Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Spread his legs, Cass."

Shit, that was Sam's voice.

"Every time I have to remind you to keep your legs spread wide, you'll get a spanking."

"Yes, please," Nicky begged.

Smack! The slap of his hand against Nicky's skin was loud, followed by two more. And then I heard Nicky keening, probably from pleasure.

They were having sex. All three of them together. I'd wondered what that would be like, to watch, to listen to, hell, to participate in. Now I would find out because I'd walked right into the middle of it.

Unwittingly.

That's what you get when you loitered outside someone's home, right beneath what must be the main bedroom window. Sagging against the blue siding, I sank to the ground amidst the mulched flower bed and hung my head in shame.

Shame because I was spying on them. Without permission.

Shame because I was enjoying what I heard.

Shame, because, more than anything, I wished I were Nicky right now.

If only I could be strong and brave, like him, and admit to my father who I really was, like he had.

Then I could be free to explore my sexuality, to discover the things that turned me on most, to finally know what it felt like to be fucked by a man. I wasn't sure if I wanted to be fucked, or do the fucking, but I would never know until I tried.

Nicky was trying.

I was spying.

Daydreaming.

Wishing I was anybody but myself. Wishing I was him .

"My cock is right here, little boy. If you want it, come get it. That's it, scoot forward. Come fuck yourself on it," I heard Sam say.

My cock was so hard, bobbing on its own, aching to be touched. Feeling like the world's biggest pervert, I rubbed my hand over the bulge in my jeans, wishing it was Sam's hand. The window I sat beneath was on the side of the house, the view blocked from the street. No one would know or see if I slid my hand inside my pants .

"That's it. Sink all the way down. Look, Daddy. Look how wide his little boy hole stretches around my shaft."

Fuck it. I had to touch it. Had to. My fingers wrapped around my dick, so hot and hard, and I swiped my thumb over the wet tip.

I heard Nicky cry out before Sam said, "Stuff his little loud mouth full, Cass."

Shit, how were they so fucking hot? If only I were lucky enough to be sandwiched between them. Like Nicky .

Damn, I could hear him gagging on his Daddy's cock. I bet he was fucking loving it, too. What would that feel like, to have my mouth stretched full and stuffed with a man's dick? What would it taste like? Would I be any good at sucking dick? I could learn.

I continued to stroke, up and down, tightening my grip, faster and faster. My orgasm was coming quick and hard.

Another smack. "I said, keep your legs spread, boy." Almost there. I was almost there. "You think I can stuff my entire load in your tiny little hole?"

"Yes, sir," I heard Nicky say. His voice was muffled by Cass's dick.

"What about your Daddy's load? You think you can fit both in there?"

"Please, Uncle Sam, give it to me. Let me try."

I wanted to try! Let it be me .

"Hold still, sweet little boy, while I fill your ass up. "

Shit, shit! I was coming, soaking my fucking underwear. My dick throbbed, releasing pulse after pulse of hot cum, squeezing between my fingers. I had nowhere to wipe my hand off, and I looked around, hoping to find something to improvise with. Jackpot! I spotted a spigot attached to the side of the house and turned it on. Hot water sprayed in every direction, soaking my jeans, and I lost my balance and fell into the trash can, knocking it over. It hit the concrete pad with a loud bang.

Fuck! There was no way he didn't hear that. I tensed, panicking. I had to leave, had to run before he found me. I rolled to my knees and climbed to my feet, reaching into my pocket for my keys, but I was too slow. Too late. When I turned, I met Sam's eyes, glaring at me through the bedroom window.

Shit!

I tried to make a mad dash for my car, but I hadn't even cleared the front yard before the front door slammed open. "Stop," his voice boomed. Fuck, I had to stop. If I left, he might call my parents. "Come here, Mattie."

When I turned, I saw Sam standing on his front porch with his hands on his hips. The only other thing that covered his hips besides his hands were black cotton boxer briefs. He hadn't bothered with a shirt or pants or shoes. His cum was probably still dried on his cock .

He sat down on the front step, and I shuffled across the yard, reluctantly dropping beside him.

I felt like a total fucking loser. Never in my life had I felt this low. Hot tears burned my eyes, but I refused to let them fall in front of Sam.

"Do you want to tell me what you were doing outside my window?"

My jeans were soaked. It didn't take a fucking genius to figure out what I'd been doing. Instead of answering, I shook my head and then buried it in my hands. I jumped when I felt his warm, solid hand land on my back.

"At some point, you're going to have to let yourself find happiness, even if it's between another man's legs."

"Is that where you found yours?"

Sam sighed, his hand now rubbing gentle circles on my back. He wasn't yelling at me or threatening to call my parents. His generosity made my tears burn hotter.

"I don't think it's something you can understand until you've experienced it. That feeling of letting go and everything falling into place inside of you. When you stop fighting yourself and embrace who you really are, you'll find your happiness."

"I want that. I want that more than anything."

"Do you want it badly enough to face your father? To risk losing everything you have?"

I had no answer for him. Part of me wanted to scream yes, fuck everything that I've known, everything that was familiar to me. How could it all measure up to what he had with Cass and Nicky? But another part of me couldn't deny that I was scared, and that fear kept me frozen and mute.

"You'll know when you're ready," he assured me. "Would you like to come inside?"

Yes! But I shook my head no instead, still ashamed of spying on them. I wasn't sure that I could shoulder the embarrassment of Cass and Nicky knowing I'd overheard them.

"I'm not asking, I'm telling you. Come inside."

That! That right there was why I needed him so desperately. Because he could do for me what I couldn't do for myself. Because he always knew what the right thing was, what I needed most. And right now, what I needed most was to not be alone.

I followed him inside with my head hung low, and he disappeared into his bedroom, probably to get cleaned up. I plopped down on the sofa, and a moment later, Nicky joined me.

"Hey, Mattie." He wore another of his favorite seahorse shirts, this one also black, that said, ‘ I just really like seahorses, ok? ' Despite my shitty mood, I grinned. Really, I couldn't help it. Nicky had a way of doing that to me. He wore plaid pajama bottoms and red socks. "We should play Monopoly ! Would you like some coffee? Or a soda?"

How about an entire bottle of whiskey ?

"No thanks, I'm good," I mumbled.

He placed his small hand on my knee, squeezing affectionately. "How about a back rub? Or we could put on some music and dance!"

Fuck it, I couldn't hold them back any longer. The tears fell unchecked down my cheeks, rolling onto my wet jeans. He wrapped his skinny arms around my shoulders and pulled me against his flat chest.

"Maybe all you need are some hugs."

I didn't know how many minutes had passed before Cass sat on my other side and added his arms to the hug. The heat of his body warmed me like a safe cocoon, and that's exactly how I felt sandwiched between them, safe and warm. They didn't say a word as I drained all the tears from my eyes, and when they were finally dry and burning, I closed my eyes and sank against Cass's chest.

"You'll know when you're ready," Sam had said to me.

I'm ready.

"You're really fucking pushing it, boy. Ain't no son of mine gonna suck cock! Do you think you can just flit through life on a whim, snapping pictures and doing as you please? That's not how the world works, son. Not that it matters, because you're no longer my son. Pack your shit and get the fuck out."

I expected this, knew that I would end up here, but it didn't diminish how badly it hurt.

"And you can leave your car keys and your phone behind!" he continued, hurling insults at my back as I walked away.

Even with my door shut, I could hear him and my stepmother arguing.

"John, how could you? He's just a boy."

"Just a boy? He's old enough to suck a grown man's dick, so he must be old enough to support himself from now on. Maybe he can ask his boyfriend for money."

I don't have a fucking boyfriend, dickhead . Not that he'd ever been interested enough to ask.

"Do not even speak to me. I have nothing to say to you right now," Allison spat. "Is that what you think of gay men? Is that what you think of my brother?"

"I don't give a good goddamn about your brother. I only care about my son and the influence he's had on him. Obviously, he put that nonsense in his head."

"It's not a contagious fucking disease, John! It doesn't work that way."

She slammed her bedroom door, making the wall between our rooms rattle. At least I had one ally in this house, not that it made much difference. Filling a duffel bag with clothes and shoes, I grabbed my toiletries, a couple of CDs and books, and my camera, and took one last look around my room. This would probably be the last time I ever saw it. Silently, I slipped out the front door and started the long seven-mile hike to Sam's house. By the time the sun began setting, I had come full circle, back on his couch again, surrounded by the loving arms of the only people who cared and supported me.