Chapter Thirty-Two

Knox

Usually I worked remote because of the nature of my job, but with Bianca at my place, I made the decision to go into the office. Again.

I wasn’t trying to avoid her.

I was trying to make things easier on the both of us.

I was also trying to be sure of my decision. I didn’t want to make a misstep. I didn’t like rushing into things—as they say, haste makes waste.

Okay, so maybe I was trying to avoid her. A little anyway.

But what was I supposed to say to her? Hey, things have been awkward because I’m trying this thing where I ignore our chemistry—for your own good, of course. All the while, I’m going to try my best to move on with Rina so that I stop ruining your life and you can reconcile with your father.

I should have said that because there were no two ways about it. No amount of time or hemming and hawing over my decision would change things. That was exactly what was going on. And I already knew it would be worse to prolong the inevitable.

Okay, that did it. I was going to walk into my place and as soon as I saw her, I would tell her. I would tell her about Rina staying in the city and my theory, all of it. I wouldn’t leave any piece out. Not that there were many pieces to it, thankfully—I hadn’t seen or heard from Rina since the night I’d dropped her off in her hotel room. It was like she, too, knew I needed to slow down and think.

I opened the door and walked in, immediately hit with a smell so good, so unfamiliar, I thought I’d walked into the wrong apartment. That was until Bianca popped out from around the open refrigerator, then closed it. She was wearing one of my gray sweatshirts that fell below her knees and the sleeves were rolled. Her hair was tossed in some clumsy knot on the top of her head and she looked perfect.

Caught staring like a creeper, Bianca’s eyes found mine and she smiled that smile that made me think I was the luckiest man in the world to have ever met her, let alone have her in my life.

Yeah, a lucky man who’s ruining her life for his own selfishness. You like her, so that gives you a right to implode her relationship with her father? Foot meet ass, because I was really deserving of a swift kick right about now.

“You’re home,” she announced, her smile even more radiant (if that was at all possible). “I thought I’d have dinner ready for you by the time you got in.”

I left my stuff in the fishbowl by the door and cocked a brow, striding towards her in the kitchen. “I thought you don’t cook.” I believe her exact words were I might be the only Italian woman who can’t cook or bake.

She waved a hand in the air and chuckled. “Oh goodness, no! I didn’t cook this.” She tossed two serving spoons in the big bowl she was carrying to the table. “This is courtesy of Maria. She dropped it off after Allie left.”

“It sounds like you’ve been busy here today.” Busy was good, I was glad to hear that at least.

She shrugged. “Yeah, but she didn’t stay. She didn’t even come in. Allie, on the other hand, I couldn’t get to leave.”

I laughed but had a hard time believing she had really wanted her sister to go. They were thick as thieves.

“Anyway,” she went on, “hopefully the way to your heart isn’t through your stomach because then you’ll fall in love with Maria and not me.” She laughed at her own words, but I still felt a tightness in my chest over what I had to tell her.

Especially tonight. It seemed like she was in a better place—more relaxed and confident. I didn’t know what Allie had said to her, but whatever it was, it had worked.

Unless her improved spirit was exactly the reason this was a good time to drop my bomb. She was her usual strong, assured self—she’d be able to handle it well.

Okay, the plan was still in place, I’d tell her tonight. Scratch that, right now.

I swallowed, pushing down the lump in my throat. “We need to talk,” I started, treading lightly. If those four words didn’t put her on high alert, I didn’t know what would. They were the world’s worst words to hear together, but I really didn’t know how else to start this conversation and wanted to ease her into it.

Believe me, if things were different, if Angelo wasn’t so dead set against us being together, then I’d never let Bianca go.

It turned out I cared for her a lot more than I wanted to admit. To the point where I had to put her above everything else, including my own desires. It was the right thing to do. However, one of these days, I would like to know why the right thing to do was always the hardest.

Bianca didn’t stop setting the table, though, just gave me a nonchalant nod. Before setting down the last dish, she walked over, her lips puckered to give me a kiss.

I coughed, interrupting the gesture before she could get close. She paused and pulled back. “Are you sick?” she asked, her brows furrowed, her lips turned downward, concern written all over her face.

I rubbed my throat and made my voice hoarse as I said, “I don’t know, but let’s not press our luck, okay?”

She rolled her eyes and bounced on her feet as she took a seat and ushered for me to do the same. “Does it matter if I get sick? It’s not like I have anywhere to go.”

Sitting now, I grabbed one of the serving spoons and began to serve her.

She sat up straighter and licked her lips. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this whole unemployed thing.”

“You won’t be unemployed forever. Your dad will come to his senses and hire you back.” And that was a great segue to the conversation I needed to have. “In fact, I was thinking and—”

She heaved a sigh. “But I don’t know if I even want to go back there.”

“What?” My eyes grew wide, and I honestly feared they might pop right out of my head and fall on the table, rolling to her side. “You love your job.”

“I know I do. I mean, you’re right. It’s just that I can’t go back there with this between my dad and me. It would be too awkward. I wouldn’t feel comfortable, you know?”

“That’s what I’m saying. This thing with your dad might just blow over. He can’t stay mad at you forever.” I’d known she was mad, but Bianca was still Bianca.

She shrugged, clearly not convinced. “It’s not that easy this time. Besides, you don’t know him as well as I do.”

Sure, but it could have been easy if I was out of the picture. I began pulling at the collar of my shirt. “Is it hot in here?”

“No,” she answered slowly. “Are you okay? You seem off.”

I swallowed hard. “Who, me?” That came out a decibel too high. “I’m peachy.” Peachy? What man in their right mind said they were peachy? Me, that was who. Only I wasn’t in my right mind. I was losing it. I didn’t know what to say or how to act. I was as useless as this plate of— I studied the contents of my dish for the first time and raised a brow. “What are we eating?”

“Oh,” she replied, smiling again. “Truffle tagliolini.”

I blinked. “Come again?”

She chuckled. “It’s truffles and some fancy shaped pasta. It’s like the ribbon version of spaghetti, but thinner than fettuccine. Does that make sense?” She fixed the sleeves on my sweatshirt and went to pick up her fork. “All the different pasta dishes can be confusing. When I was little, I couldn’t for the life of me remember the difference between them all. I called everything pasta.”

“For what it’s worth, they all taste the same.” I took my first bite and closed my eyes savoring it. “But this is better than anything I’ve ever had.”

“That’s Maria for you,” she explained. “For a minute there, if she hadn’t gone to work at Bellissima , she dreamed of opening a restaurant. An Italian one, of course.”

“Of course. Any name for the dream establishment?”

“Morelli,” she answered in between bites.

I harrumphed. “Naturally. So why not juggle and do both?”

“Because Maria lives a very structured life, and she doesn’t like unnecessary chaos. She likes things just so.” She lifted her head up and looked at me. “I honestly couldn’t see her opening her own restaurant, even if she wanted to. For a while Dom tried to push her to do it. He thought it’d be great.”

I eyed her. “I’d been meaning to ask. What’s the deal with those two?”

She chuckled. “Isn’t that the million-dollar question? It’s a long story.”

“That you’re going to share?”

“One day, definitely.”

There was a brief pause in conversation before she started up again, bringing it back to local restaurants. She had nostalgia in her eyes. “There’s this one Italian restaurant that she’d definitely be in competition with and I’m not so sure she’d win. They have the best spicy rigatoni ever. My dad orders it every time, says no one makes it like a Carbone.” She put her head down as she was talking so I didn’t notice, but when she looked toward the ceiling and began fanning her face, leaving her fork in her dish, I saw that she was trying to gain control of her emotions.

“Hey,” I said softly, getting up and going to her. I got down on bended knee and turned her to face me. “You don’t have to suck those tears in for me.”

She shook her head and closed her eyes then, letting the tears fall. I tried catching them as they rolled down her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs.

“I know. It’s silly, really. I’m crying over someone that’s here. He’s here, he’s not gone. He’s literally right here, in the same state as me.”

I cupped her trembling chin with my fingers. “But it’s not the same,” I whispered, knowing that she wasn’t being ridiculous at all. “You still can’t have him the way you want. He feels lost to you in some ways.” I wanted her to know I understood. It was that understanding that had led me to my decision. The hardest decision of my life, to be frank.

She nodded. “That’s exactly how I feel. How do you always know what I’m thinking and feeling but struggle to put into words?”

Because I took an interest in her and everything Bianca Morelli. Two years ago I’d wanted us to have something and it didn’t work out. The cruel irony was that I had her now and needed to give her up. If that wasn’t the very definition of not meant to be , then I didn’t know what was.

Bianca needed her family, her whole family. That included her dad.

Give me the strength to say these words and remain true to them, to not waver in my decision. I knew I was doing the right thing. I knew it deep down. That didn’t make it better, though. In fact, I wanted so bad for Angelo to call Bianca right now and say, the other night and everything we said is forgotten. You can see Knox if you want. It’s your life, live it the way you want. No matter what, you’ll always be my daughter and I love you.

I waited for a second. A minute. But no such luck. No call. Nothing.

I stood up. So that just left—“We need to end this.”

Her face said it all. Her bottom lip rolled down into a pout. Then her eyes turned dark, and her brows furrowed. And then—“You’ve got to be kidding me!” She burst out of her chair so suddenly, I was left standing there while she paced in the kitchen. “This has to be some kind of joke.” She pulled at her hair, trying to loosen it, it seemed. “It’s not funny, Knox. This joke falls flat, hate to say it.”

“It’s not a joke,” I responded, keeping my voice even. I started to walk over to her, but she backed up, making it clear that she didn’t want me to touch her.

She spun on her heel, her mouth forming an O. “This explains why you’ve been avoiding me! I wasn’t sure, but this is why. Now I know. Dom was right. You regret letting me stay here.”

My gut clenched as I shook my head, not sure what she was talking about. “No, that’s not it. I don’t care that you’re here. I care that us being together is impacting you and I won’t do it anymore,” I said, standing my ground. I knew she was pissed, but in hindsight she’d see I was doing her a favor. That was what I was doing this for, and she didn’t need to understand or see that now, but she did need to let me do this.

Rage burned in her eyes, and she shook her head from side to side. “I disagree.”

She stormed out of the kitchen, but not for long. Coming back in, she ran her hands through her hair and blew bubbles. I knew she wasn’t laughing, but it seemed like she might. Not that any of this was funny.

“Bianca,” I tried to get her to calm down.

“I am so sick and tired of the men in my life trying to control me. First my dad and now you. You’re taking the easy way out. I lost everything for you, for us. I lost my job, pushed my dad away, and for what?”

I raked a hand through my hair. “I’m not trying to control you.” Why couldn’t she see that? “I’m trying to fix it and get all those things back for you. I don’t want you to lose anything. Not for me.”

Her face dropped as she stood there, her shoulders shaking as more tears came down. “You don’t have to do this. Please don’t do this,” she begged.

I stepped toward her and this time she let me. I wrapped my arms around her and held her close while she wept on my shirt, her arms coming around my torso. I smoothed her hair with my hands and let her get it all out.

* * *

Bianca

How could he do this to me? To us? And the horse’s ass that he was couldn’t even let me be mad at him. I mean, how could I be? He was literally doing this all for me. For me and my relationship with my dad.

This was why I wanted to be with Knox.

I deserved to be with a man like him, didn’t I?

Did I always have to be with the slimy self-serving men of the world? Why couldn’t I for once just be with a man like Knox?

This only made me more furious with Dad because he couldn’t see that he was practically tearing me away from a man I deserved. He just didn’t know it yet.

I inhaled and couldn’t seem to get enough of his woodsy scent I loved so much. I should enjoy it, right? Because it could very well be the last time I was this close to him.

Wait! I stopped crying for a second and stared blankly in the direction of the front door. So maybe he wouldn’t entertain the thought of us being together. Now. But I wasn’t giving up. That was it—I was going to crack him if it was the last thing I did.

Because whether or not Dad liked it, I wasn’t letting Knox slip through my fingers. He could be my forever and I did not have stupid written on my forehead. My job wasn’t really a loss. My dad? Also not a loss because, technically, one day we could repair our relationship. I mean, that day wouldn’t be today, or even tomorrow, but, in time, it could happen. But Knox. . . now that would be a loss. And I wasn’t going to lose him, not now, not when it was within my control.

That was it! I lit up at the idea that was quickly taking form in my mind.

You want to be the good guy, Knox, then I’m going to do what I do best and be the bad girl and push your buttons, because it’s us. I’m so certain of it.

And I didn’t need to live here to do that.

* * *

Knox

When she was done, she lifted her head and sucked in as she backed up enough for us to look into each other’s eyes. “So what now?” she asked. “I should probably get out of your hair and find someplace else to stay. Layla is coming home soon, maybe I can crash with her.”

I remembered Layla—she was Bianca’s best friend. We hadn’t met many times before so I didn’t know much about her, but she was always nice to me. A little on the wild side, if you asked me, but then again so was Bianca. “Where is Layla? Is she on vacation or something?”

She nodded. “Something like that. Well, she’ll probably say it wasn’t a vacation at all, but basically her boyfriend took her to Rancho La Puerta in Mexico. It’s a digital detox destination. No phones, no laptops, no way to communicate with the outside world.”

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

“I agree.”

“Layla or no Layla, though, you’re more than welcome to stay. I meant it when I said I’d always be there for you. Just more as friends now.”

She raised a brow and chuckled. “You think it’s wise for me to stay here?”

I shrugged. “I can be good, if you can.”

She leaned in and her confidence re-emerged as she whispered, “I thought I told you once before, Knox. I’m anything but a good girl.”

I chuckled, backing up, a hand on the back of my head, slightly afraid by the notion that I’d just let her stay here. See, I was getting the distinct feeling it’d make for the greatest challenge of my life.

She wiped her cheeks dry with the palms of her hands and grinned. “Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. Thank you for letting me stay.”

“Sure.” And I’d promised to tell her everything that was going on, so I didn’t go back on that. I told her everything that transpired between Rina and I next. I ended with: “I actually think it’s for the best that Rina and I take this time to sort things out and see if there’s a possibility for a future there. Plus, it takes the pressure off of there being a you and me.”

“And you think that’s a good thing?”

“Bianca, if I had it my way, none of this would be happening.”

“So, Rina is like, what? A second choice?” she asked a deep-V forming between her eyes.

“No!” I practically shouted. That was horrible. No, absolutely not. “It’s just, maybe she’s right, maybe there’s something there. I’m tired of screwing up to the detriment of those around me. I’m trying, that’s all I’m saying. It’s nothing more. Not now at least.”

At one time, the thought of being the object of affection for two women seemed like the coolest thing in the world. But now as an adult, I knew it was anything but that, and I needed to tread lightly and make smart decisions for everyone involved.

Smart decision number one had just been made where Bianca was concerned.

Now I was on to smart decision number two so I could put this Rina thing to bed one way or another. But it was all going to take baby steps.

* * *

Bianca

Oh, Knox had no idea, the poor guy. But there was something there with Rina, all right—a woman who was not very good at taking a hint. No hate for Rina, but come on, she’d been making Knox’s head spin since London, popping back up at every turn, even where she hadn’t been wanted. I didn’t know about you, but it seemed to me like it was time Knox made a real decision. Because, let’s be real, choosing Rina because he thought it was the right thing to do did not count.

Honestly, I supposed I preferred it this way, that way when I finally did break him—because I would—there’d be no question.