21. Locke

Chapter twenty-one

Locke

Shane is grumbling. He opened his mouth to speak several times and then stopped. I’m not sure whether to push or leave him be. Erin, Bray, and Finn are shifting the furniture in the cabin around. I want to start a fight. I want a reason to storm off.

Why, though?

Karma is sitting beside me, leaning her heavy weight up against my leg. She is the only reason I haven’t lost my shit.

I’m not feeling it today, and there’s a desperate edge to me. A need to run, to escape as far as I can.

I can feel Shane watching me. I can feel all the alpha’s intense stares, weighing and measuring my reactions. It’s oppressive. Under their questioning stares, I’m broken and less.

I’m drowning. I keep the smile on my face, but it’s becoming performative, and I can feel the presence of my nightmare just as the edge of my mind.

I can hear the laughter and my sick fears flooding my body. Memories flash in my mind, and it gets hard to breathe evenly.

I’m jerked out of it when a huge hand lands on my wrist. I turn on the person holding me with a rabid snarl, reacting before I blink the world back into focus, and find Shane staring at me with a concerned frown.

“Enough of this. What’s wrong?”

I shift my weight from foot to foot and glance at the floor.

“Words, Omega,” Shane rumbles in a demand that allows me no ability to refuse.

“It doesn’t feel right!” The words explode out of me, and I flinch, waiting for the anger from the others. Selfish, childish rock star. Selfish omega. I wait for the growls of disdain, for Shane to shove me, for someone to spit hate at me.

Shane purses his lips. I focus on him, blocking out Erin, Bray, and Finn.

“Come with me,” Shane says calmly.

Panic floods my body, and I taste metal. The world goes hazy, and my vision pulses. “Okay,” I barely breathe. How bad is this going to hurt?

He leads us to the car and leans over me, doing up my seatbelt. The gesture is just so kind that the anger and fear leaches out of me, leaving me exhausted. But it returns when he starts the car.

I can hear the others get in the car, but I can’t look at them. I can’t face the reprimand. They’ll just think I’m a stupid, selfish musician. Selfish. Always causing trouble.

I wince at the words. They are so familiar.

We don’t drive heaps far, but it’s further up the mountain and is much more secluded. I almost miss the driveway, but Shane doesn’t.

“Shane, what did you do?” Finn asks in awe.

As the driveway opens up, in the middle of this forest, hidden from the prying eyes of the world, is a house, no, a home that could have been plucked from my deepest fantasies.

It’s a split level home, with a huge towering fireplace that’s been painstakingly set with stones. The exterior has been rendered dark grey, but it’s the enormous windows that seem to bring the outside in. I undo my seatbelt and climb out of the car.

“Who does this belong to?” I ask softly while Karma races off, joyfully bouncing around the yard.

“This is mine. I was never going to use it,” Shane says with a hand on my lower back. “It was supposed to be a home for me one day, if I redeemed myself.”

He hands me the keys.

I hold them in my hand, squeezing hard, trying to will the pain to bite back the tears that are threatening. I want a home, more than that. I want this home. Shane just gave it to me. Just like that. A home he built with his own hands.

I slowly, stiffly walk towards the house and open the front door.

It smells like him. Pine and something deeper. As I edge inside, I take in the polished floorboards, the dark grey runner. The empty wall spaces where photos could go.

I walk past an incredible kitchen that calls Finn away. I note the office and discreetly pretend I don’t notice Shane opening a door that leads to a massive five-car garage. Bray hesitates with the most vulnerable expression and then disappears into the room.

I go to the windows and stare out. The forest is right there, but I’m here on this side. It can watch me, but it can’t touch me.

This place feels right. The anxiety is fading, and heartbreak is creeping in.

Shane approaches me. In the glass, I watch his reflection as he halts right behind me. He lifts a hand to my waist but stops before he touches me.

I am untouchable. Unloveable.

I am destruction and all the foul things.

I grip his hand and pull his arms around me.

“Hold me and don’t let me go, Shane.”

His arms enfold me, huge strength, walls of safety.

“Locke…”

Please, don’t ask me. Don’t make me tell you because I can’t go into a nest and have you look at me the way I know you will. So, don’t ask.

He hears my silent plea.

“This is yours, as long as you want it. For a day, a week, a month. Forever.”

I blink at his reflection. “You can’t give me a house.”

Nothing in all the millions of dollars I’ve made and all the gifts I’ve received has ever meant as much to me as this.

“I’m giving you a home,” Shane whispers against my neck. “A safe place.”

I tremble, and I know he feels it.

“This place is perfect. It feels like you. Big and safe and mysterious.”

Shane rubs his chin on my neck, his beard tickling the skin. I turn in his arms.

Out of the corner of my eye, I notice Erin standing there watching me. She’s got that shrewd and violent look in her eyes again.

I wonder how much she knows. How much she suspects. But that would be ridiculous.

No one knows, and when this heat is over, I’ll be forced to go back to the band.

The terror and heat hit at the same time. My knees buckle, and Erin strides forward. She is rough when she grips my hair and yanks it back.

“Omega, you’re safe. You are here with your scent-matched alphas and beta, and no one is going to get you.”

I pant, fighting hard, trying to get control.

The fear eases while the heat lingers in my blood, turning it hot and uncomfortable.

I struggle out of Shane’s arms to go and inspect the house, but I return to the lounge, staring down at the recessed floor and those huge windows.

I don’t like enclosed rooms.

I didn’t know that until right this moment. Every room has a window that I know I can get out of or a second door, but it’s not right. Not like this space.

Erin strokes my back and turns to Bray and Shane, who are standing there, watching me. She doesn’t say a word, but somehow, she conveys a message.

They disappear, and ten minutes later, return carrying the biggest mattress I’ve ever seen in my life. They flop it down into the recessed space. Now, there is a mattress that is ringed by a modular lounge.

There are so many emotions and things I’m thinking and feeling, but I can’t move. All I can do is stare. If I say anything, I might shatter.

Finn comes in, and together, the three of them make the huge bed. I creep down to it, and after slipping my shoes off, I lay down on it, staring up at the trees, refusing to look at the alphas.

Erin lays down beside me and then rolls over, throwing a leg over my thighs and wrapping an arm around my chest, holding me tight.

“I know this is scary. I know that you have things going on in that mind that you don’t want to share, but right now, I just want you to sleep. You are safe. No one is going to let anyone come near you. I promise. You are safe, Locke. So, go to sleep while you can.”

I hear the murmurs of the alphas and Finn, and close my eyes.

Even if I wanted to back out, there is no going back now. My heat is coming. I can’t change it. And if I get to choose anywhere on Earth to experience my first heat, it would be with these people. This pack.

Erin’s soothing mocha and her heart beat lulls me into a restless sleep, but every time I surface, I hear the sounds of them and know I’m safe.