Chapter 17

Shit.

Sloane had seen Graham. I didn't know how to explain his presence but I knew my daughter and she was going to ask questions. I slowly turned around and tried to pretend there wasn't just a man at the door.

"Who was that?" she asked.

"What?" I replied, using one of her tricks.

"Was that your boss?" she asked.

"Oh, yes, Graham," I replied like it wasn't a big deal.

"What was he doing here?" she asked.

Her innocent inquiry felt more like an interrogation. Because I was guilty. Because I was holding onto a secret. I tried to brush it off with a casual response, but her perceptive gaze made me feel uneasy.

"We have an early morning meeting," I told her. "He wanted to make sure I had the right information."

"Why didn't he just email you?"

I forced a smile. This was what happened when you had a kid that was too smart for her own good. "He was in the neighborhood."

She let out a laugh, telling me she didn't believe me. "Okay," she said with obvious skepticism.

She retreated to her room to tackle her homework, closing the door behind her.I found myself wrestling with a mix of emotions. I stepped into the bathroom and took a moment to just breathe. Graham's unexpected visit had thrown me off balance. I hadn't anticipated seeing him, let alone having to explain his presence to Sloane. It was a reminder of the tangled web I found myself in, caught between my professional life and personal feelings.

And of course the past.

I left the bathroom and went to the kitchen to start making dinner. Holly was coming over to eat tonight. I pulled the chicken from the fridge and began to assemble the ingredients for a simple dish, all the while my mind was a whirlwind.

It suddenly became clear I needed a glass of wine. I texted Holly and told her to bring a bottle or ten.

As I started chopping onions, I thought about Graham again. The way his eyes got that look. A look that was so familiar. He always looked like he wanted to kiss me. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. It was dangerous territory to even allow myself to think about falling into old habits.

I slid the chicken into the oven just as the buzzer for the door echoed through the house. I quickly wiped my hands and went to answer it, plastering a smile on my face to mask my inner turmoil.

"I brought wine," she said in a sing-song voice. "Now, you're going to tell me why there is a wine emergency."

I jerked my head toward the kitchen. I didn't want Sloane to eavesdrop. "Graham stopped by," I whispered.

Her eyes widened. "What?"

I nodded while I grabbed the corkscrew and quickly opened the bottle. "He texted and said he wanted to come over and I told him no. And then he showed up."

"Did Sloane see him?"

"Yes," I hissed.

"No way." She giggled and covered her mouth. "What happened?"

I shook my head. "Nothing. I shooed him away, but I know she saw him. For the second time. She saw him when I Facetimed her the other day."

"Did he see her?"

"I don't think so," I replied. "He didn't say he did. He was pretty focused on me."

"Of course, he was." She laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "I feel like there is a bomb with a timer ticking down. It's going to blow at any second and I don't know how to diffuse it."

"I would suggest the truth."

I scowled at her over the rim of my glass. "That isn't funny."

"But it's true," she said as she picked up her glass. "I think your analogy works. It's going to explode. The goal would be to limit the damage."

"I know," I groaned.

"Why did he come here anyway?"

I rolled my eyes. "Because I caught him with his lady."

"His lady?"

"I assume it's one of his ladies," I said. "She made it clear she was staking a claim when she visited him in his office. I ignored it. Then when I was leaving for the day, Anita was waiting for him in the lobby. She told me they were going to dinner. He came over to tell me they weren't a thing."

"That's weird," she said. "Why would he come over to tell you that? Why not text?"

"I don't know," I replied. "I don't know why he cares what I think."

She grinned. "I do."

I shot her a questioning look. "And why is that?"

"Because," she said as she sipped her wine. "He's still in love with you. He doesn't want you to think he's with anyone else. He's making it clear he wants only one woman, his surly assistant with a secret."

I scoffed, shaking my head in denial. "That's not true. He moved on. We both did."

"Did you really?" She leaned back onto the kitchen counter. "Or are you just trying to convince yourself that you did?"

The words stuck in my throat as I took a moment to think. Had I truly moved on from Graham? Or was it just another lie that I was living with?

"I think he seems to be interested in you and you alone," she said. "That's why he went out of his way to come and tell you the truth face to face."

"I honestly think it's easier if he has someone else," I said. "I don't want him available. I don't want to date him. I can't."

"Is dinner ready?" Sloane asked as she came into the kitchen.

"I was just going to call you to set the table." I smiled and gave Holly a warning look. I didn't want to talk about any of this with Sloane listening.

We sat around the dinner table. Laughter and conversation flowed freely as it always did when we were all together. Graham was a distant memory.

"So, who's this boy Todd?" Holly asked Sloane.

Sloane laughed. "No one."

"I think I'm going to have to meet him," I replied. "I need to scare him. Warn him he better treat my little girl right."

"Don't you dare," Sloane said.

I lifted my fork, pointing it at her. "Oh, you bet I will. And he better have good intentions."

"Mom!" Sloane exclaimed. But the blush creeping up on her cheeks betrayed her embarrassment.

Holly's laugh filled the room. "Don't worry, sweetie. That's what moms do." She winked at Sloane. "And aunts get to be even crazier."

"I still can't believe you're already dating," I added, shaking my head. "You're making me feel old."

Sloane rolled her eyes. "I'm fourteen, Mom! Not a kid anymore."

"Still too young for me." I sighed. "I'm thinking we might move to a farm and I'm going to lock you in a tower."

"I don't know if you can do both," Holly joked.

"Where there is a will, there's a way."

Teasing Sloane about Todd brought a playful energy to the room. Holly's genuine interest in Sloane's life warmed my heart. Her willingness to immerse herself in our world was amazing. I felt grateful to have her in our lives. I didn't have sisters, but Holly felt like family. She treated Sloane like her own, too.

"Are you coming to my next swim meet?" Sloane asked Holly.

"Absolutely." Holly nodded. "I wouldn't miss it. I want to see you win another trophy."

"I don't know about that," Sloane said. "It's a really tough team. We've competed against them before."

"But this time it's going to be different," Holly said, raising an eyebrow. "Isn't it?"

Sloane paused, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. "I hope so. I've been training really hard. We all have."

"That's my girl!" I smiled. "Never give up."

"You just do what you do and you're going to be fine," Holly told her.

I hated that Sloane put so much pressure on herself. I didn't consider myself to be the competitive type but Sloane busted her ass to be the best.

The rest of the dinner passed easily, filled with laughter and more light-hearted teasing. Sloane skipped dessert, claiming she was in training and couldn't eat junk food. After she went to her room, Holly and I started to clean up.

With the dishes in the dishwasher, Holly and I took the bottle of wine upstairs to the roof terrace. The evening breeze caressed our faces. The soft glow of the city lights were familiar and comforting at the same time.

"What do you think happens if you give Graham a chance to prove he's not a jerk?" she asked quietly.

I frowned, not expecting to hear Graham's name again. I took a sip of wine before responding.

"I don't know, Holly," I said, my voice low. "It's not just about him being a jerk. It's about me and Sloane."

"Sloane is growing up. She can take care of herself," Holly said gently. "And you've been alone for so long."

"Yes, but that doesn't mean I'm ready to let anyone in."

"It's been too long," she said.

"I just don't want to be let down like I was before," I admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. The fear of being vulnerable made me leery.

"You should consider the possibility that Graham might be worth the risk," she said. "Imagine happiness is waiting for you on the other side of that fear."

"What if history repeats itself?" I asked. "If Graham left again, it wouldn't just be me that got hurt but his daughter too."

"And do you think he would walk away when he knew he had a daughter?"

"I honestly don't know," I said. "But I think I have to be careful. I can't be messing with her emotions. It's really not fair to her. I can't bear the thought of breaking Sloane's heart, of subjecting her to the same pain and disappointment that has plagued me for so long."

"I understand, but you're already predicting what will happen without really knowing," she said.

"Her happiness is my paramount concern. Her well-being is my sacred duty."

"And it should be," Holly agreed. "But I think you could be surprised by what she can handle. She's got your strength, after all. She's going to find out eventually."

"I don't want to test the limits of her strength," I said. "That's really not fair to her."

"Maybe this isn't just about protecting her. Could it be that you're also afraid of getting hurt again?"

I looked at her, a half-formed protest on my lips, but the words wouldn't come.

"Could it be that you're also protecting yourself?" Holly said, her voice softening. "You've put up walls around your heart."

I remained silent, the truth of her words sinking in.

"I'm not saying run into his arms and forget everything that happened," Holly continued. "What I'm saying is that you deserve to be happy too. Don't let past hurts rob you of potential happiness. He grew up. You've grown up. Neither of you are the same kids you were back then."

"But Sloane—" I began.

"Sloane wants to see you happy too," Holly interjected. "She sees how hard you work, how much you sacrifice. She's not blind to your loneliness."

"She does tell me she wants me to date."

"I know it's scary. But sometimes you have to take the leap of faith and see where it takes you."

"Maybe," I conceded. "But that doesn't mean I'm ready for it yet. Not with him."

"And no one is saying you should rush into anything," she said, reaching over to squeeze my hand gently. "But don't close your mind to it completely."

We finished our glasses of wine, and I walked Holly out. She left me with a lot to think about.