Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

I vy stared at the ceiling not really seeing anything past the events of the previous night.

Lewis that fucktard. God she wished she could erase that man from her life, her memory.

A plethora of should-wouldas.

She rolled over on her stomach and buried her face in the warmth of her comforter. About the only thing that felt right lately. That wasn’t true. Not entirely. Aspen felt right. But where had he gone off to? She hoped like hell he didn’t think she wanted to get back with Lewis.

Her memories fell back to the way Aspen had her gasping and moaning all through their shared sleigh ride.

Amazing didn’t begin to describe how wonderful the night had gone. Aspen, hot and hard for her, snowflakes, hellacious orgasms, warm blankets and a sleigh.

Her heart quivered at the thought of how peaceful her world turned the second his arms slipped around her and pulled her into his warmth.

Their conversation rolled through her mind.

She flipped over and caught the graceful flutters of flakes coming down outside. Like opportunities and promises, once they slipped past they were gone forever lost in a sea of pure blank white noise.

While Lewis sat up there with mistakes she wished she could forget, Aspen made her feel hopeful again. She’d called him last night but he did not answer. How he fit into her overall plan she didn’t know yet.

She sighed heavily and sent a lock of hair into the air and she threw her arm over her face to block out the encroaching morning light.

“Are you going to wallow in your self-pity all morning or get up and have some donuts and coffee with me?”

Max rustled in the blanket next to her and jumped down from the bed as Ivy sat up. Her hair was a complete mess just like her life. “Are you actually giving me a choice?”

“Not really, but I thought I would offer, anyway. I’ll give you ten before I eat all the jelly-filled bear claws.”

“You’re getting too good at this blackmailing stuff, Gran. You pick up a side job I should know about along with your new fiancé?”

“If I told you I would have to…”

“Gran!” Ivy exclaimed, loving her all the more for the attempt at cutting through the morning blahs with humor.

Gran opened the door wider and brought around one of those aforementioned jelly bear claws and took a healthy bite that had her stomach growling.

“You play dirtier than a politician.”

“I’m cuter, though.” She winked and Ivy laughed.

“I’ll be down in five and you better hold two of those for me.” Ivy pointed at the sugary breakfast as she rounded her bed toward the private bathroom each of the rooms had, thank God too because she would die if anyone besides her gran saw her looking like she went a round with a weed-eater.

Ivy made quick work of brushing and pulling back her hair then picked a pair of jeans to go with her favorite red hand-knitted sweater from her newly found suitcase. When they had arrived home from the town Christmas party they had found it on the doorstep with a note from the airline.

“Small miracles.”

Ivy slipped into the warm material of the sweater with a sigh. Gifted to her by her mom last Christmas, each stitch held a copious amount of love and she would need every last thread of it to get through the day.

Back in the bathroom she took a couple of extra minutes to work magic with some mascara, and a couple of wipes and dabs of concealer to hide the dark proof of no sleep under her eyes. “As good as it gets, girly.”

Ivy found her gran parked on her spot at the island with her favorite mug and Max lounging by her feet as she entered the kitchen.

“We went halfsies on that second bear claw that was supposed to be yours. Sorry ‘bout that but the coffee is freshly brewed.”

“You did warn me. Five minutes tops. I took ten.”

Gran nodded with a smile. “So now what are you going to do?”

“If I knew that I wouldn’t be moping around here, Gran. Aspen isn’t returning my calls.” She leaned on the counter and placed the mug down between her hands. “Everything I’ve done so far has turned out wrong.”

“Not true.” Her gran’s matter of fact tone brought her gaze up from the steamy cup of java. “You graduated college, have a business of your own, you have clients that adore you and who will chase you down from opposite sides of the continent, might I add. That stands for a heck of a lot more than you think, sweetheart. When your grandfather and I started this B&B we didn’t know what we were doing, only that we had a beautiful slice of heaven on earth and wanted to share it with the world.”

“You guys were the perfect couple. I used to love watching him bring home flowers for you every Sunday after church. He said it was because he loved to see you smile.”

“That man knew the way to my heart.” She looked around the place. “There are so many memories here and if we hadn’t listened to our gut back then we would have missed something that turned out more than we could have ever hoped for.”

“My gut lies, doesn’t know north from south and would lead me into a desert to die if I listened to it.” Ivy didn’t mean to sound so depressed, but she couldn’t run from the truth anymore.

Gran laughed until the curlers in her hair bobbed and jiggled. “It’s not that your gut was or is wrong, sweetie, or has a death wish on you. Aspen has made you feel things again and it’s scaring you. Just proves you’re human.” She reached out and patted her hand softly. “It’s that you haven’t stopped to listen. It’s all been go go go and you never took a step back to reconsider that long-winded plan of yours. To think, is this the right plan for me?”

“I listen all the time. I write down every plan I have.”

“You write down major to-do lists. Your to-do lists have baby lists as if they got together like bunny rabbits and multiplied.”

Ivy harrumphed. She was right and it stung more than a little.

“All that doesn’t mean you really listen to your inner voice or have a plan. Goals maybe, but no real plan on how to get from point a to point b. If you take a beat and listen to what your heart is telling you things would be different. Take it from me, sweetheart, life isn’t all about plans either. Detours happen and some would be missed if you didn’t take a second to consider them. Your gut is the mouthpiece for what really matters to you. It has direct contact with your emotions and brain.”

Gran sat up a little straighter and pointed to her head and heart. “Think of it this way. It’s the mediator between the two. Your planner is only your head talking. What about your heart?”

“Oh.” That made more sense of everything than anything she’d heard in a long while. “I don’t know who I am without my plans or goals, Gran. I’ve needed them for so long.”

“Not true. Did you have a plan for this whole week?”

“Not one.”

“And it turned out just fine. Dig deep, sweetie. Where’s the Ivy that dropped everything to build a gazebo in the middle of the summer with the love of her life? No plans, just having fun with the people she loved?”

Love of her life? He was and she feared he would slip away from her because of that damn Lewis. “That Ivy is buried under a pile of responsibility.”

“Really? Last I checked you worked for yourself. Since when do people selectively choose to stress out their lives consciously?”

She pursued her lips. “You think I’ve done this to myself?”

Gran nodded. “And you can undo it too. You just have to recognize what needs changing and make a conscious decision to do something about it. Sweetheart, what I’m saying is you have the power to change everything. You are your own boss in all the sense of the word. Listen to what your heart says.”

“Oh, Gran. I’ve messed up haven’t I?”

Gran slid from her stool and pulled her in for a hug. “Not at all, my Ivy. You just needed a nudge to look deeper. That’s what old ladies like me are for.”

“Thank God you’re here to kick me in the ass.” Ivy wished her mom could be there and said as much. “Mom would look at us all blubbery with tears and force us to go get our hair and nails done.”

“Your dad married well,” she said, smiling. “She loves you and would tell you the same things I’m saying.”

“I know. I think that’s why she was the ruling power behind getting my ass up here this Christmas.”

Gran swayed as though she agreed somewhat but not entirely. “That might have been a combination of joint efforts.”

“Oh I was ganged up on by my own family? I see how it is.” Gran tightened her hold once more before moving to refill their cups.

“Gran, what about Aspen? After Lewis left last night I couldn’t find him and he’s not taking my calls.”

“He’s not gone, but I wouldn’t waste any time finding him either. Explain what happened. Even if you have to camp out at the fire station.”

She looked out over the lake through the window she’d first spotted Aspen through only a few days before. “Funny how things can change so fast. I didn’t realize how much I miss Dixen and the man I love. Being here has brought me so much happiness. I was scared to death of that happiness and what it meant. Looking back, it meant facing how big of a mistake I made leaving in the first place.” She turned her gaze back to her grandmother. “That it was wrong to feel so much peace here even with all the stress of the work because it didn’t follow my plan.”

“I can see how much passion you have for this place.”

Gran pulled out a doodle from a stack of papers Ivy had left on the side on the kitchen counter. She recognized the black lines and scribbles of ideas immediately. She’d drawn them as she talked with Mr. Langley on the phone last. It was an idea on how to expand the B&B for summer guests with water activities. It included a long dock to extend out over the water, a bigger sunroom downstairs on the east end of the house and garden areas for guests to try their hands at planting and other activities on the other.

“I forgot I drew that.”

“Well, I’m glad I found it. You have such a talent. I especially love the second-floor sunning deck. If you do it just right, a little one-on-one time with the sun and no tanning lines could happen.”

“Skinny dipping at night too,” Ivy added, laughing as the tension melted away.

They clinked their coffee mugs and gave a salute. “Maybe we could add it to the list of couples summer activities. I have so many ideas. The B&B is just in my blood, I guess.”

“Phew.” Her Gran let out an over-the-top sigh. “About time I heard those words. I didn’t know how long I could hold out. I was beginning to worry. Now that they’re out there let’s do this.” Gran plunked her mug on the counter with a thud and grabbed her hand. “I’ve come to a decision,” she stated matter-of-factly.

“Oh. What’s that?”

“Come with me and I’ll show you.”

Their pairs of reindeer slippers jingled in harmony as Gran led them to the fireplace where the Christmas tree sparkled with lights.

“Look under the third package from the right.”

Ivy shook her head. “Not this again. You know it took me over ten minutes to find the key when you pulled that trick with the poinsettias.”

Gran only smiled so Ivy kneeled by the pile of Christmas gifts the guests had left under the tree for Christmas morning. Picking a point where to start she lifted and scooted until a thinly wrapped package slid out from under a heavier package.

“That one,” Gran said excitedly.

Ivy sat and held the present wrapped in bright red paper with tiny antlers splattered across the paper in a zigzag pattern topped with a gold, shimmery bow. A single slip of white silver-rimmed paper denoted it was meant for her.

“What is this, Gran?”

She waved a hand at her, “Well, open it, silly.”

Gran clapped her hands beneath her chin, her smile beaming bright as the sun coming in from the large windows opposite the room.

Ivy flipped the present, found the seam and ripped. Wrapped in the beautiful paper was a manila envelope with bold lettering on the front that spelled out her full name.

Okay so no clue there either but deep in her gut, the one she hardly listened to, was currently screaming the answer before she could pull the stack of papers fully from the envelope.

“Ivy Sunday Winters,” her gran started as she looked into the other woman’s aging, sweet face. “This B&B needs YOU and my present to you is the gift of a wonderful future together that I pray will give you and Aspen as many happy memories as it has me.”

Her mouth fell slack. She worked it a couple of times as she looked between the papers in her lap and the other woman. “But what about you? What will you do?”

“Oh, sweetheart, Harry and I are going to travel the world. Now that I don’t have to tend to the joint. Ahh…retirement will be bliss! Harry has promised me a honeymoon I’ll never forget.”

Ivy thought back to the conversation she had with Mr. Langley. She should introduce them at some point because they would get along splendidly.

“Are you happy with Harry, Gran?” She took her hand in her own.

“I miss your grandfather every day and he’ll always have a special place in my heart, but it’s okay to move on too. Life is made for loving and laughing.” Gran squeezed her hand. “It’s okay to get mad, make plans, toss them aside and start again. It’s okay to move on from Lewis, sweetheart. I think you know this now. Know that it’s okay to be happy. You deserve that.”

The tears that had haunted her for the past few days, ones she’d refused to acknowledge, now fell free but not out of stress or sorrow. These were of pure joy. As if the weight of an entire unhappy future fell from her shoulders and she could finally take a deep breath.

She ran a gentle finger down the deed and across her name as the new owner. “It’s funny how you don’t know what you want until it stares you in the face.”

Ivy gathered her gran in a fierce hug and let the tears come as they may. “I don’t know what to say, Gran.”

“Say you aren’t done setting your future right. Say you have more plans in the works and tell me that you have a plan on how to get Aspen’s attention. Oh, and if it’s not bluntly obvious, it’s okay to have a plan, just know when to change it if the damn thing doesn’t work.”

Ivy sat a little straighter. “You’re right. And I do, but…I don’t know… Aspen spent the last week trying to help me find my happiness and I know he wanted a second chance.”

Ivy paused. Of course! How could she be so blind!

“Gran, I have a terrible, horrible, beautiful idea.”

“That’s my girl! So, which is it? Terrible, horrible or beautiful and what can I do to help?”

“Can you plan a large dinner for all the guests and invite Ms. Lucille and Charlie? If it works out we’ll need to celebrate. If not, we’ll all need comfort food and copious amounts of whiskey.”

Gran whistled low. “You have a doozy up your sleeve. Okay. I’ll set to work and see if I can get Harry to help me. Mrs. Wilber would love to jump in too.”

Ivy paused. “You knew this would happen all along, didn’t you?”

Her grandmother looked at her, the wisdom of her years crystal clear in her blue eyes. “You needed the perfect storm and I knew the guests would help create the perfect conditions to move you along. Everything else was kismet. Now get to it before the getting isn’t good anymore.”

“Yes, ma’am. If you’ll excuse me I’ll do just that.”

Aspen was hers damn it and nothing and nobody would ever keep them apart again. Ever her foolish self.