beverage menu to more microbrews and even a liquor and wine menu. The same workers still came in, but other clientele had started showing up, and business was much steadier than it had been even when Mom and Dad were at their busiest.

A question had been on my mind for several days, almost since I'd crested that hill and saw Lilly Valley again. Knowing it would be a sore spot for my brothers, I'd done my best to push it to the back of my mind. Right then, while polishing wine glasses, I had to ask. Had to, or I might literally explode.

"Hey, Kris?"

He glanced up from where he was sweeping the floor. "Huh?"

I took a steadying breath and tried to seem as casual as I could. "Have you guys ever heard anything from Steff?"

Kris frowned almost immediately. His knuckles went white around the broom handle, and I realized even old wounds could still seem fresh.

"Yeah. He's around."

His tone held nothing but disgust. Things between Steff and my brothers had ended poorly when he broke things off with me. We'd been the it couple in high school. I'd truly believed that we'd end up married. When Steff broke up with me and moved across the country on a baseball scholarship, I'd been beyond heartbroken. My brothers loved me, and even though they'd been best friends with Steff, they'd basically sworn a blood feud with him. It was almost like something from the Middle Ages.

Through the grapevine, I'd heard that he'd gotten hurt and his career had been cut short before it really ever began. Thoughts of him had popped into my mind multiple times over the years, usually when I was at my loneliest and most depressed. My mind would do the thing where it would play out how my life might have been had we stayed together. That usually sent me deeper into my depression. Then I'd drown those feelings out with a glass of wine or some sort of pill.

"He came back a few years ago with some buddies he'd picked up. They started some security agency or some shit like that. Kellan and I avoid him as best we can," Kris said, going back to sweeping.

He was pissed off even talking about Steff. Deciding to leave it alone, I went back to polishing the glasses. After a while, I glanced at my watch and realized I needed to go meet the realtor. As much as I loved catching up with my brother and getting to know Aiden, I really needed my own place. Larry had contacted the realtor and set up a meeting so I could see a few places.

"I've got to meet the realtor. I'll see you tonight, okay?" I said.

Kris nodded. "Sounds good. See you later."

Larry called me on a video call about the time I pulled up to the real estate office. "April? How are you doing?"

"Good, Larry. How are you?" Had I not been on a video call, I'd have rolled my eyes.

"Fine, fine. Is the realtor there?"

"Jesus, Larry, I just got here. Yes, I'm walking up to her right now."

A middle-aged woman dressed in a sharp-looking business suit greeted me. "Hello, Miss Knight?"

"Yes."

"Deborah Whitmire. Great to meet you," she said, shaking my hand.

"Hey, Debbie, Larry here," the tinny voice from my phone called out.

From the look on her face, Deborah did not like being called Debbie. Instead of dwelling on how uncomfortable Larry had made everything, she and I made the silent decision to get started without much preamble. We got into her car and went to see three different properties that might work for me.

The first was a tiny studio apartment above a vacant office. It was way too small, and Larry was irritated that it was even a suggestion. It was almost to the point that I wanted to shut off the call. I looked like an idiot, walking around holding my phone out so he could see everything.

The second place was better, however, it was way out on the edge of town. It would have worked, but I didn't want to have to drive twenty minutes to see my family after coming halfway across the country to reconnect with them. Of course, Larry liked it because it was secluded and tucked into the woods. But by that point, Deborah and I had officially begun to ignore him.

The minute I saw the last place, I knew. It was love at first sight. The small, cottage-style house had two bedrooms and one bathroom that held a surprisingly large claw-foot tub that looked heavenly. The best part was that it was only a couple blocks away from the bar and about a five-minute drive to Kellan's house. By the time we'd walked it, I was grinning from ear to ear.

As soon as we stepped out onto the driveway, I turned to Deborah. "I'll take it."

"Whoa, hold on," Larry said. "Are you sure? I think she has a couple more you can look at. These were the small places. I wanted her to show you a few bigger houses."

"Oh, Larry, please shut up for once," I snarled. "This is the one."

"Okay, calm down, I got it. I'll schedule a company to install the security system. And I'll fly down for a day to help the movers get everything set up. You can head on back to your brother's place, and I'll take care of everything. Debbie, can you get the lease sent?—"

I ended the call and smiled at Deborah. "Sorry about him. He really means well."

Deborah lifted an eyebrow. "I swear, if he'd called me Debbie one more time… ugh." She smiled at me. "I'll start the paperwork. I think you'll be able to move in fairly soon."

I glanced down the street. There were a few houses nearby, but I didn't notice anyone out and about. "Do you know anything about the neighbors?"

"Sorry, I'm pretty new in town. I don't know much about the owners on this street."

"That's fine. This place is just great."

It wasn't lip service. Something about being back home made me feel safe. Although, I was glad Larry was getting a security system put in. You couldn't be too careful these days. I'd seen that for myself in more ways than one.

Larry and I had agreed on a three-month lease, with the option to renew if I needed more time. After I signed the lease, Larry let me know it would be several days until the system was installed, so I had to keep bunking with Kellan for the time being.

The night after I signed the lease, we had dinner together—spaghetti and meatballs that Kellan had made. Aiden and I sat side by side on one side of the table, talking about his day. He was getting really worked up about his new baseball season.

"Aunt April, it's gonna be great. I'm finally old enough for the bigger team. We're really good. They've won, like, so many games. It's all because of the coach, he's like a genius. I can't wait for you to come watch me play."

He sounded so excited that I couldn't help getting caught up in his enthusiasm, grinning like a maniac back at him. When I glanced over at Kellan, I noticed he didn't look happy.

"Yeah," he grunted. "Great coach. Aiden, buddy, if you're done, you can go play video games. But only for thirty minutes. Then you need to read until bed. Go on."

Aiden jumped up, taking his plate to the sink. " Minecraft, " he shouted happily as he ran down the hall.

Kellan glanced at me. "Guess who the coach is."

Staring back at him dumbly, I shrugged, making an "I don't know" motion with my hands.

"Steffen fucking James."

My heart lurched. Steff was Aiden's coach? I'd already promised to go see him play, which meant I'd have to see Steff. There'd be no way to go watch Aiden's game without seeing the coach. What would it be like to see Steff again? I'd been preparing myself for the possibility since I'd come back, but now it seemed real. The last time I saw him, he'd ripped my heart out and shredded it to pieces. I'd never truly recovered from the heartbreak. It was partly why I moved away and changed my whole life. That had been when we'd been kids, though. We were adults now, and a lot had changed over the years.

"The guy rolls back into town like he's hot shit. The damn Little League Association nearly tripped over themselves to get the town legend to coach the top team. I swear, the guy thinks he shits gold," Kellan said, aggressively stirring his pasta.

Reaching across the table, I put a hand on his forearm. "Kellan, you and Kris really need to let go of this grudge. I do appreciate how much you guys love me, but it's no use to keep carrying this anger toward him. I've moved on with my life, and anything Steff did in the past is that. In the past." I raised my eyebrows and nodded toward the hallway. "Besides, it won't be good for Aiden if his daddy is always staring daggers at the coach like he wants to murder him."

Kellan put his fork down and raised his hands in surrender. "Okay, you've got a deal. I promise I will not murder Steffen James. Deal?"

Rolling my eyes, I nodded. We ate for a few more minutes in silence, but I knew I had to get the next shitty sister moment over with. My parents had always been very vague about what had happened between Kellan and Aiden's mother, and I'd never pressed the issue. They'd told me it would be helpful if I sent him some money now and then because things were rough for him and the boy. And I did, without hesitation. A check every two months or so. And I'd never asked. Now, I felt like a total asshole for not knowing. I needed to. If nothing else, it would help metruly understand Kellan and Aiden's relationship.

"Kellan? What happened to Aiden's mother?"

Kellan almost dropped his fork and stopped stirring the spaghetti together. He'd clearly heard me, but it seemed he was trying to think of what to say. He scooped the last bite of food he had onto his fork, ate it, and wiped his lips with a napkin. He stared at me for several seconds. He wasn't angry, but the expression on his face was so sad that my heart broke for him.

"She was a waitress at the bar," Kellan began, "We'd started dating maybe two or three years after you left. You wouldn't have known her. Anyway, we got pretty serious, but she always had a… I don't know. What's the word? Wanderlust, I guess? All she could ever think about was getting out of Lilly Valley, and she had all these grand plans to go to New York, Las Vegas, Miami—all the big glitzy cities. She had no intention of ever settling down. I don't…" He sighed and took a breath. "I really don't know if I loved her. I think we could have fallen in love, but then she got pregnant. She came to me and told me she wanted an abortion."

I gasped. I'd known dozens of models and actresses who'd done the same thing to keep their careers from stalling. In my world, it was common. Right or wrong, whichever side of it you stood on, I never judged. But it shocked me to realize that the little boy I'd grown to love already could have easily disappeared from the world before he was even born.

"I begged her, absolutely begged her not to. The moment I found out she was pregnant, it was like I'd found my purpose, you know? I'd kind of been floating through life, watching things go by. It was like, bam , as soon as she told me, everything in me wanted to be a father. It's what I was born for. Some people are meant to be artists, singers, writers, musicians. Me? I was born to be that little guy's father, and I knew it the moment I heard. So I begged.

"Eventually she said she would have the baby, but… for a cost. She wanted money to get out of town and start living her life. So, I fucking did it. I told her as soon as the baby was born I'd give her a check. It was all my savings. Literally everything I had, but it was worth it. She had Aiden. Wouldn't even hold him." Tears glistened in Kellan's eyes. "She wouldn't even hold her baby boy, her own son. The most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in the whole world, and she couldn't even stomach to look at him. I gave her the check and told her to fuck off. She left the day she was discharged. I haven't seen or heard from her since."

If I'd felt like shit before, now I wanted to die. My brother had gone through something that made my stupid little tabloid meltdown seem so damn petty. He'd gone through that and had done a fantastic job raising Aiden. My nephew had grown up his whole life without a mother. And what did I do? Sent a soulless check a few times a year. Sure, the money probably helped, but people needed more than just money. People needed family, and I hadn't been here. I'd chosen not to be here. I'd chosen to stay in the dark.

"Kellan," I whispered, barely holding back tears. "I'm sorry. I should have been here. I… I'm such a terrible sister."

"No, April, you aren't."

"I appreciate you saying that, but deep down, we both know it's true. I can't fix the past, and I know I'm no substitute for a mother, but I promise you I'll be a better aunt. I'll be there for you guys."

Kellan nodded and sniffed. "Okay, that's enough depressing shit for one night. Your turn to do the dishes, little sister."

I did the dishes.

Later in the week, Kellan asked me to pick Aiden up from ball practice. The only bartender scheduled had called out sick and he had to go in since Kris was out of town meeting with a new microbrewery. I'd agreed, even though my butterflies swarmed my stomach. This was it. For the first time in fifteen years, I was probably going to see Steff.

The field was right behind the elementary school. When I walked up from the parking lot, there were at least a dozen kids and two dozen parents milling about. Aiden spotted me and sprinted toward me. He was going a mile a minute, telling me how great practice had been. Even though I did my best to listen and agree with everything he was saying, I could feel someone watching me.

Finally, I tore my eyes away from Aiden and glanced up. There he was. In a single instant, the past fifteen years vanished. A time machine had transported us back in time. Steff locked eyes with me, and an ache burned my chest. I'd told Kellan that we were adults now, and that I'd moved on. That, obviously, had been a lie. A bone-deep longing filled me. A longing for what might have been. It hurt even more because he was even more handsome than he'd been all those years ago when he said goodbye. The boyish face was now the face of a man. A man I'd once loved more than life itself.