Chapter 12

chapter

twelve

"Your first time?"

Ellie reluctantly tore her gaze away from the mesmerizing dance of the bonfire as it crackled and roared, sending sparks soaring into the night sky with each new log thrown on. The woman who had spoken was in her mid-fifties, with long graying hair trailing in twin braids over her shoulders. She looked right at home here, but she wasn't dressed in the flowing white robes of the other commune members. She wore a multi-layered skirt in bright colors, and a tank top that dipped low enough to tell anyone looking that the woman didn't believe in bras. She didn't believe in deodorant either and the smell of her body odor was overpowering.

Ellie attempted a smile. "Um, yeah. That obvious?"

The woman nodded and took a seat on the log beside her. "I can always tell. My husband and I come every year." She nodded toward the man with a long gray beard and hair braided much like hers. He wore a leather vest over an open blue shirt and bright beads around his neck. He was in an animated conversation with Cal and another man Ellie hadn't met yet. "That's him. My Jeff."

Ellie turned to face the woman. "Are you a member of Hope's Embrace?"

The woman snorted a laugh and whacked Ellie's arm like she'd said something hilarious. "Oh, no. Commune living isn't for us. We like capitalism a little too much to move out here, but we do make this trip once a year. It's saved our marriage." She held out a hand. "I'm Marla."

"Ellie." She accepted Marla's hand. It was thin, but deceptively strong.

"Good to meet you, Ellie." Marla's gaze strayed back across the fire to Jeff and Cal. "You're here with that handsome man?"

Ellie sighed and nodded, glancing over at Cal from the corner of her eye. He was laughing at something the businessman had said, his whole body relaxed in a way that seemed impossible, given their deception. Ellie couldn't relax. She felt like everyone there could see through her, especially the security guard, Vigil, who stood outside of the group, watching them all with suspicious eyes.

"That's Cal. He's my hus—" Her voice pitched up on the lie and she broke off mid-sentence, clearing her throat. "My husband."

Marla offered a gentle smile. "It's that bad, huh?"

"What?"

She jerked her chin in Cal's direction. "Between you two?"

Heat rushed into her cheeks, and she dipped her head the flush. She hoped Marla would mistake it for embarrassment and not shame.

"It's okay," Marla said softly. "I understand. Jeff and me? We were on the edge of divorce once, too. Even signed the papers. But we decided to give it one last shot and came here. This place... it does something to you, Ellie. It saved our marriage. It can save yours, too."

Ellie glanced at Cal. His hair looked almost golden in the glow of the firelight and his eyes sparkled as he traded verbal spars with Nico, a young gay man from San Francisco. He was enjoying himself.

Ellie's heart ached at the sight of him, so radiant and alive. His laughter floated across the warm night air. He was so much lighter here, she thought, away from the courtroom battles and endless tension that his job as a defense attorney brought.

She watched as he leaned in to listen to Nico's partner, Tyler, who was telling a story about their recent trip to Spain.

Cal's laughter cut through the night air. The sound washed over her, igniting a pang of something—jealousy? Longing? She wanted to be the one making Cal laugh, the one catching his interest.

"Give it a chance, Ellie," Marla said. "You'd be surprised what can happen if you let go and trust the process."

She broke her gaze from Cal and turned back to Marla. The older woman's eyes held wisdom and kindness that made her feel a bit safer.

If Marla and Jeff had been coming to the retreat for years, it couldn't be that dangerous, right?

"He looks at you like you're the only woman in the world," Marla said suddenly. "Your husband," she clarified when Ellie turned to look at her. "He's got eyes for no one but you."

She glanced back at Cal, catching his eye for a fleeting moment. "Really?"

"That man is crazy in love with you. Anyone can see it. So whatever is broken between you, you need to fix it while you're here and not let him go. Love like that doesn't happen for most people." With that, Marla got up and crossed over to join the others. Ellie stared after her in stunned silence, her heart banging around like a bouncy ball.

Crazy in love?

She wanted to dismiss it as nonsense but couldn't. Because if a stranger could so easily read his feelings, maybe they were real? Whenever he said he loved her, she always brushed it off as an exaggeration. After all, Cal was known around town as a womanizer and a sweet talker, and he always dropped the L-bomb right after they had sex. Of course he was just saying it because he thought that was what she wanted to hear.

Then again, she'd made it perfectly clear it was the last thing she wanted to hear from him, and yet he continued to say it anyway.

"Ellie?" Cal's voice cut through her thoughts, pulling her back to reality.

She turned and found him standing next to her, his eyes filled with concern. "Are you okay? You looked a million miles away."

"I'm fine," she lied, attempting to sound casual as she pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and looked away from him. She needed to put some distance between them, needed time to process what Marla had said.

Cal didn't press. Instead he sat on the log beside her, his body radiating heat in the cool night air. They sat in comfortable silence, watching as the flames danced and flickered, casting shadows over the faces of the couples gathered around it.

Ellie felt a twinge of regret. She was here under false pretenses. These people were truly here to rekindle relationships, seeking solace and renewal, while she was chasing a ghost. The thought left a bitter taste in her mouth.

She'd expected to find something tonight. The girl. Hope. Or… at least a clue.

Cal's arm brushed against hers, the contact sending a jolt through her body, but neither of them moved to break it. His presence was comforting in ways she didn't want to analyze right at the moment.

He was watching the fire too, lost in his own thoughts.

It was always these quiet moments with him that got to her. He wasn't the tenacious pit bull lawyer defending criminals now. Right now, he was just Cal—warm, steady, and thoughtful Cal.

He turned toward her and smiled, and a sharp pang of longing ignited in her belly. He lifted a hand and gently tucked a stray curl behind her ear.

No. Not again. She couldn't fall for his charm again.

She shifted away, putting as much distance between them as the log allowed.

Cal opened his mouth, but whatever he'd been about to say was interrupted by a drum beat.

The sound was primitive and rhythmic, echoing through the woods and vibrating under their feet. Everyone's attention turned to the source of the sound, a tall figure slowly emerging from the darkness beyond the firelight.

Vigil, with a large drum slung over his shoulder and a stick in his hand, was walking towards them with a determined stride. Behind him followed the other members of the commune they'd met earlier—Serenity, Remedy, Sincere, Merit, and others, about fifty people in total, all of them in robes ranging in color from brown to green to light blue. Ellie scanned the faces, but she saw nobody who looked like the one picture she had of Hope. And nobody among the handful of kids and teenagers who looked like Hope's daughter. Marla and Jeff joined the commune members as they formed a circle around the bonfire.

Finally came a man who Ellie assumed must be the leader, judging by his white robe and the reverence with which the others bowed to him as he approached, but he didn't look like any cult leader she'd ever researched. He didn't have the crazy eyes of Charles Manson, the slick oiliness of Jim Jones, or the militant intensity of David Koresh. Instead, he was lean and fit and younger than she'd expected—probably in his mid-to-late forties. He had dark hair going gray at the temples, a neat goatee, and kind eyes that crinkled with laugh lines at the corners. A blurry, faded tattoo circled his bicep. He extended a hand to each of the retreat couples and welcomed them into the circle.

The leader raised his hands, and the drumming ceased. "We gather tonight under the light of the full moon to welcome new travelers to our community. Tyler and Nico, Ellie and Cal, please stand."

Ellie's heart pounded as she rose on shaky legs, clutching Cal's hand like a lifeline.

"Hello and welcome," the leader said with a benevolent smile. "My name is Hopeful. I began Hope's Embrace twenty years ago as a refuge for the lost and weary, a place where the broken-hearted could find healing and the hopeless could find home. You have come to us for different reasons, but we hope that you will find what you seek here."

He accepted the bowl Remedy handed him and dipped his fingers in the fragrant liquid inside. He then approached each of them, making a sign on their foreheads. Ellie was last. The smell of lavender and cedar and something slightly rotten filled her nostrils as he marked her with a circle. When he met her gaze, a shiver ran down her spine. His eyes, although kind, seemed to probe down to the very pit of her soul.

"In this circle, we find unity," Hopeful said and held out the bowl. Remedy appeared quick and silent to catch it when he dropped it. "We honor your courage in seeking to heal your bonds. Over the next few days, we will guide you, nurture you, listen to you." He paused, meeting Ellie's gaze again for a brief moment before continuing. "Tonight, we welcome you into our family, and we encourage you to open your hearts and minds to the experience ahead."

The ceremony continued with the newcomers being bestowed with brown robes, a symbol of their initiation into the community. As the new couple, they were also given tokens, small, handcrafted talismans to wear around their necks.

"They will protect you and guide you during your stay here," Serenity explained as she handed them over.

"Thank you," Ellie said, looking down at the wooden pendant. It was carved into the shape of a sunrise over a mountain.

"Let this be an emblem of trust," Hopeful said, his voice echoing through the silent woods. "Trust in us to guide you, trust in each other to learn and grow together."

Nico and Tyler were eating this ceremony up, completely enthralled with the mystique of it all. They grinned at Ellie and Cal from where they stood across the circle, their eyes gleaming in the firelight.

But she found it all too much. Too strange, too contrived. She felt exposed and frightened and suddenly missed her dog with every fiber of her being. She never felt scared or alone with Puzzle by her side. She needed to escape, to breathe in the cool night air away from the heat of the bonfire, to hide from Hopeful's penetrative gaze.

Cal's hand closed around hers in a comforting squeeze that settled her roiling nerves somewhat. She glanced up at him to find him watching her, his expression softening into something tender and warm. His thumb rubbed the back of her hand in soothing circles, his touch a lifeline in the swirling sea of strangeness.

"We're okay," he mouthed.

His words didn't comfort her as much as she wished they would have. But at least she wasn't alone in this. She didn't have her dog, but she had Cal.

The drumming resumed, the beat echoing through the forest. As one, the members of the commune began to sway in time with the rhythm, their eyes closed and faces uplifted to the moon. They were lost in a trance-like state, their bodies moving freely with no constraint or self-consciousness. It was strange and beautiful in its own way.

Ellie watched them, torn between fascination and fear. She felt like an intruder in a sacred place, and part of her wanted nothing more than to run away as far as possible. But another part of her yearned to understand what was happening around her, to uncover the secrets people were hiding. Because, to her, it was obvious they were hiding a lot.

Maybe they were even hiding her sister.

The heat from the fire was suddenly suffocating, and the smell of the oil on her forehead was making her dizzy.

It was all too much. She needed air. She needed distance.

"Breathe," Cal whispered in her ear. "You're safe. This is a show. A play with props and actors. Nothing more."

"I... I can't breathe." Her throat closed up around the words.

"Here." Cal held her by the shoulders and guided her away from the fire, towards the edge of the clearing. The air was cooler there, and somewhat clearer, tainted only by a faint trace of smoke. Ellie gulped it down gratefully, her legs shaky beneath her.

Cal's hand on her back steadied her. His touch was warm and familiar - real - something she could anchor herself to in the midst of all the chaos. He stood silently beside her, his gaze focused on the figures around the bonfire. His face was set in grim lines, his eyes reflecting the flicker of flames.

For a moment, they stood there, side by side in silence. Then Cal turned to her. "Better?"

"I-I think so."

He held her gaze for a long moment, as though assessing whether or not to believe her. Finally, he nodded once, releasing a breath that sounded a lot like relief.

"Let's get back," he said quietly, his hand sliding from her back to rest at the small of her waist as he turned them back towards the fire.

As they neared the crowd again, her panic rose like mercury in a thermometer. She stopped abruptly in her tracks, causing Cal to stumble slightly.

"I-I can't." She spun and stumbled in the opposite direction. She had no idea where she was going. Her body felt heavy and clumsy, her legs barely obeying her, but all she knew is she had to get away from those people and the drums and the shadows dancing around the fire.

Cal followed without protest.

The forest around them was filled with darkness, the silence only broken by their hurried footsteps crunching on dried leaves and an owl hooting somewhere in the distance.

Suddenly, they broke free from the trees and found themselves on a small grassy hill overlooking the commune. The bonfire was a distant glow below them now. The air was cleaner here; it smelled of pine and damp earth. Ellie fell to her knees, gulping in a lungful of fresh air.

Cal joined her on the ground, his strong hands gripping her shoulders. "You're okay," he murmured, his voice filled with concern. "Just breathe."

She shook her head. She wasn't okay. She could still feel the heat of the bonfire on her skin and the weight of Hopeful's stare in her bones.

"Look at me," Cal coaxed. She lifted her gaze to his, swallowing hard against the fear lodged in her throat. "You are safe." He enunciated each word in that calm and steady tone of voice that had pulled many a person back from the brink.

"You're with me, Ellie, and I won't let anyone hurt you. Just breathe." Even in the darkness, the sincerity in his eyes was evident.

The silence of the night was only broken by the distant sound of the drums and their own shallow breathing. She swallowed hard, trying to get a grip on her runaway emotions.

"I'm sorry," she choked out finally. "I just... it was too much."

"It's okay." He rubbed reassuring circles into her back. "It was a lot of weird. Very…" He wiggled the fingers of his free hand in the air. "Woo-woo."

She exhaled a laugh and sat back in the grass, swiping at her forehead with the sleeve of her robe. "What the hell did they put on us? It stinks."

He reached up to touch his own forehead, then held his fingertips to his nose. He made exaggerated gagging noises. "Smells like something Puzzle would roll in."

She laughed and lightly punched his shoulder. "You're not helping."

"Hey, you laughed. I have to be helping a little. Let's head back to our cabin," he suggested, helping her to stand up. "Leave them to their rituals."

She didn't protest when he led the way back through the trees. His arm wrapped protectively around her shoulders as they walked. They had come with the intention of pretending but in this moment, it was real.

"I don't like this place, Cal," she said quietly after a while. "It's not right. Maybe we should leave tonight before this goes any further."

He said nothing for a handful of beats. Then, slowly, as if weighing the words, he spoke. "I saw her."

She pulled him to a stop. "Hope?"

He shook his head. "The girl."

"Her daughter," she breathed. "She was there? I didn't see her."

"She wasn't with the group. She was hanging back in the trees like she didn't want to be seen. I only saw her for a second."

"Maybe it was someone else."

"I don't think so," Cal said and rubbed his thumb between her furrowed brows. "She had the same anxious look you get—the one you're wearing right now. And she has your nose. There's no way you aren't related."

"But if she's part of all this, wouldn't she want to be involved in the ceremony?"

Cal shrugged. "Maybe she's not as comfortable with the weirdness as the others seem to be. Or maybe she doesn't trust outsiders."

"Then why would she call you for help?"

"Okay, fair point. So maybe she's afraid of Hopeful."

Ellie frowned and rubbed at her forehead again. The scent of the oil was as strong as ever. She really needed to wash it off. "Do you think she's in danger?"

He didn't respond. He didn't need to because she already knew the answer. She'd known it the moment Hopeful looked into her eyes, and that was why she'd panicked.

Yes, the girl was in danger.

They all were.