15. Harper

Chapter 15

Harper

I shouldn’t have left, but I couldn’t stay. It’s been four days since I left in the middle of the night, and I haven’t seen Miles in all that time. I went by his house when I knew he was working on mine and picked up the things I needed for this week. I’m staying at Bridget’s house. Miles has sent me a few texts, but they’ve just been cursory check-ins.

I don’t know what to do. If I tell him I just want to go back to being friends and he agrees, then am I condemning us both to an unhappy life? On the flip side, if we pursue a relationship and it doesn’t work, do we lose each other forever?

“But what if it does work and you live happily ever after?” Celia asks. It’s our weekly book club meeting at Cosmic Books and the five of us are gathered around a table talking about my love life instead of our latest read. “That’s what I’d bet my money on. I kind of think you’re being a wimp.”

“Celia, stop it. Our own feelings are hard to understand— we shouldn’t judge someone else’s.” Bridget looks at me with a sweet smile. “But I agree that you and Miles belong together.”

“You know that you guys are my friends and are supposed to be on my side in all of this. I don’t know what I want yet, so you guys should help me figure it out, not just be all Team Miles.”

They all sit and stare at me. My voice rose with every word and now the whole bookstore is listening. And, lucky me, Miles’s mother and sister-in-law Ivy are standing at the register. I love both of them, but this is not the right time for me to see them or have them overhear my tirade.

“You need to go say hello,” Daphne says through her smile.

I whisper back, “I know, but I don’t want to. I’m the villain in this story.”

Still, I get up and walk over to the St. James women.

“Hello, Mrs. St. James. Hi, Ivy.” I smile, but I’m sure it looks fake as hell. “How are you?”

“Hey, Harper, I’m good. I was so sorry to hear about your house. Wilder said it was a disaster,” Ivy answers while Mrs. St. James just looks me over.

Yep, she hates me now. I hurt one of her boys and she’ll never forgive me. I remember how she used to feel about Scarlett. This woman can take it to extremes when it comes to her children. In the dictionary next to the phrase Mama Bear is a picture of Mrs. St. James.

“Ivy, can I talk to Harper for a second?” Mrs. St. James asks.

Ivy looks at me with sympathy, but says, “Of course, I’ll go look for more things for Jovie.”

“Harper, let's go sit over here.” Mrs. St. James leads me to a table by the window and we sit together. “How are you doing? I know the stuff with your house must be stressful.”

“Yes, not having my own space and seeing the thing I worked so hard for like that has been hard, but I’m okay.”

“I’m not going to beat around the bush. I know something happened between you and Miles, but I have no idea what that thing is. Miles won’t say anything that might come around to hurt you, but that boy misses you. I’m assuming something romantic happened and maybe you got frightened.”

“Um.” I’m not sure what to say, but suddenly I want to talk to this woman who just exudes maternal energy. “I ran like a coward. Our relationship was changing and I’m so scared that I will lose that man. He means everything to me. So, instead of telling him that I couldn’t live without him, I left in the middle of the night and have been ignoring him for the last several days. I don’t deserve someone as wonderful as Miles St. James.”

“Nonsense.” Mrs. St. James huffs. “Miles is wonderful, but he also has faults. You are building him up in your head to be perfection and he’s not. Did he tell you how he felt? Did he reassure you that your friendship wasn’t in danger because of whatever romantic steps you did or didn’t take? The whole family has known his feelings for you since he met you, but he’s always been afraid to voice them to you. If you are a coward, then so is he.”

My heart beats fast as I listen to what she says. I start to say something to Mrs. St. James in response, but she cuts me off.

“I don’t think either of you are cowards, you’re just young people figuring everything out. It would be easier to do if you were honest with each other, but you’ll get there eventually. Now, the test will be if you’re happy or not. I think that’s what you really need to think about. What will make you the happiest for the rest of your life, and if you don’t know, be honest about that.”

I jump up from the table, my whole body feeling flushed. I need to talk to Miles. I lean over and hug Mrs. St. James. “Thank you so much. I really needed to hear this. I’ve never really had a mom who cared and I’m so glad that Miles and all the St. James kids have you.”

“Harper, you have me too. Whenever you need anything, I’m here.”

I wave to everyone and run out of Cosmic Books. I hope Miles will meet me at his house. Looking at the clock on my dashboard, I see that it’s only one in the afternoon. Maybe I should text him to meet me there? I send him a quick message asking if we can talk, and he immediately responds saying he can be at his place in thirty minutes. That gives me time to run to Bridget’s house, change clothes, and pick up Titan.