35. Aubrey

35

Aubrey

Waking up with the early dawn light streaming softly through the blinds, I find myself in Luke's room, the little guy still soundly asleep, his small chest rising and falling rhythmically. Deciding to let him catch a few more Z's, I quietly make my way down to the kitchen, the house still hushed and peaceful.

I pour myself a strong cup of coffee, feeling the rich aroma tickle my senses, a small comfort after the tumultuous night. Coffee mug cradled in my hands, I step outside, seeking the crisp morning air to clear my head. And there, to my surprise, is Sean, looking like he’s been up for hours, his posture tense and contemplative.

The first few moments are cloaked in an awkward silence, my fingers tightening around my coffee mug as the residue of last night's argument hangs heavy between us. We eventually sit down together, the wooden porch steps cool beneath us. He breaks the silence first.

“I’m sorry, Aub,” he starts, his voice earnest, eyes not quite meeting mine. “For last night... for accusing you. It was out of line.”

I sigh. Part of me doesn’t want to let him off the hook so easily. But another part isn’t in the mood to fight.

“This isn’t the first time I’ve struggled with pain. After my injury a few years ago, I got caught in a downward spiral with those pills. It was a dark time. I thought I was handling it, but I wasn't.”

With a nod, I accept his apology before taking a sip of my coffee. "It's okay. But we need to figure out why we keep hitting these extremes. It's exhausting." My words hang in the air, mingled with the early morning mist.

“I’ve only talked to Buck once, and I’ve never been over to his house,” I add, wanting to set the record completely straight.

Sean finally looks at me, his expression a mix of relief and lingering concern. “I believe you. I let jealousy get the better of me.”

It's reassuring to hear, but it doesn’t dissolve the nagging tension that’s been building. “We’ve got to get better at this, Sean. We can't let rumors and insecurities get the best of us, not if we're going to make this work.”

He nods, his agreement silent but firm.

My throat tightens as I force the words out. "And you should know that I've never been the kind of person to step out on someone. Never. It really makes me question the kind of relationships you've been tangled up in before." The hurt in my voice surprises even me.

His expression crumbles a bit, a mix of remorse and realization crossing his features. "I'm sorry. It's these old insecurities that flare up sometimes. I didn’t mean to imply—"

Cutting him off, I keep my tone firm yet fair, "Appreciate the apology, but I'm not about to live with constant suspicion. This isn't just about us; it’s about Luke too. If we're going to spiral into trust issues, maybe we should consider talking to someone. Like a counselor."

He nods, clearly chastened, the weight of my suggestion sinking in. "You're absolutely right. I don’t want to be that guy—the one who screws everything up because he can’t handle his own issues. I’ll do whatever it takes. I promise."

His earnestness is palpable, and it smooths a wrinkle in my heart. Yet, as I watch him, his eyes filled with a hopeful plea, I’m struck by the long road ahead of us. We have some serious work to do.

I lean back in my chair, holding my coffee a little tighter, feeling the cool morning air.

"You know, I'm swamped with work today," I start, hoping he picks up on my hint. "Think you could take Luke off my hands for the day?"

Sean’s response is quick, his smile wide and genuine. "Absolutely, I'd love to hang with our little man. Got practice later, but I’m sure Emma wouldn’t mind tagging along to help out." He’s already on his feet, ready to spring into dad mode.

I have to admit, the way he is with Luke makes arguments like this easier to ignore.

As he dashes off to get Luke, I'm left with my thoughts and a lukewarm cup of coffee. His eagerness is endearing but does little to ease the ripples of doubt stirring within me. Why does it feel like we're always one misstep away from disaster? Is this rollercoaster the new normal for us?

I take a sip, the coffee’s bitterness mirroring the morning's tough conversation, and wonder if we're ever going to find smoother sailing.