Chapter 13

chapter

thirteen

Zak ignored the call.

He didn’t particularly care to talk to Izzy, and he was busy. He put the phone face down on his kitchen island and stared at the stack of paperwork in front of him. The adoption forms, the letters, the background checks—all of it was supposed to bring him and Anna closer to completing their family, but right now, it just felt like a mountain of obstacles. They’d gone through this all when they’d adopted Bella and Poppy, but it turned out that international adoption was a much more complex and exhausting process.

He rubbed a hand over his face, trying to shake the exhaustion that had settled deep in his bones.

Anna was in the other room, playing with Poppy, their seven-year-old who was fast approaching her eighth birthday.

Jesus.

Eight.

How was she eight already?

His little girl was growing up way too fast.

Laughter floated through the house and he soaked it in, wishing he could hit pause on this moment and live in it forever. The sound of his girls giggling together was the sweetest music he’d ever heard.

He pushed back from the island, the stool scraping against the hardwood floor.

He needed a break.

Following the sound of giggles, he found Anna and Poppy sprawled out on the living room rug, surrounded by a colorful array of ancient Legos that at one time had belonged to him. Ranger was sitting on the couch, keeping one eye on them and another on the front window, always watching for threats. That was part of the reason they got along so well. They were both paranoid bastards.

Meanwhile, Winston, Anna’s Golden Retriever, lay asleep on his back by the fireplace, all four paws in the air and a stuffed toy in his mouth. He’d wake up occasionally to squeak the toy a few times before falling back to sleep.

It was perfect.

A few years ago, Zak hadn’t believed he’d ever have happiness like this. Or even that he deserved to be happy like this. He’d done a lot of awful things in the name of Uncle Sam, and he’d paid for it with his leg and his sanity. But Anna had shown him that he was worthy of love, that he deserved a second chance at life. She’d fought for him, even when he’d pushed her away, determined to drown in his own misery. She saw the man beneath the scars, both physical and emotional, and she’d never given up on him.

And now he had this. His family.

They were just missing Bella, their oldest daughter, who had moved to LA at the end of August to attend college.

And they were also missing a sweet baby boy with dark hair and chubby cheeks who had spent all of his short life in an orphanage in Pakistan, a refuge from Afghanistan. A boy he desperately wanted to call his son.

Anna looked up from the Lego creation she and Poppy were building, her eyes crinkling at the corners as she smiled at him. “Hey, you. How’s the paperwork going?”

“It’s going. Slowly. I needed a break before my brain turned to mush.”

“I know. I was reading through it this morning, and it’s… a lot.”

“Yeah, but it’ll be worth it.”

“Daddy, look!” Poppy held up a misshapen structure, her blue eyes sparkling with pride. “It’s a rocket ship!”

Zak crouched down beside her, inspecting the vaguely phallic creation with an exaggerated frown. “Hmm, I don’t know, Popstar. It looks more like a?—”

Anna sent him a look that clearly said, “Don’t you dare.”

He smirked at her and finished, “—like a masterpiece!” He scooped Poppy up into his arms and spun her around. She squealed with delight, the Lego rocket ship still clutched in her small hand.

Anna shook her head, but her eyes sparkled with amusement. “You’re ridiculous,” she said, pushing herself up from the floor.

“Ridiculously handsome, you mean.” He set Poppy back on her feet and pulled his wife into his arms, pressing a kiss to her temple.

She laughed, the sound vibrating against his chest. “Among other things.”

“Mm, we’ll have to explore all of those…” He waggled his brows. “ Other things in detail later.”

She slapped a hand to his chest. “Zakir Hendricks, behave. Our daughter’s in the room.”

“That’s okay,” Poppy said. She’d settled back on the rug and was in the process of building something else with the Legos. “If you’re talking about sex, I already know about sex.”

Zak’s mouth dropped open. He looked at his daughter, then his wife, then back at his daughter. Thankfully, his phone rang right then. “Annnd this is where Daddy extracts himself from the conversation.”

“Coward,” Anna called after him as he made a quick retreat back to the kitchen.

He winced but then grinned when he saw Bella’s name on the phone’s screen and swiped to answer. “Hey, Bells. Perfect timing. You saved me from a very uncomfortable conversation with your sister.”

“Hey, Dad.” Bella’s voice came through the line, bright and cheerful. Hearing her call him “Dad” still gave him a swell of strange, bittersweet pride. “What conversation?”

“One I’m not having with you, either. How’s school?”

She laughed. “It’s good. Classes are intense, but I’m managing. Making a lot of new friends,” she replied, then hesitated.

His alarm bells instantly started jangling. “What’s wrong? Do you need me to come get you? Beat someone up? I will jump in the car right now?—”

“No, Dad,” she said in the kind of exasperated tone only a teenager could perfect. “I’m fine. Really. I love it here, and I do not need you driving down and scaring my new friends.” She hesitated again and it took every ounce of self control he possessed to stay where he was instead of she hesitated again and it took every ounce of self control he possessed to stay where he was instead of grabbing his keys and sprinting for the door.

“Bella, you’re starting to freak me out. What’s going on?”

She exhaled in a rush. “I, uh… I met him.”

The words hit Zak like a sledgehammer to the chest. He gripped the edge of the counter, his non-metal leg suddenly feeling like it might buckle beneath him.

Zak’s chest tightened. Him. Bella didn’t need to say who—he knew. Her birth father. The man whose daughter had been stolen from him as a baby. The man who searched for her for nearly fifteen years, only find her and immediately lose her all over again. Yeah, it had been Kyrone Madison’s choice to give up his parental rights and he’d even given his blessing for Zak and Anna to adopt Bella. But they’d both always known Bella may eventually seek Ky out and he’d spent years dreading the day.

Zak wasn’t ready for this conversation—not now, not yet. He’d rather go back and face the sex talk with Poppy.

But it was happening, whether he liked it or not.

“Ky is in LA?” he managed to ask, his voice sounding strange and far away to his own ears.

“Yeah.” She paused. “Are you mad?”

“No, of course not,” he said automatically, even as a storm of emotions swirled inside him— anxiety, protectiveness, a twinge of irrational jealousy. He took a slow breath, trying to keep his voice steady. “How did that happen?”

“He reached out a few weeks ago, said he wanted to meet me when he came to town for work. I wasn’t sure at first, but...I was curious.” Bella’s voice was cautious, like she knew this was hard for him. “I mean, I know I met him before. That night Poppy and I were kidnapped, and you, him, and Poppy’s bio dad all came to find us. But that wasn’t, like, normal circumstances. He was shot and then he was sick, and everyone thought he was going to die… and I guess I didn’t think I’d ever actually get to just talk to him. He’s in a wheelchair now. Paralyzed from the waist down.”

“I know.” Although Ky had gone back to Boston after he had healed enough to travel, Zak had kept tabs on the man. He’d never been able to shake the feeling that he hadn’t seen the last of Ky Madison. He swallowed, his heart thudding painfully in his chest as he asked the question he wasn’t sure he wanted the answer to. “And… how did it go?”

“We had coffee. It wasn’t… I mean, it wasn’t bad. He seemed nervous, but we talked for a while.” Bella paused as if she was looking for the right words. “It was… weird, I guess. I know he’s my bio dad, and I know he loved me before I was kidnapped. I think I would’ve had a good life with him and his wife—my bio mom. He told me a bit about her. She seemed like she was a really good mom. I wish I could’ve had that growing up.”

Every word cut like a hot knife. “Yeah,” he managed and hated that his voice sounded strangled. “I wish you could’ve had it, too.”

“But, the thing is, I didn’t feel a connection with him. Not like I do with you and Mom.”

Zak closed his eyes, relief washing over him, though it was quickly followed by guilt. He shouldn’t feel this way. Bella had every right to seek out her biological father, and he’d promised himself he wouldn’t stand in her way. But the truth was, he had been terrified that she’d meet Ky and feel something—something that would pull her away from them, from the family they’d built.

“Are you… are you okay?” Zak asked, his voice softer now.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Bella said. “He’s not what I imagined, you know? I think I needed to meet him just to understand where I came from. But he’s not my dad. You are.”

His breath caught on the lump rising in his throat. She said it so easily like it wasn’t even a question. He didn’t deserve to feel this relieved, but damn it, he was.

“You’ll always be our daughter, Bells. Nothing changes that.”

“I know.” Bella was quiet for a moment, then she added, “I love you, Dad. I’m really glad I met you on that highway.”

He thought back to that night. He’d been high and drunk and had hit rock bottom. He’d taken his motorcycle out on the highway with every intention of Sons of Anarchy -ing himself into the first big object he found at full speed. That first object had been Bella’s camper van. Her face, ghost-white and terrified in the splash of his headlight, had been the reason he’d nixed the plan. He still crashed, but he survived, and now he had Anna, the girls, his dogs, and his team.

That scared, smart, determined sixteen year old girl had saved his life.

“I’m really fucking glad you did, too,” he replied finally.

They chatted for a few more minutes before Bella had to go, and when the call ended, Zak set the phone down on the counter, staring at it for a long moment. He should have felt better— he did feel better. Bella wasn’t slipping away from them, wasn’t replacing them with her birth father. But the guilt still lingered, gnawing at him.

“You okay?” Anna’s voice broke through his thoughts.

Zak looked up to see his wife standing in the doorway, her eyes filled with concern. She must have heard the tail end of the conversation. She always knew when something was weighing on him.

“Yeah,” he said, though it didn’t feel entirely true. “She met him.”

Anna’s eyes widened and she sat down next to him at the counter, reaching for his hand. “How did it go?”

He rubbed his thumb over her knuckles, soothing himself as much as her as his gaze drifted back to the adoption paperwork. “She said it was weird. That she didn’t feel a connection.”

Anna squeezed his hand. “It feels wrong to say that’s good, that I’m glad, but?—”

“Yeah, I know. I’ve been so afraid of this. Afraid of losing her.”

Anna’s hand tightened around his. “You’re not losing her, Zak. You never were.”

But we are losing Rylan.

As the wayward thought crossed his mind, Zak froze and tried to pinpoint where it had come from and why it had come through so loudly, like a blaring alarm.

And suddenly, he knew.

Remembering that night he’d nearly killed himself all those years ago, the night Bella saved him just by being at the right place at the exact right time, had shaken loose another memory. Or, more, a series of them—all the mornings Rylan had come in late looking like hell, all the excuses, his disconnection from the team, his uncharacteristic flares of temper.

It all added up to a picture Zak didn’t like.

He exhaled in a rush. “Fuck.”

Anna tilted her head, a line of concern forming between her brows. “Why do I get the feeling you’re not thinking about Bella anymore?”

She always could read him like a book.

“Because I’m not.” He reached for his phone again and accessed the voicemail Izzy had left.

Hi, Zak. I’m sorry to call. I know I’m probably the last person you want to speak to, but… have you seen Rylan? Is he okay? I’m worried. You don’t have to call me back, just… No, I guess I do need you to call me back and tell me he’s okay. Or at least text me. This number’s good for either. Okay. Um, thanks.

Even before the message ended, he was on his feet, headed to the back door that lead out to the RWCR’s grounds behind their house. “Is Rylan at work?” he called over his shoulder to Anna, since he hadn’t been out there yet this morning and she had.

“I assumed so, but I didn’t see him.” She followed him to the door. “Why? What’s going on?”

He paused at the threshold and looked back at her. “Maybe nothing. Probably nothing, but… I have a bad feeling. He’s been off lately, and now Izzy’s calling worried about him. I need to check on him.”

Understanding dawned in her eyes, followed quickly by fear. “You don’t think he’d…”

“I don’t know. But I have to find him.”

Anna nodded and stood on her toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “Go. I’ll hold down the fort here.”

Zak stepped out onto the back porch, Ranger at his heels as he jogged across the backyard. His first stop was Rylan’s office, but it was empty. He poked his head into the main command center and found Sawyer and Pierce in there with their dogs, as usual.

“Has anyone seen or spoken to Rylan?”

Pierce shook his head. “I haven’t, but maybe Rhia has.”

“Can you ask her?”

Pierce nodded and grabbed his phone from his back pocket, tapping out a text. After a moment, he shook his head again and signed, “She says she texted him a couple times since yesterday, but he hasn’t answered. She thought he was just being pissy about… you know, her moving in with me.”

Zak glanced toward Sawyer. “What about you? Have you heard from him?”

“He called a few days ago and asked me to run a background check on a seriously bad dude,” Sawyer said. He groped for a stack of papers on his desk and held them up. “But then he never came in for it.”

Zak strode in and grabbed the papers, quickly scanning them. “Who’s Julian Graves?”

“Seriously bad dude,” Sawyer said again. “Arms trafficker, human trafficker. Just an all around piece of shit.”

That bad feeling curdled into fear. “Why was he looking into this guy?”

“Didn’t say, but I assumed it had something to do with those missing kids. Any word on that front?”

Zak winced at the long list of Julian Graves’ crimes. “Ash is being tight-lipped about it as usual, but I get the feeling he’s got nothing. He did say the FBI was now involved. Some agent named Callahan. He wasn’t thrilled about it.”

Sawyer scowled. “Come on. Kids don’t just vanish into thin air.”

He thought back to Kyrone Madison and how he and his wife must have felt when Bella was taken from them. They hadn’t know what happened to her for fifteen years. “Unfortunately, they do. All too often.” He held up the papers. “Mind if I keep this?”

Sawyer shrugged. “Yeah, sure. I have no use for it.”

As he strode from the room, he called Izzy. She answered before the first ring finished like she’d been staring at her phone, waiting for his call. “Zak?”

“He’s not here and nobody’s spoken to him in at least two days.”

“Oh, God. I’m going over to his place.”

“Yeah, first I want you to tell me why Rylan was asking about a human trafficker.”

“What?” she breathed, and if he wasn’t mistaken that was genuine shock in her voice.

“Julian Graves. I have the background check Sawyer ran and he’s bad fucking news. What the fuck have you—” Ranger growled at his side and he realized he’d raised his voice to a near shout. He exhaled sharply, taking a second to calm down before he finished. “Who is Julian Graves?”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line before Izzy finally spoke. “Monica was dating him. She said she took something from him and he wants it back. She said not to ask questions about him because he would know and come after me.”

“Jesus fucking Christ.” He jogged to the door. “I’ll meet you at Rylan’s.”