chapter 23

All the membersof Velveteen Crush sat on the greenroom sofa except Izzy, who sat on the back of an armchair, her feet on the seat. On the screen, the judges were critiquing the last performance. Christina thought it was delightful. The Prime Minister wanted to see more energy. Next, the aerial performers, BetaFlight, did a routine while a projector projected a series of zipper images on the screen behind them. The Prime Minister said the act was like being inside the mind of a baggage handler on psilocybin. Effectz did a mind-blowing hip-hop routine wearing multicolored pants covered in zippers.

Then a runner poked her head in the door to let Velveteen Crush know they were on next, which meant in an hour, after they’d been miked and unmiked and powdered and adjusted. Finally, they got their ten-minute warning. The assistant led them to the waiting area behind the stage. A camera followed them. Izzy tried to give a pep talk, but she got lost somewhere between the Zipper is an important cultural phenomenon and this is our chance to show America that… something… pride… Her friends looked at her. She had to pull it together. She had to get nervous about the performance they were about to do, not worry that Lillian and the Reed-Whitmer dancers would do something conservative, and the Prime Minister would vote them off for not dancing with authenticity.

“You’re all amazing, and I love you,” Izzy finished.

She held her breath as the lights backstage went dark. She could hear Hallie and Harrison introduce them. Then a man with an enormous glowing smartwatch counted to three on his fingers and motioned them out, like a police officer directing traffic.

Izzy barely remembered the performance, but she heard the crowd cheering when they finished. The Star Maker flashed, bathing her friends’ faces with light. She pulled up the zipper on the front of her corset, the one she had promised to unzip throughout the performance but never did. She winked at the crowd, and they cheered again.

Harrison and Hallie asked about their inspiration for the performance.

Izzy said, “It’s about being vulnerable, being exactly who you are in your beautiful entirety.”

“Hard to imagine how you could accomplish that with a dance dedicated to the zipper,” the Prime Minister said, “but I think you did it.”

Back in the greenroom, Sarah pulled Izzy aside.

“You were great out there, but your energy is very… loose. Is it because of—” Sarah mouthed, Lillian.

Lillian had so much at stake. And Izzy did too, and so did the LGBTQ+ community that needed the Roosevelt Theater to be their safe space. She’d gotten calls from three roofing contractors, each bidding higher than the last. Izzy should be poring over their emails. Instead she was melting with desire for Lillian Jackson. She’d dreamed about kissing Lillian in the alcove and woken up aroused in a way she couldn’t resolve with her own touch. Eventually she and Lillian would sleep together. Then Lillian would leave. Izzy would cry. Sarah would loan Izzy more books on functional relationships that Izzy would feel dysfunctional for not reading. She knew all that, but she didn’t feel it. Lillian wanted her, tenderly and lustfully. Izzy felt that with every cell of her body. Lillian didn’t just want to have sex with Blue Lenox, she liked Izzy Wells.

“No,” Izzy said quickly.

Axel looked up from where he was doing Russian twists on the floor.

“The lead for the Reed-Whitmer Ballet Company?” he asked as though Sarah had spoken out loud.

“No,” Izzy said.

“She’s cool.” Axel sat up as though Izzy had not just denied that Lillian was the topic of conversation.

“You haven’t crushed on anyone for a long time,” Arabella said without looking up from whatever dark web espionage she was conducting on the phone she was not supposed to have in the greenroom. “It’s very Hallmark-y, but I’ll allow it.”

“I checked the contract,” Tock said. “You can date other contestants, but any footage they take of you is fair game for the show.”

“Sarah!” Izzy protested.

The troupe was close, but that didn’t mean Sarah got to tell them about Izzy’s feelings without her permission.

“She didn’t tell us,” Arabella added.

Sarah looked miffed. “I wouldn’t.”

“Keep the friends who hear you when you never said a word,” Axel said.

Arabella looked over at him. “That one actually works. Good job.”

Tock said, “I wanted to warn you if you two were going to get in any legal trouble, so I looked it up in the contract. You’re fine.”

“But I didn’t say anything. I didn’t… Lillian and I didn’t…”

Izzy had kept her anxiety and her excitement under wraps. There was no way anyone could guess what was going through her mind, not even her friends. Well, maybe Sarah, but not Tock, who filled his brain with statutes. Arabella was too busy possibly hacking SpaceX. (It was better not to ask.) Axel had been texting his clients every chance he got.

She was Blue Lenox. No one saw the messy person inside Blue Lenox. That’s why everyone adored her.

“How?” Izzy asked.

Axel went back to Russian twisting, the tap of his medicine ball punctuating his sentences.

“You fought with her in rehearsal.” Tap.

“Not really, I mean…” Yes.

“You ran off.” Tap. “You were all bummed and went out to eat shitty bar food alone.”

“The Neptune isn’t that bad.”

“And probably drink those purple drinks.” Tap. “Imani said that something was up with Lillian.” Tap. “Then Lillian came looking for you?”

She did?

“Then today you’re all calm and happy.”

Calmwas overstating it.

“The evidence is circumstantial,” Tock said, “but there’s a strong correlation.”

“She could get voted off today.” The thought made Izzy’s stomach knot up.

“Don’t worry,” Axel added. “I talked to some of the people from Dream Team Marchers, and they said they saw Mood of Motion practicing and they were a bag full of terrible, and Spice Angels didn’t include a zipper at all. They’re totally off brief. There’s no way Reed-Whitmer won’t make it through this round. I’m glad you have a crush.” Axel stood up and put his enormous arm around Izzy. “That’s great.”

No. It was an emotional train wreck happening in slow motion, but it felt good hanging out with her friends and getting teased about liking a woman.

Reed-Whitmer did make it. Watching Lillian on-screen, Izzy felt like a teenager watching their favorite celebrity crush on TV. The Star Maker liked Lillian’s company more than Mood of Motion. Izzy held her breath while Alejandro advised the company to add more energy to the slow parts and Christina said she felt like the performance opened something up for her. The Prime Minister said, “This performance told a story.” He steepled his fingers. “I don’t think it’s your story, but it’s a story. What I’m looking for this season is authenticity. I see a glimmer of realness. You better spark that glimmer, because you’re going on to the next round.” In the end, BetaFlight’s zippers were the fail of the day, and they went home. When all the groups had performed, the hosts announced the next round, a beach trip in honor of their next corporate sponsor, Lie in Wait Outdoor Wear.