Chapter 17

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Just before we sailed into the marina, Sam pulled me aside.

Without saying a word, he reached his brawny arms around me, and I thought he was hugging me until I noticed the small box in his hand.

"What's this?"

"A little something for you."

"From you?"

"Yeah, who the fuck else?" he scoffed, looking a little embarrassed. I had a feeling Sam didn't give gifts often, and giving this one to me made him feel slightly self-conscious. The gesture itself, no matter what lay inside the box, was enough to make my heart feel too big for my chest.

Opening the box with eager fingers, I froze when I glimpsed the writing and picture on the box. "You got me a waterproof camera?" These cost a fucking fortune.

He merely shrugged. "An investment in your future. When you're famous, you can pay me back." He winked, recovering some of his composure.

Fuck that noise. I grabbed him and planted a big, wet kiss on his lips. It was the first time I'd initiated one, and his eyes popped wide.

"Does that mean you like it?" he asked, chuckling against my lips.

"I love it. Thank you, sir."

We docked at a marina on Captiva Island and took off in the dinghy to snorkel the nearby reefs at the marine preserve.

"There are three aquatic preserves, and the coral and fish here are different from what we've seen in the Caribbean. So are the shells. They've got over two hundred and fifty kinds of shells here! I'm going to collect some," Nicky said, patting his mesh bag. "I have a jar at home, and I've begun filling it with shells from my trips."

And so it began. Again . The Nicky monologue of everything I never wanted to know about the ocean and everything in it. I gave him a side glance, surreptitiously watching him as he chattered on and on, not even caring that no one seemed to be paying attention. He was probably used to it by now. The sun brought out the freckles across the bridge of his nose and cheeks, and his plush lips looked redder in the bright light.

He looked kissable, and instead of feeling annoyed, I found I was amused, a smile tugging at my lips.

"I read that you can see dolphins and porpoises, manatees, and turtles. Do you know the difference between dolphins and porpoises?" he asked. Without waiting for an answer, he babbled on, "Dolphins have longer noses and wider mouths, and their dorsal fins are more curved. Their bodies are longer and leaner than porpoises."

Cass absently patted his knee. Nicky was still oblivious to the fact that I was watching him, oblivious to the fact that the more he yammered on, the tighter my heart squeezed for him. I was still blown away by the fact that he told me he loved me. I still wasn't sure what love felt like, but my heart had never felt so soft and mushy before when I looked at someone as it did when I looked at Nicky. And I've never felt so protective of anyone like I did him. If I had three hours free to spend with someone, he would be the first person I called, and not just because he was my best friend—or my only friend—but because I also wanted to suck his dick, or feel him suck mine. It was more than friendship; it was attraction.

Was that love?

"Most of the turtles are loggerheads, and they lay eggs here in May, and should be about to hatch."

Without warning, I leaned forward and popped a kiss on his chapped lips. "Maybe we can hunt for nests later," I offered.

"No! It's protected. They're part of the preserve and the beach is roped off."

Well, if anyone would know, it would be him. "So, we can call and find out if they have public viewing. I'll go with you and we can set up camp and watch until they hatch."

His eyes rounded like his mouth. He resembled an owl. A cute owl. "You would go there with me? Even if you were bored?"

I squeezed his hand. "Of course. What are cousins for?"

His smile lit up his entire face; it was truly beautiful. He leaned forward and popped a kiss on my lips in return. I caught Sam's eyes watching us, and he gave me a wink. Over the last couple of weeks, I'd noticed that it made him happy to see Nicky and me getting closer. Cass, too. The difference was that Cass seemed to expect it, maybe because he knew Nicky was irresistible and easy to love. Whereas Sam seemed surprised by it, maybe because he'd seen my erected walls that stood fifty feet tall, and hadn't expected them to crumble so easily for one little slip of a boy.

A slip of a boy that was still going on—and on—about the fucking mangroves and estuaries. Fucking Christ almighty. I began to laugh, not even knowing where the humor came from, and Sam joined in, laughing with me. Before long, Cass was chuckling, too, and Nicky just kept talking.

"There's a shell museum on Captiva. You know we have to stop there. And we've got to go to the state park so you can take tons of pictures. We're going to submit them to the magazines when we get back home. The sunset is at 6:53 PM, so if we get there by 6:30, we can get some shots of the entire phase of the sun setting, and you won't miss a thing!"

This time, when I leaned forward, it wasn't a quick kiss. I took full possession of Nicky's mouth, and I didn't let him up to breathe until my lungs burned for air.

The beauty of Florida's West Coast was vastly different from the Caribbean. The only thing they had in common was that both were wild, and both were considered islands. That was where the similarities ended.

Cayo Costa State Park had tall palm trees protecting the tiny island from damaging winds. The water surrounding the park was shallow, the perfect breeding ground for tiny fish and mollusks. Nicky waded through the crystal-clear water looking for shells and starfish .

He held one up, shouting, "Daddy, look! This one is just like the shell you stuck in my ass! Can I keep it? For Mattie?"

"What?! Fuck no, Nicky. You stuck that in your ass?" I looked around for clarification, for backup, spotting Cass wading towards us. Cass scrubbed his face, hiding behind his hand. Fine, I'd handle it myself! "You can shove a dick up my ass, but I draw the line at shells."

Nicky shrugged, dropping the shell in his mesh bag. "Suit yourself. Prude."

Prude? Me? Little fucker! Cass's shoulders shook, and I knew he was laughing at us.

Cass picked up a sea cucumber floating by. "You sure?" he asked me, holding it up.

Dick . "Totally sure. Thanks."

Sam joined us, and we swam through the shallow waves, diving beneath the surface to grab shells for Nicky's bag.

"Mattie, look! Grab your camera!" He pointed out two Loggerhead turtles swimming by on their way up to the beach. It was almost surreal to see such amazing creatures so close you could reach out and touch them.

By two o'clock, we were starving and decided on lunch at The Mucky Duck. They had picnic tables set up on the beach of Captiva Island, so it didn't matter that we were sandy and sticky with dried saltwater. Cass ordered raw oysters, steamed shrimp, and crab cakes that we shared .

"What's that look on your face for?" Cass asked Nicky.

"We didn't see any seahorses." His face was the picture of disappointment.

Cass ruffled his hair, chuckling. "We've got nine more days to hunt for them, little one. We'll all keep our eyes peeled."

After lunch, we rented jet skis and rode around the island. Nicky rode with Cass, and I shared one with Sam. After our first pass around, Sam switched seats with me, letting me steer. The way he trusted me blew me away. He was always in charge, yet easily gave control to me. It was a combination I very much liked and respected.

"Daddy, look!" Nicky shouted. A pod of spotted dolphins swam beside us, diving over the waves.

I pulled out my camera, the one Sam had given me, and took a series of rapid shots, hoping to capture the way they arced and flipped into the air so playfully. They were graceful and beautiful, and I thought I could watch them for hours.

Jesus, Nicky had turned me into a damn sap. He was rubbing off on me in more than just the physical sense.

But how could he not? Everywhere I looked, I saw paradise, and either a reminder of a memory I made with them or the possibility of making new ones. With only five weeks left before Nicky started school, I felt like time was running out; like the perfect bubble I'd been living in was about to burst. A certain level of low-key anxiety kept me company constantly. I was always waiting for the other shoe to drop. How could anything this good last forever?

The idea of losing all this made me feel incredibly lonely, and depressed as fuck. But what would I do without them? They'd become my support system, replaced my family, and had become the hope of my future. Of course, I could go on without them, but go on to do what?

Would the sun ever shine as brightly without Sam sitting beside me?

Would anything ever be funny again if it hadn't come from Nicky's mouth?

Ever since I had hit puberty and discovered my sexuality, I had grown used to the idea of never being able to have what I wanted most in life. But just thinking of losing what I had now made my chest tighten with fear, and my heart beat too fast, too hard.

I would fight like hell and hold on with both hands to keep what I had.

Was that what love was? To have something you were deathly afraid of losing?

If so, then maybe that meant I was in love because there was nothing I wouldn't do for the three men I'd begun to call home.