Chapter 9

The weight of our past and the uncertainty of our future was quickly forgotten. The moment our lips touched, I was transported back in time. For a brief, fleeting moment, it was just us, lost in the intensity of our emotions.

But as quickly as the moment had come, reality came crashing back in. The weight of my conscience slammed into me. With a sense of clarity that cut through the haze of desire, I pushed back, breaking the kiss abruptly.

"I can't do this," I whispered, my voice trembling with a mixture of longing and regret. It was wrong.

Without waiting for a response, I turned and walked away, leaving Graham standing there, watching me go with a look of confusion in his eyes. My heart pounded in my chest as I made my way to the elevator. The sound of my heels clacking against the marble floor echoed around me. I kept my chin up and shoulders back just like my mother always told me to do.

Riding the elevator up to my apartment, I tried to shake off the effects of our kiss. I did my best to convince myself that it didn't mean anything. Fortunately, the apartment was empty. I was shaken.

Upstairs in my bedroom, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My cheeks were flushed. It was a testament to the warmth that still coursed through me.

I shut my eyes against the reflection, unwilling to grapple with the onslaught of emotions that it brought forth. After all these years, Graham had an ability to shatter my resolve and reduce me to a lovesick teenager again. But I was no longer that na?ve girl.

I took off my dress and changed into my pajamas. Kissing Graham felt wrong. Not because it wasn't amazing, but I didn't want to fall into something with the big secret looming between us. There was no way for us to have a relationship. Not without him knowing about Sloane. After hearing him talk about wanting a family, I didn't think he was going to appreciate discovering he had a daughter he never knew about.

I checked my phone, looking for a message from Sloane. There was nothing, but that wasn't a surprise. I quickly texted her to check in with her. She replied with a "Fine," which again was pretty normal. And because I was just a little overprotective, I pulled up the app and verified she was where she was supposed to be. I knew she hated me checking up on her, but she was a very pretty, mature fourteen-year-old girl. She lived a privileged life and wasn't always aware of the dangers lurking around.

"At least she responded," I muttered to myself.

I went back downstairs and poured myself a glass of wine. I couldn't shake the feeling that everything had changed between Graham and me. I settled onto the couch in my cozy pajamas and just let all the emotions wash over me.

With a heavy sigh, I reached for my phone and dialed Holly's number, needing her wisdom. I had a feeling I knew what she was going to tell me.

She answered on the second ring, her face filling the screen as I Facetimed her. She grinned. "Hey, it's late. I guess it was more date than business after all."

"Yeah, I guess it was." I sighed.

Holly was quick to pick up on my hesitation. Her expression turned serious as she leaned closer to the screen. "So, how did it go?"

I tried to deflect her question, asking about her own date instead, but Holly wasn't having any of it. "No, no. We're talking about you. What happened? Was it good? Were the old feelings there?"

"We kissed," I confessed.

Holly's eyes widened in surprise, but there was a knowing glint in them as well. "And what did you feel?" she pressed, her voice gentle but insistent.

I tried to deny the significance of our kiss, to convince myself that it didn't mean anything. "Honestly, I don't know. It was confusing."

"Confusing?"

"I don't know," I groaned. "Yes, confusing."

Holly was taken aback by my tone.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm just all over the place. The kiss was so good, and it just left me questioning everything."

"Well, confusion isn't necessarily a bad thing," she said.

"But it feels like a bad thing," I countered.

Holly simply shrugged. "Sometimes confusion is just a sign that you're facing something you haven't quite figured out yet. It means there's something you need to confront."

I knew she was right. The biggest issue was Graham not knowing about Sloane and the inevitable fallout once he did.

"I can't believe how good it felt to kiss him. It wasn't even a really hot kiss. I've kissed other men. They were all decent kissers, but this was just…"

"Incredible?"

"You know how it feels when you've been on a grueling business trip for weeks and you finally get to come home and slip into your own bed? That sense of relief, the comfort that wraps around you the moment you close your eyes? That's how it felt to kiss Graham."

Holly's eyes softened. "It sounds like coming home," she said quietly.

"Yes," I affirmed, my voice barely above a whisper. "Exactly like coming home."

"There's nothing confusing about that, sweetie," Holly said. "What's confusing is what you're going to do about it."

"And what am I supposed to do?" I replied, feeling the weight of the world resting heavily on my shoulders. "I can't just pick up where we left off. It would be too much. Too sudden."

"And because you would have to tell him about his daughter."

"Yes." I nodded. "I have thought about that conversation a million times, but I convinced myself it would never have to happen."

"You knew the conversation was coming when you took the job," she corrected.

"I know," I groaned.

"Keeping it from him isn't going to make it any less sudden when he eventually finds out," Holly reasoned.

"I know," I said, shoulders sagging. "And I want to tell him, Holly. I do. But how do you tell someone that?"

"You just do it," she said softly. "As kindly and gently as possible. There's really no easy way to say it. It's going to hit him like a ton of bricks."

"And what if he hates me?" I asked.

"He won't hate you."

"He might," I said. "He'll fire me. He's not going to want to see me again."

"Ah, there's the real problem." She smiled. "You're worried he's going to walk out of your life again."

"No."

She nodded. "Yes."

"Okay, a little."

"You never stopped loving him, Isadora," she said softly, her words hitting me like a punch to the gut.

I shook my head adamantly. "No, that's not true. I never got over what he did, but that doesn't mean I love him."

But even as the words left my lips, I couldn't shake the doubt. Did I still love him, after all this time? Was I fooling myself into thinking otherwise? I spent so much time telling myself I never truly loved him. That it had been an infatuation. That I was young and couldn't possibly know what love was.

Before she could try and convince me that I did love Graham, a voice called out for Holly in the background. She giggled. "I better go," she said. "I'll catch up with you in the morning."

I laughed. "Have a good time."

"Oh, you know I will," she said with a wink.

I put my phone on the table and leaned back. I didn't know why I was surprised that we had kissed and now I was feeling all kinds of things. When I saw his name on the job posting, something had stirred inside me. Then I saw him and it was like getting hit by lightning.

Accepting his invitation to dinner was always going to stir up old feelings.

I sat in the dark room, my thoughts swimming, and I closed my eyes, attempting to imagine the moment when secrets would be revealed—when Graham's face would transform from confusion to enlightenment, then to shock, then most likely anger?

I saw him getting enraged and I couldn't blame him. With a sigh, I buried my face into my hands. Suddenly, the silence of the room was broken by a soft ping. Without thinking, I reached for my phone.

It was Sloane with the inevitable question. She wanted to stay the night at her friend's house. I quickly replied with a yes.

I reached for the remote and turned on the TV to veg out a little. I needed a distraction. I settled on some cooking show and pulled the blanket from the corner of the couch.

The next thing I knew, it was two hours later and I blinked awake. I turned off the TV and grabbed my phone to set my alarm for the morning. But as my fingers brushed against the screen, I noticed a new message.

It was from Graham.

"I'm sorry about the kiss. I didn't mean to overstep any boundaries. From this point on, we will keep our interactions strictly professional."

It was a nice text and I should have been happy he apologized, but I was a little bummed. It wasn't like the kiss was terrible. Yes, he initiated the kiss, but I kissed him back.

Part of me wanted to respond immediately, to reassure him that everything was fine, that I understood and appreciated his apology. But another part of me, the part that had been hurt and betrayed all those years ago, wanted to make him wait, to let him stew in his own uncertainty just as I had. Besides, it was late. He was probably in bed.

I got up and went back upstairs to crawl into my own bed. Of course, the moment I closed my eyes, Graham's face was right there.

He reached for me. His mouth slammed against mine as though his life depended on it. His familiar taste on my lips, his fingers traced a maddening path along my jawline. It had felt so real, so right and yet it was so wrong.

"Graham," I murmured when his mouth slid over my jaw.

"Say my name again," he whispered.

"Graham."

"I've missed you so much, Dora. You taste so good."

His mouth moved back to mine, deepening the kiss. His tongue skimmed mine. My hands slid over his chest, feeling the hard muscles. He reached around me and grabbed my ass. I felt his erection rub against me and immediately got wet with excitement and need.

"Yes," I moaned.

"I want you." His voice was thick with desire, his tongue sliding over my ear once again. I couldn't wait for him to touch me where it was going to give me the most desire.

But then I woke up. The dream faded away, replaced by the harsh reality of my room. For a moment, I lay there, staring at the ceiling. The memory of Graham's touch still lingered on my skin, on my lips. It felt so real.

But it was only a dream.

The reality of the situation sank in. I was in trouble. My feelings for Graham, buried deep beneath layers of hurt and resentment, had resurfaced with a vengeance, threatening to consume me once again. I had to be careful. I couldn't let myself fall hard for him again.

The first time he left me had been brutal. I could not go through that again. It wasn't just my heart I had to protect. I couldn't let my daughter see me devastated. Especially if and when Sloane learned who her father was.

She was going to have a negative opinion of him because of my broken heart. I didn't want her to judge him for our relationship mistakes. Despite everything, he was still a part of her.

I stared at the digital clock on my bedside table, its red digits showing the ungodly hour. It was already two in the morning. I needed to sleep. I pushed aside all thoughts of Graham and fought for sleep.