Chapter Eleven

Landon and Dirk left quickly because someone had to tell the pack that nothing was happening in my territory. I hadn't considered that when I had them head home, but I knew those two could smooth everything over with the pack. Already, Heath's phone was starting to vibrate, but he didn't check it. After a few minutes, the texts and calls stopped, probably because Landon was getting the word out that everyone was safe and the emergency wasn't the pack's concern.

With only me, Heath, and Niko left, I didn't know what to say or do, letting the silence persist for a long time. I was a little fidgety but tired at the same time, laying my head down on my desk to close my eyes even while my leg shook and my fingers drummed the desk. I was already exhausted but too wired for a nap.

"She's right," Heath said as we sat around my office, the one brave enough to break the silence.

"About?" I asked, not lifting my head off my desk. I knew I was muffled by my arms, but I was able to hear just fine.

"Thanks to the remote area and low population density, it's better to take your time in response to this, making sure you have the right type of supplies and weaponry. If this were near any sort of population center, even a town of a hundred people, rushing to get into the fight would be necessary, but there's a lot of space out there."

"So, we have a chance to plan with minimal risk to others, and we should take it," I said, pushing myself all the way up. "I agree. I didn't argue at all with Subira."

"I know you," he said as I saw the sad smile he had. "You want to go right now and save anyone you can."

I couldn't deny that, but I also knew that Subira was slowing down my instinct to run off to fight, not only for my safety but the safety of Niko and Davor. She was right that any one of us could be killed if we rushed in without gathering more intel or preparing properly.

"Yeah, I'm fidgety. I want to get up there and do something now, but I promise not to run off when no one is looking. If this is how the family wants to do this, then I'll wait for Davor to join us."

"Work with me about who you know up there," Niko said, pulling a chair around the desk to see my desktop. I pulled up a small spreadsheet I had made ages before, noting the names and emails I got from werecats. If I knew a rough idea of where they were, I noted that, too. I had them labeled as business contacts, so no one would jump immediately to thinking they were werecats if they opened the document. That meant I didn't use their full names, human or werecat, only their first names for my own reference.

"Three of these are from the Yukon," I pointed out. "But the Yukon is a region of Canada. Close to Alaska, but the reserve where the killings took place is on the other side of the state." I pulled up a quick search for a map to show him the distance we were talking about.

"What do you know about those three?"

"They know each other and talk often. If it was one of them, the other two are either dead or… yeah, probably dead." I didn't like to consider that. These three had never been a problem for me. Each of them emailed me a few times to let me know of their loyalty to the family. There was always a line about how they were just with another one, doing something or another, like a fishing trip or helping build a greenhouse. Realizing he couldn't see the names from his spot, I read them out loud. "Their names are Leopold, Jean, and Pierre."

"Oh, the trappers," Niko said, leaning in. "I knew them for a short time. Pierre was still human when they left Europe, only seventeen or so. I'm glad to know he made the Change and they're still near each other. Good group."

"What else do you know?"

"Ah, Leopold and Jean are brothers by blood and Change, and Pierre is Leopold's biological son. I wouldn't doubt if Leopold did that himself. Send them an email and see if any of them reply. I hope this isn't them."

"Yeah," I said, pulling up my email to check in on them.

"Say it like Subira did. Someone lost their control of the curse. You don't need any more detail than that," Niko suggested as I typed. "They'll be concerned because no one likes news about this, but they're close enough to it that they should know. They might have others running through their territories to get out of the region."

"We're talking about hundreds of square miles, Niko. The likelihood that anyone runs into their territories…" I didn't want to start a panic. I didn't want to make these werecats paranoid about others coming through their lands. I didn't want it to sound like we had supernaturals running for their lives.

"Here, let me," Niko murmured, reaching over to slide my keyboard into a place he could use it. "The goal is to let them know that plans are being made to contain the situation and how unlikely it is that they find themselves involved. While unlikely, they should be ready to help anyone who might pass through but stay cautious in case others might take advantage of the situation. Do you know any other werecats in that region?"

"No. I have no idea who lives in Alaska. I'm sure some do, thanks to how much rural out-of-the-way space there is, but none have reached out to me directly or admitted that they live there."

"Then we'll ask them if they know any of their neighbors in that area…" Niko kept typing and hit send before I could read the email myself.

"Niko, I might want to check an email being sent out with my name on it," I hissed softly, frustrated he didn't clear it with me.

"I signed it from both of us. If they don't like it, they can find me and throw a fit," Niko replied with a shrug before standing up.

"That's not what we agreed on when you moved here." In fact, we had agreed he would advise me when necessary, but I was still the one in charge. Writing an email and sending it without giving me a chance to read it felt like overstepping. Saying they could throw a fit to him wasn't in the spirit of what we had talked about. The werecats were supposed to come to me, not him.

"It's fine, Jacky." He went across the office and leaned on the wall. "Where do you keep your weapons?"

"There's a gun shed in the security building. I can show you," Heath said, standing up. As he waved Niko to go with him, he looked back at me. "Deep breath. Go through what you know. If nothing comes to you in the next hour, go for a run. Use that energy. Don't bottle it up. That'll only make you anxious."

"I will," I promised, beginning to click through all the files I had gotten from the BSA. The door closed softly, the tiny click telling me I was finally alone since I woke up.

That was when I couldn't stop the fear from rushing up and taking me. I followed Heath's suggestion. Deep breaths. I needed my hands to stop shaking. I needed my vision to clear because seeing double didn't help me read the report written by the rangers. I needed my chest to loosen up.

I had just fought a moon cursed in the Last Change. There was no way this was going to be any easier. There probably wasn't any fae magic involved this time, but I knew that wasn't going to make this simpler than dealing with Fenris and Rainer.

That had nearly killed us—me, Landon, Dirk, and Niko.

Continuing to attempt a simple deep breathing exercise, I looked at my hands in my lap. I studied my nails and considered how they looked when I fought that old mad werewolf.

Is this going to push me further? Should I tell someone? I can't just expect someone else to deal with this. I have to go out there and help. I can't let Niko and Davor do it by themselves. I can't pull Jabari and Zuri from their children again and risk leaving my nephews as orphans.

Curling my fingers in, hiding those nails, I growled softly.

I won't be a failure. Not to Subira. She believes in me. I might always be one to Hasan, but I won't be one to her. I can't. Not with her unconditional support of my choices. I won't let her down.

Being trapped in the house while alone clearly wasn't working for me, so I got up, going wherever my feet felt like taking me. I left the house, ignoring how the werewolves were slowly trickling back in. Landon and Dirk were talking to Ranger. Heath was with Niko right outside the security building, looking over Heath's rifles, silver knives, and a number of other things.

I kept moving, breaking into a jog before I reached the trees. I was at a full sprint by the time I entered my forest. I kept running.

I wasn't someone who worked out or ran regularly with some leggings and nice tennis shoes. I was running full speed in an emotionally comforting leather jacket. If I were still human, it would have been a nightmare, but it didn't bother me because I wasn't human. It didn't matter what I was wearing. If I wanted to run, I was going to run. While I didn't push so hard that anything ripped, I knew my clothing would give out before I did.

Almost instinctively, I reached the edge of my territory and made a sharp turn, having to grab my balance with my hands to keep moving at that speed to follow my border. I couldn't follow it far, not in broad daylight in my human form, because it ran through a few backyards. I could go far enough, though.

I stopped before I reached a point where I really had to worry about anyone seeing me. I had no idea how long I had been running, but it wasn't so long that I was tapped out. I could get home at a reasonable jog; that I was sure of.

I'm not ready to head back, though… not yet.

I stood in the trees, listening to the birds, absorbing the realness of the world, trying to focus on grounding myself in the present instead of worrying about what the coming days would force me and my brothers to deal with, far from our family and friends. The present was interesting as it was. I still had that family, and one was on his way.

"Landon said you were wandering around the woods on Monday. He's worried about you," Heath said softly as he approached. I looked over my shoulder to take in the man I had promised to marry. He was looking just as fit as I was feeling, his breath only slightly elevated, his cheeks mildly flushed. The run might have been long, but he could go farther with ease.

"Are you?" I tore my eyes off him before asking, staring at the seemingly endless forest.

"I am," he answered, stopping beside me to stare in the same direction. "I didn't think you would be running through the trees this much… not after what happened in Germany."

"That place felt so different from this one. This one is familiar, and it's mine. If anything wants to hurt me here, I know they're coming. I know every supernatural. There are no fae monsters hiding in the shadows. I feel safe here." I pushed my hands into my jacket pockets. "I needed to breathe. I didn't like staying in the house. Too much on my mind."

"I understand," he murmured, his own hand comfortably tucked away as well.

I knew what my fiancé was doing. He was dancing delicately around asking me anything, waiting for me to open up instead of making him pry.

If there's one man I should be honest with…

"I'm scared," I whispered.

"I am, too."

Hearing that, I leaned against him, my head on his shoulder as I sought silent comfort. I didn't need him to hold me. He just had to be there, and he was.

"I'll come back," I promised.

"I know." He sounded so confident. Confident enough to make me pull back and look at him and catch his profile, a mix of gentle acceptance and sadness, which was at odds with his tone.

"Oh?" I needed more from him. I needed to know his every thought.

He reached out, turning so we were face to face finally. His hand pulled one of mine from the safety of its pocket and held it tight. Not too tight. It was a strong grasp, comforting but not painful or smothering. His calloused hands reminded me of his hard-working nature. He would always see the job done and would do it the best he could, whether that was to find the best people for the work or just do it himself. It didn't matter what area of his life it was in. He was a strong werewolf and Alpha of his pack. He was a devoted father. He was a calculating politician and businessman. He wasn't afraid to get his hands dirty when he needed to, literally or metaphorically.

"Jacky, you'll come back bloodied and bruised. You'll probably come back with a few new scars. I hate it… but I love that you always have the goal of coming back. It's not just the problems you face. Those aren't the end goal. To you, it goes one more step. It's always surviving it to see another day and coming home. With me. With Landon. With Fenris. With Dirk, Niko, Zuri, and Jabari. It doesn't matter who you're with because you always have the goal of surviving it and coming back. I understand it. I respect it. I love it." He took a deep breath. "And it scares me to death."

"I wish you could come with me," I whispered, biting my bottom lip as the fear rose again.

"I would be a liability," he said, and I couldn't smell a lie.

I wanted to argue, but I knew he was right.

"I'm going to be a liability," I said as my head fell to his chest, my fear finally speaking its source. "I'm going to mess this up. Niko and Davor won't be able to rely on me. I could barely handle a werewolf in his Last Change with Landon"s help. He was beating the hell out of us, Heath. We were lucky because Fenris was still trying to…" We only won because the enemy was still a friend. We only won because Fenris had given us a chance. I wasn't going to ever forget that truth.

His free hand began to rub my back.

"You will be with two werecats Subira trusts can handle this with you." Heath chuckled softly. "While no one in this territory is Hasan's biggest fan, Subira is different from him. Like night and day. I trust her judgment on this, even if I'm terrified."

"That's high praise," I said, looking up with a small smile. It wasn't just high praise. It did a lot to ease my anxiety and temper the fear into something manageable. Heath didn't offer that level of praise and trust unless he fully believed in it.

"Hearing about everything from Niko's home in Germany, that's the least I can say in praise of her," Heath said, smiling in return. "She probably doesn't even know that she'll always have a supporter in me. It probably doesn't even cross her mind, but I am hopelessly supportive of her now."

I reached up to brush his cheek. Heath could be a multi-faceted man, with his political mind making him sometimes cold, his business genius making him seem ruthless, and his werewolf nature giving him a killing edge. He could lie in ambush or rush after his prey. He would coordinate a group to take the kill, or he could do it alone. He was adaptable in all ways except one.

Family. Always accepted. Always loved. No exceptions.

Subira hadn't said anything to him. Not a single word. But what she had said to me, to Dirk, and to Landon had been enough to tell Heath that she was no threat to his family. It had been enough that he knew one day, they could happily be in the same one, not just through Landon and Dirk, but through me and him. She had stood up to the one great obstacle he and I faced—her own mate. He was never going to forget that. He would kill for her if she asked.

It was something I loved about him, the simplicity about this piece of him.

"When I get back, we'll start planning the wedding," I said decisively, making his eyes go wide, his scent filling up with love and more than a little arousal. "She promised to walk me down the aisle."

His growl of satisfaction was predatory… and sexy as hell.

"How many guests would you like?" he asked, something mischievous in his tone as he pulled me closer to him.

"As few as possible," I said with a poke to his chest. "You hear me? Less than fifty if we can. Smaller, even. Twenty-five."

"Of course. Something small…" He leaned down and kissed my neck, leaving a trail as he went to my ear, his hot breath giving me goosebumps. "Something… intimate."

Fear was forgotten as his mouth reached mine. There was always something he could do with a simple touch, a single kiss, or a well-delivered come-on. I was on fire for him. I started to play with the buttons on his shirt, making him chuckle and pull away.

"Maybe not out here. Trees aren't comfortable," he murmured even though I saw the same fire in his eyes and could smell it in the air between us.

"Good point. They would all tease me about leaves in my hair," I said, knowing they wouldn't. Not a single werewolf, including Landon and Dirk, would dare.

We both smiled at the absurd idea of it.

He held my hand, and since I didn't want to let go, I followed him when he started walking back toward our home along the edge of my territory. After a long silence and my house slowly starting to peek through the trees, his hand squeezed mine, and we stopped walking before anyone could notice we were so close.

"It's okay to be scared, Jacky. Even after everything we've faced and been through, it's okay to be afraid. It doesn't make you weak."

"I know," I said with a smile, but for some reason, Heath's eyes grew sad again.

I didn't understand why until I was inside and alone.

"I know," I repeated to myself.

And caught the hint of the lie I was telling myself.