Chapter Twenty-Nine

Rina

I was done.

Done putting myself out there.

Done looking like a loser.

Done waiting and waiting and waiting for what? Knox to come to his senses and realize that we belonged together, that there was a reason we’d run into each other again in London?

Unless it was all in my head and there was no reason at all.

I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.

I’d come to New York, a place I didn’t want to be, for a man that didn’t want me here.

I’d tried, though, right? That was what mattered. I’d tried and really put myself out there for him.

But he was never going to love me like he used to.

It was over. Our chance had come and gone.

So here I was sitting in a bar, talking to a bartender and drowning my sorrows. “You think I’m pathetic, too, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer, only continued wiping down a glass. He was a good listener because he didn’t say anything, and that was nice. Except when it wasn’t, like when I needed an answer; someone to really put me in my place, because I was never getting that from him.

Right, because he was a total stranger and I was paying him for drinks not advice. I should have gone to my mother for advice. Only, she wasn’t the best at giving it, all she ever said was that she wanted to see me happy. Well, I wasn’t—happy, that was.

I downed the rest of my drink and pounded the glass down on the bar. I had already paid and was ready to leave and, sure, Knox had said to stay, but I wasn’t a dog. And he didn’t want me, so what did it matter if I stayed or I went? I wasn’t his problem and he didn’t need to pretend like he cared.

I stood, a little wobbly on my legs. I went to sit back down, but didn’t need to because strong arms came around me and held me up.

“Knox,” I breathed out, turning to look into his brown eyes. “You came.”

Ugh, I’m so pathetic. Even when I didn’t want to want him, that was all I did. I wanted us to be a power couple. Knox and Rina once again. But I was sure that’d never happen.

Knox’s nose wrinkled and he cringed. “You’re drunk all right.” He held my limp body against his. “Come on, I’ll take you to your hotel.”

I sighed into him, relaxing, enjoying the way it felt to be held by him. It was like when he was around, everything made sense. And he got me. No one else would. Not like he did.

“I can’t believe you came,” I spoke my mind.

He cocked a brow. “Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t hold your liquor. We both know that. Of course I was coming.”

I shook my head and swiped my finger down his nose. “That’s because you’re a nice guy. Oh,” I paused and looked downward at my shoes, “why do you have to be such a nice guy? Why can’t you be like every other man—callous and. . . and righteous.”

“I had an extra helping of nice guy when I was growing up.”

Maybe he was joking, but I believed it. “I knowww,” I whined.

“Although, I have been selfish lately.” He exhaled and looked elsewhere, as though stuck in his head about something.

Letting my finger run down his bicep, I assured him, “You don’t have a selfish bone in your body.”

He looked down at me and for a second there I thought I caught something—maybe it was realization that I did, at times, know him better than he knew himself and we were meant to be. Or maybe it was shock that I still knew him so well. Perhaps it was pity for the dreadful mess I had become. That last thought saddened me, so I tried not to dwell on it.

* * *

Knox

No need to remind me, I knew all too well that Rina was obnoxious and self-centered at times, that she could be a royal pain in the— Well, you get the point. But deep, deep, deep down the Rina I fell in love with all those years ago was still in there. And there was a reason I’d fallen in love with her back then. Since London, for brief moments in time, I’d been reminded some of those reasons, but it didn’t feel like enough. Especially not given the fact that I had also just reconnected with Bianca. Things were complicated.

Now more so than ever.

I couldn’t have Bianca because I refused to be the reason for a divide between her and her father. It was bad enough she’d lost her mother, but then Bianca had previously told me that she had relatives she didn’t even speak to, let alone know. Apparently her parents had strife with some of them before she was born and those relationships had never been repaired. She couldn’t have more taken from her.

I couldn’t be the reason Angelo wasn’t part of Bianca’s life anymore.

It was time I faced the music and put her needs above the needs of my own. While she wouldn’t admit it, she needed her father. That meant only one thing—we could be friends, but nothing more. She’d stay at my place until things cooled down between them, but I had to keep my distance. It was the only way to protect her. Because hurting Bianca in any way felt, quite literally, like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. To see her stand in my apartment the way she had been, so clearly in pain, it wasn’t just painful for me, it was excruciating.

Meanwhile, the ride over to Rina’s hotel was long and she slept with her head against the window the entire way there. I practically carried her to her room and didn’t try to leave until she was safely on the bed.

“Thank you,” Rina whispered, getting my attention before I made my exit.

I grinned back at her. “Anytime.”

“I meant what I said. I’m not going to bother you anymore. I won’t stand in the way of you and Bianca or be a problem for either of you. If it’s her you want, then I’ll accept that.”

She snuggled into the pillows, clutching one hand under one of them and frowning as though she thought she was doing the right thing, but it was killing her just the same. I sympathized.

I softened my expression. “Things with Bianca are,” I paused and searched for the right words, “what they are.”

“I’ll leave New York if you want me to.”

“No, stay. I mean, if you don’t have anywhere else to be.” I assumed she did, but she’d already surprised me by coming out here, so maybe I was wrong. “It might be nice to catch up. This is the place where it all started.” To come to an end, I thought, but didn’t say it.

As if reading my mind, she made a guttural sound from deep in her throat. “You mean the place where it all went wrong?”

“That, too.” I chuckled. “But, seriously, don’t leave on my account.”

“I came for you. I’d only stay for you, so if you want me to stay, then I will.”

I thought about what she’d said, deciding I wanted to be thoughtful and intentional with my words. But I couldn’t lie, this wasn’t easy.

I wanted Bianca. I wanted her and I to have a real shot, but not at the expense of her family and everything she held dear. This was no longer just about Bianca and I and what we wanted; it had become about so much more. So it didn’t make it any easier, but I knew I was letting this thing with Bianca go for the right reasons.

And maybe Rina and I were the right choice. Maybe I had been wrong the whole time. Maybe Rina was who I was meant to be with. We had been a great couple once before, so maybe we could be that way again. Nuttier things had happened, right?

That was it. No more hurting Bianca because of who I was and where I’d come from (all things Angelo couldn’t get over). And no more hurting Rina because I wanted to live in fantasyland with a woman I couldn’t have.

It was like I’d have to rewire my brain, but that was possible. Wasn’t it?

Bianca and I had to remain friends. The kiss in Paris had been a lapse in judgment.

It really wasn’t, just so we were clear, but that was the only way I could spin this so it made any sense in my mind.

And Rina and I, well, I didn’t know what we were yet, but I was willing to find out.

So I finally responded, “Stay.”

Who knew one word could change everything.