2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two

Meria

I sank to my bedroom floor in front of my mirrored, giant clam shell. I watched from the window of my bedroom as the nearest Marren light flickered off and on–again.

When will it go out completely? How much time do we have left?

Father had always assured us that an Ancient would someday come and cause the lights to burn brighter, but for over fifty years, no Ancient had visited us. The questions I wanted answered were: Why had they forgotten about us? Was it safe above the sea? Was the Traitor King Falcon and his followers still destroying everything? Those questions I had, I only let rattle around in my head, not within my melody that others could hear, because I was not allowed to wonder about such things. To sing them? That would be treasonous.

My father, the King of Marren, was strict with the rules that kept me, my family, and all the mer, safe. Sometimes, I thought I would explode, keeping all my feelings and thoughts inside, which was why I was so grateful for Finn, my cousin, who I could trust completely; yet, even so, I still did not share all my feelings and deep desires with him. He had concerns and worries of his own, as well as a rebellious heart, similar to mine. We could easily converse, and I enjoyed getting some of my fears and concerns off my chest from time to time.

Speaking of Finn? Where is he? I could really use him right now, I thought.

I looked at my rippling reflection. My long, white-blond hair with soft hues of pink floated around me. My eyes, a light blue, were empty of joy. I tried to ignore it, like I did my thoughts and feelings. I knew how to be a good daughter of Marren–and I was determined to do all in my power to be that–to be the opposite of what my mother had been. My soul’s melody was singing, but not loud enough to alert anyone of my unease.

As a Princess of Marren, it was required of me to never question how things were done. I needed to simply “be obedient.” My sisters were, and I could be, too. I would be. There was no place for my wild questions and imaginings.

As Father always told my sisters and me, “Silence any rebellion that rises inside of you. All is well. Silence, even when you are confused, is what the Ancients ask of us. To be silent and obey.”

Silently obey, I urged myself.

Eventually, these wild thoughts that hold me back from true obedience, will end. Perhaps, after today.

I did not often let my melody sing my words, and I only communicated in song when I needed to. I was afraid that if I openly let my melody sing like everyone else did, the wrong things would come out. So I became known as reserved and shy. So often, I had to battle within myself and against my own heart.

Silence , that was what the Ancients needed from me. No matter how difficult it was at times, I would still obey. I closed my eyes. You can do this , I sang to myself . I turned, hearing movement outside my room, along with Rina’s overly happy melody.

“Today, Meria! Edmar will ask to marry you, today!” Rina, my sister, sang, swimming into my room and placing her head on top of mine. I knew that, of course, and it was most likely the reason my heart was extra rebellious that morning.

It would be one of the happiest days of my life–the day Edmar would officially ask me to be his betrothed, although we both already knew it would happen. I’d known Edmar for my entire life. He was an outstanding mer. He was strong, brave, and loyal to Marren. He worked closely with my father, and it was no surprise to me when my father told me that he was the one chosen as my intended. I, being the youngest daughter in my family, had seen every single one of my sisters bond with their matches and begin their own families. I did not have the confidence, however, knowing my rebellious nature, to find a good match for myself, so I asked my father for help, years before.

I regretted that decision ever since Edmar was the one chosen for me, but that has to just be a test of my loyalty. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with him. He was a desirable mer, and I cared about him—but there was something missing, or so my heart reminded me far too often. Perhaps, after we were married, I would feel better. There were many positives to being married, my favorite one being having a family of my very own.

I wanted babies of my own—to be a mother.

We were encouraged in our kingdom to have as many mer babies as possible. My sisters had at least five merlings each, and I adored all my nieces and nephews more than most things under the sea. I often watched them when my sisters were busy with their kingdom duties, but it never felt like a chore.

Even if Edmar turned out not to be the kind of mer I imagined marrying, I told myself over and over again that once we married, I would be one step closer to a family of my own. That was something I was incredibly excited about. I was sure that in time, I would come to love Edmar after we had children because I would be so grateful for them. While not as romantic as some of my sister’s love stories, that was okay. It is okay. I reminded myself that Edmar was everything a merman should be. It was an honor that he was chosen to be my match.

I was pulled from my thoughts as Rina went on, her melody swirling and rippling around me.

“When I was asked by Dylan, I was so excited. It’s been so long, though,” she sighed with a slight smile.

It had only been five cycles since they married, not long at all, truly. But I did not want to burst Rina’s happiness, just because I was nervous and apprehensive and not overjoyed as she had been on her day.

“What tail dressing are you wearing?” She looked down at my turquoise tail. I always wore a covering over my tail, as my tail was not an honorable color. Turquoise tails had a negative connotation, which I imagined could have been why I always had traitorous thoughts–because my tail was a traitorous color. I wondered if, perhaps, I was destined to be a traitor, myself; it was, after all, in my blood.

My mother.

No, once you pair with Edmar, you will be free from your rebellious nature, I reminded myself.

“Meria?” she asked again, and I tried to shake my thoughts away.

I hadn’t adorned my tail yet with any pearls or shells as was most common when being asked to wed. I was not sure exactly what I should do.

“I’m alright. I will just wear my usual white dressings,” I sang, looking down at my undressed tail as it sparkled in the light of the palace. I felt traitorous for liking the way it sparkled in the dimming Marren Lights.

“Don’t be modest! We should ask Pearl if you can use her pearls. They would look lovely over top of the white!”

I shrugged.

The “pearls” Rina had mentioned were from Darren, my other sister's husband. He gifted her a long string of pink dress pearls for her tail on their wedding day. It was the most exquisite set of pearls we’d ever seen.

“She’s your sister; she can share,” Rina sang with a swipe of her hand.

I didn’t really want to adorn my tail with someone else’s gift.

“Actually, wait! We should ask Coral if you could wear her abalone strand. They have a blue hue that hints at your tail, but not being–”

Traitorous . She wouldn't sing it, but I knew what she was thinking.

Coral popped her head into my bedroom like an eel from a rock crevice, her melody singing that she was excited for me.

“I heard my name.” Coral with her red hair and purple tail swished into my room.

“Meria wanted to use your abalone strand for today,” Rina sang.

“Oh! Those would look so lovely on you! I’ll go grab them!” With a flip of her fin, she was out the door with a slosh of bubbles in her wake.

“Edmar is so perfect for you, Meria. Truly, father has found the perfect merman for you. Plus, with his red tail, there is no way you will have any merlings with your tail color. I heard that somewhere–one of the old mer, I think.”

“That is nice,” I sang with a nod, looking down at my shimmering tail. Even though I knew I should not like the color, I had always thought it was beautiful. Another traitorous thought. My tail matched the sea, and the sea was the most beautiful thing; it gave us life. I pushed the traitorous thought back and looked at Rina. She was still singing to me.

“Maybe, be sure to sing a bit more when with him? Make sure he knows of your affection. Father and us, we know how to read your melody even when you don’t directly sing to us, but Edmar will need more encouragement. Especially today, okay?”

“I sing to him,” I sang softly.

“Of course, I’m just saying be sure to share your excitement with him when he asks you to marry.”

I nodded, unsure of what the right thing to respond would be. I always felt unsure, which is another reason I remained silent. Rina was the sister closest to me in age, and we were the closest out of all my siblings. She always meant well, even when her words hurt me. I could not expect her to sing anything different. The yearning I had for someone to find my tail beautiful, to believe that I was unique and important, and that I was not horrible for having all those inappropriate thoughts swarming within my mind, was so constant. But I should have been grateful. I was a Princess of Marren, and I was going to be matched with the most desirable merman in all the seas.

I really needed to see Finn, and soon. I needed his comfort.

I will have a family soon–little merlings of my own. This is worth that, I told myself.

Edmar was one cycle older than I was, yet we had been in the same classes and social schools. We swam in the same crowd, and over the cycles, we became friends. With his dark hair, the color of the most vibrant orange coral and his beautiful red tail, he was such a strong and powerful merman, and incredibly striking.

I am lucky–blessed. My children will not have this tail color. He is a good match.

That evening, when the tides changed, we would all swim to the surface under the half moon to celebrate upon the rocks surrounding Marren Island. It was the only reason we ever rose out of the sea. It was customary for proposals and matches to happen under the half moon, during the tide change celebration, and I had finally come of age, eighteen cycles old. I’d never been above the sea before, and I often wondered what the moon looked like up there—what air felt like.

“I can see how much you love him,” Rina sang, touching my hair and beginning to comb out a small section.

“You can?” I was surprised.

“Yes! Of course. I know you are shy, but you cannot deny the energy coursing between you two!”

I loved Edmar? Perhaps, I did. When he was near, I felt different . Was that love? Perhaps, I was in love and did not realize it. Perhaps, when we would kiss for the first time that evening, I would feel the love Rina said she saw. My sisters always sang about their first kisses being very important between them and their husbands.

“What about the kiss?” I asked Rina, tentatively. It was customary that once a proposal of marriage was offered, you accepted it with a kiss. It would be my first kiss. While I had looked forward to falling in love and kissing a merman, I did not believe that I loved Edmar. But, perhaps, I did. I was comfortable around him. There was a steadiness to him that I did appreciate, and he was attentive and kind. Edmar was dependable and obedient. I did love that. Perhaps, it was different for my sisters, but I could love him for that, and for the future children we would be blessed with.

Children of my own.

I smiled.

“See! You are practically glowing!” Rina sang, dreamily. “How adorable!”

For years, I had heard all my older sisters’ stories. They spoke of feeling bubbles in their stomachs when holding hands while courting and having long conversations and kissing. Edmar and I were different, but I had come to understand that I appreciated how steady and dependable our relationship was. And bubbles in the stomach sounded miserable.

“Rina—”

“He adores you. I have no doubt he will kiss you well. Everyone can see how he cares for you. Only let the fear of first kiss jitters be a small ripple in your pool, and you’ll be fine.”

I was grateful for Rina.

“Have you chosen who you want to take her place?” Rina asked, her face turned away from me.

Her . That was all we ever called her–our banished mother who had betrayed our people. I had no memory of her because she was banished before I’d even finished my first life cycle. That was all I knew–that, and that I had her exact tail color.

My mother—she was the reason I had to hide my disgraceful tail. My mother’s tail had once been unique, something special, but after she was banished, the tail color I inherited from her served to remind everyone of the Queen who had abandoned her people.

“You,” I sang, looking at Rina.

“I’ll gladly fill in at your wedding! I am sorry you never knew her –while she has done horrible things, she was beautiful.” My heart felt heavy. I could not help the fact I had never known my mother, yet whenever my sisters spoke of her, it always made me sad. I told myself I should not be sad. My mother had betrayed our people, but something inside of me longed for her.

Rina started playing with my hair again.

“I remember when you were born. She loved you so much and held you constantly. She was proud you shared her tail color. I am sorry that you have it, though,” she sang. It was not her fault, but I appreciated her kindness anyway.

“I don't want to think about her, Rina.”

She nodded and stopped playing with my hair, letting it all float around me.

“Tonight is going to be so magical!” Rina sang, changing the tone of the conversation back to excitement again.

I tried to calm my traitorous thoughts of wishing my mother was still with us and that I could know more about her, and why she had been banished. I needed Finn desperately. He always pulled me away from over-thinking.

“Is Finn on duty tonight?” I asked.

“I think so.”

“Can you get him?”

“Fine–” Rina sang with a sigh. While Rina was my closest sister, she did not like my closeness to our cousin Finn. Finn was older than me, not by much. We were born during the same cycle, and had been the closest of friends for all our lives, but my sisters thought of him as the little brother, and pest, they never had.

“Finn is a good merman,” I reminded her.

“I know he is, but he is just–” she shrugged.

I remembered all the times Finn and I had annoyed my sisters. For some reason, they forgave me, but always remembered Finn as being the irritating one.

“He is so annoying,” she sang, then swam to the entrance to my room. “But because I love you, I will fetch him.”

She left, and I watched myself in the mirror.

“Here is the abalone strand,” Coral sang, swimming through my door. The color was a close shade to my tail, which made me happy. I pulled on my white tail covering and then the abalone strand. She kissed me on my cheek once I was done. “You look beautiful, sister.” Then she swam out of my room. Coral was seven years older than me, and like all my sisters, was a mother, so I wondered where her children would be when we were all at the ceremony. I usually watched all my nieces and nephews, but that evening, I would be at the ceremony–although part of me, really would have rather watched the children.

“I heard you needed me?” Finn asked, his familiar melody such a comfort as he swam up to my open door, smiling. His silver tail reflected in the Marren Lights, streaming in through my window. His tanned skin and bright smile brought me peace. His blond hair was always cut short, but still floated around him.

“Finn, I’m not as excited as I thought I would be,” I sang, adjusting the tail dressing.

“That’s because Edmar is boring,” Finn scowled.

“He is not; he's dependable .”

“And you want that in your husband?”

“Of course–”

“I mean, is that all you want?” he asked, swimming over to my window and sitting down next to it.

“I love him.”

“You think you love him,” he sang, picking up one of the seashells, sitting on my window ledge. I often collected seashells and had discovered such a wide variety of colors and shapes over the years. I watched as Finn tossed the shell up, then caught it when it sank down.

“Rina just told me that I love him, and I am pretty sure I do.”

“Yes, because that sounds like the right way to realize you love someone,” he smirked sarcastically.

“Finn, I’m marrying him. I’m sorry you don’t like him, but it’s all been planned.”

“And isn’t that awful!?”

“No, I’m grateful. I’m not sure how I could have chosen one from all the mermen if I hadn’t had my father find someone for me.”

“Your heart would guide you,” he answered matter-of-factly. “That’s how love and marriage is supposed to work. That’s how it was for all your sisters. They followed their hearts.”

“We’ve been over this,” I argued. “I needed help. I do not trust myself, and—as a Princess of Marren—”

“Yes, yes, it’s your duty to marry a good merman; I get it. I just want you to be truly happy. You know that I never agreed with your choice to have your father choose someone for you, because I wanted you to find someone—”

“Not boring?” I cut him off. “I know, but not everyone can be like you—seeking out adventure at every turn of the tide.”

“I do love adventure—and if you allowed yourself to think freely, think for yourself, you would realize that you love it, too.”

“Finn—”

“Okay, fine. I will try to do as you ask. I know you try to fight against your rebellious nature, but I would rather have you nurture it. Yet again, not my choice.”

“I’ll be fine. As long as I can have as many merlings as possible and get to care for them.” I paused, thinking about becoming a mother, and that caused a warmth to flow through me.

“You're going to be a great mother,” Finn sang with a smile. “I will say, I am very happy for you, there.”

“Thank you, Finn; I need to become more focused. I need to choose to do what is right, instead of doing what I want.”

“Meria, what is right is what you want.”

“What I want is to be the best daughter of Marren I can be, even though I often have traitorous desires. Don’t let me down, now, Finn. You have always helped me, and I can’t trust anyone else with my rebellious thoughts.”

There was a long pause.

“I love you, Meria. You are my best friend and my favorite cousin, it's true. So while I’ll never think anyone deserves you, it is true that Edmar, while boring, is a fine mer in all the ways your father desires.”

“Thank you, Finn.”

“It’s okay to be nervous, though. It’s a scary thing because it goes against your soul—”

I glared at him.

“—However, you want to be honorable, and wow—that is admirable.” Finn swam from his window seat and hugged me. “The mer of Marren do not deserve such a princess as you.” When he pulled away, his smile was forced. I could tell. “Well, that’s the best pep talk I can give you. Now, you should probably swim to your merman.”

I swam from my room, through the palace passageways, and then into the open water. As I reached the edge of the reef, I looked back toward the castle.

Seeing the castle from the top ledge of the reef was my favorite view in all the ocean. The castle was made from thousands–probably more–of abalone shells, and it gleamed under the large glowing lights that floated above Marren, the Marren Lights, which kept the depths of what would have been a black ocean, light, bright, and beautiful.

We did not know how those lights were put in place, exactly, just that they were given to us from the Ancients. There were all sorts of speculations about what they were made of.

I continued to watch as the lights, again, began to flicker in the water.

Fear shot through me as they continued to flicker and then dimmed a bit more.

We took great care of the lights which we had been given. I turned away from the kingdom and the slowly dimming lights. Father said the Ancients would come and make them shine bright again, but that had never happened.

Is there something else we could do? I wondered.

I wish I had an answer to help the kingdom.

I sped up my pace to reach the celebration, and soon, I saw other mer swimming up to the surface. I had hope that, perhaps, the tides would not only change the ocean water, but that they would also bring change to the Marren Lights, and that the Ancients would finally come and make them shine bright once more.

But I often wondered if there was anything we, ourselves, could do to fix them, if the Ancients wanted us to do something besides just wait. I shoved those thoughts away.

Be silently obedient. All will be well, I told myself as I swam up to the surface for the first time.