Chapter 19

Bang. Bang. Bang.

My fist slams down on the door to Aspen's house. I can hear the TV on the other side along with movement. I know they're home, yet they won't answer. Aspen hasn't even answered my phone calls or texts. She's pissed, understandably.

"Aspen, please just let me explain," I plead as my fist comes down on the door again. The thin wood door vibrates under my strength, shaking in the cheaply made frame. It's taking everything in me not to burst through the door and make her listen. But I know it won't help. If anything, it will just push her further away.

Fuck, this shit hurts.

I thought being cheated on by Olivia hurt more than any pain I've ever felt.

I was wrong.

Having Aspen shut me out is more painful than anything I've ever experienced.

And it's all because of Carter Bishop. I can't wait to fucking handle him if the guys haven't already. No way am I getting on the ice again with the same jersey as that piece of shit.

It's not happening.

Taking out my phone, I dial Aspen's number again, hoping that this time will be different than the last thirty times I've called her only to be ignored. But it's not.

She forwards it directly to voicemail.

Goddamnit.

I snap, clenching my phone in my hand while my fist comes down on the door again.

"Aspen!" I shout, banging on the door again in one last attempt to get her to answer. Again, my attempt is ignored, and when I try to call her, it goes right to voicemail. She turned her phone off.

My head falls back and my eyes close as I inhale and exhale slowly in an effort to calm myself. I can't force her to talk to me. All I can do is hope that when she's ready, she will.

Heading back to my car, I'm careful not to slip on the black ice coating the pathway. When I'm inside, I rev up the engine, allowing myself one last glance up to Aspen's window in the hope that she'll hear my car and come out. But she doesn't. The curtain covering her small window doesn't move. Not even the slightest.

I need a drink, or ten.

Not wanting to run into anyone from the team, I boycott Johnny's and head to a dive bar in downtown Manhattan. It's a place I used to visit a lot after Olivia cheated on me and I needed alone time. It's scummy and full of lots of questionable people, but it's a place I won't be recognized and that's what I need tonight.

The entire drive there I sit in silence. No music, just my thoughts. I'm angry, but mostly I'm scared. I'm scared that Aspen will never let me explain what happened. I'm scared that the moment I finally had her, really had her, I lost her.

I was ready to give up everything for her. I fucking tried to. But it wasn't enough for Carter. No, that piece of shit had to go fuck up everything good I had in my life all because he couldn't be me.

Pulling up in front of the small dive bar, I place a couple of coins in the meter before heading inside. The moment I'm through the door, I'm hit with the heavy stench of cigarettes and piss. It's potent enough that most people would probably turn around and leave, but I welcome it tonight, knowing the only thing that's going to help tonight is to drink until all the pain I'm feeling is nonexistent. I need to be numb.

I take a seat at the bar just as the bartender makes her way over to me. She's young, probably younger than me, and covered in thick black and gray tribal tattoos. Her inky black hair is styled up on the top of her head, revealing her ears, which are covered in piercings that match the ones on her nose and lips.

"What's your poison?" she asks with a flirtatious tone as she sizes me up.

"Whiskey, on the rocks," I reply coldly. "And keep them coming,"

She nods and grabs a bottle from under the counter. "Your wish is my command." She places it on the bar in front of me and watches me closely as I toss it back and slam it back down on the thick wooden bar. "Well, someone is thirsty," she adds as she begins to refill it.

"Just do your job, I'm not here to chat," I snap. She cocks her brow, clearly shocked by my bluntness but does as she's told before making her way down the bar to the other customers. My phone vibrates in my pocket as I toss back my second drink.

Slamming the glass down, I nod to the bartender to refill it again as I pull my phone out and unlock it. The team group chat is still going off, but I ignore it, turning instead to my texts in hopes that maybe Aspen has messaged me.

Nothing.

Stanley, however, has messaged me to check-in.

Stanley

You know you could've told me about Aspen, bro. I would've had your back.

Me

I know that, but it wasn't just about me. This is exactly what I was trying to avoid, and now Aspen won't fucking talk to me.

Stanley

Yeah. Now that I know what was going down, I get it. Shit is popping off. Everyones worried about you, man.

Me

Why?

Stanley

Cause you've gone AWOL. Everyone is flipping out over the video of you and Aspen. Some of the guys were placing bets on who could hit it next.

Me

Oh yeah? Who? I'm going to fucking kill Bishop.

Stanley

I got that shit handled, alright? Go get your girl.

The bartender makes her way over and refills my glass. I'm thankful for Stanley and the guys. I always knew they'd have my back. But this is a problem even they can't fix. Aspen needs to know I was ready to give it all up, for her. I toss back the drink, welcoming the burn from the amber liquid as it glides down my throat.

Stanley

And don't get shit faced man, we have a game tomorrow, remember? And we all need to make it in these playoffs. Don't fuck around.

My jaw clicks. Unlocking my phone again, I open up my message thread with Aspen.

Me

Aspen, I need you to let me explain. There are things you don't know. Please just call me when you're ready.

I close my phone, and slide it back into my pocket. I know she won't message me back. Not tonight at least. Tonight, all I can do is drink away my pain and wait for her to be ready. Even if it takes forever.