16. Ned

I woke up far too early, way before the alarm I'd set on my phone. I needed to get more chargers. Leave one here and one in Violet's truck. Small home comforts that would make our lives easier. I probably also needed to get a truck of my own so Violet didn't come good on her veiled threats of violence since her groceries were still in the trunk, and I did actually have to take some of the blame for that, despite the snow once again coming down by the bucketload, the flakes dancing in the faint circles of the spotlights accompanied by the whooshing sounds coming from hundreds of trees being assaulted by Mother Nature.

I hadn't expected the snow. Violet had, though, and I made a mental note to up my communication skills and take my role seriously. I needed to work. I needed to be up at the crack of dawn and love it. I needed to learn to love the cold, even with the ice forming on the inside of the windows because Teddy's central heating had once again shut down.

I stuck on my clothes and tiptoed around, trying to get enough protection on to survive a trip out to the log store so I could heat this place up. The snow was definitely not on my side; the world was already covered in a thick blanket, and by the time I made it back inside with an armful of logs, Teddy was standing by the coffee maker jabbing at the buttons from under a coat of blankets.

"Fuck me," he huffed out, the steam from his mouth forming little white clouds .

"Central heating is a thing," I retaliated with no intention of removing my hat while I clumsily built a fire, scraped the ashes out from last night and ripped up old leaflets from the basket on the side, tying the paper into knots, then watched in awe as the whole thing slowly cottoned on and a faint warmth reached my outstretched hands.

"Not bad for a city boy." Teddy hobbled past in his bare feet, picked up his thermals and shook a pair of rolled-up socks out onto the floor.

I lived with Violet for a year," I pointed out. I'd learnt to start fires from nothing. It was kind of essential, even at Violet's, which was fully insulated and had working central heating.

"Sorry about the cold." Now socked, he warmed two cups up in the microwave. Poured coffee. Wrapped another blanket around his shoulders.

"Too early. You should go back to bed."

"Got people coming in today, should have baked. These people expect mid-morning coffee breaks. All my well-made plans got kind of disrupted."

"Sorry." I wasn't and neither was he. The smile on his face told me everything I needed to know. "You bake," I stated, in awe.

"Of course I bloody bake. Where do you think that bread in the toaster comes from?"

I hadn't noticed, but yes. There were two golden slices of toast in the toaster, and now he was rummaging in the fridge for butter and marmalade and I was crawling back under the covers, still fully dressed, like the presumptuous human I was.

"Breakfast in bed." He smiled approvingly and passed me a piece slathered in butter and thick-cut marmalade.

"Should be the law," I said, licking butter from my fingers so I could cover his legs with blankets and hold his cup while he rearranged himself against the headboard, the fire now thankfully casting out heat.

"Can't be going to the bloody supermarket all the time. I'd rather bake up a load of stuff and pick it out of the freezer when I need it. Dad always baked. Cooked. I had to learn. "

"I don't think I've ever baked. Not since school. Do you remember? That home economics teacher setting the oven on fire? What was it? Crudités? Something French and fancy?"

"Profiteroles." He laughed, and God, I loved when he did, and for a second, I was so ridiculously content. Him sitting in our bed with a drip of marmalade running down his stubbled chin. Me with warm coffee in a warm cup and an open fire and wondering how life could possibly get any better.

Which was when the sound of car tyres crunching snow destroyed that small illusion, followed by full-beam headlights through the windows as someone cut the engine, the familiar stomping around outside the front door, and then here was Flora.

"Morning!" he said cheerily like this was a regular occurrence.

Flora tugged at her head gear and rolled her eyes. "Is this how it's going to be now?"

"There's fresh coffee!" He smiled. "You're welcome!"

"Bastard," she huffed out before making her way over to the coffee maker and pouring herself a cup. "You said you'd bake!"

"Got distracted."

I admired him, so, so much, how comfortable he was with all this, when I just wanted to run away. Well. I wanted Flora to go away.

"Morning, Ned," she said cheerily, overly so, then grimaced and took a sip of coffee before visually composing herself. I wasn't born yesterday. She didn't want me here either.

"Flora," I said.

And now Teddy's phone was ringing.

"I need to get going." That was Teddy, scrambling out of bed and reaching for my empty cup, like this was actually how we lived.

I couldn't help it. I loved it. Slightly less so with Flora scowling at me.

"Nice bed," she remarked.

"Thanks," I said and grabbed my stuff, taking myself out of the equation .

It wasn't cute. I was acting like a jerk, a jealous AF idiot, hating on the poor girl who'd made sure Teddy had gotten through the last year as well as he had while I was tearing up the hill when there was barely a road to go on and the world was still pitch-black. Any second now, I'd meet a two-trailer monstrosity backing down this invisible lane and I'd be dead meat.

I was dead meat anyway, sneaking into Violet's kitchen, where she was already up and fully dressed, frying off something that looked suspiciously like bacon in a pan.

"I will deduct points for your lack of communication, but you get bonus points for being up, kitted out and ready to go, and it's not even gone six."

Was it not? I honestly had no idea what time it was, and she would probably deduct points for that as well. Whatever these points were. Well. I was on probation. I was supposed to be keen and excited about the fact that I was booked in to sit through a four-hour online course on food handling and effective hygiene techniques in milk production, as well as one on training heifers in robotic milking systems, so I would pass our certification inspection, should we get one. I also needed to get my head around how to test milk, because I still had no clue where to even start.

"We need samples from the entire of shed two today," Violet grumbled, like she could read my thoughts.

"Okay. On it," I said, my head still not in the game.

"Did you get the parcel from the vet's?"

"Yes."

"Picked up my blood pressure tablets?"

"Yup."

"Did you actually sleep last night?"

"I did, actually. I bought him a bed."

"Did you now."

"Yes. So we both slept comfortably. His central heating needs sorting, though."

"Roland's on it. He came by to fix the lighting in shed one yesterday. Word does get around here, you know. "

Oh, I knew, all right, because now there were people in the kitchen and the snow was still belting down, and I wasn't sure I could feel my fingers as I made my way over to shed two with a tray of testing supplies, a cup of coffee and a link to instructions on my phone. I stepped inside and stood amongst the heifers, scratching my head and feeling very sorry for myself.

"You."

Fuck this day already.

"Hey." Be nice, Ned. Be nice.

"Look."

Flora rolled on her boot heels, looking decidedly uncomfortable. How she ran her own farm was beyond me because she tended to just randomly turn up at everyone else's place of business. Or so it seemed.

I didn't want to be nice, but here went nothing.

"Flora, I know—"

"Shut up. I wrote this whole speech in my head, and now I can't remember a word. The gist—Ned, you suck."

"I do?" I had to smile. I hope I didn't look as evil as I felt.

"Yeah, you do. You know, when I was a little girl, I was convinced that Teddy and I would get married and have four children. I even had names picked out."

"We all…" Fuck. I was going to have to dig deep here. "Flora, I get that. I know how you've always been joined at the hip—"

"You can say it out loud. I won't jump off a cliff or anything."

"Good to know." I was still smiling. She was too. We could probably finish off this conversation without saying a single word out loud.

"I love Teddy. I've loved him my entire life, and that's not going to change, but I'm not a lunatic. I've known he's gay most of my life too, that he'd never father my kids and that there will be no happily ever after for someone like me. I'm not exactly anyone's dream princess."

"Don't say shit like that." It just came out of my mouth, but I knew what she meant. Just like I wasn't anyone's dream boat, the guy who got himself half-fired from his half-assed job and fled across the ocean for a guy he barely knew and five hundred heifers who would trample me to death without a second thought.

Flora nodded at the test kit in my hand. "Do you even know what you're doing with that?"

"No," I admitted.

Now she properly smiled. We were as bad as each other, the same shit going on in our heads. She grabbed the tray out of my hands and got some gloves on and started lining up stickers and control sticks.

"When you set the system to one hundred per cent sampling, the milk robot actually spits out a sample for every new heifer. You just have to stand there and grab it, label it, stack it and keep it level, so you have all your samples in order. Then take it into the back there and use your control stick."

I was impressed, actually.

"How do you know all this?" I asked.

"Shagged one of the lads here for a bit. He was very keen on showing me the ropes. Anyway, I do the same for my goats in the summer. I milk them and sell that shite to the tourists. Tastes bloody rank, but people love it."

"You have goats?"

"I have goats. Fifteen of the fuckers who hate my guts and try to trip me over on a regular basis. Dad got them and then got bored, so now they're mine."

"Handy."

"Fucking extra work I don't need. I keep telling Violet she should make space at the back and take on some goats."

"No." I laughed. "No, thank you."

"Anyway, need to go. Had to dig out the doors so my sheep could get out, and by the time I get back home, I'll have to dig myself through the front door so I can take Mum to the day centre, and Dad has a hospital appointment. I need my head clear today. Don't need distractions."

"Distractions. "

"Yeah. Like hot American men turning up in my Teddy's bed. Not that I can stop that, but seriously, Ned. Take that shit upstairs. Anyone on a tractor can see right into that room, and your naked butt and…you know. All that."

"There was no naked butt this morning."

"Shut up. You know what I mean. I don't like it. I don't want to know. I just…I have to be able to come in and get a coffee in the morning and make sure Teddy is actually alive and hasn't done anything stupid. He's been struggling this year. Struggling a lot. If you hurt him, I'll kill you myself and feed you to the goats."

"I doubt the goats…" I zipped my mouth. I needed to make the best out of this.

"They would. And I would cut off your nuts and feed them to the chickens. There'd be nothing left for the cops. Not that there are any cops out here."

Flora was officially terrifying and watched too many true crime shows. I was only now figuring that part out.

Then she burst out laughing.

"Ned, I haven't got a violent bone in my body, unless I'm gaming, which is when I will take you out in a few seconds flat. Seriously, though, you hurt Teddy, I will hurt you. Any way I can."

"I don't doubt that," I said, releasing a breath. I hadn't realised I was holding it.

"You still look terrified."

"Your goats sound terrifying."

"Not as terrifying as Teddy having millions of cats down there. Talk to him, will you? Get a few of them moved on. Now, do you need me to show you where the samples come out?"

I shook my head. I knew that part, I hoped, and anyway, Kamila was further down the shed so I could ask.

"Good," Flora said, then, "Teddy needs to move on. Build himself a life."

See? Terrifying. She could read my mind, and I hadn't said a thing.

"So do you, Flo," I said quietly, and I hoped with kindness, because I wasn't playing games here .

For a moment, she stared at me with that look in her eyes that scared me more than anything else. Even more than Violet.

"I know," she said. Then she turned around and left.