Chapter 6

May sipped at the tea Ilyssa had given her, and tried to quell the restlessness that filled her. After seven days of waiting for word from home, it was difficult to sit politely with Ilyssa and Kira in the garden, rather than pacing the ramparts of Mackintosh Castle.

She was grateful that Alec – now Laird Mackintosh – had given her a place to stay while awaiting word from her father. Equally grateful that he’d refused her suggestion to take her home, given the uncertainty regarding whether her kinfolk were there or elsewhere. And yet... waiting wore on her nerves, and it was far from the only thing.

She’d seen nothing of Evander since he’d bandaged her wound and left her rooms, that first night. The Mackintosh family seat was a big castle, but it wasn’t that large. And even if it were, she frequently dined with the clan in the Great Hall. But somehow, she never encountered him, even for meals.

She knew he was avoiding her. She only wished he would stop.

The first morning after her rescue, her difficulty had been compounded by the presence of Enna Cameron, Evander’s betrothed. May had wanted to find something to dislike about the lass, but Enna was a polite, friendly young woman, with a ready smile and quick wit that May would have appreciated in anyone else. She’d done her best to make May feel included, but every second spent in her presence reminded May that Enna was the woman Evander had chosen.

Enna. Not her. She rather thought the frustration and the grief would have eaten her alive, had Evander ever joined them for meals. Just the thought of him spending time with Enna – kissing her, and holding her hand as they’d once done – made her feel mad with jealousy. She was relieved when Enna decided to return home, even though hearing that she was returning to her clan to discuss wedding plans was like a dagger to her heart.

Since then, she’d spent the majority of her time with Ilyssa and Kira. She’d been friends with Ilyssa in their childhood, and the friendship was easily rekindled, and although Kira was someone she’d never met before now, she found the young woman to be a refreshing companion.

She was quick-witted and charming, with a streak of ferocity and forthrightness that May couldn’t help but envy. Her hands were callused from shield and sword, as well as needle-work, and she spoke with a confidence and directness that May admired. Just talking to Kira made it evident how she’d won the heart of Alec Mackintosh, despite their differences in opinion, which she’d heard discussed more than once at the dinner table.

One thing about Kira, however, continued to puzzle her. No matter what the weather, and no matter whether they were inside in the solar, or outside in the gardens, or even in the library, Kira always wore a long scarf or shawl wrapped snugly around her throat. It wasn’t that she was cold, for May had seen her in short sleeves and a lightweight summer-length skirt over the past few days.

“Ye’re curious about the scarf, are ye nae?” Kira’s voice dragged her from her thoughts. May blushed furiously and snapped her gaze to the cup of tea she was holding.

“I dinnae want tae presume…” She sipped her tea. “And I didnae mean tae stare, I was just…”

“Curious.” Kira shrugged lightly, though her eyes were shadowed. “’Tis naething new tae me. Everyone is curious, when first they meet me. Or as soon as they realize I dinnae ever leave me rooms without a scarf.”

May blushed. “I didnae want tae pry, but I confess, I am a wee bit curious.”

“’Tis because o’ a scar I have. I was wounded, many years ago, and the wound healed badly. I dinnae like to think o’ it, or look at it, so I wear a scarf.” Kira pulled the edge of the scarf up so May could see the tail end of what looked like a painful scar across one side of her throat. “Only me clan-folk, particularly me braither, and Alec of course, have ever seen the scar itself.”

May’s brow furrowed. “But Alec is yer husband. Surely ye’d be more afraid o’ letting him see it than anyone else.”

Kira blinked, clearly confused by her words. “Why should I be?”

May swallowed. “Well, he’s yer husband, and ye love him. Would ye nae be afraid o’ his reaction once he saw the scar? At least, the first time? And would ye nae be afraid he’d grow tired o’ seeing the mark, the reminder that ye’re…” She fished for a word “...damaged?”

“Och... that was a fear I had afore I kent him, true enough. But once I fell in love with him, and he with me? Nay.” Kira shook her head. “A man ye love will never be disgusted by ye when he looks upon ye, and ye’ll learn tae trust him with yer heart, and after that, the scars will become easy enough.”

“But what if the person ye love hates them?”

“If he loves ye, then he’ll nae hate the scars, fer they’re a part o’ ye, and a part o’ what makes ye who ye are. A man who loves ye understands that any scars ye bear are part o’ the story ye carry in yer heart, and proof of the things ye’ve endured tae become the woman ye are.” Kira reached out and clasped her hand. “Forgive me fer prying, but ye seem fair concerned about the matter.”

May looked away, flushing slightly. But she couldn’t deny Kira an answer, when the woman had answered her own questions without hesitation. “When I was a young lass, scarce more than a bairn, me cousin and I were attacked by winter-starved wolves. I protected her, but the wolves clawed me badly. Most o’ the wounds needed stitching after that, and nae all the best efforts o’ the healers could keep me from being scarred across torso, back, thighs and upper arms.”

She shifted a shoulder and tugged at the neck of the dress to show the top edge of her own wounds, then covered it again. “I’ve never shown the wounds tae anyone save me kinfolk – me braither and faither. And I’m afraid tae let any man see them, fer fear o’ being turned away with disgust.”

Kira and Ilyssa exchanged a glance, and she knew they understood what she didn’t say. She’d never shown the scars to Evander, though he knew of them. She’d never wanted to risk seeing his reaction. She’d been too afraid he’d pull away from her, despite how often he’d said he thought the scars only proved her bravery was as great as her beauty. She was afraid that once he saw the truth, he’d find both lacking.

Ilyssa stood and came around to give her a hug. “I understand yer fears, but Kira is right. A true lover will never look away or disapprove o’ yer scars. And one day, ye’ll find and be with the man ye want tae show them tae, and ye’ll be happy ye can dae so without fear.”

She hoped that was true, but she’d never imagined being with anyone save Evander. He was the only one she’d ever considered showing her scars to, and now it was too late. He was promised to another, and her heart could scarcely bear it.

They were interrupted by the arrival of a guard. “Lady May, Laird Alec wishes tae see ye at once, in his study.”

May rose, hope in her heart as she hurried after the man. With such an urgent summons, it could only be news from her father. Perhaps her father or brother had even arrived in person to bring her home, and that was why they’d delayed answering.

She entered the study to find the three Mackintosh brothers, but no sign of her brother or her father. She swallowed down her disappointment, as well as the brief pang that struck her at the sight of Evander, and addressed Alec. “Ye have word.”

“Aye. Yer faither and braither are safe at MacPherson Keep, and we’ll be sending ye home without delay, as yer faither has requested. Since ‘tis nae safe fer ye tae travel alone, we’ll have ye escorted by one o’ our best warriors.”

She could have wished for more, but they’d already done so much for her. “All right. When shall we be leaving?”

“Within the candle-mark. If ye hurry on the road, ye may be able tae make MacPherson Keep afore the sun sets, or shortly thereafter. A messenger is already on his way with all speed.”

May nodded, both relieved and disappointed that her visit was at an end. Relieved, because she could return to her kin and see they were all right. Disappointed, because she enjoyed Ilyssa and Kira’s company, and she’d never gotten a chance to properly settle things with Evander.

There was no use worrying about it now. “Who is tae be me escort?”

Evander pushed himself away from the wall where he’d been leaning. “I’ll be taking ye home.” His eyes met hers for a brief moment before he looked away. “I’ll be waiting fer ye in the courtyard, so collect yer things and say yer goodbyes. And dinnae dally. We’ve a distance tae ride.”

May watched him disappear through the door, heart in her throat. Evander. She was going to be riding alone, with Evander. For several candle-marks, at the least. She swallowed hard.

‘Tis just as every story o’ the Fair Folk warns – ‘tis best tae be cautious what one wishes fer.