Chapter 9

9

ELLE

E lle woke up with her head in a tangle from the avalanche of dreams that had haunted her the whole night after sleeping with Maya. When she realized she was alone, she buried her head in her hands, sitting this way for what felt like hours.

She had to gather herself up before her shift started, and the two hours, she knew, would pass cruelly quickly.

"What the fuck have I done," she muttered to herself, getting dressed.

She was certain that now Maya would see her as the fuckgirl she already thought her. The way she'd simply left while Elle was still asleep burnt a hole in her chest, made her feel like an old couch on which people don't hesitate to extinguish their cigarettes. She wanted to simultaneously apologize and ask for an apology. She wanted to feel Maya's lips on hers again and yet never see her again all at once.

Driving to work, she resolved to reach out. She had no idea about Maya's shifts and was silently hoping that the reason for her departure on the sly was work and not unfavorable feelings toward Elle.

After a while, she also began chastising herself for getting so vulnerable with Maya, particularly sexually. It was like opening a part of herself she'd kept hidden, safely tucked away, on their first night together. She grew afraid Maya would think nothing of it—discard it as something simple, like a preference. But it clearly wasn't just a preference. It was something showing Elle's complete openness with her. Elle didn't have sex like that with other women, that was for sure.

She got home, exhausted from her shift. Elle's crew had been called to assist another station with a barn fire, and even though the building was devoid of any inhabitants, it was hell to extinguish. Rural fires were hard work. All fetching and carrying heavy pumps and hoses because there never seemed to be a super convenient water source once you got far from the city.

She cast her bag right next to the front door and dialed Maya's number, biting her nails while waiting on the line.

"Yes?"

Elle's breath got shallower at hearing Maya's voice. It sounded tired, dry. Elle began pacing the room, picking out the best words she could find.

"Hey, I wanted to talk. If you're free, of course."

She heard Maya sigh and thought the sound betrayed something close to bitterness, but she chalked it up to work-related exhaustion.

"You could stop by around noon tomorrow, if it's your free day. I'm taking the day off," Maya finally suggested.

"It's my free day, I just finished my shift." Elle smiled.

"Great. See you then." Maya quickly hung up.

Elle stood in the middle of her living room, feeling quite upset by Maya's tone. She didn't know how much more strength this whole situation would require of her, but she felt determined to set it right.

The evening was approaching quickly, and with it the group bar outing Elle had promised her team to attend. She showered, put on a lazy, all-black outfit—black jeans and a simple black T-shirt—and tied up her hair in a neat high ponytail. She felt as ready to go as she could, given that she was in no mood for partying.

Awaiting her were almost all her friends besides Kaia Montgomery, who'd landed a shift the same evening.

"It's Rory's turn to buy the drinks." Haley welcomed Elle with a quick embrace and cast a glance at Rory.

"Well, whatever you say, baby," Rory responded, getting up.

Having received their drinks, everyone loosened up a little, digging their heads out of their individual problems and dilemmas. At the end of the day, the group was Elle's respite and family, and she couldn't help smiling the whole evening.

The next round of drinks was on her, however, and that brought her mood slightly down.

Emboldened by alcohol, they entered the stage of confessions, each bringing to the table something that weighed heavy on their hearts.

"I royally fucked it up, girls," Elle pressed her forehead to the table in resignation.

"What happened?" Kiera patted her back with a tipsy kind of motion. "I'm sure it's not that bad."

"I slept with my ex." Elle looked around her friend' faces, "and she's mad at me now, I think."

They laughed, wanting to cheer her up.

"It can't be that bad if she slept with you." Haley added, "Do you wanna get back together?"

Elle realized what a mistake it had been to try and share the situation in such a spontaneous way. Its intricacies tied around her throat, and she wished she'd never spoken about it.

"It's complicated. I did something bad when we were together before, but no matter. I'm seeing her tomorrow. Wish me luck," and with that, she took a massive gulp of her whiskey.

"Cheers to that." The group clinked their glasses.

Elle stood at Maya's front door the following day, wishing she hadn't had so much whiskey the night before, Elle had no idea where the conversation would take them, but she was willing to simply plunge into it and see for herself. Partially, she felt like a little kid waiting to be admitted to the principal's office. Another part of her wanted to play it cool, remain nonchalant and confident. But she knew it was no use trying to pretend around Maya. Finally, she rang the bell.

The staircase felt somewhat familiar, and she wondered why that would be. This place had surely never belonged to Maya or her family. On the third floor, she bravely knocked.

"You don't have to knock," Maya swiftly opened the door. "There is a doorbell here, too."

"Don't be so rude." Elle shook her head, walking into the flat.

"Sorry."

"Whose flat is this? I somehow remember it but can't place from where." Elle looked around, glad of this opportunity to chit chat. "It's empty as hell, though. Where is all your stuff?"

"I think you've been here before because this used to be Magdalena's flat. Her parents use it as an Airbnb now. I'm moving soon to my own apartment, so this is only temporary."

"Oh, nice." Elle sat down on the couch.

"Would you like some coffee?" Maya offered coldly.

"Sure." Elle put her hands on her knees, something she always did when uncomfortable.

Maya disappeared into the kitchen without another word. Elle felt a bit foolish, confronted with such a wall of ice after the intense night. She got up and followed her, leaning against the kitchen counter.

Maya looked so beautiful, her golden hair loose around her shoulders, but she was angry, that much was clear.

"Why so distant?" she asked simply.

Maya turned around to face her, leaning against the opposite counter.

"I don't know what it is that you want to have with me." She avoided Elle's eyes. "But I don't like it."

"What don't you like?" Elle raised her eyebrows in shock. "I only want to be with you, Maya. Didn't you see how vulnerable I became in there with you? I don't have sex like that with anyone else. All I'm doing is trying to get back together with you! Yeah, you were right back there when we were against the ambulance. I just didn't have the guts to say--"

"Don't bullshit me," Maya snapped.

"What?" Elle felt extremely confused on top of being hurt.

"Don't bullshit me. I found your little dating profile on Her App." She paused for a moment, gathering words. "If all you want with me is some casual fun on the side while you're out there while you're looking for someone to actually date--"

"Stop this." Elle grew furious, hearing Maya's interpretation of her actions. Such a distorted, inaccurate pile of bullshit. She tried to tame her emotions but fell short. "Don't you see how much I care about you? That was nothing, some bullshit experimenting that means nothing to me. I forgot about that goddamned profile. I want you!" She leaned in closer, looking into Maya's hesitant eyes. "I really do. I don't feel right with anyone else."

"I don't believe you."

"What?" Being so close to Maya's face, her dark brown eyes flashing dangerously, Elle could barely separate the meaning of her words from the heat of her breath she could feel on her skin, from the movement of her dark red lips. "You're wearing lipstick." Elle smiled, shamelessly stroking Maya's lower lip with her thumb.

Maya stood frozen, taken by surprise with this turn of events. "I am," she said, barely moving her lips so as not to disturb Elle's finger.

Elle put her hand on Maya's back to pull her closer. "Was it for me?"

"Yes." Maya nodded, hesitantly putting her tongue out and licking the length of Elle's thumb, taking it in her mouth.

Elle shivered at the feel of Maya's tongue.

"Oh, Baby, you look so very beautiful." Elle lifted her to sit on the countertop, putting her hips against Maya's.

Elle drove her hand up Maya's thigh, beneath the fabric of her skirt. Her fingers stroked the lace underwear she found between her thighs, whispering, "It feels so good against my fingers."

Maya shivered, pulling Elle closer to renew their kiss. Their connection was so strong and instinctive. Elle followed Maya's cue, still playing around with Maya's underwear, tangling it in her fingers, teasing at Maya's vulva underneath.

"Should I take you like this, on the countertop?" she teased.

Maya eluded the question, kissing her more intensely.

"Oh, you want to be taken on the countertop." Elle smirked, pushing two fingers past the now damp fabric into Maya's wet pussy, hearing her sigh in her quiet, involuntary way. She delighted in feeling Maya grow increasingly wet around her fingers in anticipation. "Let's take it off," Elle removed her fingers and helped Maya to remove the lace underwear.

Once the underwear was gone, Elle parted Maya's thighs and dipped her head, licking at Maya's pussy. She felt the tickle of Maya's neat, perfect pubic hair. She tasted Maya's arousal and enjoyed Maya's moans as they increased.

She sucked at Maya's clitoris. Maya gasped and grabbed a handful of her hair.

"Oh my god," Maya said, and Elle increased her assault on Maya's pussy with her mouth.

She moved her right hand to assist her in her quest and pushed two strong fingers back inside Maya, curling them upward to find Maya's G-spot.

"Oh fuck, Elena. Please…" Maya was coming apart for her, and Elle couldn't think of anything she enjoyed more. Her name on Maya's lips as she fucked her was an absolute pleasure.

Elle went to work with her fingers, fucking Maya with them hard and fast as her mouth licked and sucked Maya's clitoris.

It wasn't long before Maya's moans became screams and Elle felt her tighten around her fingers and squirt as she came.

Elle smiled to herself as she slowly withdrew her fingers and emerged from under Maya's skirt. Her own desire throbbed insistently between her legs.

She met Maya's dark brown eyes that were now glazed with lust. Maya was clearly in a post orgasmic haze. Elle needed to take her own pleasure so desperately. She could feel her own wetness between her legs.

"Can I, Baby?" Elle growled.

Maya knew what she was asking and nodded, offering her arms. "Help me down?" Maya asked, barely able to speak.

Elle helped her down onto the kitchen floor until Maya was kneeling, looking adoringly up at her from the cool tiles.

Elle quickly dropped her own pants and underwear to the floor and straddled Maya's face in a standing position.

"Let me use your face, baby. Let me come in your mouth," Elle murmured as Maya began to lick.

Elle grabbed the back of Maya's golden hair and tangled it in her fingers. She drew Maya's beautiful face tight to her pussy and thrust her hips so she could grind herself on Maya's face.

That was how she liked it the most. Grinding on her, taking her pleasure on Maya's face. Maya was merely passive beneath her. It didn't really matter if she was licking or not. Looking down at Maya's beautiful face between her legs and feeling that pressure against her clitoris was enough.

Seconds later, Elle exploded, coming loud and hard on Maya's face, gushing into Maya's mouth. Maya desperately swallowed, determined to take Elle's orgasm in her mouth.

"Fuck, Babe, that was so good," Elle said as she slowly released her grip on Maya's head and looked down at Maya licking her lips, the wetness of Elle's climax still evident all over her face.

Fuck, she looks so hot.

Elle sat down on the floor next to her and drew Maya into her arms. Elle whispered in her ear, "Don't leave me alone like that again. That was really rude."

"Okay." Maya turned to her. "I think you should go, though. I have a meeting soon. I forgot to tell you."

"You forgot to tell me ? Maya don't do this to me. What is this?" Elle got up, "We didn't even talk anything through."

"Since when are you the one who wants to talk things through?" Maya sat up, raising an eyebrow in suspicion.

"Since I've started to journal," Elle said in a flat tone which madeMaya laugh.

"You journal?"

"Don't make me feel silly about it," Elle protested, picking up her shirt. "You were always the one telling me to work on my emotions, so I'm doing that now."

"Well, I'm sorry for laughing," Maya said in a more serious tone. "It's good, you're right. I really meant it about the meeting, though. It's with Arthur, my real estate agent."

"Yeah, well, what can I say to Arthur the real estate agent? " Elle mocked, this time making Maya laugh on purpose.

At the door, she gave Elle a quick kiss, and Elle could taste her own climax on Maya's lips. "Don't make me care about you so much," she said, closing the door.

What the fuck Elle thought the whole three floors on the stairs, then the entire way home. She felt cheerful, but also extremely confused. She liked that Maya was open to her again, and that their sexual chemistry was very much intact, but her last remark had caught Elle completely off guard. She hoped she could catch Captain Ramirez on her next shift and talk to someone with more life experience, because this whole Maya thing was proving too difficult for her to handle.

While driving, she felt her phone vibrate – a text message. She couldn't check it while driving. she'd seen and been called to too many car accidents caused by texting and driving. So for the remainder of the way she sat as if on needles, praying for it to be a message from Maya. Her mind ran as far as guessing the contents of the hypothetical message, its tone, whether it would mean another meeting, etc.

Finally reaching her destination and parking the car, she took the phone out of her pocket and nervously unlocked the screen. For a few seconds she simply sat there looking at it hopelessly, realizing how stupid it had been to get so excited. The text message was from Louisa, who Elle had almost completely forgotten existed.

Elle blocked the phone number, feeling utterly evil, then got out of the car and went inside her apartment, dragging her feet as if they were made of lead, wishing to at least find one bottle of whiskey tucked away somewhere in a far corner of her fridge.

Obviously, the day no longer a bit of luck in store for her. She found no trace of whiskey or any other alcohol around her apartment, so she sat sober on the couch. She took up her journal, ready to diligently describe her emotional state. Journaling was beginning to be favorite hobby.