chapter 21
They were quietfor a moment. She could tell Blue was leaving space for her to say more, but speaking that much truth left Lillian more exhausted than an hour onstage.
“Can I ask what made you do the show?” Lillian asked.
“We want to show the world that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. Everyone deserves the spotlight if they want it.” Blue launched into an inspirational speech. When she finished she added, “I bought an old theater so my troupe can have a… home.” She interjected a bit more about inclusivity and safe space, but she seemed to run out of steam. “It’s going to be fabulous, but it is old, as in no-ADA-bathrooms, what’s-wrong-with-lead-paint old. Ugh. I can’t talk to one more contractor. I don’t even want to think about it. Can we pretend all I have on my plate is winning The Great American Talent Show?”
“We won’t talk about it then.” What pleasant direction could Lillian take the conversation? “Did you get a present?” She nodded to the box.
The way Blue said no told Lillian she had not found a pleasant topic of conversation.
“We don’t have to talk about that either,” Lillian said.
“Sarah says I’m not supposed to bottle everything up.”
“Do you?”
“Of course,” Blue said the same way someone might say, Of course I shower. A little humor returned to Blue’s eyes. “Okay. Can I tell you something?”
After she’d poured her heart out to Blue? Yeah, she could tell her something.
“Of course.”
Blue pushed the box in Lillian’s direction.
On top was a wedding invitation. Bella and Ace requested the pleasure of your presence at their wedding. A handwritten note at the bottom read, There’s still room for another bridesmaid. Bella and I hope you’ll say yes. Love, Mom. There were also fabric samples, a photo of a hideous bridesmaid’s dress, and paint chips. Apparently the wedding colors were Terra-cotta Rose, Compassionate Pink, and Gilded Sunset.
Lillian held up the photo of the dress, gauging Blue’s feelings. Her face did not read, How romantic.
“It looks like a meringue mated with a mermaid?” Lillian posed it as a question.
Blue’s laugh was half sigh, half chuckle. “I could wear it ironically if I could strip out of it.”
“Not an unattractive picture.” Was that too much?
“Watch out, I’ll invite you.”
“Something tells me you’re not excited about this,” Lillian said.
“I barely know my sister. I’m sure she’s nice, but she’s way younger than me. She’s my half sister, not that that would make her less of a sister if I knew her, but I was out of the house before she was ten.” Sadness crossed Blue’s dark eyes. “No. They were out of the house before Bella was ten. I was still in the house.” Blue ran a hand through her hair and leaned back in the booth. “People go to weddings for people they don’t know all the time.”
Now it was Lillian who touched Blue’s hand, feeling Blue flinch and then relax as Lillian stroked the top of Blue’s hand with her thumb. Blue’s skin was soft. The touch felt as intimate as everything they’d done in Lillian’s hotel room. Lillian stopped.
“Do you want to go to the wedding?” Lillian asked.
Blue’s vibe definitely didn’t say, I’m looking forward to this celebration of everlasting love.
“I have to. It’s one day. Bella never did anything to me.”
Had her parents done something? That was too personal. Lillian just left that open silence for Blue to say whatever she wanted, but Blue shook off her sadness.
“I’ll buy her an Instant Pot and hook up with one of the bridesmaids, which I will not be one of. I could peel a woman out of this meringue.”
Lillian felt a tinge of jealousy.
“You’re going to hook up with a bridesmaid when you took me to the wedding?”
Blue’s smile made Lillian’s heart light up.
“So you are going to come with me? I’m guessing it’s going to be religious and all dance-around-the-Maypole Pagan and hip. Basically whoever you are, you’re gonna be uncomfortable.”
“As long as I’m wearing Gilded Compassionate Terra-cotta.”
“We’ll have to match.”
“I feel like you already have a coral-colored suit.”
Blue cocked her head in thought. “No, but do I have time to make one?”
“Can you hunt down a pink sofa?” To let Blue know she was teasing, she added, “You know you looked fantastic, right?”
“I did.” Blue’s persona glistened beneath her messy hair and baggy sweatshirt. “And I made that out of curtains, not a sofa. So you’ll come?” She folded her arms on the table as though finishing a business deal.
“Yes, but you have to take the hit and listen to my mother’s orchid lectures.”
“Deal.” Blue held out her hand to shake Lillian’s. “Awkward wedding with semi-estranged family for interesting information about houseplants. I’m getting the better end of this deal.”
What was Lillian doing joking about going to a wedding? She didn’t even eat breakfast with the women she slept with. And she could ruin so many things if she didn’t stay focused. Eleanor said discipline bred discipline. But maybe discipline was a finite resource. And after a lifetime of twelve-hour rehearsals, did Lillian have enough discipline left to resist Blue’s playful smile?