Chapter 17 Kelly Kaplan

A Different Answer

Five Days Until Christmas

The entire stadium erupts into cheers as we watch everyone on the Aces celebrating with Austin.

My heart warms.

The fear that comes with watching him every time the ball is sailing through the air toward his arms and a defender is rushing toward him to stop him from catching that ball is next level.

That’s my baby’s daddy there on the field, and every single time, I’m terrified he’s going to go down. I’m scared it’ll be him lying on the ground as the medical staff and Coach Nash rush onto the field, that seconds will stretch into what feels like hours as time comes to a standstill.

What Austin and I have is complicated, and as I celebrate the touchdown with Ava, I think maybe it’s time to acknowledge that my feelings for him run much, much deeper than I’ve allowed myself to acknowledge.

Life is short, and I’ve wasted the last year and a half being hard on him for something he did when he was pushed into a corner. I’ve wasted so much time being scared about getting hurt when I could’ve taken the leap and been happy with him this whole time instead of miserably alone.

I remember back to when I first met Austin and we had a few fun nights together, and I refused to be the desperate girl chasing him down.

How different would things have been if I hadn’t immediately thrown up a defense mechanism where he was concerned?

He was this big pro football player with a certain sort of reputation, and I was this na?ve kindergarten teacher who had no idea what she was getting into. I went into it with zero expectations, and since I’d been hurt before, I put up walls so I wouldn’t be hurt again.

Putting up walls isn’t really my style—or it wasn’t anyway, before I had my heart broken.

Jackie, the babysitter I’ve used a few times now, was recommended by Ava’s sister-in-law, and I just love her. She’s in her early twenties and attends UNLV, and she’s majoring in elementary education. It’s a perfect fit, and Mia seems to adore her.

“She should be up from her nap any minute,” she says as I walk her to the door.

“Thanks so much, Jackie,” I say. I Venmo her the cash I promised and flash her my phone as we stand by the door.

“Thanks. Is Austin coming by?” she asks. “I’d love to congratulate him on that touchdown in the second quarter.” The two of them haven’t actually met yet, but she knows who Mia’s daddy is.

“I’m not sure, actually,” I admit. I shrug. “I’ll tell him you said that.” I smile warmly and walk her out, and I’m sure she was just being nice.

But Austin is hot, and I wouldn’t be surprised if she was asking so she could get a little face time with the famous tight end.

You know…the guy who said he thinks he’s in love with me.

I wrap my arms around myself after I close the door behind her, and I can’t help the giddy little feeling that pulses through me.

I think I just might be in love with him, too.

And I think tonight might be the right time to tell him that.

My doorbell rings just as I’m cleaning up from Mia’s rather messy dinner, and when I open it, I find Austin standing there. He’s leaning against the door frame, and he looks freaking delicious in an Aces tee, jeans, and a backward hat.

His blue eyes fall to me, and they’re heated as his gaze carries from my eyes down my body. He doesn’t push off the door frame as he checks me out, and instead of feeling overly subconscious about it, he has this way of making me feel alive and sexy.

“Congratulations on a great game,” I say.

His eyes flick back to mine, and a small smile pushes at the corners of his mouth. “Thanks. I credit the woman cheering her face off for me in the stands.”

I laugh. “Yeah, this crazy lady a few rows in front of me kept going wild every time you took the fie—”

His mouth crashes to mine before I get a chance to finish that sentence, and when he backs up, he leans his forehead to mine. “You know I meant you. What the fuck are you doing to me, Kaplan?”

I catch his lips with mine. “The same thing you’re doing to me, Graham.”

He kisses me some more, and then we both hear, “Mama!”

I pull back with a small smile. “Your daughter is stuck in her highchair while I was cleaning up after dinner. Want to be the savior?”

He nods and slides past me inside, and as I close the door behind him, I can literally hear the very second Mia spots him. “Dadada!”

“Mimimi!” he says back at her, matching her enthusiasm, and my heart feels like it could burst. That feeling intensifies as I walk into the kitchen and see Austin taking Mia out of her chair. He grabs her up into his arms and kisses the top of her head, and she’s giggling the whole time. I set my hand on my chest as I lean on the wall and watch the scene unfold, and this is it.

This is what I want.

I want him to ask the question he’s asked me a hundred times since I ended things with him. Are you ready to give this another chance yet?

I’ve always told him not yet .

But today…I think I might have a different answer for him.

“Let me give Mimi her bath tonight, okay?” he asks. “You put your feet up or work on a wreath or whatever.”

My brows pinch together. “Are you sure?” My tone is doubtful, though I shouldn’t have any doubt that he can do this. He’s given her a bath before, but always with me standing over him and offering helpful advice about how to do it.

Or maybe it’s hovering. I’m an overprotective new mama of a baby girl who is used to just having me around. I can’t help it.

I know I need to let him do this. I know I need to allow him the chance to prove he can, and I can’t help but think about how when we move in together, I’ll have someone to split these sorts of tasks with all the time. The thought of it alone is incredibly appealing, but to do it with someone I have feelings for, someone I see a future with?

How do I say no to that?

“I’m positive.” He turns to take her toward the bathroom, and I stand where I am, not really sure what to do with myself.

I’m so used to our routine where I do everything and my only free time falls into the hours when the baby is asleep.

I wander around the kitchen for a few seconds, and I turn off all the lights before I walk over to the couch and sit. I flip to Netflix and start up the fireplace show, and I turn on some instrumental Christmas music.

And then I stare at my tree as I listen to the crackle and pop of the fake fireplace and the soft sound of a piano playing “Silent Night.”

I used to watch my mom do this very thing when I was a kid, and I always thought it was so strange to just sit and stare at a Christmas tree. But now that I’m an adult…I get it.

There’s something magical about the crystal ornaments that twinkle in front of the strands of lights. It’s relaxing and mesmerizing at the same time, the quiet calm after the storm of a day, and I sort of want to leave the tree up year-round just to have a quiet moment to myself every once in a while.

Maybe I will.

Austin joins me a few minutes later. He sets Mia down on her little activity mat and joins me on the couch. He sets his arm around me, and I lean into him.

If I thought it was peaceful to sit here by myself looking at the tree, it’s downright majestic to sit here with my head on Austin’s shoulder as we stare down at our baby.

I’ve been back and forth for the better part of a year and a half, but this is the moment when I know for sure that I’ve found what I’m looking for—that this is worth the risk.

“Ask me again,” I say softly.

“Ask what?”

“The question you always ask me.”

He chuckles. “Are you ready to give this another chance yet?”

I turn so I’m looking up at him. “Yes.”

He angles his gaze down to me, and he leans forward and presses his lips to mine. I could get lost in him, in this moment—but there’s a baby on the floor less than five feet away from the Christmas tree, and as we both hear silence coming from the activity mat that’s usually a cacophony of sounds, we break apart.

Just in time to see Mia using the bottom branch of the tree to help lift herself up to a stand.

She’s yanking hard on the branch, and what she’s doing—along with what’s about to happen to the tree—hardly even registers in my brain before Austin leaps from the couch, his skills as a tight end pushing him into quick action as he rushes toward Mia.

He lifts her to pull her away from the tree, but she’s got a firm grip on that branch, and just as he pulls her out of harm’s way, the tree topples to the ground with a loud crash as crystal ornaments shatter into a million different pieces all over the tile flooring.

Mia bursts into tears, loud wails filling the space that was quiet tranquility a mere ten seconds ago, and as I stare at the mess in front of me, I can’t help but burst into tears, too, as I worry that it can’t be a good omen that the tree came crashing down seconds after I told Austin I wanted to try again with him.