Chapter 4

Four

E very second Gavin remained silent proved to be more torturous than Odessa could have imagined. His face was devoid of all emotion. What could be so bad that it terrified him? Their future was on the line, and she couldn't shoot down all of his reasons against them being together if she didn't know what they were.

She sighed. After her illness, she wasn't at her best, but she felt good considering. Generally, she bounced back quickly from any sickness that befell her. In that regard, she'd been lucky; however, her issues with Gavin were a trial on a good day. "Silence isn't what you agreed to."

"Doesn't make it any easier."

She held in the breath she'd been holding. At least he wasn't ignoring her. For a moment, there she thought he might have changed his mind. That was still a possibility, but she remained hopeful he'd stop pushing her away. She loved him too much to give up on him. "Good, you do have a voice," she teased. "Now maybe we can have a real discussion."

"It's not that easy," he said and glowered. "I don't know where to begin."

"I wish I could help you," she said calmly. "It's your story to tell. Why don't you start on the part that's easiest for you?"

He laughed and shook his head. "If it was that simple…"

Gavin leaned his head back against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. Her heart beat heavily in her chest. She'd made light of this, but perhaps she shouldn't have. To him, this was grave, and perhaps it was time she took it seriously as well. Odessa didn't know what was bothering him or why he failed to admit he loved her. She could do one thing for him though. Simplify it as much as possible and make it so he could tell her the things weighing him down.

"Why don't we play a game," she offered. "You weren't interested last night, but I think we both could benefit from a distraction. It will take your mind off of things, and when you're ready, you can tell me what's so important."

"A game?" he said, his voice filled with bewilderment. "Look around you. There are no games to be found."

He did have a valid point. They didn't stock spillikins or lawn bowls in a hunting lodge. "What about a deck of cards?"

"I doubt it," he said. "One doesn't come to a hunting lodge to play cards."

She wasn't well versed on the etiquette involved in visiting a hunting lodge, though she supposed the name did give a hint to the building's purpose. "Who uses this place anyway?"

"The gamekeeper mostly," he said. "I've been told my father used it too when he was alive."

His voice hitched a little bit when he said the last part. Odessa didn't know much about his parents. Come to think of it, he never mentioned them. She couldn't help wondering why that was. Maybe at another time she'd ask about them—after she distracted him with some form of amusement.

"Charades then," she suggested. "We don't need any supplies to play it."

Gavin snorted. "You're not serious."

She scrunched up her nose. Charades was her least favorite game. She hated the idea of making a fool of herself for other's entertainment. For Gavin though, she'd do almost anything. If it would bring a smile to his face, she'd hop around the room on one foot and make animal noises. "I don't see what the big deal is. It's just the two of us. Surely, we can play a harmless game of charades without expiring on the spot."

He shook his head. "No," he said firmly. "I'm not playing charades. Anything, please, but that."

"I don't have any other suggestions," she said pointedly. "You have shot down everything I've thought of. I'm open to whatever you might have in mind." At least his skin was no longer pale, and he had a little amusement in his voice. That was a good start in her opinion.

Now that he'd started to relax, perhaps he'd find it easier to tell her his secrets. He'd been rather reserved for a long time, and she didn't understand why. Killian may have an idea what was going on in Gavin's life, but he was too good a friend to gossip with his little sister about it. Many times, she'd been tempted to interrogate him for information and decided against doing so. It would be futile to try to make her big brother divulge information about his best friend. No, she'd have to get it straight from the source.

Gavin held something back, and whatever it was it terrified him. Odessa wanted him to share his confidences with her willingly. She was dying to know what secrets he kept, but she could remain patient a little while longer. Gavin's well-being was far more important than her curiosity. In the end, they would find a way to be together. For that outcome, she'd withstand a good number of things.

"I suppose I can at least look to see if there are some cards here." Gavin stood and moved to leave her side. He stopped and glanced at her over his shoulder. "No guarantees," he warned.

"I won't hold it against you if you come back empty handed," she said. "But be prepared to offer a solution to our dilemma if you don't find any."

He chuckled. "You might not like what I come up with."

Odessa held back a smile. It warmed her inside out to see him so carefree. If only she could always keep him that way. She made a vow then and there to make that one of her goals in life. To make him as happy as possible so no darkness found a way of sneaking into his mind. This was the Gavin she'd fallen in love with. He was hers, damn it, and she'd do whatever she must to keep him.

"I doubt it," she said and finally allowed herself to smile. "I'm willing to try anything as long as it's with you."

"Be careful what you agree to," he cautioned. He had an odd expression on his face. His mouth was pulled into a tight line, but his eyes almost gleamed in anticipation. The candlelight cast a hazy glow around the room, and it reflected back in his gaze. The muscles in his jaw twitched, and he swallowed before he spoke. "It might be more than you bargained for." His voice was husky and warm, flaring through her like the whiskey he'd offered her. The burn exhilarated her and left her breathless for more. Her heart beat heavily in her chest and she couldn't find words to reply to his bold statement. A good thing too—because he didn't give her the opportunity to say anything.

With those words lingering between them, he left her to search for the deck of cards. She hoped he wouldn't be gone too long. She already missed him. Whenever Gavin was away from her, it felt as if a part of her had disappeared entirely. It was lonely, and Odessa hated it. At least the distance between them currently was small. He'd return, and if they were lucky there were cards, and then over a nice game of Whist she could woo his secrets out of him.

Gavin didn't realize it yet, but he was fortunate she could be patient. Odessa didn't give in easily, something Gavin should already be aware of. After all, he was not only Killian's best friend, but their closest neighbor. He'd been a part of her life for as long as she could recall. No one, outside of her family, comprehended her willful nature more than Gavin. He should have concluded ages ago that there was no escaping their fate. When they left the lodge, they'd be on their way to a happily-ever-after.

D evil take him… Gavin wasn't sure why Odessa was giving him a reprieve, but he'd take it. He didn't want to visit his own personal hell any time soon. He doubted there was a deck of cards to be found in the lodge, but it gave him a good excuse to escape for a little while. She wouldn't let him off the hook for long. When he wasn't paying attention, she'd circle back to the problem at hand—his failure to propose to her. Odessa wasn't a fool by any means.

She had a plan of some sort inside that head of hers. He should be afraid. No doubt the scheme involved them saying vows in front of a man of the clergy. He had to prevent that outcome if he could, but a part of him didn't want to. That side wanted to pretend there was no darkness in the world. Sadly, Gavin had personal experience with malevolence, and hoped Odessa never became intimate with anything truly abhorrent.

He opened up a cupboard and nothing but dust met him. A sneeze escaped before he could stop it from exploding out of him. He wiped his nose, trying to stop the itch. When was the last time the gamekeeper visited this lodge? He'd have to ask him when he went back to Havenwood. Gavin moved on to the next cupboard and found a weathered deck of cards and another candlestick. It would come in handy when the other tapers melted down. He grabbed both and headed back to Odessa.

"Guess what I managed to find," he said as he waved the deck of cards. "They're not in the best condition, but I think we can make them work. What would you like to play?"

"I was going to suggest Whist, but then I realized that wouldn't work."

"Ah," he said. "Indeed, we lack the proper number of players. We require an activity for only two people." He snapped his fingers. "I know, let's play Speculation."

"All right." She scooted over on the bed and patted the side. "Come sit here with me so we can play."

Gavin stared where she had touched the cot. It was an innocent enough gesture… Odessa must not have realized what a temptation she was to him. They were going to play a game, nothing more. He'd be the perfect gentleman the entire time. He couldn't help picturing an activity that two people could participate in that had nothing to do with cards though… He pushed the image of their naked bodies writhing in ecstasy out of his mind and swallowed hard.

"Would you like to deal?" His voice came out huskier than he'd wanted it too. Gavin hoped she hadn't noticed. He moved over to the cot and sat as far away as he could on the small space, covertly adjusting his hard cock when she wasn't looking.

"No," she replied. "You go first. I don't mind."

He smiled. "You trust me?"

"Always," she said fervently. "You've never given me any reason not to."

That was because she didn't know him as well as she thought. He'd never intentionally hurt her; however, that didn't mean he wasn't capable of it. His family curse often struck when it was least expected. It might even be the reason she'd had that first ill-fated accident when they were younger. Maybe if he didn't care for her as he did, she wouldn't have fallen on the ice and came so close to permanent injury or death. At least he'd been able to save her then, and now. In the future, he might not be so lucky and fail to protect her. If she were to become his wife, it could become her curse too. He couldn't do that to her. He'd make her understand before they left the hunting lodge.

"Why don't we make this interesting," he said as he dealt her three cards, then himself the same amount.

"What do you have in mind?" she asked. Odessa tilted her head slightly, curiosity settling on her face. She lifted a brow and waited for him to respond.

"We don't have the chips necessary for betting," he said. "Maybe we can use something else." He had no idea what possessed him to suggest such a thing. They didn't have anything to use for chips either. "And add a wager of sorts to the game too."

She tilted her head and scrunched her eyebrows together. "You want to gamble in truth?"

He was going to hell. "You wanted to do something entertaining, and this might make the time go by faster. The storm isn't showing any signs of letting up so what do we have to lose?" Only his soul…

"All right," Odessa nibbled on her lip and then nodded. "I know what we can use in place of chips." She reached down to the floor and lifted the hair pins she'd pulled from her hair. "There's enough of these, don't you think?"

"Yes," he said. "Divide them up between us."

Odessa divided up the pins, giving him six and setting hers to the side. "Before we begin, we should decide what our wager is to be."

Gavin swallowed hard. There was one thing he wanted, but he dared not ask for it. She was already nearly naked, and it wouldn't take much to remove the rest of her garments. He wasn't far behind her in the clothing department either. He'd put his shirt on once it dried for some semblance of propriety, but he still wore next to nothing.

"What do you propose?" He didn't dare suggest what he wanted. If he did, she'd lose her clothing fast and he'd be having his way with her.

"How about for every hand won, the loser owes the winner a boon of their choosing," she suggested.

"That's a bit much, don't you think?"

In his state of mind, he'd owe her everything he owned before the game was done. Not that he'd mind—he'd give it all to her without a silly game to make him. In another lifetime, things could have been different. If he could lay the world at her feet…

"All right," she said thoughtfully. "I still say a boon is owed, but let's keep it small. Like a question or a small favor."

That didn't seem so bad, but her questions could destroy him if she asked the right ones. He promised her answers earlier, so he'd go through with it. Maybe this way it would be less dreadful. "Agreed," he said and flipped over the top card of the deck to indicate trump. "An ace." He grinned. "I win."

She pouted. "That's not fair. I didn't even stand a chance."

"I gave you the opportunity to deal first," he said. "You said you trusted me. Did that change?"

He hadn't cheated, but he wouldn't turn down his good luck. That was part of the game. An ace was the dealer's winning hand every time in Speculation. Maybe his fortune was taking a turn for the better.

"You're right," she said and sighed. "I watched you shuffle the cards. You wouldn't take advantage of me." She slid her cards over to him. "I owe you a boon, my lord. What may I do for you."

He shouldn't ask for it. Gavin should pull the cards to the side and ask her a silly question or something else inane, but he couldn't do it. There was one thing he wanted, and damn it, he'd take it. There were already too many consequences because of their seclusion, and even if he didn't want to admit it, there was no turning back.

He'd wanted to be the perfect gentleman, and for too many years he had been. Everything he'd done had all been for her and what he believed she needed. Maybe it was time to stop fighting the inevitable and take a leap of faith. It scared him to death, but he was beyond reason.

"Kiss me," he demanded.

She smiled. "I thought you'd never ask."

Gavin was doomed and he didn't care. He'd been living a condemned life since the moment he first drew breath. At least when he took his last one, he'd have this moment to look back on. One moment of purity and love to tide him over in hell.