24

Two months ago

"Hey, Con-man, you home?!" Beth's voice carries through the house, and I roll my eyes, trudging into the living room to shoot her an exasperated glare.

"Ever heard of knocking?"

She shuts the door behind her, shrugs, and walks over to me with a wide grin, her arms outstretched. "It's not like I lived here for a decade."

"Still weird, isn't it?" I hug her back and gesture towards the couch. We walk over and sink onto the cushions, and she watches me closely.

"What's going on, Connor?"

"Why would you think something's going on?"

"Okay, first, you're deflecting." I roll my eyes again as she leans forward, narrowing hers. "And second, I've known you since we were seventeen years old. It doesn't matter that our marriage didn't work out. You're still one of my best friends."

"One of your best friends, huh? Not the top spot anymore?"

She smacks my arm with the back of her hand, and I jerk away with a yelp. "See? Deflecting."

I take a deep breath, fidgeting with a button on my shirt. "I met someone."

"Oh." The surprise on her face transforms into a smile. "That's great—who is she?" Anxiety churns in my stomach as I lower my gaze to the coffee table, my restlessness peaking when I hear a small rip and I cringe, staring at the button in my hand that I just tore off my shirt. A soft touch lands on my knee. "Connor," Beth says, voice far gentler than it usually is, "what's wrong?"

"It's not a she," I blurt, still using the table as an excuse to avoid her eyes. "It's a… he's a… a man. I met a guy and I'm…" I breathe out a heavy exhale. "I'm fucking crazy about him."

"Oh," she repeats, her tone filled with unmistakable shock.

Fuck, I can't look at her.

"You're… gay?"

"Bisexual is probably more accurate." I wring my hands to keep myself from destroying anything else. "It just… happened… and it was so natural between us…"

"Connor," she says with her stern voice. "Look at me." Reluctantly, I lift my eyes to hers, unsure of what I'll find there. This is new to me, and she's the first person I've told. There's no judgment in her face, only curiosity, as she reaches over to take my hand, her tiny and slender one swallowed by mine that's much larger. "In the lifetime we've known each other, what have I done to make you think I'd judge you for that?"

"Nothing." Relieved tears fill my eyes that I try to bat away, and her smile turns even softer. "I'm pretty sure I fucked it up, though. More than just a mistake, Beth… I think…" I stare up at the ceiling as the burning behind my eyes gets worse. "I don't think I can fix this.

"What'd you do?"

"I left." The words aren't even a whisper, but she hears them.

Oh boy, does she ever.

"Connor Sebastian Jennings," she says, raising her voice, and I recoil. "Explain."

So, I do. I share the entire story with her—leaving out the intimate details that are no one's business but mine and Tai's. She listens without interrupting, patiently letting me pour out the pent-up words and emotions I've been carrying for a week. The relief of finally telling someone eases the weight on my shoulders, and once I start talking, the floodgates open and everything rushes out of me.

Until I reach the point that I'm most ashamed of, and it takes effort to unearth it. "He has to hate me now."

"Why did you leave?"

"Because I was scared."

"You're no coward," she argues. "You've never backed down from a challenge in your entire life."

"I've never felt this way before." As the words leave my mouth, I wince, aware of how hurtful they must be to her. "Fuck, Beth, I didn't mean…"

"It's okay," she says, and I know her well enough to hear the sincerity in it. "How are you going to fix this?"

"I got his number from Andrew and Cho a couple of days ago, but every time I pick up the phone to call, I just… I imagine him rejecting me, and I don't have any idea how to handle that."

"You won't know until you try… and Connor?" I glance up at her green eyes again, her sculpted brow arched. "The longer you wait, the worse it's going to be. They say hell hath no wrath like a woman scorned, but have you ever seen the impatience of a gay man left waiting? That's a scene." A surprised laugh escapes me while she grins, though her expression still carries a hint of sternness. My eyes wander to the notepad on the counter, where his number is scribbled.

"Tell you what," she says, standing and pulling me up by my hand. "Go take a shower, because you stink, and I'll order a pizza to appease that rumbling stomach."

"You don't have to do that."

"Trust me, I'm using your credit card." A brief laugh escapes me, only to fade as her face grows serious and she pokes me with her pointer finger. "Call him. Tonight. Tell him you're an idiot and be prepared to grovel."

"Yeah, okay," I say, blowing my cheeks out with a heavy exhale. "Okay."

My nerves are at an all-time high as I shower, but I hype myself up, and by the time I'm clean and dressed, my spine is steeled and I'm ready to do this. " Babe! " Beth shouts, and I groan, refusing to answer.

A few minutes later, I walk downstairs with a glare. "You know how much I fucking hate that pet name."

She laughs. "That's why I do it. Someone called, but I didn't catch who."

"What'd they say?"

"Asked for you. I said I was your wife, but they hung up."

"Fuck, Beth," I groan, dragging my hands over my face. "You can't introduce yourself like that anymore."

"Yeah, yeah," she says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "If it was a telemarketer, I was saving you the hassle of telling them off by doing it myself."

"You always were good at that."

She flips me off as she stands up from the couch. "Your dinner should be here in a few minutes. I'm leaving." She turns and gives me a very pointed look. "Call him."

"I will," I promise, and she wiggles her fingers in a wave as she lets herself out the door. Thirty seconds after she leaves the driveway, the delivery man pulls up with my pizza, so I grab a few slices while I stare at Tai's phone number.

After eating, doing the dishes, and cleaning the kitchen, I finally run out of excuses to procrastinate. My hands tremble uncontrollably as I dial, and with each unanswered ring, my heart sinks deeper. Finally, as the fourth ring fades, the line connects.

"Hello?" I pull the phone away from my ear and stare at the screen for a second, taken aback by the unexpectedly deep voice.

"Tai?" Fuck, my voice breaks as I speak, and I clear my throat, trying to stop my nerves from attacking me.

"No, this isn't fucking Tai," the guy says, his anger obvious. "This is his best friend who's picking up the pieces of his goddamned broken heart."

"Broken heart?" Pain shoots through my chest, and I clutch at the useless organ behind my ribs as I drop to the couch. "Fuck," I sigh, regret knotting inside my stomach. "Can I talk to him?"

"Can you talk to him?" he repeats, not trying to hide the snarkiness in his tone. "You've done enough damage, buddy."

"You don't—"

"He deserves so much better than this. So much better."

"Just—"

"Be glad we aren't face to face, asshole, because you would regret hurting him. Don't think I'd even hesitate to knock your lying ass to the ground. He is an incredible man, better than anyone I've ever met. Fuck you, Connor. "

He knows who I am… which means Tai told him about us. The tiniest spark of hope ignites inside me, and I push forward. "Will you please just let me—"

"No, you've lost your fucking chance. You don't get to talk, and I'm sure as shit not going to listen. He is destroyed , dude. If you had seen how I found him… Fuck you. Fuck. You. Don't call again."

The line disconnects, leaving me staring at the phone, my hand quaking worse than it was before I called. "Fuck that guy," I mutter, and I call back.

A series of shrill beeps whine from the speaker, and my heart sinks as a robotic message plays, telling me that my call cannot be completed. Again, and again, and fucking again , I call, but it doesn't matter.

I blew it , I think, choking on the tears that burn behind my eyes. I really fucked up this time.

"Connor?" Tai's voice is soft, his face pushed into my chest.

"Yeah, sweetheart?" Unable to resist, I bury my nose in his hair, inhaling deeply and allowing the comforting scent to calm me to my very fucking soul. I drop a kiss on his head as I wait.

"Do you think we could talk?"

My pulse speeds up to a dizzy gallop inside my ribs as I hug him against me. "I would love nothing more."

He's quiet as he gathers his thoughts, then dives straight in. No warning, no lifejacket, not even time for a deep breath as he plunges right into the deep end. "Why did you leave?"

"I was terrified. You told me from the beginning that our relationship had an expiration date… that our time together was limited. Your expectations were crystal clear, but they couldn't keep me from catching feelings, Tai. Truth be told, I caught feelings before anything physical ever happened between us. Knowing your stance didn't prevent me from wanting more, or from handing you my heart on a silver platter."

"I was going to stop you," he whispers, burrowing his face into my shirt. "That night… the night you left, I came out of the shower to tell you I wanted to drop the pretenses and give us a real shot. That I thought we could be something."

A sad smile pulls on my lips as I fight past the emotion balling in my throat. "That's just it, though, Tai. You thought we could be something."

He gives a small shake of his head, a tiny, confused thing. "Yeah, I did."

"You thought we could be something, sweetheart,but me? I thought we already were something."

"Connor," he whispers, his fingers clenching around my shirt as he takes a few intentional breaths, and I know he's fighting off another wave of anxiety. Once his breathing is regular again, he sighs and says, "You still left."

"I came back," I whisper, unable to stop the crack in my voice.

Those dark eyes whip up to mine. "What?"

I offer him a weak smile as I run my hand over his hair, soaking in the unfamiliar sensation of the shorter strands between my fingers. "Walking away was the biggest mistake of my life, Tai, and as soon as that door closed behind me, I regretted it. I was just so fucking scared. Things between us were so…"

"Perfect," he whispers, and I force a swallow as I nod.

"It felt too good, like we were waiting for the other shoe to come crashing down. Bring us back to a reality where our separate lives couldn't mesh. I wanted too much… felt too much… and instead of manning up and confessing that I wanted a chance at a real relationship… I panicked."

"You were so closed off about your life outside of that bubble we were in, and I was afraid you would reject me… tell me I was being ridiculous. I was a coward ." He nuzzles into my chest but doesn't say a word. "It only took me an hour, hour and a half tops, before I realized I had to turn around, but when I made it back to the resort, you were gone. The lady at the desk said you'd just checked out. It was too late— I was too late."

"I didn't know what else to do, so I drove home. Thought I'd get some distance between us and realize how irrational I was being, but it only got worse. I just… fucking missed you."

"I missed you, too," he whispers, and I wrap my hand around the back of his head and hug it against me once more. "I called you."

My brows furrow. "You did?"

"About a week after you left. A woman—Beth—answered, and said she was your wife, and I…"

Puzzle pieces click together in my mind, the full picture finally forming. "You assumed I'd been having an affair."

"Yeah," he admits, and it hits me like a blow as I imagine the hurt that caused him.

"Fuck, I'm sorry," I whisper, filled with regret as I close my eyes and press my head against his, squeezing him until it's probably too tight. We sit wrapped up in each other for a few minutes, both of us absorbing the reality of the situation. "I called you too, you know."

He pulls back this time, eyes damp as a shallow wrinkle forms between his brows. "When?"

"That same day, if it was when Beth was at my house. If you're curious, I was talking to her about you. She was the first… really the only person I've come out to, and I needed advice on how to fix what I'd done. She told me in no uncertain terms that I'm an idiot and if I didn't call you, she'd knock me out."

He doesn't laugh, only shakes his head. "I never got a call from you."

I draw my lip between my teeth and nod. "Someone else answered… ripped me a new one. Told me off and threatened to hunt me down and kick my ass. When I tried to call back, my number was blocked."

Tai stares at me, unseeing, before he pulls his phone out of his pocket and taps at the screen. The confusion on his face morphs to rage, and he scrambles off my lap and sprints towards the door.

"Tai?" I shout, jumping to my feet and reaching for him, but he's already gone.