14

Heat radiates off Connor's body as I drape over him, both of us panting and my heart wild in my chest.

I knew better than this.

I knew better , but here I am.

"Connor," I start, my voice cracking with the emotion that forms brambles in my throat, but then he rises so abruptly that the motion pushes me away. Cum slides out of his ass and streaks the back of his slacks, and he's agitated as he yanks them up and fastens the button with shaky hands.

"Hey." I grab his wrists and panic when he refuses to meet my gaze. "Did I hurt you?"

"It's nothing I didn't ask for," he mutters, but his body language is perturbed and anxious. My heart cracks further when he still won't look at me.

"Connor," I say, louder, and he shakes his head. "Connor!" I shout, tears stinging my eyes and desperation causing my throat to close as his wet eyes finally find mine. "No, no… I didn't mean to hurt you… fuck, I should've refused, and now you're upset. I'm sorry… I'm so goddamned sorry. How do I fix this? Please let me fix this."

He snarls and shoves me away. "If you think this is about the sex, you are fucking blind." In a heartbeat, he turns and bolts toward the exit, muttering curses as he fumbles to flip the lock.

Right on his heels, I chase him into the hallway, ignoring the wide-eyed stare from the man waiting outside the bathroom. Connor darts around a corner, away from the party, and the monsoon level rainfall is deafening as he pushes through an exterior door.

My desperate shout for his attention is erased by the relentless downpour, the rain drowning out everything but its own fury. He runs, darting down a path as I increase my pace and close the gap.

When I catch him, I almost wish I hadn't.

It rips my heart in half, and the cut isn't clean. It's jagged and rough, the type that never fully heals… not really. A near-lethal wound that leaves you with ugly, mangled scars.

Slumped against a tree, his shoulders convulse with the sobs that climb from his throat. There's no thinking, just instinct, as I wrap my arms around him, and he holds me so tight that it cuts off my breath. "I'm sorry," I cry into his neck. "Please don't hate me. I don't think I could stand it."

"That's the problem." He pushes his face into my hair. "Can't you see that's the fucking problem, Tai? I could never hate you. How could I?" Somehow, he squeezes me even tighter as the rain soaks us from head to toe, and I'm drowning.

Another cry wracks from his throat as both his palms land on my cheeks, and then his lips are on mine, kissing me with a new desperation. Raindrops slick down our faces as our lips move in this dance we've perfected, his skin chilled by the downpour. It drips off his hair and his nose, forming crystal droplets on his eyelashes when he opens them.

"You're going to get sick," I croak as I pull back, my hands running over his cheeks, his jaw, down his neck as I desperately try to hold on to him. Forcing myself to pull back, I take his hand. "Let me take you inside and help you get warm and dry." There's no fight left in him as we walk, and the churning in my stomach grows heavier, like rocks settling in my gut. The silence in the lobby is deafening after the torrent outside, and water falls off us in rivers as we make our way upstairs to our room.

Connor's expression is vacant as he shucks off his clothes, and I turn the shower on so the water will get hot. Back in the room, he stands there, completely naked, with his hands scrubbing over his face.

"Climb in the shower and warm up," I say, my voice rough, and he nods as he tries to walk past me. I stop him, my chin trembling as I stare up into his hazel eyes. "Tell me we'll figure this out."

Another rogue tear slips free as he presses a soft kiss to my lips, and then he walks into the bathroom without a word.

I can't be mad.

He's only keeping the promise we made to each other when we met.

No lies.

Thirty minutes later, Connor looks more composed as he emerges from the bathroom, a white towel precariously wrapped around his waist. If it were any other time, under any other circumstances, I'd comment on how the terrycloth strains to contain his solid frame.

But now isn't the moment for jokes.

The door creaks, and I'm immediately there, staring up into his face and desperate for him to say something… anything. He sighs, weary, and pulls me into a hug. My skin is chilled while his is warm from his shower, and a shudder travels up my spine as his heat meets my cold.

"Listen to me, Tai." He runs his hand over my soaked hair. "You didn't hurt me. What happened in that bathroom was…" He trails off, but I understand what he's not saying. The sheer chemistry between us is life changing.

"You didn't hurt me," he stresses, "and I don't regret a single thing that's happened. Don't trick yourself into carrying some groundless guilt that doesn't belong to you. There's nothing you should've done different, okay? Please tell me you understand." His voice cracks again, and my eyes squeeze closed.

Not trusting myself to speak, I only nod.

"Go take a shower and get warm. You're freezing, sweetheart." Shivers course through my body as he tilts my chin up and kisses me, my lips trembling against his. "I left the water on for you."

Inside the bathroom, I peel away the saturated layers of clothing and drop them to the floor with a plop. My limbs quiver as I climb into the shower, groaning as the hot water envelopes my freezing body. The chill has reached my bones, and it takes a few minutes for the shaking to stop.

I force myself through the steps.

Soak and condition my hair and wash the night off my skin. Watching the water swirl as it disappears down the drain, I absorb the last of my body's missing heat.

Am I willing to walk away from this?

From something that feels so fucking right?

These rules were a shield for me at the beginning of this trip, a means to protect myself, and it's only made everything worse. I haven't let him in—not really. There are so many things about Connor that remain a mystery for no reason other than the most obvious.

I was afraid.

Afraid my crazy lifestyle would ruin our chance before it even began. That it would be too much… and that I wouldn't be enough.

Afraid that, after everything, I'd be alone again.

That I'm not worth the risk.

Hell, I don't even know where Connor lives because of the stupid rules, but I'm not even sure that makes a difference. He could live halfway across the world, and it wouldn't matter.

Not anymore.

What happened between us feels like the type of connection that comes once in a lifetime, and to abandon it seems… wrong.

It feels like a colossal mistake… one that I intend on fixing before it's too late.

Nerves swimming in my gut, I shut off the water and climb out, drying my skin and my hair before sliding on my sweatpants. Mist swirls through the doorway like a morning fog as I open it, and my heartbeat dances in my throat as I turn the corner.

"Hey, Connor? Can we talk?"

Silence.

With a frown tugging on my face, I cast a quick glance around the empty room and then out at the balcony, but it's deserted. His frustration levels were through the roof… maybe he went to the gym to work it off…

But he just took a shower, so that doesn't make sense…

My eyes fall on the dresser, finding it empty.

There are no wild clothes scattered about, no giant shoes kicked aside.

There's nothing.

His bag is gone.

He is… gone.

"Connor?" I whisper, rushing to the door and whipping it open, but there's no one in the hallway. Numb, I push it closed and trudge to the bed. As I sink onto the mattress, a note waits for me on my pillow.

I'm no longer able to read the words or see the fat blotches that stain the note. Tears cascade down my cheeks, raining over the paper until it becomes transparent and flimsy.

I let them fall, not bothering to wipe them away, and my gaze keeps snapping to my name at the top.

Ty.

Our time together was a rush of open conversations that laid bare my deepest thoughts and feelings, exposing my heart and pouring out my fucking soul to him.

It was light and laughter, and connection.

It was perfect.

And he didn't even know my name.

Why does that feel like the biggest betrayal of all?