Chapter 11 Austin Graham

Reindeer Pajama Pants

Two Weeks Until Christmas

Me: Are you still awake?

If she isn’t and my text just woke her up, well, I’ll feel like an asshole.

But the plane just touched down after I spent a lot of the ride talking with Asher, and we’ll take a bus back to the Complex, where we’ve all parked our cars, and then we go home.

Only…I don’t want to go home to my empty house.

I want to go to Kelly’s house. I want to be with her.

She’s all I’ve thought about since Tuesday. It was just a routine, mundane day. We spent the morning making wreaths. We went to lunch. I dropped her back at her place and took Mia to my place for a few hours to give Kelly some time to herself.

When I dropped Mia back off, I didn’t want to leave.

I never want to leave the two of them, but the pull to stay was stronger than it has been the last few months.

Some dynamic is changing between us, and I’m not sure what it is or why. It’s the long, lingering glances and the little touches. It’s these small things that feel exciting again, as if we’re at the start of something new.

Only…it’s not new. Not totally, anyway. It just feels new.

And because of that, there’s nobody I want to share today’s victory with more than her.

Typically we win, and I head home and sulk—not because we won, but because I didn’t feel like I did all that much to contribute to that victory. In general, I don’t leave games in a good mood. In general, I don’t go through life in a good mood.

But Kelly’s changing all that.

Starting is changing all that, too. It’s all coming together at the same time for me, just like I knew it would when I got the starting position.

Tonight, I did contribute to the game. I was part of our victory rather than part of the sidelines.

I was on the field for fifty-six out of sixty-four snaps tonight. I blocked the hell out of the defensive back on the other side of the ball. I created running lanes for Jaxon Bryant, I caught the ball on the plays where I was supposed to run a route, and I scored a touchdown—my third of the season now.

Kelly: Yes. Congrats on a great game! Mia and I watched.

Me: Thank you. Can I swing by?

Kelly: Now?

Me: [laugh emoji] Yes, now.

Kelly: I’m in my pajamas.

Me: Please tell me tonight’s choice is that tight, see-through white T-shirt with no shorts.

It was her preferred sleepwear when we were sleeping together, and every time I picture her sweet little body in that getup, my cock immediately swells. Like right now.

Kelly: Even better. Reindeer pajama pants with a long-sleeve T-shirt.

I laugh out loud.

Me: On my way.

She wasn’t lying. When she opens the door, she’s in pink reindeer pants and a matching shirt. “What’s going on?” She leans on the doorframe as I stand on her front porch, the outdoor light beside her front door shining in my eye like a spotlight and making me feel like I’m on some sort of stage.

I stare at her as I realize…I have no plan.

There’s no reason I’m here other than the fact that I wanted to see her. And so, in the same vein as proving I’m not the same immature asshole who hurt the people she loves, I decide to go for honesty.

“I wanted to see you.”

She looks a little taken aback by that. “Oh. Why?”

I clear my throat, and I nod to her front hall. “Can I come in?”

She pushes off the door frame and holds out an arm. “You did great today, Austin. That play in the second quarter, it was—”

I cut her off as I loop an arm around her waist and haul her into me. I stare down at her as I try to figure out my next move.

“The baby’s already asleep,” she says quietly. “What are you doing here?”

“I told you. I wanted to see you.”

Her breath hitches as her eyes search mine, and I can’t help myself. I lean down and press my lips to hers for just a brief moment, and then I lift her into my arms and twirl her into a circle.

She laughs as I set her down. “What’s gotten into you?”

“I’m in love with you, Kelly.” The words just fall out of me unexpectedly, but I don’t regret them.

In fact, far from it. I’m glad I said it. I’ve been thinking it for weeks, maybe even months, and it feels like a weight off my shoulders to voice the words aloud.

A soft gasp falls from her lips.

“I haven’t stopped thinking about you since the last time I saw you. I don’t want to only see you once a week. I don’t want to be two passing ships. I don’t want to only get time with our daughter when I’m picking her up and dropping her off. I want you. I want a life with you. Both of you. I want you to see how hard I’m working to be a man who’s worthy of you even though I know I’ll never deserve you or that sweet little girl. I—”

My last sentence is swallowed as her lips slam to mine. She presses her body fully against me, and I walk with her in my arms until her back is against the wall. I open my mouth to hers, and our tongues battle together in this expression of feelings that I’ve been burying for far, far too long. She moans as she sinks into me, and that’s it. That’s the signal.

We’ve been together enough times for me to know what that little moan means. She wants this, too. She’s as tired of fighting it as I am.

I’m not here to fight anymore. I’m here to finally, finally get back on the same page with her.

She links her arms around my neck, her fingertips reaching into my hair as I deepen our kiss, my tongue exploring her mouth as if I’ve never explored it before—as if my cock hasn’t been in her mouth, in her cunt, in her ass.

I want to take every part of her again, and I want us to be free of all the shit that’s been hanging over us for two years.

And just when I think it’s going to happen, she pulls back. Her eyes are hazy with lust, but she seems to come to a decision in the moment.

“Austin, I—I can’t. You know where I am on us.”

“I know,” I say softly. I lean my forehead down to hers as I draw in a deep breath. “I know. I just…I guess I was hoping you could get to where I am.”

“Which is where?” she asks.

I pull back a little, but not out of her arms. “With you. Figuring out a way we can be together—for us. For her.” I lift a shoulder as I nod into the house toward Mia’s room, the vulnerability not at all like me.

She glances down the hall, and I can see her resolve cracking.

I shake my head, and this time I do back up out of her arms. “It’s okay. I don’t want to pressure you into something you don’t want—or something you’re not ready for. But I’m here, Kel. I’m ready. I’ve been waiting six long, long months, and if I have to wait six more, or a year beyond that…I’ll do whatever it takes to prove to you that I’m not the same guy I was.”

Her eyes get a little cloudy, and she reaches out for me. I allow her to guide me, and she pulls my arms around her waist as her eyes find mine.

And then a question falls from her lips that I’m not expecting. “How have you changed?”

“I stopped pulling stupid shit in the locker room. Coach Bruce gave Chase and me the chance in practice a few weeks ago to show what we were made of, and I couldn’t take down my friend. I fought honestly, and I won. For the first time in a long time, I won . And I never told you this, but I withdrew my membership at Coax.”

Her brows knit together. “You did? When?”

“Last January.”

“Last January ?” she repeats.

I nod and clear my throat. “Right before Mia was born.”

She looks taken aback by that admission. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I’ve been quietly doing things to change for months—for myself, for Mia. For you. But you just asked me how I’ve changed, so I guess I’m laying it all out on the table. And to be honest, Kelly, when you went out on a date with someone else, something snapped in me. I don’t want you dating some other guy. I want you to be with me.”

Her eyes flick to my lips, and I don’t know how much longer I can stand this close to her, her warm cinnamon scent wrapping around me and her eyes hungry for me.

But I don’t dare move. I wait for her to make the first move. The last thing I want to do is scare her off, but the need echoing through me is about to scare me off.

“Fuck it,” she murmurs, and then her lips move to mine again, and that’s my ticket in.