Chapter 18

chapter

eighteen

The moment Rhiannon stepped through the command center’s doors and Zak saw her tear-streaked face, he knew the visit hadn’t gone well.

Pierce hurried to her and cupped her face in his hands, wiping away her tears. A whole conversation seemed to pass between them without words or signs. She curled against his chest and sucked in a shaky breath, seeming to draw strength from him as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close.

Zak gave them a few moments together, letting Rhiannon pull herself together before he asked the question he already knew the answer to. “He wasn’t receptive to your help?”

“No.” She sniffled and lifted her head from Pierce’s chest. “I’m scared for him, Zak. Really scared. He told me he didn’t want me there. That he didn’t need me.” Fresh tears welled in her eyes. “He’s still drinking. He reeked of it, and I saw an empty bottle of bourbon under his chair. That close call didn’t stop him, and when I called him out on it, he said it was just an accident. He claims he’s only had a few drinks, but…“

“It’s never only a few,” Pierce signed and met Zak’s gaze. They were both recovering addicts and knew how slippery that slope from one drink to full-blown addiction was. And Rylan was right there, sliding toward rock bottom.

Zak’s heart sank. He’d hoped Rhiannon would be able to get through to her brother, but it seemed Rylan’s walls were higher and thicker than ever. “I know. That’s why we tried the intervention yesterday.”

“Which only made things worse,” Rhiannon said bitterly. “You ambushed him and made him feel attacked. Of course he lashed out and pushed everyone away even harder. Why didn’t you come to me sooner? God, why didn’t I see it sooner?”

“Don’t start blaming yourself,” Pierce signed. “You’ve been busy with the school.”

When Rhiannon moved to Steam Valley to be with Pierce and learned there wasn’t a school for deaf or hard-of-hearing students anywhere in the county, she’d decided to open one. She’d thrown herself into it with a single-minded focus that must run in the Cross family gene pool. Rylan was the same way, which meant he would throw himself into his self-destruction with the same whole-hearted zeal he did everything else.

“Well, I should have made time. I’m his sister. I should have noticed he was slipping.” She gave Pierce’s chest a shove, but there was no real heat behind it. “And don’t think I’m not mad at you, too, mister. If you had talked to me about it, I could’ve told you an intervention wouldn’t work.” She broke away from Pierce’s embrace to pace the command center restlessly. “My parents and I tried that the first time, and he shut down, ran off to LA, and we didn’t see him for years. We had to hire a private investigator to find him, and when we did… he was nothing but a skeleton living in a tent on the streets. We almost lost him. If we’re not careful, we will this time.”

Pierce moved to intercept her pacing, grasping her shoulders gently. “Hey, look at me,” he signed and waited for her to do so. “This isn’t the same as before. Rylan’s in a much better place now. He has a wide support system, people other than you and your parents who care about him like family.”

“People he’s currently pushing away,” she said miserably.

“You’re right. The intervention was a mistake. We should have talked to you first,” Zak said and ran a hand over his hair. “I just... I found him there in his living room with the booze and pills, barely conscious, and I panicked. When he woke up, I wanted to stop it before it got worse. Before he manages to finish the job.”

“I know.” Rhiannon’s voice softened. “But confronting Rylan head-on like that... it’s the surest way to make him dig in his heels and refuse help. You only made it worse.”

And he’d kicked Izzy out, worried she’d make things worse.

Zak’s chest tightened as he watched the anguish play across Rhiannon’s face. He knew how much Rylan meant to her, how deep their bond ran. The thought of losing him again, of watching him sprint toward that dark cliff once more, was clearly tearing her apart inside.

“Hey, we’ll figure this out, Rhee. Rylan’s not alone in this fight. He has all of us in his corner, whether he wants to admit it or not. We won’t let him fall.”

Pierce nodded in agreement, his hands moving fluidly as he signed. “Rylan is stubborn as hell, but so are we. We’ll keep showing up, keep reaching out, until he’s ready to accept our help.”

Rhiannon drew in a deep breath and let it out slowly, visibly trying to collect herself. “All right. We need a new approach.” She worried her bottom lip between her teeth, her brow furrowed in thought. “Maybe... maybe instead of all of us ganging up on him at once, we take turns. Check in with him individually, let him know we’re here without overwhelming him.”

Zak considered the idea. Would it work? He had no idea. At times like this, he’d usually turn to Rylan for help. Which maybe was part of the problem. They all always turned to Rylan for help. The man had been there for them countless times, pulling them all back from the brink with his steadfast support and unwavering faith. Now it was Zak’s turn to return the favor, but he felt woefully ill-equipped for the task.

Rhiannon’s plan was better than nothing. Rylan was more likely to let his guard down one-on-one than with a group. And if they coordinated their efforts, made sure someone was always keeping tabs on him…

“It could work. We’ll have to be careful not to smother him, but if we’re subtle about it… yeah, it could work.”

“Before we do anything,” Pierce signed, “run the idea by Shane. As his former commanding officer, he knows Rylan better than any of us. Arguably even better than you, Rhee.”

She opened her mouth like she wanted to protest that fact, but then must have thought better of it.

“You’re right,” Rhiannon conceded with a sigh. “Shane’s got a read on Rylan that the rest of us can’t match. I’ll give him a call, see what he thinks.”

Pierce stopped her before she could pull out her phone. “ Tomorrow. The damage is already done for tonight. Let’s sleep on it and come at it fresh in the morning.”

Rhiannon hesitated, clearly wanting to take action now, but then nodded. “Okay. First thing in the morning, I’m calling Shane.” She sagged against Pierce, looking utterly drained. “Can we go home now? I just... I need to not think for a little while.”

Pierce pressed a tender kiss to her forehead. “Of course, love. Let’s get you home.”

As they turned to leave, Rhiannon glanced back at Zak. “Keep an eye on him tonight? I know he won’t answer if I call, but maybe you could swing by the cabin, make sure he’s...” She trailed off, unable to finish the thought.

“I’ll check on him,” Zak promised. “Go get some rest. We’ll regroup in the morning and figure out our next steps.

After Pierce and Rhiannon left, Zak sank behind his desk and dragged his hands through his hair.

They had gone about it the wrong way. He saw that now and kicked himself for not realizing it before the damage was already done.

The door opened, and every roiling emotion in him settled. He didn’t need to look up to know who it was. There was only one person on the planet who had that effect on him.

Or, no, two.

He smiled as a furry head with large radar-dish ears settled on his thigh. He stroked a hand over Ranger’s ears and looked up at Anna, watching her cross the distance between them. Without a word, she settled onto his lap and wrapped her arms around him. It was precisely what he needed, and he held her tight, burying his face against her soft breasts and breathing her scent deep into his lungs.

She combed her hand through his hair, and for a long time, they just sat there, holding each other.

“Are you okay?” she asked at last, pulling back slightly to meet his gaze.

He exhaled a hard breath to loosen the knot in his throat. “I fucked up.”

“We all do occasionally.”

“Yeah, but… I should’ve known better. Rylan reacted exactly like I would’ve. If Dr. Firestone had approached me the same way we did him today, I wouldn’t be here right now.”

He knew that with absolute certainty. At the time, he hadn’t wanted to live anymore. He’d already attempted to kill himself once before he’d been assigned community service at Redwood Coast Rescue and mandatory counseling with the Paws for Vets group. He’d attempted it again shortly after.

“I know,” Anna said softly, her voice raw. She cleared her throat and cupped his face in her hands. “What saved you?”

He hated thinking about that part of his life. It was over and he never wanted to revisit it.

“Bella did. I saw her face and realized I couldn’t force her to live the rest of her life with the knowledge she’d killed a man. Even if it was an accident and he wanted to die.”

“No, I’m not talking about that time. The second time. When you were alone and drunk with the gun. What saved you?”

He had his gun in hand and was trying to grab the box of bullets from the back corner of the wall safe when he heard scratching at the door. Ranger worked the latch and let himself in and at the sight of him, Zak broke. He dropped the gun, grabbed the dog, and cried…

He looked down at Ranger’s big ears and those yellow eyes and remembered how the dog had whimpered and licked the tears from his face that night, refusing to leave his side. Even when Zak had yelled at him, thrown things, tried to get the dog to just go, Ranger had stayed. Steadfast and loyal, even to a miserable bastard who didn’t deserve it.

“Ranger saved me,” Zak admitted thickly. “He wouldn’t let me be alone that night, no matter what I did. He just kept coming back, kept pushing his head under my hand until I finally… until I let him in. And that allowed me to let you in. And the girls. And the team.“ He looked at his wife. “Rylan needs a dog.”

Anna’s smile was brilliant. “I’m surprised it’s taken you this long to get there.”

He picked her up and stood, then set her back down in the chair and kissed her, quick and hard. “I know just the one.”

He was almost to the door when she called, “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

He glanced back. “What?”

“Ranger was only part of the equation.”

He froze. “Shit. You were the other part.”

She nodded. “He needs an Anna, too.”

“Well, he can’t have you. I don’t share.”

Anna laughed, a husky sound that never failed to stir Zak’s blood. “I wasn’t offering myself up, you goof. I’m just saying that Rylan needs more than a dog. He needs a person, too. Someone who can be there for him, anchor him, the way I did for you.”

She was right, of course. Anna usually was about these things. A dog would help, but Rylan needed human connection, too. “Who?” He knew his wife well enough to know she already had someone in mind.

She rolled her eyes and gave a dramatic sigh as she pushed out of the chair and crossed to him. She dragged a finger down the dent in his chin. “For a smart man, you can be awful dumb sometimes. He already had his Anna, but you all froze her out.”

“Fuck. Not Izzy.” The woman’s name tasted bitter on his tongue. He’d been in that safe house the night she betrayed them. He’d had to fight for his life to escape, as had every other man there. By some miracle, their side hadn’t suffered any casualties, but it had been close. Three months later, and if he moved the wrong way too fast, his ribs still hurt from the bullet that had impacted his Kevlar vest.

“You can’t be serious. After what she did?—”

“I know, I know.” Anna held up her hands in a placating gesture. “Believe me, I haven’t forgotten. I saw all of the bruises on you afterward. But I know you saw them together before everything went to hell. The way they moved around each other, anticipated each other’s needs without a word… It reminded me of us.”

Zak’s jaw clenched. He didn’t want to think about Izzy Delgado in the same context as his relationship with Anna. “That was before she betrayed us. Before she nearly got Pierce and Rhiannon killed and the rest of us shot to hell.”

“I know you’re still angry with her, and you have every right to be. I was angry, too, until I realized my anger was misplaced. What she did was wrong. But, Zak, she was desperate. They had her family. She didn’t see any other way out.”

“There’s always another way,” he bit out.

She fisted her hands on her hips in a defiant gesture he knew all too well. “Is there? If it was me and the girls, and you had to choose between us or your team, what would you do?”

He wanted to say he’d find another way, that he’d never turn on his brothers like that. But the hard truth lodged in his throat. For Anna and his daughters and the little boy they were hoping to adopt, there was no line he wouldn’t cross. No betrayal he wouldn’t commit. His family was his world, and he’d burn the rest of it to ash to keep them safe.

“That’s not fair,” he said hoarsely.

“No, it isn’t. None of this is fair. Not what Izzy did, not the position she was put in. Not what’s happening with Rylan now.”

“Fuck,” he muttered, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I hate it when you’re right.”

“And yet I so often am.” Anna’s answering smile was gentle but tinged with sadness as she cupped his face in her hands and kissed him. “If we want to help Rylan, truly help him, we need to put aside our anger and give Izzy a chance to make things right.”

“Rylan’s never going to forgive her.”

“I once swore I’d never forgive you for leaving me without a word and running off to boot camp,” Anna said softly. “But never is a very long time. People can surprise you, especially when they’re in love.”

“You think Rylan and Izzy were in love?”

“I think they were well on their way, and it’s still there. Rylan wouldn’t be so angry with her otherwise.”

Zak exhaled harshly. Every instinct in him rebelled against the idea of bringing that woman back into their lives, into Rylan’s life, after the destruction she’d wrought. But Anna had a point. Izzy and Rylan had something special once, a bond that went soul-deep. And right now, Rylan’s soul was drowning. He needed a lifeline, and as much as Zak hated to admit it, Izzy might be the only one who could throw it to him.

“I don’t like this,” he grumbled. “Not one bit. But… I’ll do it. For Rylan. He’d do the same for any of us.”

“He would,” Anna agreed softly. “He has, more times than I can count. It’s our turn to have his back, no matter how uncomfortable it makes us. You don’t have to be happy about it. You just have to give her a chance.”

He grumbled under his breath but didn’t argue further.

Anna kissed his cheek and then slid off his lap. “Go get Rylan’s dog. I know who you’re thinking of, and you’re right. He’s perfect. I’ll reach out to Izzy.”