5

"I cannot believe you've never seen this," Tai hisses into my ear as the screen flashes to life in front of us. "So much respect, just fucking gone. Gone ! You'll never get it back, man."

The constant smiling I've done today has left my face aching, the corners of my lips etched into a permanent, deep grin. I don't know that I've ever met someone I click with so effortlessly, or someone who makes me laugh so freely. After we spent a good thirty minutes wrestling in the ocean, we laid in our chairs, soaking in the sunshine.

Our chairs, because they are officially titled as such, and I'll fight anyone who argues otherwise. The entire morning was lost in conversation, shooting the shit and talking about nothing at all. We neglected to realize the hours ticking by until our rumbling stomachs reminded us we'd missed lunch.

Not much makes me miss a meal, but Tai…

Well, it seems he's an exception to that hard and fast rule.

Seems he's the exception to several hard and fast rules.

We grabbed lunch at the deli on site and afterwards killed more time until the movie started. When Tai saw what was playing, he squealed and then blushed so intensely I could see it past his sun-kissed cheeks.

"Explain this to me again," I say, sliding my arm around his shoulder to avoid annoying the people sitting a few rows back by speaking too loudly. "She chases a boy to college and realizes she's smart? Am I… am I getting that right?"

He scoffs, shaking his head. "This is Elle Woods we're talking about. Yes, she has a moment of weakness and follows her shithead boyfriend to Harvard . But she becomes a badass and an awesome lawyer… and wears a lot of pink. You should relate to that, big guy." He twists and grins at me, leaning a little closer. "She'd love your flamingo shorts."

I snort, which earns a dirty look from a gray-haired lady a couple of seats away. "Sorry," I whisper, which comes out much louder than my snort, and her expression sours further as she huffs and crosses her arms, whirling back to the screen in a cloud of irritation.

Tai's laughter shakes his entire body, and he bites his lip in an attempt to muffle the sound, burying his face into my shoulder. A funny sensation hits me right in the gut as I stare at him, his blueberry scent mixed with salty ocean water and pi?a colada sunscreen. The inches between us suddenly feel like too much space, so I push my nose into his hair and inhale.

God, he smells fucking incredible.

Another urge hits me out of nowhere, and he tenses as my lips ghost over his temple. I freeze, my stomach fluttering in a way that's exhilarating and uncomfortable.

What am I doing?

No, really. What the fuck am I doing?

My heart races and I blink at the top of his head, trying to clear the fog in my mind. Without thinking, my hand drifts to his long ponytail, running my fingers through the soft strands a few times before raking my fingernails across his scalp.

Another flutter hits me in the stomach as he releases a quiet, contented sound that rumbles from his chest. I glide my hand over his ponytail again, wrapping it around my fist as I tug him back, forcing his face to mine. He's smiling as he tilts his chin up, and a giant knot forms in my throat as my eyes slip to his lips.

What the hell is the matter with me?

Confusion crosses Tai's face, his smile faltering before he regains composure. "Sorry, was I invading your personal space?"

I shake my head, unable to find words, and tuck him back into my shoulder. My hand resumes its slow drag through his hair, while my pulse knocks in my throat.

The movie plays in the background, a blur of indistinguishable colors and chatter, while my complete attention is cemented to the man nestled against my side.

His sweet smell… the heat of his skin against my neck.

The rise and fall of his chest with every breath he takes.

In only two days, it already feels like I've known him forever. I've always been good at making fast friends, but this…

This is different.

This magnetism that bubbles beneath the surface… that's new. Never in my life have I experienced any sort of attraction to a man, but Tai is just…

He's Tai.

My head spins as I attempt to shuffle through my confusion, and before I know it, the movie is over and the credits are scrolling on the screen. "What did I tell you?" Tai says triumphantly, prying himself off my shoulder and flashing me another winning smile. "Masterpiece."

"Yeah," I say, but he falters at whatever he sees in my expression. I try to smile, to convince him that nothing is wrong, but any idea of how to do it is lost at the moment.

It feels too much like lying.

"Hey, what's going on? Were you bored? Shit, I'm sorry, I should've…"

My smile is more genuine as I silence him with a shake of my head. "No, I'm just… kinda all over the place right now."

"Do you need some time alone? I've had a monopoly on you since you got here." He's gentle as he offers, but my chest pinches at the thought.

"You're not getting rid of me that easily," I tease.

His gaze drifts over my face before landing on my eyes again. "Good, because I don't want to be rid of you."

My pulse speeds up as I try to keep my light-hearted smile in place. "You say that now, but just wait until I swipe another liquor bottle, and you might change your tune." His musical laugh rings out as we stand and walk out of the theater, and the space between us allows me to shake the lingering haze in my head.

"Two nights in a row would probably kill me," he says, and I grunt my agreement. "Want to return to our spot?"

"Fuck yes I do, and let's steal a pizza on our way there."

He glances at me out of the corner of his eyes, amused. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say I got paired up with a closet kleptomaniac."

"Oh, come on." I bump him with my shoulder harder than I intend. A loud laugh booms out of me when I have to grab his arm to keep him from flying off the walkway. "You like it."

"Yeah, I do," he says, and my palm slides down his forearm. Before I can use a single brain cell to consider what I'm doing, before I can stop myself, my hand slips into his. He sucks in a sharp inhale as he stares at our paired hands, and my chest squeezes with an embarrassment so intense it makes me dizzy.

"Sorry," I mutter, trying to pull away, "I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm doing…"

He catches me before I get loose and weaves our fingers together. Pulse pounding in my ears, I gulp as he tugs on my hand and glances over his shoulder to where I've stumbled to a stop. Dusky light bounces off his silhouette, turning him otherworldly in the faint halo.

"Are you coming?" he asks, his voice carrying an authoritative undertone that makes it more of a command than a question. A spark of something deep inside me is relieved as I yield, letting him take charge. Where I'm floundering, he's in control.

Why does that bring me so much calm?

"Yeah," I whisper, taking a few long strides to catch up with him. Hand in hand, he wordlessly leads me along, our fingers intertwined like it's their natural state.

There's an inexplicable harmony in how his softness effortlessly molds with my rough edges.

We just… fit.

Voices approach, and my internal freak-out becomes harder to contain, but Tai's one step ahead of me. With a small squeeze, he releases my hand and lets it fall to my side. The thoughtfulness sends a gust of relief whooshing through me, although I immediately miss the warmth of his hand in mine.

"What are your thoughts on anchovies?" The question takes me by surprise enough that it overrides the confusion that wars in my mind.

I grimace, then quickly straighten my expression. "That's fine with me."

"Bullshit." He shoves at my shoulder with a loud laugh. It doesn't even move me, but it cuts through a fraction of the tension and makes me smile as I glance at him, sheepish. "You looked like you were going to barf just from the thought of it."

"If you want it…"

"Connor," he says, turning to face me with a serious expression. My eyes meet his and that dip in my belly hits even harder. "What did we say?"

Somehow, I know exactly what he means. "No lies."

"No lies," he confirms. And as I stare into the deep brown of his eyes, I'm realizing that any sort of lies are futile when it comes to him, anyway.

He sees my truth, like it or not.

The next morning, I rise with the sun and throw on a set of workout clothes. After a restless night fighting the static in my mind, I need to recenter myself. Routine is the fastest way to get myself into the proper headspace, and that means getting my ass into the gym.

I sit on the bed and silently lace up my sneakers, grinning when a snort barrels from between Tai's parted lips, choppy and somehow adorable like a piglet. How such an obnoxious noise can come from such an otherwise elegant man is beyond me.

Every other sound that leaves him is coated in melody, but he becomes a garbage disposal when he sleeps.

And I think it's cute .

Fuck me, I've got it bad.

He never mentioned our handholding again, and I didn't have the courage to break the silence on the matter.

Equipped with a sausage pizza— not stolen, to my credit—we found our seats and the night carried on as if it had never happened. He didn't push me to explain, pretending nothing had changed between us.

He gave me a copout, and, like a coward, I took it. The realization that he wasn't calling me out on my crush hit me in a rush of confusion, caught between guilt and relief.

That's one hundred percent what this is—a crush.

A big one.

There's no denying that, not after I handled him like that yesterday. Not with how he makes me feel. In his easy way, he let it slide, giving me the chance to process this on a timeline of my choosing.

We settled back into comfortable conversation, people watching and enjoying the warm night as the waves crashed into the shore and lulled us into a peaceful silence.

I stand to leave, resisting the urge to reach out and smooth his hair out of his face, when another freight train of a snore rockets out of his throat. My teeth sink into my lip as I stifle my laughter, and I sneak out into the hallway, letting a chuckle slip loose once the door is closed behind me.

The familiar smell of the gym greets me as I walk in—rubber mats and treadmill grease mixed with the unmistakable punch of sweat and disinfectant cleaner.

There are a few other people here, and I recognize one of the other groomsmen from our group dinner. He throws a hand up in a wave and I return it, then crank up the music in my earbuds and get to work. The familiarity of the exercise grounds me, and by the time I complete my upper body routine, my sense of balance is restored.

I have a crush on a guy.

So what?

Despite spending my entire life identifying as a straight man, I've never held any prejudice against other sexualities. I'm not an asshole. Plenty of my friends are part of the non-straight community, and I don't give a second thought to the gender of the person they're dating.

It's never been a big deal for them, so why should it be for me?

Mood boosted, I swing by the coffee shop and pick up breakfast.

Although he isn't vegan , I learned yesterday that Tai's drink of choice is a cold brew with oat milk. The intense workout has me craving carbs, so I grab a half-dozen donuts and head upstairs, stomach screeching as I inhale the scent of the sugar.

Tai is awake and showered when I walk in, sitting upright in his bed and scrolling through his phone. "Hey, you," I say, and he meets my eyes with a sweet smile. "Hungry?"

"Donuts?!" He leaps out of bed and steals the box from my hands as I shout my protest, almost dropping the coffees as I reach for it. "Hell yeah, I fucking love donuts." By the time I sit the drinks on the table and snatch the box back, he's shoved one in his mouth.

"And you call me the klepto," I mutter as I grab two donuts with a huff.

"Are carbs allowed with your workout routines?"

I laugh through a giant bite of sugar, slapping my palm against my belly. "My workout routines are in place because I want to eat carbs. Dieting makes me angry."

Tai rumbles a quiet, amused sound, licking his fingers as he stares at the box, deciding if he wants more food. "You're like a furry hulk."

"Oh, laugh it up with the jokes," I mutter, shoving the rest of my donut into my mouth as he laughs and gives in, grabbing a second one before returning to his bed and plopping onto the mattress. "We have to attend ‘official wedding business' tomorrow, you know, so today's our last full day of freedom." I attempt to make air quotes while juggling my food, which only makes Tai's grin spread wider.

"Rehearsal dinner, right?"

I hum through my bite and shake my head. "Nah, rehearsal isn't until the day after tomorrow. If I remember correctly, they are calling this one the Celebration Dinner." I wave my hand in an arc, mimicking a rainbow while wiggling my fingers.

Tai's nose wrinkles up, and it's fucking adorable. "If this is the Celebration Dinner, then what the hell did we attend the first night?"

"I dunno, man, the Introduction Dinner? The Let's Get The Awkwardness Out Of The Way Dinner? The Let's Show Off Our Wealth Dinner?"

He snorts another laugh and licks his fingers again, and I can't tear myself away from the sight of him pulling them between his lips. When my cock flexes behind my shorts, a jolt of shock hits me as my eyes flare in surprise.

When's the last time I even got hard, much less spontaneously, like a horny teenager?

My cheeks heat as another pulse of tension rolls through my core, and being the least smooth man on the planet, I drop my hands to my lap and shove the heel of my palm against my growing erection. The only thing it does is make my cock think I'm here to party, and it swells even more.

Tai's eyes stay on mine, but there's an amused crinkle to the corners as he finally, finally , pulls those long fingers from his mouth.

"At least Cho isn't a bridezilla… although Andrew might be." He feigns ignorance to my struggle as I push out a shaky breath.

"Maybe a little. Weddings weren't this complicated when I got married."

Tai freezes momentarily, his eyes taking a quick pass from my left hand, back to my face, and then away as his shoulders stiffen. "You're married?" He says it with such nonchalance, as if it's just another mundane discussion, but he does a shitty job at hiding how much he's affected.

His whole body is tense, fingers picking at his clothes, and eyes decidedly looking at anything but me.

It shouldn't please me so much to see the news upset him, to give me some indication that he's feeling some of the same attraction as me, but it does.

God, it really does.

"Technically, yes," I say, and as his eyes drift further away, the satisfaction of his jealousy evaporates, along with my blossoming excitement. The distance he thrusts between us hits me like a physical blow, and I lean forward, desperate to bring the softness back to his eyes. I grab his hand, my fingers intertwining with his, and I force him to meet my gaze.

"We've been separated for a long time, but the divorce isn't final yet. The courts aren't exactly in a rush when it's amicable."

A guardedness inhabits his eyes as he studies my face, searching for any hint of deceit, but he finally concedes with a single nod. Obviously stuck in his head, his hand slips from mine as he stands and walks to his bag, giving me his back.

"Hey," I say, barely more than a whisper, as I stand and chase after him. My hands land on his shoulders, heart rioting as I inch towards his ear. "Are we good?"

Tai twists, his face tilted up and dangerously close, and in that moment, the need to eliminate the distance between us overwhelms me in a way I've never experienced. There's a very pregnant pause as his tongue slips between his lips, and then he leans closer.

My heart might not survive this.

Soft lips land on my jaw in a sweet, fleeting kiss that makes my chest swell like it could actually explode. "We're good."

I can't look away… can't think about anything other than him, and he's so close. He's right here .

Right here.

"Tai," I whisper, but fuck, if it doesn't come out as a whimper. His head shakes, a tiny, almost undetectable motion that seems directed at himself rather than me. Dark eyes bore into mine as he leans in again, pressing his lips against my cheek this time, a faint exhale blowing from his nose across my skin.

My head jerks towards him, my mouth nearly catching his as he moves just out of reach. Our eyes lock, and I swear, everything I feel is reflected in them.

Or maybe I want it so much I'm blinded to other possibilities.

"Go shower," he whispers, and I nod mechanically. "Clean up and let's find some trouble to get into, okay?" Shaken, I pull away, but he grabs my hand and stops me, still close.

Still so fucking close.

"Connor, we're good, okay?"

"Okay," I repeat, forcing myself to smile.

I don't want to be good.

I want to be much, much more than that.