Chapter 15

After droppingLux off at the house, I make the four-hour drive to see my brother. It's been a while since I've seen him, and I feel guilty about that, but with school, and Lux…time had gotten away from me.

But after what just happened with Lux…I'm fucking shook, and I need someone to talk to about it.

On the long, lonely drive up to central California, my thoughts drift to Lux. The way she moves, the sounds she makes when she comes, and that snapping fire in her eyes when she looks at me; all of the details that mix and collide to make her unique.

This girl has me in my head, and I feel like I'm losing my grip on reality. All I can think about is her, and when I found out she was with Ash, the white-hot anger that rushed through me was terrifying. It's good Ash wasn't anywhere nearby, because I honestly don't know what I would have done to him.

I can try and tell myself that my feelings for Lux exist only in the vacuum of my plan, and everything that's at stake. But deep down, I know that's not true. It's something more. Something deeper swirling between us. And I have no fucking clue what to do with that.

Whatever this is between us, I can't allow it, though. I can't give into it. I have to get shit back on track, and that's where my brother comes in. He'll give me the clarity I need to get this shit done.

When I pull up to the jail, I check in, and wait for the guards to bring my brother into the visiting area. It's just a bunch of tables with metal chairs, cold, impersonal. Institutional.

My chest physically aches when I see James being brought in. I hear the chains first—then see him clad in gray and white stripes being led in by three guards. Why three? Fuck, you'd think he was a serial killer.

Anger rises in my chest. He doesn't belong here. He doesn't deserve this. My gaze shifts to my lap, and I suddenly remembered why I haven't been here in a while. Seeing my brother like this, chained up like a dog, is too painful to see.

Guilt swamps me again, but this time, the feeling has sharp edges, and cuts into me.

I'm such a selfish bastard. I've been avoiding him, abandoning him to this God forsaken place because it's painful for me. Meanwhile, I've been living my life, enjoying my freedom.

"Hey, little brother," James says with a smile, sitting in the chair across from me. "It's good to see you."

No mention of the fact that it's been weeks since I've come up. He doesn't roll like that. He would never guilt me.

I look up, and note how gaunt his face looks. He's aged ten years in the ten months he"s been here.

"Hey," I answer, forcing a smile. "How are things going?"

He shrugs one shoulder. "You know, same shit, different day."

In this light, I can see he's sporting a black eye that's already started to fade into a mottled yellow. Fights are pretty common here, and that unsavory fact makes my chest feel tight. We fought enough as kids, mostly against my dad. He was an angry drunk, and James always defended me, often taking a beating to spare me one. Will he ever be free of violence?

"You'll be out of here soon," I say. "Just a few more weeks until your court date."

James shakes his head and laughs, like this is all a joke. "Yeah, don't count on it, little brother. The system is fucked."

I sit back, and cross my arms over my chest, uncomfortable with his level of acceptance. He should be fighting like hell, screaming out his innocence to anyone who will listen. Instead, he looks resigned. It sucks seeing him so defeated.

"What does your lawyer say?" I ask, already knowing the answer. What I haven't told my brother is that I'm in constant communication with his lawyer. I keep James in that dark about it, because until I have good news to share, why involve him?

James sighs and glances up at the ceiling, his hands in front of him, chained. "Unless we can get a retraction, he's not hopeful."

It's really fucked that all of this hinges on the statement of one person. One person can completely ruin another person's life with a single accusation.

I push out a breath. "Try not to think about it," I say. "We'll just see what happens in court."

James" eyes narrow at me. "Tell me you're not going to be there."

He's been adamant about Mom and me not coming to court, or reading the court documents. That last request, I have honored, because it's all a bunch of lies, anyway. What good would reading all that bullshit do?

But each time the subject of me attending court comes up, I say nothing. Not confirming. Not denying. His entire life is on the line. For the charges he's facing, he's looking at twenty-five years to life. That's a big fucking deal.

Instead of answering, I just shrug.

He sits back in his chair. "Nah, man. You're not coming to court. I don't want you there, and tell Mom I don't want her there, either." Metal chains scrape against the table as he lifts his hand and points at me. "I'm not joking."

Tension pulls in my jaw. "I can't promise anything."

"I'm asking this one thing of you, Roman. This one fuckin' thing."

I push out a breath. Every human freedom has been snatched away from him, and now, I'm denying him this, too. "Mom is pretty set on coming." I pause. "But I'll see what I can do."

"Good. Thank you." The muscles in his shoulders visibly relax, and he nods. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah, sure. What?"

Reaching into the waistband of his pants, he pulls out a folded note and slides it across the table to me. I stare at it for a second, then glance around at the guards. No one has seen him pass the note to me, but I glance up and see about a dozen cameras covering every angle of this room.

"Don't worry," he says. "Notes are allowed. They'll check it on the way out, but as long as it doesn't have any inflammatory language, they'll let you take it."

I start to unfold it, but he reaches out and stops me. "Don't read it," he says. "Just...promise me you'll get it to her."

He doesn't say her name, but I know exactly who he's talking about.

"I thought you'd been given a no-contact order," I say, glancing up at him. There's a wild look in his eyes, like a junkie desperate for his next fix. But in this case, the drug in question is a girl.

"I just think if she knew—" He stops himself, aware that the people around us could be watching, and listening. He leans in a bit and lowers his voice. "There are some things I need her to know. Some things that could convince her to put a stop to all of this."

There's no fucking way I'm giving this note to anyone. James violating his no-contact order is a bad-fucking-idea. I hold it up. "There's no telling where this chick is."

James makes a face. "Don't give me that shit. You have access to every private investigator on the West Coast."

I push out a breath.

"You want to help me, brother?" he says, playing on my sympathy. "Do this for me. It's all I'm asking of you."

I shake my head and set the note aside. "I'll see what I can do."

That seems to satisfy him because he relaxes a little. "Good, well, enough about me," he says, changing the subject. "What's goin' on with you?"

I suck in a breath. I don't generally talk to him about my dating life, but shit with Lux has me all tangled up, and I know my brother will set me straight. "Yeah, uh, there's a girl…"

He brightens. "Oh, shit. A girl. Is this your new consort or what?"

James attended ExU for a year before he was kicked out, so he knows all about the Preference Ceremony. He was never one of the Sacred Sons, because he's not blood related to any of the original families, but he is a member of the Burning Crown.

"Yeah," I say. "Something like that."

He nods slowly, studying my face. My brother has always known how to read me. He's the only one in my life who ever really has, except for Lucas, and now, Lux. She's coming dangerously close to unmasking me entirely, tearing away that image I present to the world. And it's fucking unsettling.

"Tell me about her," he says, and if we weren't sitting amid other inmates, and their families, I could convince myself we were in a coffee shop somewhere, just shooting the shit like we always have. But the slamming iron doors rip me out of the illusion pretty quickly, and I'm left with the stark reality of my brother's situation.

I suck in a breath. I'm usually pretty open with James about my life, but with Lux…yeah, that's a topic I can't really get into, so I keep it vague. I really just need his advice on the loss of control I'm starting to feel.

"She's…" I search my mind for an adequate description. "Smart. Too smart for her own good, I think. And stubborn."

James shakes his head, and glances down, chuckling under his breath. "I never thought it would happen. Damn."

I scoff, playing like I'm offended. I don't even ask him what he means, because, honestly, I don't like the direction this conversation is taking, and I'm not going to encourage him. "Nothing has happened," I say dismissively. "She's different. That's all. I don't know what to do with someone who challenges me at every turn."

"Is that why you look like a fool right now?" James laughs again, setting me on edge. "This girl has you by the balls bro, I can already tell. You look like a lost puppy."

I wince at that. "Shut the fuck up. You don't know shit."

"Let me see a picture," he says, sobering.

I shake my head, and clear my throat. "Don't have one."

"Now that's a lie," James says, pointing at me. "First of all, you clear your throat when you're being deceptive. Second, there's no fucking way you'd take on a Deb without having her followed by a private investigator for a week at minimum."

It's true, most of the girls I date, I investigate beforehand. It's no use getting entangled with someone who might be a problem for me. I'm not interested in making my life harder. Until Lux came along, that is. It's been one obstacle after the next with her.

I shrug. "She's not a Deb."

That makes my brother stop cold. Never has a Sacred Son ever selected a consort outside of the Burning Crown circle—that I know of, at least. Debs have been invited in, vetted, established, and that's important when you have a wealthy family that other people are constantly trying to tear down. It's one of the downsides to being campus royalty. I can't date just anyone. It's too risky.

But Lux is different. I realize I say that a lot, but she is different, in myriad ways.

"What the fuck, Roman? She's not one of us?" He looks both concerned and angry all at once.

"I know what I'm doing," I say firmly.

James sits back like he can't believe what I'm saying. "Do you, though? Haven't you learned anything from my situation?" He spreads his hands, palms up. "Take a hard look around. This is the risk of dating outsiders, Roman. Is this what you want for yourself?"

Yeah, I know the risk. I've always known.

His brotherly stare is heated. I shift in my hard plastic chair and clear my throat. "I've got this handled, James. You have to trust me."

He points at me again, and smiles, like he's got me. "Fucking liar. You're already way in over your head. I can tell."

Okay, well, so much for getting advice from him. This conversation has veered so unbelievably off-course already. "Nah, I'm good."

He shakes his head in disapproval. "Let's just hope she's not cold-hearted like my chick is. But maybe I should save a bunk for you, just in case."

I know he's pissed, but this is just the way it has to be for now. I wish I could tell him everything; tell him why it has to be like this, but there's no chance he'd approve. If I told him, it'd destroy everything, and on top of that, he'd never forgive me.

"I'll be done with her in a few weeks," I say.

"You don't get it, do you , Roman?" He crosses his arms over his chest, and shakes his head. "You're too much like me. Darkness runs deep in our veins. And out there, somewhere, is a girl whose going to grip you by the balls, and drive you in-fucking-sane. And once you get a taste of her, trust me, brother, you'll always want her."