Sean Chapter 5

I was about to lose my mind. It had been two weeks since I spoke to Cassidy, and I was no closer to knowing where she was than I was then. Talking to her neighbors revealed that she’d left a week before my call to her. I kicked myself repeatedly for not manning up and talking to her as soon as we got back from that assignment in the Middle East. If I had, she’d still be here, and I’d be with her.

Her words about having a life and family had cut deep. Her blocking of my calls hurt more. Gabe and Griffin admitted they’d talked to her a few times., but she refused to tell them where she was. When I pushed them to call for me, they refused. They told me it was my damn fault she’d left. I’d been an asshole long enough. I needed to find and go after her if I wanted her.

Whatever she was doing, she was effectively hiding herself. I tried to get our computer people at the office to trace her, but they couldn’t. Unless she’d gained skills I knew nothing about, I realized she was getting help hiding, leading me to stand outside the front door of Smoke and Everly’s house on the Dublin Falls Warriors’ compound. I was here to talk to Everly. They were the only ones skilled enough to hide her.

The door opened to my knock, and Smoke gestured for me to enter. He didn’t seem surprised to see me, although I hadn’t told anyone I was coming. I didn’t want to give Everly a chance to leave. I should’ve known she wouldn’t, and she would know I was coming. I followed him wordlessly to the kitchen. Everly was sitting at the table with her laptop out. She was staring hard at me.

“Sorry for barging in like this, but I need to talk to you. Everly, you know why I’m here,” I stated boldly. Smoke was quiet and came closer to listen.

“I do? Why would I?” she asked innocently.

I scowled at her. She was going to make me say it. “Because you and Smoke are the only two capable of hiding her from me, and I highly doubt he’s doing it. You and Cassidy became friends. I need to know where she is. She needs to come home.”

“You need? What about what she needs? Why not leave her alone, Sean? Cassidy has made the decision that will allow her to move on and have a life—a family. She’s done chasing a man who doesn’t love or want her. She’s safe, I promise you. Just leave her alone. Let her find happiness and love.”

My fist came down hard on the table. I leaned toward her, letting Everly see how angry and desperate I was. Smoke gave me a quelling look.

“Don’t. I’m hanging on by a thread, Everly. I have to see her and talk to her. I can’t wait. Please, this is killing me.”

“What is? You not being able to fulfill the role of a big brother? She still has two of those. She can survive without a third. We all thought you would admit to feeling more than that for her after that mission, but we were wrong. Getting away to start a new life is exactly what she needs,” Everly added.

“Not without me! Goddamn it. If you want me to beg, then I will. Please tell me where she is. I can’t go on like this. It has nothing to do with being her big brother. I’m done denying it. I love her. I want to spend my life with her. I can’t do that if she won’t talk to me. Tell me where she is,” I begged.

She didn’t say anything. She just studied me. Smoke glanced from her to me and back. “Tigress, is there something you want to tell me?”

“Maybe. I helped Cassidy leave Virginia. She wanted to start over but couldn’t do it when she always had to see him. Cassidy isn’t able to give other men a chance because of him. The way I hear it, she’s dating someone. I guess the distance was the answer. I don’t want to ruin it for her.”

A pain shot through my chest, hearing Cassidy was dating. On the heels of it came fury and resolve. There was no goddamn way she fell out of love with me in a month. She might be seeing someone, but she didn’t love him.

“What do you want me to do to prove I’m ready to commit to her fully? I need to tell her how much I fucking love her and want to marry her. I want her to be the mother of my children and no one else.”

“Do you think she’ll believe it? You’ve denied it for years, and now you suddenly want to declare it after she moves away. It sounds suspicious to me, and it will to her. How about all those women you dated and fucked that she had to see you with? Do you think she can easily forget those? You threw Josie in her face not long ago, right here.”

“No, I don’t think she’ll forget them or the idiot I was. I know I hurt her. I’ll spend the rest of my life making up for it. I only did it to try to forget her, but it never worked. As for Josie, I was pretending. I never touched her or anyone else when we were here. Unlike me having to watch her with Falcon and then knowing I drove her to sleep with him. I have to live with the fact my woman has been with other men because of my stupidity. I let my promise to Mark and my concern that he would object to us being together overrule my heart. I’m done. I need to know where she is. I’ll grovel until she forgives me and agrees she’ll be mine.”

“What if she refuses?” she shot back.

“Then I’ll hold out hope until the day she marries someone else. Then I’ll end my misery.”

“End it? How?” Smoke asked.

“How would you end it if Everly was forever denied to you?” I asked him grimly.

I stood there as the two of them exchanged looks. Finally, Smoke spoke. “Ev, tell him. They need to hash this out. They have to take talk even if there’s only a slim chance they can make this right.”

She nibbled on her lower lip, then answered him, though she stared at me. “I can’t tell him where she is, but if someone else were to tell him, then I haven’t gone back on my promise. She’s my friend. Smoke, she’s at the place where I used to live. I offered it to her while she was here.”

A smile spread across his face. “Come with me, and I’ll get you the address. Don’t make us regret this, Sean.” He gestured for me to follow him. As I walked past her, I paused and kissed Everly on the cheek. She smacked mine.

“Don’t make me regret this. If you do, I’ll erase your whole existence,” she warned me.

“I won’t. I promise.”

Excitement bubbled up inside of me. By this time tomorrow, I’d be with Cassidy, working my hardest to get her to be mine. All I needed was a little luck and a whole lot of forgiveness. No matter what she demanded of me, I’d do it, as long as it wasn’t leaving her.

???

I was too impatient to drive from Tennessee to Florida, even though it was shorter than the drive from Virginia. I knew I’d probably kill myself speeding. Instead, I stayed overnight at the compound since it was late when I got there. The following morning, I boarded a flight to Florida. Smoke and Everly let me stay the night with them. I went to the clubhouse, said hi to the others, and spent a little time chatting with them, but kept the reason I was there under wraps. I brushed it off as I was passing through for the night.

I could barely keep myself in control to sit still on the plane or prevent myself from shoving people out of the way to run off the plane to get to the car rental place when we landed. I sped off as soon as I had my car, and the address to Everly’s house entered into the GPS device. It was Saturday morning. I was hoping she was still at home and not out. There was a chance she could be. Cassidy was an early riser and didn’t believe in lazing about, even if it was her day off. If she weren’t there, I’d have to call and see if Everly could track her. I wouldn’t be able to wait for her to come back.

I’d talked to Smoke and Everly about Cassidy, the move, and my feelings for her. Ev was an excellent friend and didn’t reveal anything specific that might’ve been said other than the fact Cassidy was seeing someone. I knew that was deliberate. She wanted me to hurt, and I deserved it.

Pulling up to the address forty minutes later, I examined the neighborhood. Everly had a lovely house in what appeared to be a great neighborhood. There were a few people out mowing grass or puttering in their yards. Down here, everything was green and in bloom, as if it were the middle of summer. Back home, we just looked like spring had barely hit. Seeing the towering palm trees was weird, but it was also cool. The only tropical places I ever went to weren’t those you went to sightsee. And those were few and far between. Most had been to the deserts of the world.

I parked on the street outside the house. Her car was in the driveway. I sat there a couple of moments to settle my racing heart, then I got out and went to the door. I knocked firmly. Slender windows on either side of it allowed you to peek out but not gain access. I saw movement. My eyes zeroed in on the figure approaching the door. Cassidy’s face showed astonishment, quickly replaced with panic, and then it was wiped smooth. She stared back at me through the panes of glass without opening the door.

“Cassidy, let me in. We need to talk, and I won’t leave until we do,” I called through the door.

“You will if I call the cops and have you arrested for trespassing,” she shouted back.

“Since you’re not the owner, you might have difficulty getting that to stick. And even if you do, we have lawyers and contacts who can get me out within the hour. Do you really wanna play this game or be an adult and face me?” I knew accusing her of being childish would piss her off, and she’d have to open the door. She hated nothing more than to be called less than an adult.

She moved, and then the door flew open. She was ticked. “How dare you call me childish, you egotistical bastard! Not wanting to see or speak to you doesn’t make me a child!” she snapped.

Before she had a chance to slam the door on me, I pushed inside, backing her up far enough to shut it behind me. Realizing what I’d done, she moved to put distance between us. She took up a defensive position.

“Cass, you don’t need to be afraid. I’m not here to hurt you.”

She snorted. I swore she muttered, “Since when.” I winced. I deserved that. She was right. I might not have hurt her physically, but I’d done it over and over emotionally.

“Please, can we sit and talk? There are so many things we need to discuss.”

Instead of answering me, she walked off. I followed and ended up in a sunroom at the back of the house. She took a seat in a chair, so I had no choice but to sit on a loveseat across from her but not too close.

We sat there for a minute, just studying each other. This was going badly, not that I had anyone to blame but myself. I think a tiny part of me hoped she’d see me and realize she didn’t hate me, and she’d throw herself in my arms and declare she was mine. Yeah, I was an idiot. Finally, she spoke.

“You have five minutes. Say what you came here to say, then leave.”

“Five minutes isn’t enough time.”

“It’s all the time you’re getting. How did you find me?”

“That’s not important. What is is us. I know I’ve hurt you, and you’ve had enough. I don’t blame you for leaving, but you have to hear me out.”

“Sean, my days of listening to you and doing as you say are over. What about this, don’t you get? I’ve finally grown up and moved on to have a life. I’m happy here. I have a job, and I’m making friends. You no longer have to be my big brother. I can take care of myself.”

“I’m not your goddamn brother! And I heard about the friends you’re making. Who is the guy you’re dating?” I snapped.

A flash of surprise changed to a smirk. “Who I’m dating is none of your business. Is that why you came here? To lecture me on what I can and can’t do? Because if it is, that boat sailed a long time ago. I’ll tell you like I told you in Dublin Falls. Who I choose to fuck or spend time with is none of your business.”

Anger was bubbling inside of me at the thought of her sleeping with this unknown guy. Had she done it to spite me, even if I never found out? I thought she had a thing for Falcon, but maybe she didn’t. Her sudden behavior of being intimate with multiple men wasn’t like her. Had I driven her to this? Images of her with a faceless man in bed flashed in my head, and all thoughts of talking calmly and logically went out the window. I came bounding to my feet. I stopped myself from snatching her up and kissing her by pacing. I had to clench my fists to keep my hands off her.

“What the hell has gotten into you!? You’ve never been someone who jumps from man to man. You date guys but not one right after another, and you certainly don’t hop from one man’s bed to the next.”

“You mean, since when did I become like you? Well, see, I realized something. I’ve been a blind fool who kept wishing for something that would never happen. Congratulations, you finally made me see the truth. I should thank you, to be honest. I’m now free to do anything I want. No more waiting on someone else to make me happy. That’s my job. I thought I’d see what the attraction has been for you all these years. I mean, who knows, I may settle down one day, or I might not, but if I do, I know I won’t be a disappointment to my partner in the sack. I have a lot of time to make up for.” She smirked as she said it.

I saw red. Letting out a roar, I lunged at her. She tried to get out of the chair but wasn’t fast enough. I pinned her there. Her eyes were wide. I didn’t think. I just acted. I slammed my mouth down on hers. I trapped her head with my hands in her hair, and the way I pinned her body with mine, there was no way for her to get away or effectively fight me. She had skills, and I wasn’t stupid enough to let her use them on me.

She tried to tear her mouth away, but I held her still. I nibbled and pressed my lips to hers to evoke a response. She refused to respond. Pressing closer, I slipped out my tongue to tease her lips. I wanted her to open. I needed to taste her. I’d been dreaming of kissing her and what she’d taste like for years. I was done waiting. She squirmed and tried to get leverage to shove me away, but I was too big and too skilled for her to do it. I began pressing tiny kisses all over her mouth. As I did, I whispered to her.

“Baby, please, open up. I need to taste you.”

She made protesting noises, but that was it. As time ticked by without her responding, desperation filled me. What if she genuinely didn’t love me anymore? Had I been successful in killing her love? As this harsh possibility settled over me, tears pricked my eyes, and desolation filled me. I eased back and kneeled there with my head hanging. She didn’t say anything for several heartbeats.

“Sean?” she queried hesitantly.

I stood up. I didn’t make eye contact with her. I couldn’t. I was trying not to cry like a baby. “Cassidy, don’t change who you are. Don’t become like me and be a coward. You’re perfect the way you’ve always been. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come here. I hope the next man you love knows how lucky he is and deserves you. I know it’s too late to say this, but I do love you and have loved you for a long time. I’m sorry I killed your love for me. Know that I’ll go to my grave loving you. No worries, I won’t bother you again.”

Unable to stand anymore, I whirled around and headed for the front door. I heard her moving behind me, but I ignored her. I had to get out of here. My mind was a chaotic mess. I opened the door and stepped outside when her hands closed around my arm.

“Sean, stop. Look at me.”

“I can’t. Goodbye,” I said, yanking my arm loose and hurried to my car. She was shouting my name. I saw her coming after me, but I didn’t stop. I jumped inside, closed the door, and had the engine on before she got to me. She pounded on the window. I saw fear on her face. I mouthed I love you then took off.

I didn’t know where I was going, and I didn’t care. My thoughts were scattered. A thousand things were going through my mind at once, but the one that kept repeating was I’d never have her, and it was all my fault. We could’ve been together for the past seven years if I hadn’t been a coward. I should’ve claimed her the moment she turned eighteen. We could’ve had a family by now. Instead, I kept being stupid and refused to face the real reason I never told her I loved her. It had nothing to do with Mark and him being upset at me.

I was so caught up in my misery that I didn’t see the truck run the red light until it was too late. I saw it seconds before it plowed into me. Agonizing pain shot through me as I hit the steering wheel, the airbag deployed, and I was slammed back into the seat. Pain was radiating throughout my body. My head was fuzzy, and things were going dark. I swear, right before I blacked out, I heard Cassidy’s voice calling my name. I smiled. At least she’d be with me at the end.