Chapter 4

4

Under the stars, confidences may be shared that hide from the sun’s brilliance.

~ Ganizbar, the poet

Wrapped in her cloak and lying down, Kaylina scooted closer to the fire that Vlerion had made. The cold seeping down from the mountains defied the calendar’s promise that summer had come. Up the beach, the taybarri slept with their faces under their furry tails.

Back home, nighttime temperatures were rarely chilly, the semitropical ocean breezes whispering across the beach never bringing jackets to mind. But here, even when the days were sunny and warm, the nights cooled considerably, making one glance toward the glaciers in the nearby mountains, glaciers that never melted.

Before settling, they had pushed the bodies of the dead zenlevars into the lake in the hope that scavengers wouldn’t be drawn to their camp, but Kaylina doubted the corpses had floated far. They’d mused on burning them but had decided they would leave in a few hours and could let nature handle the clean-up.

Kaylina put another branch on the flames.

“You’re cold?” Vlerion asked from a log he’d pulled near the fire to sit on.

He had to be tired, but he hadn’t yet lain down, instead murmuring something about keeping watch. With Frayvar already snoring, the fact that he’d curled into a tight ball the only indication that he was also cold, he wouldn’t be a candidate for standing guard. Kaylina had offered, but Vlerion had waved for her to get some rest.

“I’m fine.” She smiled at him and deliberately didn’t pull her cloak tighter to give away the lie. She was cold, especially since the pebbles underneath her seeped warmth out of her body. “We weren’t planning to spend the night or we would have brought blankets.”

“You weren’t planning to traipse through druid ruins, activating artifacts with the power to knock you unconscious?” Vlerion’s tone was light, and he returned her smile, not looking like he blamed her for doing that or that he wanted to call her unwise.

Again, Kaylina found herself appreciating his support. How long had it been since he’d pointed out her perennial failing of not calling him and other aristocrats my lord when she addressed them? Before his exile, he’d talked up her mead and their new eating house to other nobles, ensuring many people had come to their opening night. He’d even been responsible for a prominent wine critic coming by, the woman later publishing a flattering article about the mead. They’d received numerous bulk orders since then, and the seats had been full each night for dinner. Vlerion was… amazing.

“If you keep looking at me like that,” he said, “I’ll be tempted to come over there and personally keep you warm.” His tone remained light, but his eyes had grown intent— hungry —and she knew exactly how he wanted to keep her warm.

She tried not to think about how desperately she longed for that, but her heart thumped in her chest, belying her. It took a lot of willpower to look into the fire instead of at Vlerion. She didn’t want to make things hard for him, to inadvertently invite him to join her. He’d pointedly sat across the fire from her, laying out his own cloak behind the log to later use as a blanket.

“Kaylina,” he said softly in the tone of a man with a secret to share.

She looked back to him.

He opened his mouth but glanced at Frayvar before speaking. She doubted her snoring brother would hear anything they said, but Vlerion came around the fire to sit behind her.

Anticipation swept through her, along with the memory of his lips on her fingers. She resisted the urge to scoot toward him, to wrap her arms around him. She did roll over to look at him, wondering what had brought him over.

Vlerion settled on his side, propped on his elbow and facing her, not touching her, but only a small space was between them now. A small space that would be easy to make disappear.

“I had a discussion recently with Sergeant Zhaniyan,” he murmured.

Kaylina blinked. That wasn’t what she’d expected him to bring up.

Sergeant Zhani had accompanied Kaylina out to Havartaft Estate when she’d gone to visit Vlerion in exile—Captain Targon had apparently insisted on Zhani acting as a chaperone, lest Kaylina and Vlerion be tempted to hare off together before matters were settled in regard to Spymaster Sabor’s death. Because of that, it didn’t surprise Kaylina that Zhani and Vlerion had spoken at some point, but what could they have discussed that he would bring up in the middle of the night?

“About my training?” she asked.

“Not exactly.” Vlerion gazed at her, as if she might guess his thoughts, but she had no idea what he had in mind. “You know she was trained as an herbalist by her people before coming here, right?”

“Yes. She once gave me…” Kaylina stopped herself before explaining the drug Zhani had given her to prevent pregnancy if she found herself involuntarily—or voluntarily— with a man. That had been after one of the sage assassins had cut her shirt open and called her appealing . “Something,” she said vaguely when Vlerion raised his eyebrows, waiting for her to finish.

His brows drew together in concern. “Medicine? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” Kaylina waved dismissively, regretting that she’d brought it up, but Vlerion continued to look concerned. “After the incident with the sage assassins, she gave me…” She lowered her voice even further, though her brother continued to snore. “A contraceptive. Just in case.”

“Ah,” Vlerion said, though his brow remained furrowed.

Was he worried she’d underplayed how her encounter with the assassin had gone? The guy was dead, so he’d been suitably punished for whatever thoughts he’d had about her, but she didn’t want Vlerion to think she’d experienced something worse than she had.

“Zhani knows how I feel about you too,” Kaylina added. “I think she was trying to be helpful in case… Well, she doesn’t know that we can’t. You know.”

“Yes.” His gaze drifted from her face to follow the outline of her side, highlighted by the fire behind her. Her hip, the curve of her breast. “I well know,” he added, a husky note in his voice.

The awareness of his desire for her always ignited her equally demanding desire for him, and she lifted a hand to his jaw before catching herself. The fire highlighted his face as well, casting shadows, drawing attention to the hard line of his jaw, his cheekbones, and the parallel scars that he’d received from his father long ago, when the man had been the beast. Maybe they should have made him unappealing, but they didn’t. She wanted to touch them, to touch him.

Vlerion drew a steadying breath and caught her hand, pressing it to the ground between them.

“We need to be careful.” He glanced toward Frayvar with significance.

He wasn’t, she realized, afraid that her brother would overhear, not now, but worried the beast would erupt and hurt them. Kaylina doubted her brother would be in danger, since Vlerion’s alter being would think of exactly what he was thinking about now. It would desire what he desired, so she would be the one in danger. That was… also something to be avoided.

Kaylina nodded and swallowed, her mouth dry, to let him know she understood.

“I only wanted to tell you that she mentioned a certain herb that I might use so that I could…” He cleared his throat and looked away, though he didn’t release her hand. “I’d mentioned that I enjoyed training with you but that we couldn’t because, ah…”

“I know.” Kaylina well remembered one of their earlier practice sessions, one in which they’d been drawn by each other’s sweat-dampened skin and heaving chests and had ended up embracing—and almost rousing the beast. They’d been in the middle of ranger headquarters, a courtyard with witnesses nearby. Witnesses who could have become victims to the beast if Vlerion had lost control. Worse, the rangers might have killed the beast. “Sergeant Zhani was a good choice. She’s a good teacher.”

“Yes.”

It occurred to Kaylina that Zhani, with her knowledge of plants, might be someone to ask about the vial that Spymaster Sabor had used on Vlerion, throwing it to the ground, the contents somehow forcing the beast to change back into a man. Kaylina had almost asked Doc Penderbrock about it, but since he didn’t know about Vlerion’s curse, she hadn’t wanted to risk revealing anything. Instead, she’d given the broken vial, with its vague smudge of dried blue liquid in the bottom, to her brother to research.

As smart and educated as Frayvar was, he didn’t have any expertise with plants and medicines. Zhani, on the other hand, might have an idea what the substance had been. If it was something safe that could be used to make the beast change back if he was endangering others… it would be worth it to figure out where to find more of it. Very worth it.

Since Vlerion was gazing at her—wondering at her thoughts?—Kaylina pushed those musings away to focus on him.

“I liked training with you too,” she said. “You’re patient and hardly ever try to convince me that types of trees and plants are useful memory devices in recalling certain combinations of moves. The Sweeping Frond hasn’t helped me defeat Zhani in battle yet.”

He snorted softly. “I believe plants are good memory devices for her .”

“Because she’s an herbalist.” Kaylina looked curiously at him, still wondering what he had in mind. What herb had Zhani recommended to him and why?

“Among other things, yes.”

Kaylina waited to see if he would expand on that—more than one person had implied Sergeant Zhani was more than a ranger—but he switched topics.

“She spoke of a plant called altered chasteberry. It doesn’t grow in this area, but some apothecaries reputedly carry the unaltered and occasionally the altered versions. She said she would look into it for me.”

“Uhm, okay. Because it does what?”

“Reduces libido. She mentioned it might make it easier for us to train.” His voice turned dry. “Me specifically.”

“Oh, if we took it, we’d be less, er, horny?” Kaylina rubbed her face, her cheeks warm. This wasn’t what she’d imagined him coming over to chat privately about.

“Yes.” Vlerion touched his chest, as if to indicate only he would need to take it.

As if she wasn’t as drawn to him as he was to her. Admittedly, she could probably keep herself from pouncing on him like a panther if he showed no interest in her. But…

“Are there side effects?” she asked.

“None that sounded that onerous.”

“So… yes.” Kaylina frowned at the thought of him taking some unpleasant medicine—or was it more like a poison since it had a negative effect on the body?—indefinitely until she could find a way to lift his curse. Was that what he was considering?

“It was my understanding that it wouldn’t be necessary to take it continuously but only in… situations in which arousal would be… inconvenient. Difficult not to act on.”

The pauses made her believe Vlerion found the discussion as awkward as she. At least they were able to talk about it. She couldn’t imagine doing so with any other man. But he was the person she could lean on. Who appreciated her.

“Are you that eager to train me?” Kaylina squeezed his hand.

“It’s not that. Sergeant Zhani is sufficient for that. But… you saved my mother even when her machinations were to blame for her—and your —peril. And you’ve stood at my side in battles, helping the city and the rangers. Even when these things had nothing to do with your dreams and goals.” He paused to give her a significant look. “Did you investigate the ruins here because you sought to call someone or because you were looking for a way to lift my curse?”

“I did promise you and your mother that I would do that. I want to do that.” Badly.

“That you care means a lot to me.” His eyelids drooped. “You know I wish to reward you.”

“Oh,” she whispered as his thumb brushed the back of her hand. He’d alluded before to the kind of reward he had in mind for her, and the thought titillated her, but… “Wouldn’t that be less, ah, interesting for you if you weren’t… excited about it?”

“Less interest would make it easier to focus on your pleasure.”

“Oh,” she repeated, enticed but also a little embarrassed as she imagined being naked and writhing in his arms while he was calm and detached. That embarrassment didn’t keep her from wondering what he would do when he had her in such a position. “I’d prefer if you didn’t have to take anything. I would want you to enjoy… us.” She waved between them with her free hand.

“You’ve given me hope that we’ll both find enjoyment one day. If anyone has the power to lift my curse…” He released her hand but only so he could brush his fingers along her jaw. “I believe you do. But until then...”

His gentle words and tender gesture shouldn’t have aroused her, but his every touch did that. Sometimes, all he had to do was look at her, and her entire body flushed with desire. Maybe they both needed to take that berry to counteract the magic—the obsession—in their blood, the pull between them.

“You should not wake yearning and alone because of my problem,” he murmured.

“I would rather wake with you…” An image of them together in bed, both naked and enjoying each other’s company came to mind.

“I know.”

She always wanted to call him a cocky and haughty aristocrat when he said such things, but he was right. And he did know it.

“You don’t need to reward me, okay?” Kaylina said. “Not in a way that would make things more difficult for you. Besides, you’ve already done a lot for me. I know you were behind many of those people, especially the aristocrats, showing up at our opening night.”

“That wasn’t difficult. I merely mentioned your business here and there.”

“It wasn’t difficult to get people to come to a cursed castle and try the drinks of an unknown commoner who’s been in nothing but trouble since she arrived in the city?”

“Word was already getting out about your mead.”

“But you helped it get out. Thank you. Some of those people run businesses of their own and put in bulk orders. We’ve been making enough to hire help and keep everything rolling along.” The swift success was why they were here in the preserve, gathering more honey for future batches of mead. “It’s wonderful, Vlerion. It’s my dream.”

“Not your only dream though.” His fingers trailed from her jaw to her throat then brushed along her side.

Clothing didn’t make the gesture less enticing, less erotic, and she tilted toward him, always wanting more.

“Vlerion,” she whispered, not the protest she meant it to be. Instead, it came out with a hitch, a desire for him to keep touching her.

He leaned over her, bringing his lips to hers. It was supposed to be a gentle kiss without passion, probably one of parting before he returned to his side of the fire, but he’d already primed her libido, and she groaned and arched up into him, returning the kiss hard and hungry.

For a moment, he responded in kind, his hand cupping her through her shirt, his tongue drinking her in, but he made himself let go and pull back.

“Later,” he whispered, though his gaze remained on her lips.

Later… after he had that plant?

She shouldn’t have wanted him to give her satisfaction without knowing any of his own, but she couldn’t keep from whispering, “Okay,” and longing for it.

He nodded curtly, rose, and walked stiffly not to the other side of the fire but into the woods.

“I’ll stand guard,” he called back as he disappeared, and she imagined him satisfying himself with his hand, alone in the shadows. Or could he find even that relief? She didn’t know if giving in to that amount of lust might bring out the beast.

Shaking her head, she stared up at the stars. She wished she’d found more in the ruins than a sphere capable of knocking her out. How could she lift Vlerion’s curse so they could finally be together?