35

The sun is lower in the sky when the sound of running water wakes me. "Fuck," I groan, still groggy, as I sit up and rub my eyes. "How long did I sleep?"

"A few hours," Connor calls from the bathroom, before stepping out into the room, his face dotted with water droplets and his facial hair groomed like he just trimmed it. "You needed the rest."

My eyes slide over his frame, and my self-control is tested as I try not to drool. Khaki pants are snug on his tree-trunk thighs and my favorite hunter green shirt hugs his biceps and chest; his small bulge of a belly barely visible where the fabric drapes away from his body.

"Stop looking at me like that," he warns, shaking his finger at me as he dries his face and pushes his dark hair back. It's gotten longer, the waves draping over his nape and hanging loosely on his forehead.

"Like what?"

"Like you want to eat me for dinner."

"I mean, I haven't eaten yet… could probably go for a protein shake." My eyes raise suggestively as I glance down his body, nodding at his crotch. "You gonna shake for me, sweet thing?" We both grin as I stand and stretch, glancing down at the sweats I wore on the flight. "Why are you looking like a snack? Do we need to meet up with the others?"

He only smiles and presses a quick kiss to my temple. "Get dressed." Pulling my cues from his outfit, I dig through my bag to find a nice pair of jeans and a plain black shirt.

Once I'm ready, he takes my hand and leads me through the hall. We pass a conference room the hotel has reserved for the band to use during our stay here, and I meet Dante's eyes through the cracked door. I reach to push it in, but Connor just tugs me along. "Where are we going?" I ask, confused.

"On a date," he says, squeezing my hand, and my heart gives a funny flutter in my chest.

"A date?"

"Yeah, you know… where two people who enjoy each other's company go out and do something fun."

"Thank you for that," I say dryly, and he laughs as he leads me outside where we load into one of the vans. "Where are we going?" I ask, bouncing in my seat, and Connor shoots me a sideways glance as he tries to conceal his amusement.

At my age, I've been on plenty of dates, but it hits me in that moment that I've never been on a date with him… not a real one. Our days at the resort didn't count, because we were there together by pure amazing coincidence. Ever since our reunion, we've been surrounded by the band and crew, only stealing time alone in the privacy of our room.

"You just sit back and let me take care of you." There's a hint of suggestion in his words, and as a smirk pulls onto his lips and forms his dimples, I realize he knows what he's doing.

We drive for a while before the road turns to follow along the River Thames, and I smile as a memory emerges from a dusty corner in my mind. "The only reason I know how to pronounce that is because of a book I read in elementary school."

"Thames Doesn't Rhyme with James?" he asks, and I grin as I whip to look at him.

"That's the one."

"I'd forgotten about that book," he says with a soft smile. "As a kid, I wasn't the world's best reader, but I was still stubborn as fuck. I picked that one up because I didn't believe the title. I thought Thames did rhyme with James, and I was going to prove it wrong."

I chuckle as he reaches over and weaves our fingers together. "You weren't much of a reader?"

"Nah, I've never been the smartest guy in the room," he says, and I'm on the verge of scolding him when I realize he's not saying it with negativity, so I suppress my protective instincts and let him talk. "My strengths have always been in working with my hands and dealing with people. Academia isn't really my strong suit."

"You went to college with Andrew," I point out, and he nods.

"Later in life, though. After being a trainer under someone else for years, I started the gym and ran it with pure intuition, mixed with a healthy dose of trial and error. I decided that instinct could only get me so far, and some education would be beneficial. Thought I'd learn business management skills beyond how to properly punch a guy in the face." A laugh blows out of my nostrils, and he gives me a sideways grin.

"So did you?" He glances at me in question. "Learn something besides how to make a man bleed?"

Connor shrugs, suddenly uncomfortable. "I picked up a few things that helped, but I didn't…" He releases a long exhale, focused on the road. "I never finished. It just wasn't for me, no matter how much I tried. My brain doesn't hold on to information like that, so I… stopped. After three semesters, it seemed like a waste of money."

Something has shifted in his demeanor, and the sudden heaviness gives me pause. I give his hand a little shake. "Nothing wrong with that." He smiles, but it's a weak, forced tug of his lips. "Hey, what's up?"

Connor nods slowly to himself, his cheek pulled between his teeth as he stares out the window, hesitating. "Growing up, my dad had a lot to say about my intelligence level… or lack thereof." Anger curls in my stomach as I watch him get lost in the past. "There was a lot of name calling… daily insults. Even when I tried my hardest, my grades more often than not earned me a beating. It just varied between a palm, a switch, or a belt, depending on how bad they were."

"Connor…"

His face scrunches as he shakes his head. "I'm not fucking stupid," he mumbles, as if he's arguing with himself, and it breaks me further.

"There are thousands of things I've thought about you since we met, but stupid? That's nowhere on the list. You're a successful, amazing man with his own business, so fuck anyone who ever told you otherwise." Another realization hits me. "Your experience is why you helped Dante, isn't it?"

After Dante and Theo got together, Dante opened up a little more, sharing bits of his story and his past with his abusive ex-boyfriend. Connor took him in and taught him to protect himself, which ultimately led to Dante being able to walk away from his abuser.

If I hadn't already realized I was in love with Connor, this moment would've been the one to open my eyes.

He nods as he scrubs his hand over his chin, deep in thought. "I'd been there before—holding your breath and waiting to see if someone was going to love you or hate you that day. If their hands would help you or hurt you."

"That's why it upset you so much when you elbowed me."

The muscles in his jaw flex as he clenches his teeth. "Yeah."

It's quiet for a moment, only the hum of the tires as background noise. "Thank you for telling me," I finally say. "Your dad was wrong, you know."

He snorts. "How so?"

"Book smarts? Anyone can devote enough time to memorizing something if they really want to, but to have a heart like yours? One that gives so much more than it takes? That's special."

He gently brings our joined hands to his lips, leaving a soft kiss on the back of mine. "Thank you," he whispers against my skin, then ducks his head and stares into the distance with a smile. "We're here."

I glance around at the busy seaport as he parks, my eyes catching on the giant Ferris Wheel. "What's here?"

He entwines our fingers once more as we walk towards the entrance. "Earlier, you said that when you were in your head that you'd go to your favorite lookout and watch the sunset." He gestures at the enormous ride. "I know it's not the same, but I thought it might help to get up in the air and away from reality."

I skid to a stop, and he turns to face me, his brows drawing closer together. "Do you not—"

My lips cut off his words as I crash into him. "I love you," I whisper into the kiss, and he smiles as he wraps his arms around me.

We separate and he pushes his forehead against mine, eyes closed. His voice is thick as he says, "Come on, sweetheart, I had to pull a few strings to get us in so fast."

"What sort of strings?"

"Name dropping, mostly, and Eric doesn't know it yet, but I promised a signed album to the guys running the ticket booth." I throw my head back and laugh as we approach the counter, where the workers go out of their way to be helpful.

We barely wait before we're led to a giant glass capsule. Fifteen people could easily fit inside, but it's only me and Connor as they close the door behind us. The bustling sounds of the city are shut out, and it's quiet.

I used to hate the quiet.

But we've come to an understanding now.

Connor sits on the bench in the middle and tugs me into his lap. We sit like that, my back against his chest, as the mechanical whirring starts, and the ground grows smaller beneath us.

Higher and higher we go until we are looking out over the city like birds in flight. The sun hits the horizon, and, even through the gray clouds, oranges and pinks explode into the sky. Streams of light filter onto the river and buildings, and as Connor's hands glide across my legs, I feel it.

Peace.

Acceptance.

Relief.

That piece of my soul that was never satisfied has stopped pacing, curling up in a content little ball and purring.

"Thank you for this," I whisper, pushing my weight back into him. He reads my cues so well, wrapping his arms around my chest and hugging, dragging his lips along my shoulder. We say nothing else, just sit, wrapped up in each other. When I stand and walk to the windows, he follows, like he can't bear not touching me.

It's serene and calm—exactly what I needed in the chaos of our tour.

Disappointment settles in my gut as we make our way closer to the ground, and Connor must sense it. He drops another kiss to my neck, then behind my ear. "We're not done yet."

"No?" I ask, interest piqued.

"Come on." He takes my hand again as our little glass pod lands and the door opens to release us back into the noise and commotion of the real world. "One more surprise."