Chapter 6

6

MAYA

T he ambulance sirens screamed above Maya's head with what seemed to her an unusual intensity. In the intimate space of the car, the crew's faces shared the same grim look. Once they'd get out on the scene, they would plunge into work, giving into the years of practice and rigorous training, foregoing whatever emotions might bubble beneath the surface. But for the few moments they had within the walls of the ambulance, they had time for themselves.

The scene was a high school bus accident.

The bus lay on its side, crumpled like a mere yellow napkin. The road had been entirely shut off, causing waves of dissatisfied drivers to honk at the barriers until they got closer and saw the disaster. Maya saw sheets covering the dead who had already been recovered. Maya saw another team quickly collecting their bodies and preparing to drive away, hurrying partially out of respect, partially so as not to make a spectacle. Maya hated when the passersby made a private show out of tragedy—when they'd slow down just to look, to catch a glimpse of a body or a massacred car. Natural human curiosity, some strange proclivity for seeking out terrible images, she knew that was unavoidable, and yet… Her blood boiled at the sight of gaping faces passing by the fences.

Maya and her colleagues set up the stretchers and waited for the firefighters to get more people out. It was clear not many would come out alive. The bus had fallen from a great height and one of its walls had been entirely caved in. This was a real tragedy and Maya steeled herself for what she was likely to experience. Suddenly the crew began moving around with heightened urgency – they pulled out a girl, still breathing and even conscious. Maya and a paramedic rushed to take her, and at once she understood there was a chance to save the teen. She quickly began stabilizing her. Maya worked quickly and was satisfied with her work, The girl was stable and was loaded into an ambulance. Another pair of ambulances arrived. The girl was driven off. Another teen victim made his way to Maya.

His rich, curly hair was clumped with dry blood, he had suffered trauma to his head and his chest was on the edge of bleeding out. Maya knew she had to act here and now and perform a surgery to stop the bleeding. He didn't have long. He wouldn't make it to the hospital. Only then had she noticed – she knew the boy. Looking at his face, she clearly recognized a shadow of another one, a very familiar one. Her hands began shaking. Should she call out for someone else to help?

Oh god, it was her nephew. Her brother's son Alexei.

Her nephew lay unconscious, and she couldn't move. Then, she realized there was no one better for the job on the scene. If she wanted to save Alexei, she had to act immediately. She drew a deep breath and began working, trying to treat his body like any other she'd have no issues mending. Her hands trembled more than usual, but Maya worked quickly.

She had to save him. She had to.

Performing any kind of surgery here at the roadside was a risk, but it was his only chance.

With the help of the paramedic, Maya made progress and Alexei's condition improved. She thought he was stable enough to move, although certainly not out of the woods yet. The ambulance left quickly to get Alexei to the OR where hopefully they could save him.

Maya remembered him when he was a little boy. Blond curly hair, a curious little personality.

Please, please, please. Save Alexei.

Once her emotional state no longer had effect upon Alexei's chances of survival, Maya began breathing heavily. Her legs seemed to bend in strange ways beneath her, and dizziness haunted her head. She'd never operated upon family before, and the pressure she'd felt was the reason why. Her eyes watered while she searched for her brother's number in her phone. As soon as she heard the familiar deep voice, she felt the horrible burden of being the bearer of bad news.

"Colin, listen." She took in a deep breath. "Alexei has been in an accident. He's on his way to Phoenix Ridge Hospital. He'll need to go straight into surgery, so head to the ER."

"What? What happened, Maya?"

"I hope he will be okay…" She couldn't stop the tears from falling down her face, and her throat seemed too tight to let out coherent words. "I operated on him, and now he's in the ambulance on the way to hospital…"

She promised to visit as soon as they didn't need her on the scene anymore, but the team had already realized something had happened to Maya and had decided to work without her for as long as necessary. They retrieved the last pair of kids from under the bus, and their job on the scene seemed to be finished.

Maya quickly wiped her eyes, completely overwhelmed.

"Are you okay?"

The familiar voice shot through Maya like a bullet. She didn't have to move to know who it was. She didn't have to look. She'd recognize this voice anywhere she'd go, still, she decided to slowly turn around and put on an air of complete nonchalance.

"Oh, it's you." Maya crossed her arms. "Yeah, I'm fine."

"This was intense."

Maya's eyebrows raised in an incredulous look. There was no way she'd allow Elle to use a tragedy like this to advance her own selfish goals. Not after Alexei had almost lost his life.

"What do you want?"

Elle knitted her eyebrows in a confused expression. "What do I want? I don't know, you were crying, you shouted for help that one time, so I wanted to check in on you since none of your teammates did." She looked around to prove the point, then raised her hands. "That's it."

"Do you think I'm dumb? I know what you're doing, and frankly, it's disgusting."

"I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself." Elle took a step toward Maya. "What's this really about?"

"No, stop it with the patronizing voice, all right? I'm not a child. Nor am I twenty anymore. I'm not just another one of your girls, Elena," she spat.

"Maya, stop it." Elle wiped the sweat off her forehead. "You won't even let me say what I came here to say, and you're once again accusing me of something random. I don't even know what you've heard--"

At this, Maya scoffed. Elle continued talking.

"And I just wanted to say that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for what I've done, I'm sorry for how our relationship ended, and I'm sorry how others treated you afterward, even though it wasn't my fault."

"Are you finished now?"

"Yes?" Elle spread her arms, "Was that not clear?"

Maya felt as if her blood was on fire. She couldn't stand how Elle thought everything could be fixed by saying a few words, making an appearance, and looking sexy as hell. She knew this was Elle's way of getting through life and stood as determined as ever to prove her wrong, to prove that some things aren't fixable. That one cannot push back time, no matter how charming or confident or beautiful they are. The gravel beneath her feet squeaked when she came up closer to Elle's beautiful face and clear green eyes. Elle's dark wavy hair was in a messy ponytail.

She was close enough to kiss, and Maya had to do everything she could to hold back her lips from moving impulsively.

"I'm not a toy that you can break and then glue back together on a whim, Elena. I won't come running back to you because you said you're sorry. Did you think you could just charm your way back, wear your old cologne scent on your neck, flash your perfect smile, and have me swoon over you? I know you. I knew you, and you don't seem to have gotten better. If anything you've gotten worse since the last time I saw you. You don't think about anyone besides yourself. Have you ever considered that maybe I'm happy now? Without you?"

Elle stood quietly, looking at Maya with the soft, wounded green eyes of a kicked puppy. "Who said I wanted to go back to you?"

"I did. I see what you're doing. Look me in the eyes and tell me I'm wrong." Maya came closer to Elle's face, so close their noses almost touched. "Look me in the eyes and tell me that's not what you're trying to do."

"Maya." Elle's voice cracked with tension.

Elle's dark green eyes sparkled dangerously as she slowly shook her head left to right, then pressed her lips to Maya's.

Maya kissed her back.

Elle's strong arms took a hold of Maya and Elle's tongue pushed into her mouth. Maya heard herself moan involuntarily.

Fuck.

Maya didn't know what she wanted, didn't know what she was doing, but Elle's lips on hers, her strong arms, the taste of her, felt too daring not to accept.

Elle bit her lip, pushing Maya against the back wall of the ambulance. Maya put her fingers deep into Elle's hair and felt Elle's knee pushing her thighs open. She gasped but followed the direction and spread her legs, letting Elle nest her thigh in between Maya's, pressing against her clitoris.

Then, Maya suddenly sobered up. She abruptly pushed Elle away, wiping her mouth and putting herself back in order. Her thoughts spun in a tangle of guilt, afraid she'd sent Elle the wrong signal, upset at disrespecting her own boundaries and emotions.

"I hate you," she whispered. "Please go away."

Elle, confused, backed away. Her mouth formed a delicate prideful smile. "You don't hate me, Maya."

"Go away, Elena."

Finally, Elle turned around on her heel and walked away. Once her back became lost among the other firefighters, Maya allowed herself to breathe. She felt sick. Her tongue still held onto Elle's taste despite all her best efforts. Disgust at herself bubbled wildly in her stomach. The medics began getting into the ambulances, waving at her to join them.

"Hey, Maya, everything all right? Where'd you go?" Maya's colleague touched her back in a friendly gesture.

"I'm sorry, Richard, I just… I know one of the kids."

He went pale. "But not one of the…?"

"No! No. I stabilized him myself, and he went off to the hospital."

"Jesus Christ, how'd you manage that? You should've called for someone else."

Maya shook her head. "You were all busy. It was fine. I'm fine now."

Richard nodded. "You know, you can always talk to me, or any other doctor on our team. We're here for each other. It's not easy work."

Maya nodded, grateful for the unexpected support.

Her thoughts raced around, each heavy and dangerous like gasoline trucks all on a collision course with each other. She radioed the hospital, gaining an update on Alexei. Stable. Out of surgery. At least, she knew now Alexei lay safe in a hospital bed, none of his injuries causing a direct threat to his life. She had no idea how to tackle the situation with Elle. She wished she could open the door to that moment of the lapse in her judgement and jerk herself away from Elle, shake herself awake. That sorry apology wasn't worth two cents. It definitely wasn't worth leaning in to kiss the offender. Maya buried her head in her hands, still smelling of the strong alcohol disinfectant.

On her way to the hospital to see Alexei, Maya's phone rang. She turned her head to see the number and froze. She hadn't seen it for years, and liked to think she wouldn't recognize it anymore. Oh, how wrong she'd been.

"Where'd you get my number?"

"I…remember it."

Maya smiled, though she quickly chastised herself for it.

"I think I've been very clear, I don't want anything to do with you, Elena."

"Yeah, I got that message exactly from having your tongue in my mouth."

A little giggle made to sound mechanical by the speaker system filled Maya's car. She sighed, gathering herself up together.

"What I did was immature and unfair to you. I acknowledge that."

" I acknowledge that is so in your style to say," Elle interrupted. "You clearly want me."

"Maybe I do. But it isn't healthy, I don't feel good about us seeing each other. I don't feel good about you. I think I made that sufficiently clear. I hope you find someone who'll want you, Elena. That's not going to be me. Bye."

Maya hung up. The conversation had drained her, leaving her mind dry, sore, empty of any reason, like a desert. The car smelled of citrus air freshener, which greatly irritated her nose. Everything felt out of place and hopeless, but at last she arrived at the hospital's parking lot, overcrowded as always.

"Maya." Colin spread his arms wide, inviting her in for a hug. His woodsy perfume always filled her with a deep sense of comfort, like bed sheets wrapped around a sleeping child.

"Hi," she whispered, setting her forehead against his chest. "Did he wake up at all?"

"Yes, but he quickly went back to sleep. The nurses say he's in a lot of pain when he's awake, so they gave him a mild sedative. It's better to let him sleep."

"

Of course." Maya sighed with relief. "It's so good to hear he woke up this soon."

So as not to disturb the boy, Maya and Colin went down to the hospital cafeteria. Maya stirred sugar into her watery coffee, and steam blew in her face. All around, parents, children, and spouses nervously struggled with their lukewarm meals. The food here was terrible. It wasn't just Maya's dietary requirements that meant she usually brought her own with her. The harsh light hurt her eyes.

"How have you been, Maya?" Colin touched her arm. His eyes bore dark circles underneath.

"I don't know. I don't even know where to start." Maya shook her head. "Tell me about you."

"Pfff. Daniele is getting married." Colin smiled. "I got invited to the wedding."

Maya laughed, the tight strained type of laughter that escapes a stress-ridden mouth, a tired mouth. Maya felt exhausted. "Are you serious?"

"I mean, we've been friends for a while now. It's fine."

"I don't know how you always end up friends with your exes. It's crazy to me." Maya took a sip of the coffee, shaking her head.

She was desperately trying not to talk about herself, but every thought led her back to Elle. The dangerous curve of her lips and their charming smile.

Quickly, she decided to change the subject, or at least drive it safely away from exes. "And are you seeing anyone new?"

"No. Honestly, I have no time for dating. The job, together with Alexei, fill up all my time." He paused, worry about his son creasing his face. "I hope he'll be out of here soon."

"He will." Maya took his hand. "I swear, kids heal at an insane rate. Three weeks and he'll be out."

"It's been so difficult with him recently. They all say that's just a phase with teenagers, but I swear, parenting him on my own is on another level. I've read like three parenting books this year already."

Maya smiled, trying to imagine Colin sitting with a parenting textbook in his hand. "You're a very good father. I'm sure he'll be just fine. He's very lucky to have you."

"And then I think…" Colin hesitated, "I sometimes think the divorce might have affected him. You know, like I think when our parents divorced, well, that wasn't …easy on you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Maya straightened up in her chair.

"I was old enough not to care, but don't you think it made certain things difficult for you?"

"Like what, Colin?" The nerve in her neck began pulsing slightly, she wanted him to finish what he'd started.

"You know what I'm talking about."

"No, like what?" Maya sat straight as an arrow, tense, looking into Colin's eyes.

"Like relationships, Maya."

For a few moments they sat in complete silence, chewing the sentence in their minds. Maya kept biting her nails and could see how hard Colin was trying not to comment on that. She did it more viciously out of spite.

"Says the divorced one," she finally forced herself to respond.

"Yes, peacefully ending my marriage of twelve years because we grew apart," he muttered, before adding "it's not about you being single."

Maya raised an eyebrow, swearing at herself for allowing the conversation to turn this way. They could never discuss her love life peacefully.

"Well, how do you view this, then? Are you happy?" Colin spread his arms in surrender.

She looked at him, surprised. There was not one mocking note in his voice. His question had been asked, she knew, with pure intentions. That undid her defensive pose.

"I miss her."

Colin's face softened. He knew exactly who she was talking about. "Have you seen her since you've been back?"

Maya nodded.

"And?" Colin's face was open and kind. He'd always liked Elle. But he also knew how much she'd hurt Maya.

"I don't think she fully understands how betrayed I felt. How hurt I still feel. And she didn't reach out all these years… And as soon as I come back, she wants to prove something to herself, maybe, and get me to want her again."

"You have a very harsh idea of her intentions already, don't you?" Colin shook his head. "Maybe it wouldn't hurt to give her a chance?"

Maya furrowed her eyebrows, "What if it isn't her I miss? What if I only miss being in love? Maybe there's someone else in my future. Another love. A better love. Someone who can love me back in the way I deserve to be loved?"

"No one can decide that for you, unfortunately."

They sat still for a few moments, listening to the people hustling around. The cafeteria emptied out a bit, the crowd slowly leaked out of the door one family after another.

She put her hand on top of Colin's, so much bigger rougher and hairier than her own. Her big brother had always been such a reassuring presence for her. She hoped she could reassure him now that his son was in trouble.

Meanwhile, as hard as she tried to fight it, her own mind was persistently haunted with thoughts of Elle.