12

Warmth cocoons my body as I wake, and a deep sense of contentment in my soul. In that fleeting moment between sleep and waking, there is only tranquility. But as my mind clears and memories of the previous night catch up to my exhausted brain, it hits.

That profound, gut-wrenching sorrow.

Today is our last day together.

Tonight, our last night.

Tomorrow, it's over.

Long after the movie ended, we lay here, wide awake but not saying a word. We didn't kiss or fool around, we just clung to each other while our limited hours ticked away. Sleep eventually claimed us both, and we never separated throughout the night.

Life has never been easy for me, but I never harbored anger over it. Never cursed the fates for the hand I've been dealt, or screamed about unfairness.

Never felt like the universe cheated me.

Not until this moment.

My lungs fill with a shaky breath as I take another minute to soak in the warmth of him against me. Pins and needles shoot up my arm that rests underneath him. It's long been asleep, but the pain is worth the payoff of holding him like this.

All the pain has been worth it.

Focus .

This restless energy wiggles and thrashes, pushing against my skin like it might explode right out of me.

Tai releases a soft snore as I maneuver my way out of the bed, careful not to wake him as I hurry to put on my workout clothes. I soak in his serene presence before I walk out the door and stab the elevator button for the lobby. Now-familiar faces smile and wave, and I ignore the greetings as I rush past, needing to channel this emotion more than I need pleasantries.

Who cares if they think I'm an asshole, anyway?

Weights clank and the whir of the treadmill greets me as I walk in, but routine doesn't interest me today. The grip of stress is so tight that my body shakes, and I scan my surroundings in search of an outlet.

The heavy bag hangs in the back of the room, unused and dusty in the corner. It's smaller than the one I'm used to, and the first punch sends it soaring.

My knuckles burn.

It's no surprise to me that there are no wraps or gloves stocked for guests.

A place like this doesn't have a punching bag because athletes are here to use it; they have it because they're catering to bored rich people who seek a thrill. Some CEO will come in here once a month and slap it around so he feels tough, and then it waits for the next chump to need an adrenaline rush.

Fuck that.

A rough shout slips free, unbidden, as I slam my fists into the bag. Curious eyes follow my movements, but I don't pay them any attention as I attack. Jabs and crosses, high hooks and body punches, and still, there's no relief. The sting on my knuckles tells me I'll break the skin soon if I'm not careful.

Frustrated, I head over to the bench. The weight I load is on the edge of recklessness, swiping plates from other stations and reveling in the heavy, metallic clunk as I add them to the bar. I only stop when it is enough to force my muscles—my brain —to focus on that and nothing else.

I push myself until my limbs tremble and my body is drenched in sweat, and then I push even harder. Exhaustion finally calls a ceasefire in my mind, and I drop onto the weight bench with my head sagging.

It's fine.

I will be fine.

My throat is tight as I stop at the coffee shop on my way up, grabbing our coffees and a box of blueberry muffins. By the time I get back inside the room, my nerves are firing again.

Tai is wearing a pair of shorts and pacing on the balcony outside, agitated, with his hair swirling around him. Waves crash against the shore, the wind heavier than it has been all week. The expected rain from last night never came, still hovering overhead in thick, dark clouds that threaten to break open at any moment.

"Hey," I say as I approach, and he startles as he turns to me.

Relief crosses his face as he launches himself at me, wrapping his arms around me and tucking himself into my neck. "Hey… fuck, I thought…" His words fade as he pulls back with a cringe. "Oh, dear God, you're fucking sweaty."

A laugh escapes from my belly, a sliver of my tension dissipating at his horror-stricken expression. "Sorry." I chuckle. "Long workout this morning. I brought breakfast." It's a peace offering, both for the face full of sweat and for the awkwardness I've caused between us.

"You're too good to me." His smile breaks my heart a little more.

"I could be good to you," I whisper, and his smile falters. "If you'd let me."

"You already are," he whispers back, swiftly kicking that door closed before the discussion can happen, and I kick myself again for my foolish, wishful thinking.

He pushes onto his tiptoes and kisses me softly, grabbing my hand and squeezing it before we head into the room. We eat in silence, and then I excuse myself to shower. The day has progressed to late morning, and the time to meet the wedding party approaches.

"Are you keeping your hair down today?"

"I was going to pull it back."

"Leave it down." He glances at me as I walk over, unable to keep my distance any longer. "I love you like this… wild and free." My fingers rake through the long, raven strands, gripping with a gentle fist and tilting his head upward. He licks his lips as he stares at me.

"Please?" he whispers, and then our lips meet, and the rest of the world disappears.

This kiss is slow and sweet, unhurried, as we take our time with each other. My hands leave his hair, one wrapping around his waist while the other finds his chin, slanting him where I can kiss him deeper.

Everything that both of us want to say is lost in the depth of our kiss, our tongues sliding in that same lazy way, pretending that time isn't ticking away like a bomb. I lick through his mouth, mapping and memorizing every detail from this moment, from the faint taste of coffee to the sweet, happy hums that leave his throat.

We break apart, and I press my forehead against his. "We've got to head downstairs."

"I know." He tugs me back and kisses me again. "But I don't want to go."

"Me neither, sweetheart, but we have to." Heaviness settles in my gut at the two-faceted conversation we're having, and it takes all my strength to separate my body from his.

It's quiet as we finish getting ready and walk to the small building near the beachfront wedding venue. Distant storms rumble and roll, dark clouds billowing overhead, but like last night, they refuse to break. We stop outside the doors, one for the bridesmaids, the other for the groomsmen.

"I'll see you on the other side," I say, keeping my voice light, and then we're apart again.

Preparations go by in a blur as I put my black suit on, trying to imagine how Tai looks in his soft purple outfit. The thought makes me smile as I finish getting ready. We step outside as a group, behind the rows of chairs where a few hundred people sit. Cho and Andrew have large families and even larger social circles, and I find myself wondering if Tai's parents are in the crowd.

How I'd react if they were.

Would I thank them for creating such a beautiful, wonderful human being or want to throw them to the ground for making him believe he is anything less than perfect?

The ceremony is lovely, though I have to bite back a smile when Teri clamps onto my arm with an unexpectedly firm grip as we make our way down the aisle.

She's still bitter about walking in on that kiss.

Tai is fucking stunning in his lilac suit, slim fitted to his trim body with a crisp white shirt underneath his jacket. An ache spreads through my chest when I see that he's left his hair down. Our eyes meet from across the aisle, and the soft smile that flutters over his lips forces me to return it.

Every few minutes, we find each other, and it tests my self-control to not react. I'm restless, trying my hardest not to shuffle between my feet as the priest goes on… and on… and on. Even with the clouds in the sky, the afternoon sun is hot against the thick, black material of my coat. Beads of sweat tickle down my spine as I force the neutral smile to stay glued to my face.

Is it considered impolite to purposely lock my knees and hope to faint?

I'm weighing the pros and cons when the music starts, announcing the end of the ceremony. Cho and Andrew kiss, they're introduced as man and wife, and they walk hand-in-hand, the rest of the bridal party in rows behind them.

The crowd is led to the reception, and I breathe a deep sigh of relief when the air conditioning blows across my heated skin. I sense a presence behind me and twist to see Tai approaching me with a cautious smile.

"You look hot," he says, and then grins. "I mean, you look hot , but also like you're glad to be inside."

"That was brutal," I say with a laugh, and he chuckles, leaning against me, our arms just barely brushing. "Want to grab a bite to eat?" Required social norms must be over and done, much to my relief. The new bride and groom sit at the front of the room, snacking and chatting with the crowd of people who wait to congratulate them.

My stomach growls as I stare at the buffet, and Tai laughs, putting his hand on the small of my back and leading me towards the line. "We need to feed you and make sure the hairy hulk doesn't come out to play."

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up," I tease as I load up a plate. He stares at the pile of food with a grin, trying to suppress his laughter. "I'm pretty sure I'm mastering a class in wedding debauchery, but I'm fucking hungry."

"There's plenty of food. I think you're safe." Tai puts tiny finger foods on his plate like a proper gentleman while I have a mountain of appetizers, standing guard over the deviled eggs and pigs in a blanket in case there aren't enough for seconds.

He coaxes me away from the buffet, and we settle at a table near the rear of the room. It's nice to sit back and not have any attention on me. We chat as we eat, but Tai's eyes are wary after my guardedness last night and this morning.

A flash of lightning glows from outside, then the heavy thud of rain hits the roof in a sheet. "Our duties are over, you know." Tai looks out the window as his hand lands on my thigh under the table. It's nothing inappropriate, just a few inches above my knee, but his intention is clear.

He leaves it there as he twists to look at me, and I don't move it away. "Yeah," I finally say as my knees spread, causing his grip to flex against my leg. "We got everything we came for, I guess."

The lights dim as Cho and Andrew take the floor to dance, and those fingertips tiptoe up my thigh. "Did you?"

My cock flexes behind my slacks as my breathing gets heavier, every ounce of my attention locked on his fingers as they drag over my skin in little swirls. "Did I what?"

"Get everything you came for?" He inches higher, brushing the edge of my sac, and I barely bite back a moan as my erection pushes against my zipper. "Or did you want more?"

My knees push further apart, and I shift, causing his hand to brush over my cock. "I always want more with you, Tai. Whatever you'll give me, I want."

He leans closer, bolder than usual, while everyone's eyes are stuck on the new couple. "I'm going to the bathroom…" The words die on his lips as he trails off, and his eyes speak volumes as they meet mine. He says nothing else, just gets up as I fight with my common sense.

This is the opposite of distance.

The opposite of self-preservation.

This is jumping into the ocean with concrete on my feet.

This is stupidity .

But I've never claimed to be a smart man.

As he walks away, he steals a glance over his shoulder at me. His long hair catches the light as he tosses it, and my feet move without permission. A playful gleam flashes in his eyes as he slides into the hallway and disappears from sight, but I'm only seconds behind him.

I jog down the hall as a flash of lilac ducks into the bathroom, and the door hasn't even shut when I catch it and push through. It slams closed, and I turn to twist the lock, whirling on him like a predator.

Only he wants to be caught.

He's on me in a heartbeat, mouth slamming into mine so hard that I thunk against the door. His fingers tangle in my hair and tug me to him, while my hands work down to his tight little ass and further, grabbing his thighs and wrapping them around my waist.

He lets out a series of quiet moans as I carry him to the long marble countertop, and when I finally place him on top, the position lines our cocks up to grind together.

Our kiss grows more aggressive as he claws at my shoulders as though we can never be close enough. Every article of clothing and strand of hair becomes nothing more than an object of desire that we tug and pull.

When we're both panting, I yank his ass forward and lean him back, rolling my hips against him as we gasp into each other's mouths. We rut like animals, biting and scratching at each other. Feral and untamed, taking out our rage in the only way we can without falling to pieces.

I tear my lips from his and shove his feet to the floor. "Connor," he moans as my knees crash to the ground, unfastening his pants, and sucking his rock-hard cock straight into my mouth.

My tongue explores like it did the first time, swiping and flickering, sampling every drip of sweat and tangy burst of pre-cum. Lightning flashes before thunder booms so loud it shakes the building. Rain pours in sheets outside, covering his helpless cries as I suck him like he's my last meal.

I pop off and lick down his length, drawing one of his balls into my mouth. "Fuck, that feels so good," he murmurs, running his fingers through my hair as I stare up at him. "Why are you so fucking perfect?"

"I want to feel you come," I say before I hollow my cheeks, taking him deeper. Tears spring to my eyes and I gag, but it doesn't deter me. Spit drips from my lips as I pull back, drunk with lust.

Something feral and wild comes over me as I stare up at him. "You said you'd put me under you, didn't you? Keep your promise to me, sweetheart. Put me underneath you and take me. I'm on my knees for you, Tai… I'm on my knees and I'm fucking begging."

A low curse leaves him as he grabs my arms and tries to drag me to my feet. When I'm too heavy for him to budge, I relent and stand. His mouth crashes into mine as he fumbles with my pants, only loosening them enough to push them past my ass.

"Turn around," he commands in a voice deeper than I've ever heard it. I nod and spin towards the mirror, finding my face and not recognizing the man that stares back at me. My hair is everywhere, cheeks flushed and eyes wild as Tai's hands roam down my front, cupping my cock over my pants and squeezing.

"Look at how sexy you are, chippoke. How fucking beautiful you are when you want me."

"I always want you, Tai," I whimper, thrusting into his hand, and a dark chuckle rumbles from his throat as he releases me. Heavy hands land on my shoulders as he pushes me forward, and I'm a puppet as I bend for him.

Tai hovers over me, black hair loose and eyes hooded as my elbows obediently rest on the counter. Despite his smaller stature, his presence is commanding, and I gladly submit to his will.

"Arch your back for me, love." His fingers slip into my underwear, sliding them down until I'm exposed to him. All thoughts of self-consciousness or embarrassment are extinguished by how much I want him.

There's no room for anything else.

His eyes stay locked on mine in the mirror as he gives himself a slow stroke, his cock still shiny with my spit. "Are you going to fuck me?" My heart hammers behind my ribs.

I want it.

I want him, and I want him inside me more than anything I've ever wanted in my life. "Please?"

There's a pause before he drags his thumb up my crack, and I jump at the contact. It pushes against my rim, and I can't help the moan that tears free. Rain pours outside the window, turning the daylight into a dappled shadow that covers his gorgeous face as he pulses that fingertip against me. The very tip of it slips inside me, and I bite my lip to hold back the noises that crawl up my throat.

"You are so tight," he murmurs, pulsing his thumb. Just that tiny stretch has a sting that shoots up my spine like the lightning outside, but even knowing the pain, I ache for him. "Too tight for that without proper prep, Connor, and I lack the lube and the patience for that."

"I don't care," I whine, pushing back and gasping when his thumb slips further.

"I won't hurt you."

"Just do it!" I bellow, slamming my fists onto the counter with a crash, and his eyes fly up to mine. "Hurt me, Tai, just fucking do it!"

You're already ripping me in half, I think.

You're already hurting me.

I'm already ruined.

My eyes betray what my lips refuse to articulate, and I know he hears every word. "No, I won't hurt you. Not like that." Tears sting and threaten to spill over as he stands behind me, dragging his free hand along my spine. "Anything you want me to do that makes you feel good? I'll do it. I'll do all of it, but don't ask me to hurt you. Not on purpose."

My tears fall as he pulls his thumb out and the slick length of his cock takes its place. "Close your legs," he orders, and I obediently press them tightly together as he slides between my thighs, his hips flush against my ass. "Just like that… you're doing so good."

His slow, deliberate movements have me gasping and arching further, his shaft sliding against my balls with his thrusts. A keening whimper blows from my lips as his rhythm increases, anchoring me in place with a hand on my hip.

The slide of his cock has me soaring, but it's not enough to give me what I crave. "More, Tai," I beg, and his eyes meet mine in the mirror. "I need more."

"Greedy thing." He fists my hair and drags my face back to his, kissing me with a bruising pressure as he rolls his hips and fucks into me.

"Please?" My voice is jarred by his body driving into mine. "I need you inside me, please… just the tip. That's all… just a little bit… just enough so I can feel it. Please, I'll do anything."

"Fuck, Connor!" His eyes roll up in his head as he thrusts faster.

"Give it to me, sweetheart. You want to be inside me as much as I want you there. Just a little. Please?"

He snarls as he pulls back, and then his thumb is on my hole again, slipping into me and stretching. "That's what you want?" He sounds angry, but he can't hide the way his pupils flare, sweat beading on his sun-kissed, fair skin.

"That's what I want," I rasp, and he leans in and spits on me, spreading it with his thumb before doing it a second time. The head of his cock pushes against my entrance. "Yes," I moan as he holds himself with one hand and presses his hips forward. Pressure builds at my hole, and I'm a whimpering mess as he works himself in.

All at once, my rim is on fire and Tai gasps as he slips inside. I shout, fingers clawing at the countertop until my knuckles bleach, but my cock is so hard that it throbs. My voice is strained, shouting his name as I try to push back, but he holds me still.

I clench my jaw as he rocks forward, spit flying from between my teeth as I heave a grunt at the sting. "Fuck, Connor," he moans, planting both his palms on the counter as he canopies over me. More jerky thrusts shove him a little deeper inside me, and it forces my broken cry.

Shockwaves charge through my body, causing nerve endings to ignite with each gasping breath. I roll my hips, the harsh edge of the countertop providing me with friction as I hover on this precarious line between pleasure and pain.

Tai's helpless whimper is right in my ear as he thrusts with more of those tiny, choppy motions. "I'm going to come." He drops his mouth to my shoulder and sinks his teeth into my flesh, the sting dampened by the material of my coat. "Fuck, I can't hold back anymore, Connor. Is that what you want? For me to breed you?"

"Yes," I hiss, rutting against the counter as the pressure in my body becomes unbearable. "Please!"

His moan is long and low as he jerks forward, biting my neck. "That's it, take it. Take all of me in that greedy ass." Another thrust, harder than he means to, and I erupt. Warmth floods my underwear as my cock kicks inside my pants, soaking through the fabric.

My cries grow louder as he pumps into me, my body squeezing around him and cum dripping down my thighs. Thunder crackles outside as he slumps against my back, both of us catching our breath as I find his eyes in the mirror.

Dark and full of emotion, they serve as the killing blow to my foolish heart. They speak of goodbyes and last times, and unspoken, ungrantable wishes that I no longer have the defenses to withstand.

These feeble threads that hold me together don't stand a chance as I snap.