Chapter 27

Ihad barely slept last night. Sloane refused to come out of her room or let me in. I decided it was best to leave her alone. As I woke up, the events of the past twenty-four hours crashed down on me like a tidal wave, leaving me drowning in a sea of regret and despair.

This was the day I knew was coming. I thought I was prepared for it, but nothing could have prepared me for what this felt like. I didn't regret the truth coming out, but I did regret the way it came out.

Getting to know Graham again and seeing he was a good man only added to my guilt. It would have been easier if he was an asshole. If he would have said he didn't want to meet his daughter.

My eyes felt heavy with exhaustion, my face swollen after crying throughout the night. I dreaded facing the day ahead. Eventually, Sloane was going to have to come out of her room. I was afraid to look her in the eyes. Last night, she'd been so disgusted with me.

I knew I had to try and mend the fractured bond between us. Last night, I had given her Graham's phone number and let her know he was waiting to hear from her, but I suggested she might want to wait until today, to give him some time to digest the information.

I made it clear he wanted to meet her. I hoped that would make her feel a little better. I didn't want her to feel like he didn't want to know her. His absence in her life was my fault and I took full responsibility for that.

I made my way to her room but spotted her in the kitchen, eating a Pop Tart. When she saw me, she glared, making her anger very apparent. Without a word, she turned on her heel and disappeared into her room, once again slamming the door.

I honestly didn't know if she would ever speak to me again. I lost them both in one blow. It was what Holly warned me about. I felt helpless. I deserved Sloane's anger, but that didn't make it any easier to bear. Regret gnawed at my insides, not letting up.

I went into the kitchen to start some coffee. Should I make a big breakfast for Sloane?

It was something I often did if she lost a meet or was having a hard day. I would make her breakfast with fresh strawberries and whipped cream piled on Belgian waffles. But no amount of strawberries would fix this.

When it was ready, I carried my coffee to the kitchen table and sat down, staring out at the Chrysler Building. I was lost in thought when my phone buzzed with a notification. I picked it up and saw a text from Graham, my heart skipping a beat at the unexpected contact. He was talking to me. That was a good sign.

But as I read his words, disappointment struck me. He was just informing me that he planned to pick Sloane up and take her to lunch that afternoon. She had already agreed to it.

Sadness tugged at my heart. He hadn't reached out to me for any other reason than to make arrangements for my daughter.

Our daughter.

He was cutting me out of the equation. I didn't miss the irony and had a feeling it was intentional. Or karma. I was also hurt Sloane didn't tell me. She didn't ask either, but that wasn't an issue I was going to press. I trusted Graham. He would take care of her.

I typed out a brief response and let him know I thought it was a great idea. But as I hit send, loneliness settled over me like a heavy blanket. Graham had the best of intentions, but I couldn't shake the feeling of being left behind, of being excluded from the bond between father and daughter.

They were both furious with me. I was their enemy, which would give them something to commiserate over, at least.

The future wasn't clear, but ready or not, things were changing. I would do whatever it took to repair the shattered pieces of our fractured family. I just prayed Graham didn't take this too far. It would kill me if he tried to pull something like a custody battle. I wanted us to be able to work through this with the least amount of drama possible.

The weight of the world pressed down on me. I needed an ally. I dialed Holly's number, my heart pounding. I needed someone to talk to, someone who could help me make sense of the chaos that had consumed my life in the span of one night.

Holly answered, sounding half asleep. "Hello, early bird. I don't remember asking for a wake-up call."

"Graham and Sloane know about each other," I blurted out, the words tumbling from my lips in a rush of desperation. "She knows. He knows. Fuck!"

"Okay, yes, fuck is the correct reaction," she said, wide awake now. "Just breathe. I'm serious. Stop and take a big old' breath. Then let it out slowly and tell me what happened."

I did as she said, filling my lungs to bursting with air and then deflating like a balloon. My heart still pounded but my thoughts had fallen in line. "What happened is my world blew up. You can say it. You can say I told you so. You were right."

"I didn't want that to happen," she said with a sigh.

"But it did. It's worse than I thought it would be."

"I'll be right there," she said and ended the call.

I put the phone down and blinked back tears. I didn't want to cry all morning the way I had cried all last night. Enough of that. I needed to keep my shit together if I wanted to get through this.

I returned to the kitchen to get another cup of coffee. It was the only thing I could even think about keeping down. My stomach was rebelling against me as if to stand in solidarity with Graham and Sloane.

Sloane emerged from her room, staring at me with so much disgust and hurt it caused me physical pain. I didn't say anything, waiting for her to start.

"I'm going to lunch with Graham," she announced.

I nodded. "He texted and let me know."

"Good."

"Sloane." I paused, unsure what to say next. The tension in the room was thick, suffocating, and made it feel impossible to even draw a breath. Sloane's eyes bored into mine, anger and betrayal swirling in their depths. I could see the hurt etched on her face, a stark reminder of the wreckage my actions had caused.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out. The words hung between us like a heavy fog. "I want you to know, my decision was not meant to hurt you. I thought I was protecting you."

"Whatever," she muttered. "I don't care. You lied. To both of us."

"I did," I admitted. "And I'm sorry."

She turned to head back to her room.

"Well, I hope you have a good time today," I managed to choke out. "He's nice."

The slamming door echoed through the apartment. I wasn't going to be able to stop the tears. Best to find somewhere out of the way to cry. I carried my coffee to the balcony off the living room, wanting to stay close in case Sloane decided to talk. I left the door open enough to hear if Sloane emerged from her bedroom.

The cool breeze ruffled my hair, which helped a little. I sipped my coffee slowly and fought back the tears. The background noise was better to listen to than my turbulent thoughts.

Holly arrived a short time later, using her key to let herself in. She waved at me on the balcony and mouthed Sloane's name, questioning where she was. I pointed down the hall. She nodded and held up a finger, telling me she'd be out in a minute.

Holly cautiously approached Sloane's closed bedroom door. I watched from the balcony, unable to tear my gaze away. Holly knocked softly before pushing the door open. The muffled sound of their conversation drifted out to me. Sloane figured out Holly knew who her father was and ordered her to leave her alone.

Holly stepped onto the balcony and took a seat in the other chair. "You've got a lot of work to do with that one," she remarked, her voice filled with concern. "She's turbo pissed."

I nodded. "It's been rough."

"What happened?" she asked softly. "How did all of this come out? I thought you would have prepared me."

"Sloane went for a sleepover after the meet. I figured since I was going to be alone for the night, I may as well go out with Graham. We were having a great time, until Sloane called. She said she wanted to see me right away. I rushed to pick her up. She gave me her phone and told me she had Googled my boss and put all the pieces together."

"Sloane was always searching for her father." She sighed. "It makes sense that she would want to know. We knew this day was coming. Fucking internet."

"She asked if he was her father and I had to tell her the truth. She was so hurt and so angry."

Holly reached out, placing a comforting hand on my knee. "I can't imagine how hard that must have been for both of you," she murmured, her gaze full of empathy. "But at least the truth is out now. It's a step toward healing, as painful as it is. It's not like you have any other bombshell secrets you're keeping from her. Right?"

I smiled a little, despite everything. "No, it was just the one."

Holly nodded. "Okay, so there's nothing else? Your family didn't get rich selling blood diamonds or anything?"

I chuckled. "No, nothing like that."

"Sloane doesn't have any sisters she doesn't know about?" Holly asked, eyebrow raised.

"Not that I'm responsible for," I said, laughing. "And I don't think Graham has gotten anyone else pregnant. Lucky me."

"It was lucky," Holly said. "Sloane is the best. Well, not at this exact moment. But normally, she's totally worth all the heartache and bullshit. Your life would look a hell of a lot different without her, but it certainly wouldn't be better."

"Of course not. I just wish I had handled things differently. Maybe then Sloane wouldn't be so devastated."

"Sloane is strong," Holly reassured me. "This is brand new to her. And she didn't just learn who her father is. She learned a little bit about who her mother is, too. She learned you've been keeping secrets—and that adults also do dumb shit and make mistakes. That doesn't stop when you turn eighteen."

I nodded. "If only."

"She'll come around in her own time," Holly said. "But you need to give her space and let her chew on this for a while."

"I know."

"What about Graham?" she asked. "How did he find out? Did Sloane reach out to him."

"I told him," I replied. "Although he was pretty close to figuring it out on his own. The resemblance is impossible to miss. And they're both swimmers. And they both drive me nuts."

Holly laughed. "And you love them both."

"I love one of them, that's for sure," I said.

"And the other?"

"Pass," I said like I was on a game show.

She grinned at me. "How did he take the big reveal? Did he get on one knee and propose?"

"Actually, we decided to stop seeing each other," I said with a shaky sigh.

"Oof, ouch," she said. "Is it too early in the day for wine?"

I chuckled and shook my head. "I know, right? He was upset with me after he found out, obviously. Now I don't think he'll ever trust me again. I don't blame him. I don't trust myself when it comes to him."

"It's not a mistake to love someone," Holly said. "And let's not forget, he walked out of your life without even a text message. He disappeared like a hog fart in a high wind. He broke your trust first, so no one can blame you for not trusting him to be a father."

"Great," I said. "So he and I were both shitty? It doesn't make me feel any better."

"He seems like a good guy," she offered, her voice gentle yet firm. "He'll come around. He'll understand the desire to protect her once it all settles down."

"I hope so. I just feel so lost. And I never wanted to hurt Sloane. She's innocent in all this."

"Does Graham want to meet her?" Holly asked.

"Oh yeah," I said, nodding. "I gave Sloane his phone number. Apparently, they've already talked or texted. They're going to lunch today."

Holly's eyes widened. "Really? Where are you all going?"

"No, it's just the two of them. Without me."

"Do you think it's a good idea for Sloane to meet him so soon?" she asked. "And with no one there to support her?"

"I don't know," I admitted. "But she sure as hell won't accept my support right now, and I think it's important for Sloane to connect with him if she wants it, which she does. If nothing else, I trust Graham to be gentle with her feelings."

"I'm leaving," Sloane called out. "He's here."

"Have a good time," I said with a smile. She didn't see it because she was already heading for the door.

"I was joking earlier," Holly said with a smile. "But now I really feel like we need wine."

I couldn't help but laugh. "I needed wine the second I opened my eyes this morning. I don't even know how long they're going to be out. What if she doesn't want to come home? What if she tells him she wants to live with him?"

"I doubt that's going to happen," Holly assured me. "One thing at a time. And you knew there would be some hurdles once this thing was exposed to the light. You might have to share her. There will be days she spends with him. That's co-parenting. You've had her for fourteen years. If he really wants to be a part of her life, they have some time to make up for."

I groaned. "I know. I guess I'm just worried she's going to develop this amazing relationship with her father and want to go live with him. I'm the enemy. They're going to move on without me. I can't lose my baby girl."

"You're not going to lose her. She loves you. She's a teenager and she's angry. She's going to get over it after the next catastrophe in her life—like flunking a math test or finding out Todd isn't the man she's going to marry."

"I hope so," I said. "I couldn't take it if she hates me forever."